Im over the Top

N.,

I'm sure what you're going through is extremely stressful. On the one hand you love your husband but on the other it feels like he doesnt respect your role as a mother and wife. Some men cannot understand that being a stay at home mother is hard and dedicated work. but on the other he may think you dont understand the finances.
My husband and I have a pretty open relationship. Like yours he will tinker with cars and play games on computers. Here is what I would ask myself and then ask your husband ( and I have done most of this with mine) And remember when you approach him do your best not to come off as accusing or nagging ( i have that problem at times) he'll get defensive and probably clam up.
But first ask " I've noticed you talk to your dad alot- and a little bit more then you do with me -what can we do to fix that, because I want you to feel like you can just come home and talk with me about things and be happy!?
(that one doesnt always work but i'm only guessing here)

then (and i did this with my husband) let him know that being a mother and wife is emotionally hard. And while you respect his position and the sacrifices he has made for his family that you have also made sacrifices of a different nature for your family. And let him know that while you love being a mother and being a wife that sometimes you just have to feel like a women ( i mean shoot - working on his car doesnt make him feel like a father or a husband it makes him feel like a man- so why shouldnt you get to feel like a women!)

Men are definately different in the way they think. A man has to normally work to feel he is accomplishing things in his life and normally if work isnt so good the family life isnt either. It sounds like there might be a hard time communicating though and sometimes what people are saying is wrong is just a cover up, maybe theres something between the lines ya'll arent reading.... Let him know you love him but that you also need him to SHOW you that he loves you. Everyone needs a little reassurance at times.

My sister-in-law was having this very same problem with my brother. Personally, my husband doesn't pull that with me. If he told me that I couldn't have something that was within reason, boy would he get the sharp side of my tongue. I am 23, we've been married for 3 years and we have a two month old baby. He helps out and does what ask even if I just want to go sit on my bum for a bit.
He is the only one that works and he takes care of the bills, but he has learned to respect what I do taking care of the house and a baby, just as I respect him going to work everyday. If I need to go spend money, I don't ask him. I am responsible and I get things that we need, and sometimes just things that I want.
I told my sister-in-law the same thing and it worked for her. Don't put up with that. If you are patient and allow others to walk all over you, they will. Don't act like you need his permission. Just go do it, and if he throws a fit, act like he is out of line, because he is. You are a grown woman and don't need any one to tell you what you can and can't do.
You are responsible and know what is best for your family. You don't need him telling you when it's okay for you to take a break. Just say, "I'm going out for a bit" and leave. Don't give him the opportunity to argue. If you do, he will. He has you under his thumb, and that's not a relationship of a husband and wife. That's a relationship of a slave driver and slave. You need to be happy to be able to take care of them correctly. If momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy.
I say do what you want. I'm not saying pick a fight. That won't work. Just take charge and don't give him the opportunity to act out. I wasn't happy in my relationship until I took the initiative and did just that. He knows how to take care of the kids and he's not going to burn the house down if you leave. Just go out and take the time by yourself. He does. He won't respect you either until you have respect enough for yourself. People don't respect those that don't respect themselves. Demand it. Let me know how it works.

First, I would encourage you to seek advice from scripture. It will help you find peace with your role in the family, or at least inspire you. Second, I would continue to meet my husband more than half-way, and with a happy heart. After tensions have released, then approach the subject with him. Try to arrange some agreed upon "Mommy alone time," possibly once a week. Make it predictable for him, something scheduled that you both know is coming (he'll know not to schedule anything, and you'll have something to look forward to) - just a few hours. Remember, he is at work all day, but that's not who he is (that person at work), there is more to him than that, and all husbands need other forms of recreation - its how they're wired. Don't resent him for needing an outlet, just work with him to secure one for yourself. If you just jump into a conversation with all you do and all he doesn't, and he gets to do this, and I can't do this, he'll feel attacked, it'll end in an argument, and nothing will get accomplished. Take time to meditate and reflect on how to meet everyones needs, let tensions die down, and approach him thoughtfully. Best of luck.

compromise is the best advice I can give. sit down and talk to him about things. if he feels like he's not getting enough down time, offer to let him go out once a week with the guys, and you do the same....you have to stand up for yourself, but at the same time remember you two are working together for a common goal. goodluck!

I've been married 6 years, and some things are still a struggle. just keep at it.