I'm a Horrible Sister.

I felt the same way when my sister got pregnant with her second. I was happy for her but sad for myself. She called to tell me and I congratulated her, but as soon as I got off the phone I started crying. I knew it wasn't because I begrudged her her new baby, but I was sad for myself. It doesn't make you a bad sister or a bad person.

You're only a horrible sister if you're a beotch to her because she's pregnant. Really, it's normal to feel how you feel.

I know someone who simply would not talk to her sister because she was pregnant with her second, and the woman hadn't been able to conceive yet. She finally did had twins, with fertility help, and then was willing to "forgive" her sister. It's a testament to that sister that she would accept this treatment, but I guess she decided for the entire family's sake, as well as the kids growing up as cousins, to put up with this. It has been 15 or so years.

I love that you aren't like this woman who treated her sister this way.

If you would have said something mean to her, THEN I might think you were a horrible sister. Since you waited until you hung up and then had a little boo-hoo (understandable) - you're not. Done.

Updated

If you would have said something mean to her, THEN I might think you were a horrible sister. Since you waited until you hung up and then had a little boo-hoo (understandable) - you're not. Done.

You aren't horrible. You didn't tell her off, you were able to be supportive...
.. and when you hung up, you were able to let those sad feelings out.

I've been in this situation more than once with my own sisters (me, multiple miscarriages, sisters seem to get pregnant if someone breathes on them). Personally, I am not sure anyone is going to judge you, and if they are, that's really their problem. There's nothing wrong with wanting a second child-- it doesn't mean that you don't deeply love and cherish your own kid, it just means that you envision another face at the family table. That's okay. It's really okay to want that, and just to feel disappointed that it wasn't you announcing the pregnancy this time.

Please don't beat yourself up over this, try not to let this come between you and your sister. I'm sure she is pulling for you as well. It's okay not to share this aspect of your feelings with her, and it's okay to have the feelings you do have. Coming here to vent was much healthier than stuffing those feelings down or holding them in. You aren't a bad person to have these feelings. It's pretty common.

Reminds me of when my younger sister got engaged to her loser idiot boyfriend of 6 months, when my bf of 4 years was still dragging his feet on popping the question to me. She was 5 years younger than me, very immature and dating a guy we were all holding our tongues about already. I remember acting all happy to her, then boohoohoo-ing into my beer later that night.

(they eventually broke up before even planning a wedding, my hubs woke up and put a ring on it somewhere in between all that)

No you're not a bad sister. You're human. Let it all out with your husband or a close friend who you know will get you.

You are not a horrible sister! You told her you were happy for her, and I'm sure you really are. Try to be thankful that she told you privately. I overheard my SIL sharing pregnancy news at a big family party after having quite a few miscarriages. I was unprepared for the news, and walked straight into the bathroom. You have time to prepare yourself for seeing her in person, but I imagine she'll be understanding if you have a hard time.

I know it's hard, and I feel your pain. Don't feel guilty about being upset that it's her and not you. It doesn't mean you aren't happy for her; you're just unhappy about your own situation. It's hard to see baby bumps and new babies when you want your own. Perfectly normal. Hugs!!!

You have every right to be sad for yourself. You are certainly not a horrible person. Additionally, you were very gracious when she told you. Best of luck. I can only imagine how difficult this must be.

Oh, you silly. *hugs*

It's understandable that your sister wanted to share her joy with you, and that you feel sad about this because of your own situation. Stop beating yourself up!

Have a glass of wine or tea and read or watch something you enjoy, cry if you need to. You didn't do or say anything mean to your sister. And you KNOW you are happy for her - it's OK that this stirred up how sad you are for you.

It is okay to have conflicting emotions, to be happy for her while sad for yourself. That does not make you a bad sister, it makes you human.

Virtual hug for you. You're sad, there is nothing wrong with feeling bad about this.

I don't know if you drink, but I struggled for a while with my fourth pregnancy---first three just happened. When I finally relaxed, got really drunk, and had lots of sex with hubby, it happened. I focused on the fun of it, and it happened.

If you can, let it go. Let your sister's pregnancy go too. Have some wine, have some fun!

You are not a horrible sister! You are a wonderful sister who masked her own hurts to be happy at her good news.

Hugs, my dear. I hope that you will have good news of your own very soon!

No, as long as you didn't cry in front of her.

ABSOLUTELY NOT! You are happy for your sister, just sad for yourself. I think you would have been a bad sister if you made it about you and didn't celebrate her moment. You are human so be kind to yourself. Hang in there and it will happen. It took me 12 MONTHS to get pregnant with my 2nd, after getting pregnant on the first try with my 1st. It was so depressing but my baby girl came right on time!!!! Sending blessings your way.

Pull yourself together girl! Don't you know? Horrible people don't KNOW they're horrible, duh!

Sending fertile vibes your way. And congrats to your sis.

:)

You are a great sister. You were happy for her and cried by yourself. She is a great sister too, because she told you privately and before anyone else so you can adjust. She knows how you are feeling. She knows this is bittersweet for you. She also knows you only wish the best for her. Your feelings are natural. It sounds like you have a very loving family!

your not horrible. It hurts when something you want happens to another person. Your sister told you privately so you could have the time to digest the information and cry if you needed to. So thoughtful. And I am sure you are not mad at your sis for being preggo but you just wish you were too. Hopefully this will happen for you soon too. I wish you the best!

First off they would be about 18 months apart. Second off be happy but keep trying

You are NOT a horrible sister. You are happy for her, but struggling yourself. There is nothing wrong with that. I am glad that she told you privately as well, though. SHe may have been nervous and not wanted to hurt you since she knows you are having difficulties with this same issue. It sounds like you have a god relationship.

I am sorry that you are having trouble conceiving. I am sure you probably have tried many routes, but when we were trying for #2 I went to babycenter.com and I used the fertility calendar. Still took a few tries, but it did work for me. I wish you the best and hope you will post for us when it does happen :) Good luck!

It doesn't make you horrible at all. It makes you an emotional human being. I think that it's likely your sister was really nervous about telling you her news too... since you did tell her about your secondary infertility issues. Which, by the way, just because you have an older child that doesn't make the pain you're feeling now in trying to conceive any less than someone who hasn't had a child yet.

You were a great sister in how you handled the news. I'm serious about thinking that she was nervous, probably even scared, about telling you.

You're not horrible, you're human!

You aren't horrible, you are human. I went through this with friends, my sister, people I worked with. I had two children with my first husband and couldn't have any with my second. And heard so many oh woops, what a surprise stories I felt like our creator hated me. I love my sons so much. Now I am experiencing this-neither one of them has children, one was married over two years ago and the other isn't interested.My sister's children keep having more.My do I feel sorry for myself sometimes. But after I have my every other day good cry I realize I am lucky in other ways. And I visit the little ones here and pray my son would move back around here. So I guess we're just human. Certainly from what you write you sound like a wonderful sister to me.

It is just your emotions. You are not a bad sister, just want something really bad.

Nope, you're a wonderful sister for congratulating her and crying privately.

It is always an awkward situation when someone has to decide whether or not to share their news with someone that is struggling. Usually, the answer is yes. The way you handled it was perfect.

If things get too much for you, it is also fine if you let her know that you're hurting. That is much better than keeping it bottled up always.

You're not a horrible sister. You are human. My sister has 14 babies and has been pregnant 16 times. I have 1 biological son and 1 step son. I got married very late in life and hubby and I have been trying to conceive. We went through checking ourselves out only to discover the odds of me getting pregnant are slim to none at best. HECK YES it hurts. I did all the "right" things and yet here I am wanting another baby but not having one.

It's tough. It doesn't make me a bad sister. It makes me human. It's tough knowing that I may never have another child and my husband and I won't have an answer to our debate over who has the strongest genes LOL and it just hurts when I see other women around me pregnant and the 1 thing I truly desire for us we can't have yet or perhaps ever.

Keep trying it's fun trying. Where you can let the pressure of it go and enjoy what you have.

No, you aren't a horrible sister. That is a normal way to feel. My sister had issues conceiving her 2nd and I was trying for my 3rd. I waited until she conceived before we tried so that she would not feel the way you do. Things don't always work out that way though. Don't worry, you will get pregnant, it will happen. Think positive!