My daughter came home ecstatic today. The little snot that's been bullying her since last summer is suddenly being nice to her again.
Call me pessimistic, but I just don't see anything good coming out of this. That child wants something and, in the end, it will be to the heartache of my daughter.
The interactions between these two is going to drive me insane. They're six by the way. Anyone want to go crazy with me? I hear it's a fun ride.
Thank you all for the humerus, and serious responses. Yes, this was more of a vent than anything, but advice is always welcome. I may not always LIKE what y'all have to say but, at the same time, y'all aren't emotionally involved like I am.
On the way to school this morning my daughter and I talked about this child. I reminded her of the way this child has treated her in the past, and why, and tried to leave the final decision in my daughter's lap. I KNOW my daughter is no angel, but I also know she is a very kind hearted, loving person that just wants everyone to be friends.
As much as want to believe that this child has truly changed and wants an honest friendship. I try not to be that naive. This is a pattern that has been going on since July-ish. She'll run her mouth, hurt my daughter emotionally, offer an insincere apology after some time has passed because no one else will play with her, use my daughter for a few days, then run her mouth again.
During all of the crap since school started, this child's parents have convinced themselves, and anyone who would listen, that THEIR child is the victim and MINE is the aggressor. Again, I don't think my child is a perfect angel, but that kind of behavior is not her MO.
Inhale...2.....3........Exhale.....2....3......Distancing myself emotionally is going to be the hard part. I was bullied (see tortured) horribly from 4th grade until I graduated. I HATE that my daughter is going through the same crap I did. I guess that's why I have such a knee-jerk, angry, reaction to what's going on.
No, but if eccentric and sometimes slightly derranged are on the way, can you drop me off?
Best,
F. B.
Lol! Already there! I'll save you a spot.
I've been there a while now. My older girls are 14, freshmen in HS. Been riding it for years now. The temperature changes so quickly here.
Well its not only with little girls.
My son, 'had' a buddy... that apparently was LYING about him to his Mom, making up stories like my son is so bad and mean, to make himself, look good.
Anyway, so my son has learned, that "friends" can lie. And its not nice.
My son, without my prompting, told me the REAL story about what that boy was lying about and my son had witnesses! They all said the SAME story. Except his former "friend" was lying. My son was not, and my son told the truth. And he did nothing wrong.
So now, my son knows that you just can't trust... certain people, even if they seem to be friends. Oh and that boy's brother... was caught lying too... by his teacher. So my son knows that too.
My son is 7.
Girls equal drama. It is only the beginning. Let her figure things out. Sit on the sidelines.
Didn't you know I already have a roller coaster named after me?!
I know where you're coming from, though. Just yesterday my daughter claimed it was over with Miss Master Manipulator. This has been going on for 4.5 years now. Yay, girl drama!
Crazy has a lovely gift shop. Tell 'em I sent you.
My kids' biggest bullies are each other, so I get the pleasure of watching it all unfold in the comfort of my own home. Lovely…
And by the way, those on again, off again friendships really kicked into high gear in first grade and have continued all the way through middle school. Can't wait to see what happens next!
I'm really not looking forward to the next year. I had no idea that 5-6 year olds could be such mean girls, but there is just so much drama!
Sorry to tell you but the road through girl's friend drama to crazytown is a LONG one. You have many more years of this ahead.
Help your daughter to figure out how she wants to be treated and what she will tolerate from "friends". You'll never keep other girls from trying to hurt her but you can keep the pain it inflicts on both of you to a minimum.
At her age talk about what type of friends she wants around her. Make light (fun?) of the drama girls that are cliquish and mean.
At six my youngest proclaimed herself a "drama spotter". She and her friends would watch the mean girl dominate the girls that would go along with her. Each day a new girl as the odd one out. Over the top tears, fights and secret clubs. It all looked pretty funny from the outside looking in. If you don't insert yourself in it you see the absurdity from a safe distance.
Funny, now many years later, it's basically the same group of kids in sixth grade. The drama continues with exactly the same girls. There doesn't seem to be any correlation between popularity and the girls that try to control everyone. Another thing happens in middle school, they realize boys think being mean and girl drama is lame;)
Oh boy a road trip!! I will bring the snacks!!
I know you were venting... so, all kidding aside, I really liked Marda's post.
I have learned that the best way to handle friend drama is to NOT get emotionally pulled in. That can be a challenge, but when my son complains to me about another kid, I really try to be rather "ho hum... well, did you ask him to stop?" or "Well, what do you think you want to do about that?" I offer some simple choices and then really put it back on him-- if you are getting picked on, tell the kid to stop. If you don't like how a buddy is playing with you, then tell that buddy you don't like it.
A week or so ago, my son complained that another classmate had taken his snack and thrown it away. Kiddo had told the teacher, the teacher benched the kid at recess, and the other child apologized. "but mom, it's the second time he's done this..."
I asked him "so, if you ask him to hold your snack while you are getting your coat on and he's throwing it away... what would common sense tell us?.... Don't ask him to hold your snack!" (We put it in his coat pocket now-- they were on the outs for a few days, and then friends again.)
They are all learning how to be friends. My son is also learning this, he's not only the victim in the situation. It's up to me to empower him to speak up, get help if necessary, and to let him know that he's not *required* to play with kids who are bugging him. I might, in private (not in front of him) let the teacher know if there's a legitimate 'something' to watch out for...but I want my son to learn that he has choices available and that I'm not going to get sucked in or 'rescue' him- that I believe he can handle these moments, even if it's uncomfortable.
So, just take a deep breath and remember that this could be a highly-teachable moment for your daughter. "Well, honey, that's great that Sally is being so nice right now... I hope that she can continue on this way." Take the moments as they come. I would say, too, that with this particular kid, you might want to warn your girl what YOUR expectations are regarding behavior-- that if her friend starts to belittle or bully ("don't talk to her" ) type behavior with other kids, she is not to participate. YOU expect better of her and she knows how it feels to be picked on. That is where I would go with that...
Going crazy? It's a short trip. I've been there and back a few times now. ;-)
Check out the book "Little Girls Can Be Mean." Very helpful.
Just wait until spring. There is something that happens to little girls after spring break and before summer vacation. They become nasty mean to each other, they look for drama and if they can't find any, they create their own.
My daughter's first grade teacher warned me about it 7 years ago. I've seen it happen to some degree every year since.
Vaca!! Yay!
Girl drama is enough to drive a saint to sin!
Just be there when the shoe drops. Your daughter will figure it out eventually.
Take a look at the book My Secret Bully and see if it's worth reading to your daughter. It's about a girl with a "friend" who isn't really being friendly at all.
As for crazy, yeah, I'm already there. Come on in, the water's fine. :-)
