I'm I Overprotective?

From one overprotective mother to another - There is nothing wrong with feeling overprotective. The problem arises when a mother acts on every overprotective impulse. Children of those mothers tend to have more problems. Do a little reading about that which may help you to let go a little. Just a little...
Here's one website that has been very helpful for me freerangekids.wordpress.com.

You hubby is probably upset because he feels you don't trust him. Has he or your MIL ever given you any reason to think that they would harm or mistreat your son? Do you feel they are incapable of keeping him safe or making sure his basic needs (food, etc.) are met? What is the worst thing that could happen - and will your being there prevent that? You are not leaving your son with MIL alone - your husband will be there the whole time!

Assuming there is no rational reason not to trust them, to start getting past this, you could start with just leaving your son with your husband for short periods - an hour or 2 hours at a time, while you go to the store, run errands, etc. It will get your son used to not having to have you around every minute and you can start feeling like you can trust your husband to take care of your son on his own. This will be a healthier for all of you and eventually you might even enjoy having a break from taking care of your son all the time. And your son will have more self-confidence knowing that he can be okay without Mommy for a little while and Mommy will always come back.

Sweetie, I'm with you, up to the point that you don't even trust your husband to take good care of him. I would never let my child go into a home of someone-other than close family or friends *that we trust* without me or my husband. But, I totally trust my husband to take care of our children. Yes, you son might at some point get hurt. Yes, your son will get scraped knees, maybe a broken arm or a chipped tooth at some point in his life. It's part of life. You cannot put him in a rubber room. And, he is a BOY. You need to let him be a boy. Boys must learn to be men. Imagine if your husband was raised to be timid and afraid of getting hurt. That is not much of a man. Think to the future. What do you want your son to be like as a man? You must start now training him to be that man. You really don't want a cowardly boy who hides under his mother's apron. Teach him now. Trust your husband. Just do it, even if your heart is weak. I totally understand your viewpoint. My oldest son is now 18. I felt so much like you feel now with him then. But, I have learned, and you will, too, I'm sure. TRUST your husband. ;)

The only way to relax is to suck it up and let it happen. The more you do things like this the easier it will get. Of course it's hard to be without your child, especially in an environment which you cannot control, but there will be lots of that in your son's life, so start now! ;) You will soon learn to love the time away from your child and your husband so that you can refresh and be a better mom and wife. He needs this as much as you do...can you imagine what a wreck he'll be on the first day of Kindergarten if you've never allowed him to be away from you??! You can do it, make it happen girl and try to be happy about it!

Is his mom neglectful? Hurtful? Abusive? If not then then here's your answer: Your husband is here and perfectly fine. She obviously has SOME clue what she's doing.

For the first time, let him go but stay in the area. Go shopping or out to eat. Maybe just a couple hour visit. Second time (seeing that he's perfectly fine), drop him off. He'll be just fine.

If I was your husband I would feel so hurt by this. You are telling him that you do not trust him with his own child!! How would you feel if he said that to you? You need to back off and let him be a father.

at some point, you need to trust your husband. I absolutely hated leaving my daughter when she was a baby, but now i love it when she gets to go to Grandma's and have a good time, then tell me all the fun stuff she did. Except when she tells me she had so much fun she didnt realize I wasnt there. That's hard.

I'm very protective as well. But, guess what? I raised two healthy and happy kids. Never a broken bone.
Don't you trust your husband?
In my opinion, you need to take a deep breath and let things go a little or you will have a heart attack by the time your son is in the first grade.
Seriously.
I have a son and he got garfed up just playing outside right in front of me.
Do you really think his dad will let him get hurt on purpose, go hungry, or mistreat him?
It's the hardest thing in the world, but letting our little ones venture out a bit, especially with dad, is good for them. Trust me. It really is.
Moms can be afraid of so many things. It's normal.
But we have to let our kids do things and have adventures and experience life.
Isn't that what we want for them?

Let your boys go on a trip together. I'll bet you anything they'll be just fine.
You're lucky you have a husband who WANTS to do this with his son. Some dads are more fearful than moms.

Let them go and then listen to how happy your son is to tell you all about it when he gets home.

Best wishes.

First question, do you trust your husband? If so, let him take your son to grandmas. If not, don't. Secondly, the fear of the unknown is normal for first time parents---we all worry about what will happen and that someone else can't possibly take care of our child properly! :) Get some one on one time with hubby and tell him your fears and have him reassure you that nothing will go wrong and that he will take care of your little one. GL~!

M

I've never let my kids be without me (spend the night) with anyone before either. My oldest is 3.5. So I can understand if you don't want him to stay with grandma, however, if his dad is going to be with him I really don't understand why he can't go. He is his father and just as much his as he is yours, unless he is a poor dad, I can understand why your hubby would be so upset that you don't trust him. The first time is always the hardest. My hubby doesn't do things the way I do(hotdogs wrapped in cheese singles n cookies for breakfast), and yes it drives me nuts, but they are always happy when I get home and I just try to remember that he loves them just as fiercely as I do.

If you have a cure let me know lol. Good posts below. Just wanted to say I'm overprotective too. The amount of people I trust with my daughter I can count on one hand. Maybe it would be different if people weren't so insanely stupid and violent with children.

I think if you are going to have any kind of peace in your life or let your child have any kind of life, you are going to have to get past this. Yes it is difficult to trust other people but your husband can manage this. I always told myself that my inlaws managed to raise 3 children that are all semi normal and didn't have any problems being with them for 20 + years, so since they are mentally competant they can handle the kids for a few hours without me. I also wanted the grandparents to be able to have that special bond with the kids that they can get without me present. There was once a woman at the childen's gym that told me that she would take her child to the drop off gym for the 3 hour parents night out and would sit there the entire 3 hours because she couldn't be without her. I felt so sorry for her and for the child. She never had any time alone and her child was going to face a difficult time with separating in the future. It is healthy for him to separate from you. Children have accidents, at your home and at that of others and even when you are standing guard over them. Trust your husband and let your child go to the grandparents.

You have to let her go with your husband or you will end up alienating
him. Do you not trust him? What are your fears? If you continue down
this path, you will have a child that will rebel! You have to let go. You are
not sending him to outer Siberia. Use the time to do something special
for yourself.

Updated

You have to let her go with your husband or you will end up alienating
him. Do you not trust him? What are your fears? If you continue down
this path, you will have a child that will rebel! You have to let go. You are
not sending him to outer Siberia. Use the time to do something special
for yourself.

You sound so sweet:)

He's your baby so maybe you aren't ready yet and maybe your son isn't either. At some point you will need to learn to let your son be apart from you for periods of time, but I guess I'm wondering if now is the right time. Because of the part of concern for your son being mistreated, I'm wondering if you are having a mama gut instinct about having your son with his grandmother? Or if you know all too well what it feels like to be mistreated?

I'd say try your best to figure out where your fears are coming from...paying attention to where your son is and protecting him is your job and he isn't too old yet so being too overprotective isn't necessarily a horrible thing (though some might disagree). Utilize your time now while he's young to address where your fears are coming from...maybe from your past or upbringing? If you can find awareness now, this will get easier in the future and you'll be in a better position to truly know whether you are being too overprotective or whether you have just cause to not have your son be somewhere specific without you there to supervise.

Just know that as a mama, I completely understand your fears and need to know your son is safe and cared for. The thought of my son experiencing what I did growing up....well, I can't go there so I don't. But it does fuel my tendency to be protective. For me, it is important I not discard my feelings because they are there for a reason. But it is also important my son not miss out on things because of my own traumatic past because that belongs to me, not him. So figuring out whether my fear is about me or is in fact a legitimate fear is an effort I take seriously.

So, how to get past this fear? Get in touch with it so it doesn't control you, so you understand it better, and so you can ensure it finds closure on a personal level. But don't dismiss it if you feel it's a legitimate fear...that would be a mistake I think.

Best of luck:)

do you trust your husband?( if u dont, u have more serious problems than this issue. ) does your husband want to hurt ur child? (again, if he does, you shouldnt be with him at all.) do his parents? (if they do, dont let them near ur baby! ) are they horribly neglectful? are they stupid or have no common sense? have they never raised children before? (not likely because you said they were ur husband's parents)

bottom line is unless you have a concrete reason not to trust ur husband or his parents, you're probably being overprotective. take a leap of faith and trust your husband and god that they will protect ur baby.

I haven't read the other responses, so forgive me if I'm repeating.

The only way to get over the fear is just to let him go. Start small. Maybe have Dad take him to the park for a few hours. Then the next week he takes him to the park and out to McDonald's. Find something to occupy your time while they're gone. I hate leaving my kids anywhere. When I'm not with them I worry about the same things you worry about. But, I do leave them. I have family that I wholly trust to care for my kids. I know they would never hurt them. It doesn't stop me from worrying, but it makes things a whole lot easier. It's also nice to get a break once in awhile :D
I really had to realize that while no one takes care of my children like I do, that doesn't mean that my kids are being mistreated or neglected. Yes, their grandparents let them have more candy and Kool Aid than I do, but it's ok. It's just once in awhile. Yes, if they get hurt (they're kids...it's bound to happen) I won't be there to scoop them up, but someone will be. I have great memories of spending time with my Grandparents when I was a kid and I want my kids to have those same types of memories. The only way to let them create those memories is to let them go once in awhile.
In my personal experience, the first few times are the hardest. Once they come home in one piece and happy, it's a lot easier to let them go the second time.

B.,
I am like you. In order to trust someone with my precious son, they had to practically pass a test. Who would I trust with a million dollars? Our children are worth more.
My inlaws are wonderful, however don't see like I do.
She would watch the kids at the pool, and then step out for 5 minutes.
Guess what? you can't step away for 5 minutes, children drown!
No one watches your child like you. At two they cannot talk or tell you
what is hurting them. Trust YOUR instincts and do not let anyone
persuade you!
When they are old enough to defend themselves, and vocalize what they
are feeling then it is a different story.
A childs first line of defense is US :-)

I am with YOU B.. I have seen far too many LAX caretakers, then
responsible ones.

Now, if you trust her with ALL your heart- and she emulates you in safety and precautions, then that is a different story all together. However, if you feel something isn't right, then don't send your child!!!!

kids get hurt where ever they are! keeping them from family will hurt them emotionally!! i love my boy with all my heart but i cant wait for my 2 weeks i get away from him this summer when i send him to arizona!!

You just gotta do it. It's best for your child, it's best for your husband, it's best for your marriage. Just Do It. You're hurting everyone including yourself by not doing it.

It's common for all mothers to feel protective of their children no matter how young or old they are. Especially when it is a first child its kind of hard to let them go elsewhere without you; partly due to you are worried about them, worry they won't get the same attention, or even worried they'll miss you or perhaps you'll miss them. It's a separation anxiety for both, but if you act okay your child will be fine. Just take a breath and know that your child will be safe with your mother-in-law & husband. Sure, it is hard for you but just know that when your child get's home they'll run to you with loving arms because they missed you too. At the same time you'll get much needed time to relax and recharge your batteries. Also, while your child is gone don't sit there worrying...do something, soak in a bath, go out with a friend for Starbucks and a snack, Go grab a bite at La Madeline, go get a massage, Go see a movie...just do something that you haven't done in a while. It's hard now, but it will be best for you and your child in the long run. If you do get worried, have them call you and tell you how your child is doing, but don't talk to the child just listen to the happy sounds the child is making and then enjoy your alone time; because before you know it your child is back home. Relax, breathe and take that first step.

I completely understand! I don't want my boys being away from me for a second. The key is to do it anyway. You can be afraid, nervous, anxious, etc. But you have to trust your husband and allow him to take your son wherever he wants. Your husband is his father and deserves to be trusted.
So when they're gone find something to do that will occupy your mind the entire time. No matter what you feel, don't call. Show your husband that you trust him. Then when they get home paste on a smile and say in your most nonchalant voice, "So, how did it go?"
Basically, you have to force it. Ignore your feelings, you rule them they don't rule you.

I can see how your husband is upset. It is his child as much as it is yours. If you trust him and his parents, then everything should be ok. Why would you think that they would mistreat him or not feed him? Do they give you that impression? Are they loving, caring people? If so, i say let him go. If not for a night, then maybe a few hours?

Yeah... you are. Don't get me wrong, I rarely trust anyone to watch my kids who are now 5 and 7!! But with my husband, I'd be fine with it, especially at 2 years old.

Maybe changing your mindset about might help to relax about it... experience is good for your son. Being in a predictable protected environment with mom all the time can be comforting and provide security but only to a degree. Your little guy does need to be away from you a little bit so that he can have successful experiences, and trust other people and build his own self esteem. If he's hungry will he ask to eat? If he gets hurt will he cry and let someone help him?

If the 2 hours away visit is the thing that's driving you crazy then let your husband take him on shorter excursions without you. Let you husband know that you are scared that something could happen or maybe that he won't know what your son needs or that he doesn't know the schedule or whatever. Tell him this isn't about you thinking that your husband is incompetent when it comes to caring for your son, but about your own fears. Maybe you could write some things down for him to ease your mind and make him promise to call. Your baby will be ok!!!

I think if your hubby is going with your son, you have to let him go. That's like saying you don't trust your husband to take care of your son. It took me a few months and some nasty arguments with my husband for me to understand that even though he didn't carry and give birth to our son, he loves him just as much as I do.

We live next door to my in-laws, but my parents live an hour and a half away. When our son was nearly a year old, my hubby and I went away for the weekend and he stayed with my parents. He had spent the night there with me several times. He did really great and has spent the night there several times since then.
My MIL's family lives 5 hours away. They have complained several times that they've never seen our son. No one there has a child as young as he is (23 months). I've said several times to my husband that they know how to get to our house just as well as we know how to get to theirs.
About 3 months ago, my MIL called me and asked if she could take our son to visit her family. I flipped my lid. She has numerous health problems (Type 1 diabetes, arthritis, fibromyalgia, numerous spinal surgeries). He does not ride well and she can barely pick him up. He also does not sleep well in unfamiliar territory.
She keeps him during the day quite a bit, but I am just next door, not 5 hours away.
I called my hubby, who was at work, and talked to him about it. He said I was right about not letting her take him. He even told her that we didn't think it would be a good idea for both of us to take him up there. It did make her mad.
In the end, you are his mom and your hubby is his dad. You have to make decisons based on his well-being, not guilt.

It's natural to feel that you are the only one who knows how to take care of your child- I think all moms go through this. But you do have to realize that your husband is just as capable as you are with taking care of your child- he will just do it differently than you- and that's okay.
I had our second baby when my first was only 15 months old. I worried myself sick that he would miss me, or get hurt or any number of things while I was in the hospital having the baby(very long labor- I ended up being there for 3 days!) He came into see me after his little sister was born- gave me a hug and a kiss and then he was ready to go back to play with his Papa(grandpa who was watching him for us). I was more affected by it than he was! And he got to form a really good relationship with his Papa and they are still really close(10years later).
Bite the bullet- schedule something for you to do(to keep yourself occupied) and let your husband take your son to see his grandma. Let your husband know you will be checking in(try not to do it more than once an hour!) and try not to be too upset when you find out your little guy can have fun without mommy- cause that hurts just a little!
He might fall down and scrape his knee or bump his head- but he is just as likely to do that at home with you watching him- that's part of growing up. He will have fun, and you will have a new sense of pride in your little one as you are able to step back and watch him take charge of his world.
Good luck!
~C.

Unless there is a reason bbehind this fear that has to do with past experiences with the grandmother I say let him go. We have very few people we trust with our daughter and sadly some family memers are not allowed to watch her alone. But it's always nice to have a break. If you let him go it can be a good experience for you both. Go out and pamper ourself and take a breather :)

Do you trust your husband? Then there is no reason to worry. If you don't trust him, there are more issues at hand.

I'm with you , if you don't feel he will be safe then don't let him go. Can't your MIL visit??? My 20 month old daughter could not make a two hour trip. she hates the car seat, I wouldn't let her ride for that long unless I'm going.
You'll have time to let him go little by little as he grows up, school, playdates, then sleepovers. You know your baby boy better than anyone, follow your heart I say, you are the mom, you decide.
Have a great night,