If You Have a Great Relationship with Your MIL....

Love my MIL. She let's her kids parent the way they want to and does not get involved. I wish we lived closer, but she loves all the grand kids and spoils them rotten. She supports us 100% and does not get involved unless we ask her too.

I hope I am as good a MIL as she is.

She's cares about her son, but his life isn't hers. She respects boundaries, but wants to be involved. Loving and supportive, but not entwined :)

I love my MIL. She is easy going, has her own life and lives itinstead of getting all up in our business. She loves the grandkids unconditionally, makes it a point to call and plan trips to visit us, doesn't always expect us to be the traveling party. She plans family vacations and lets us come or not based on our schedules loves us when we are there and doesn't blame us when we aren't. She helps, doesn't criticize or share her "wisdom" "I heard you are supposed to do XYZ" BUT she does tell great stories that humanize her "Boy, when I brought this baby home, we were so scared." She relates to you. She is a good listener, but knows when you just need to listen. She has great family stories and shares history orally (so cool). She always has plenty of wine and coffee on hand and teaches me all the recipes my hubby likes when I ask her and not before. She is viciously protective of my husband, her grandkids and ME! She treats me like her daughters without all the nagging (lol) from a real mom.
In a nutshell that is why i love my MIL.

I second everything Casey C. said!

I am blessed to have a wonderful MIL, who takes care of our kids while we work. In the thirteen years I have known her, we have never once had a fight or even a disagreement. I think this is mostly because she is a truly awesome woman.

Here are some of the things that make her great:
1. She never offers her opinion. If I ask, she is happy to share. I think this is the number one key to a good MIL relationship. Whenever I see people complaining about their MILs (or even Mothers!) it is because of this.

2. She always supports what we do with the kids. She didn't BF or co-sleep, but she supported us 100% in our efforts.

3. She never "overstays her welcome". We'd be fine if she LIVED with us, but as soon as we come home from work, she heads out. If we invite her to come with us somewhere on the weekend she demures. We took her on our vacation, but we had to beg her to go with us. She gives us plenty of space. (She might also get sick of us...)

4. My husband is an only child. With my MIL, I don't think another sibling would be an issue, but my husband is the only child, so that makes us the only game in town. I could see that working against the relationship (if the MIL was too attached to the only child) but for us it just means we don't have to share her! And there's never any "sibling" drama. (At least not on his side... my side, that's another story.)

5. She is a genuinely kind, trustworthy, warm and funny person.

6. She loves are children unconditionally... sometimes I think even more than we do!

7. She's not my Mother! And she doesn't try to be. I have a complicated relationship with my own Mom, but with her we don't have that baggage. Its more than a friendship, because she does so much for me.

Finally, she respects us and we respect her. I always say she's setting the bar sooooo high for me with my kids... I'll have to do her proud someday when I have my own grands.

I think the thing that makes my MIL great it she treats me just like I am one of her children, like I belong. I can tell that she truly loves me.

My MIL is a very thoughtful lady. She makes a huge effort to see us and the grandkids as much as possible. She is willing to drive down to us or meet us halfway (we live 2 hours away) to make that happen. We are always welcome guests at her home. Because she is so comfortable to be around, and treats us always respectfully, we WANT to visit often. She is not prying and she does not get in our business.

My husband and I started dating when we were 16 years old. I was always over at their house having dinner with them and got to know both of my ILs pretty well. As I got older we had stuff in common like books and gardening (which she helped me tons on). She also took the time to get to know me. She has also been a great source for parenting questions. I don't know if we would be as close as we are if I hadn't grown up knowing her. She's like a second mother to me. My mother and I have never had much in common and I was raised by my grandmother until I was 9 years old. My own mother has never really taken the time to get to know me.

Don't get all up in their business or siding with one or the other. Remain a silent supportive family member. Love the grandkids to pieces, but always use the parants guidelines when they are with you. Let them know that you are there when and if they need you. LOL...I just described myself!

My husband and I got together when we were 16 and my MIL opened her home to me from the very beginning. Not that I had a bad home life with my Mother at all but we wanted to be together and his home was where we ended up. Since we were so young it was like I grew up with her in my life so we formed a real bond and she is like a second Mother to me. To this day (12 years later) we are still very close and continue to build on our relationship

I loved my MIL, I miss her every day.

She would help me with anything I asked her to. She would also help me with the things I didn't want her to help with and we would occasionally have issues. What in the world would it be like if we all agreed on each and every thing, in her words...boring.

She would tell great story's to emphasize a point. Like when my FIL was stationed in San Diego she worked nights in a Nursing Home. There was this one lady who would wander the halls all night trying to find her own bedroom. My MIL finally had enough of taking her back to bed and she asked her where her room was....the lady said "It's upstairs and I can't find the stairs". So my MIL told her "We put in an elevator for you, let's go get you in your bed". She took the lady in the supply closet and turned the Autoclave for a moment, the opened the door up. Took her to her room and tucked her in. The woman slept all night that night. If anyone forgot to take her up to the "2nd floor" via the storage closet the woman wandered the halls all night. If they used the closet and pretended it was an elevator she went to bed "upstairs" and slept all night.

She would get in her little pickup and drive all over the USA just to see something new. She would often pull her little white bubble trailer behind and then camp out somewhere. She carried several guns, at least one in the special slot in her handbag, and at least one under her front seat. Then she had her dobermans that traveled with her too. She was not afraid of anything.

She was a wonderful example to me and a kind hearted soul. I miss her dreadfully and didn't get near enough time with her.

She doesn't insert herself in our relationship. She doesn't give me advice, unless I were to ask. She NEVER asks about money. She has her OWN life, and never has lived through her son. She was not trying to coddle him. She was thankful, that he found me and I found him. She doesn't tell me how to raise my child. She doesn't tell me what kind of family I should have. (Like, more then one kiddo.) She understands that she is NOT my mother. She accepts it and if fine with it, when I say "no."

The biggest and most important thing...she minds her own business. She gives us space. She is supportive of us above all else.

She treats me like her own daughter. She knows that I am an adult and that I can make my own decisions. If something I do displeases her, she does not mouth off nor gripe at me for any reason. I have seen her mad once, and it was more of a silent treatment than an angry yelling sort of mad. She may make a suggestion on a parenting technique but after that suggestion, stays out of it. She listens very well and always has advice when I ask for it. When pregnant, she supplied me with all my prenatal vitamins (the good pricey kind) and she came to care for ME after baby was born via Csection. She just shows a lot of genuine care and concern for me which is very nice.

What makes it great is that she does not treat me like a daughter, but as a friend/peer. She respects me as a person, not just the mother of her grandchild or the woman who makes her son happy or another kid she has to tell how to live their life, but as a woman. Does she offer advice - of course, she is human and can not stop herself, but I do not allow it to get in the way. I had to let her know that my mother did a fine job and you will see that as time passes, so do not be offended when/if I do not take the path you suggested or offered. It does take effort to make it great and it does not happen overnight.

My MIL is so awesome :) She is very accepting and supportive. She is always there when I want advice but if I don't take it, she doesn't get upset. She is a real source of wisdom for me, she had five kids of her own but she never acts like she runs my parenting. She also always shows up with pockets full of m&ms for my boys which they love and makes me happy bc I think a Nana that shows up with little sweets is wonderful :) I didn't have my grandparents around like my kids do and just seeing her relationship with my kids makes me love her even more. She is the best!

My MIL respects me by following my rules for the kids...she doesn't go behind my back and let the kids get away with or give them things that I wouldn't. Sure, she spoils them some but that's part of the fun with visiting with grandma.

She doesn't question me in front of the kids or my husband. She's supportive and very helpful. She offers to watch my kids for me while I go run errands or whatever.

She's extremely loving to both my kids, treats them fairly.

She gets along very well with my own mother, never tries to take over the kids or dominate when the family is all together.

She's easy going, funny and loves to laugh. My husband is very close with her. These are some of the things that make my relationship with my MIL a good one.

My MIL lives in ND and I've only seen her once and talk to her a couple times a year on the phone...she just got on FB so she gets updates about us from that. So we have a GREAT relationship. Is that positive? =)

I have always gotten along with my MIL. I met my husband 18 years ago in high school and she was my guidance counselor. My husband is an only child and I know it was important for my MIL (and FIL) to keep a close relationship with him. She is wonderful to me and my kids! They are generous, supportive, and always willing to help in any way! We spend many holidays with them and vacation with them. I have 3 boys, so I am hopeful that I'll be close to my daughters-in-law someday. I think communication is important. It's also important to be "fair" with vacations, holidays, etc. I know my mom feels like a second class citizen when it comes to my brother and his wife.

I love my MIL! I think the reason it is such a great relationship is because of the type of woman she is. She lost her husband when my SIL was 2 and my hubby was 6 months old. Since then, she sees life in a different way. It's not worth it to be petty or well, anything else some MILs are! She's a great grandma! She also has a way to make someone feel better...if I'm worried about something, she can calmly put it all in perspective for me and I feel so much better! Ex: our first daughter was a wonderful surprise before we were married. I was very nervous to tell my parents(who are also awesome), and they weren't all that happy...but they wouldn't change anything now! But when my hubby told his mom, she couldn't have been more excited for us...and for herself(her first grandbaby). That made me feel so much better...she even sent me a card with a lovely note telling her how happy she was and how much she loved me. Awesome!

And my hubby and her are exactly the same! That might be another reason we get along!

For some of us, the relationship was not instantly great. Good, but not great. I had been raised as a private person in a small family (even small extended family). I married into an extended clan of outgoing, share every thought, offer lots of advice, relatives. And my MIL was the lead person in all the connections, because she worked so well with everyone.

So we all had to make adjustments. I had to be more open and learn to hear advice, without necessarily following it. My MIL, an all-loving, generous and funny woman, had to learn to step back, not check to see if I followed her advice, and respect the boundaries in her beloved son's marriage. My husband was wonderful at drawing the lines, the few times it was necessary. Now, with my Mom having passed, I honestly can't imagine my life without "Mom". She is my friend, my booster, and I appreciate that we made it throught the first years. I am blessed. I know she feels she is, too. I wish the same for you with your children.

Very honestly, the three things that make my relationship with my MIL a good one:

Distance. She and FIL are cross country. Less opportunities for conflict.

Shared respect. I respect her for raising a great son, and she respects me because, when she sees her grandson, she likes what she sees.

Shared interests. We both like gardening and sewing. Having a few very neutral subjects to talk about makes it easier to transition away from uncomfortable topics which might come up.

I also try to focus on helping her have a good relationship with her grandson. Frankly, she and my FIL often are vocal about their views (on social issues/politics--very bigoted and ignorant) which are very different from my husband's and mine, but I don't mention this in front of my son. In this situation, my husband and I have to be the mature ones and just not get hooked into their opinions or assertions. I try very hard to focus on the common ground that we do have.

Not only is she my MIL, who loves the kids (she and her hubby moved from Vermont to AZ after she retired last year to be around the kids) and gives me the room I need to be a parent... but she's also my friend! I enjoy hanging out with her (and her hubby)! She's a great person who has a lot of love in her heart to give.

My relationship with MIL is great :) I think it's because she is a very happy person in general, and has a good outlook on life. Never complains, and it is so easy to get along with a person like that! (Except of course when you're not in the mood for Miss mary sunshine, ha!) She's a caring, generous individual who tries not to meddle or be "that" MIL. She totally coddled her sons though! She can't help it, she is a caretaker type. It's often a good thing because she is very helpful, but it can be stifling too... Her intentions are good, so it's easy to forgive! And since we have a good relationship, I just tell her when it's too much.
Of course she secretly annoys me at times and is "different" in ways than my own mom... but she's just very easy to get along with, and relaxed. It's hard to complain! I'm a lucky one.

My MIL is like a friend, always has been. Isn't really up in my business or family business, doesn't try to parent me.

my FIL on the other hand...oy!