I feel pretty weird about this and I really want to hear your thoughts. For the last few years I have been interested in politics but until this election we didn't have anyone in my state I could stand behind. Without going into details someone got elected to a party that wasn't expected and I would like to attend some local events to support her. I thought my husband supported me, this past Saturday afternoon I had planned on attending an event and 2 hours before I needed to leave my husband was snippy and kinds rude just in general and I asked him if he didn't want me to go and he didn't really answer and it was obvious he didn't so I said I would stay at home if he was going to be upset then he said I should go if I was going to be mad if I stayed at home. I decided to not go just becasue I was surprised at his reaction. Plus I wanted to respect his feelings, he did say he had a feeling that something bad may happen. I asked what he thought and his response was he was worried for my safety. I want to add that there was no call for concern, nothing has happened and no warning that something may happen.
I don't understand why he isn't supporting me. He does support this politician he just isn't getting behind the campaign and he doesn't seem to car about the election.
I must add that I have never had this happen before but I haven't volunteered for anything other than a local Autism support group. I was wondering if you guys have experience something similar with your spouse and what your thoughts are.
If I need to clarify something that doesn't make sense please let me know.
I will talk to hubby again about it. I think he didn't want to say something.
It was in the afternoon and he keeps saying he wants me to go out by myself so I was surprised by his reaction. I want to add he does A LOT of things around the house so I doubt that is a problem. He does seem tried and depressed to me but there isn't much I can do. A long story.
mommymommymommy
My husband isn't nasty or a jerk. He isn't the kind of person to pretend he feels on way and acts another. I am volunteering with a local pro life group and he had the same mood and I KNOW he agrees there too. I have no problem arguing with him we have had some good ones. Maybe I should have went I don't know. I told him that this is important to me and it is only a few more week.
I just want to thank you guys. I have been thinking about this and your opinions have got me thinking. I think it is boiling down to I need to sit down and talk to him.
Catwalk W.
I didn't want to go there. I was concerned people would form a response depending on what party they support. To be honest he isn't thrilled about the financial part only. I doubt anyone thinks she is a witch. It may be possible he thinks she wont win and I am wasting my time. I will talk to him and see what he say's. I can live with him feeling she wont win, what is bothering me is the lack of support.
Probably has nothing to do with what you were going to, just the fact that you were leaving. Plan to go to another event, ask him if he wants to go with you. If so, find a babysitter, if not then go alone.
In my experience my husband will be upset when I'm leaving, but by the time I get back he's perfectly happy and interested in what happened.
My guess is because my husband is the same way, I feel its because your not at home. It really does not matter what I volunteer for my husband grunts like a caveman each time. That is his nickname and he has earned it. He does not like me away from home for a long length of time. It bothers him. I still do what I want. I mean really........he can sit and watch football for days. I do not bother him. So I would ask him if thats the reason.
It really just seems that he didn't want to put the work in watching the kids.
Sounds like there was a bit of poor communication. I'd try to talk w/ him again and try to see if he can better explain why he was upset. Maybe he really wasn't that upset, or was just tired and not up for a night w/ the kids??? Now that the emotion is out of it, maybe he can explain better... it seems unfinished.
If he supports her too then why don't you ask him to go along. If he doesn't want to go and still acts like that you need to go anyhow. Being involved in the political process is so important....I am saddened at how many people aren't.
Joanna,
Good for YOU for being interested and informed about your local politics.
I have briefly experienced an odd reaction from my husband when I plan to do something for/about/limited to myself. I think the reason is because then his day doesn't get to go as smoothly as butter as it does when I am at home.
I've gotta say you're a better woman than me because at the first inkling of his reaction -- "snippy and kinda rude just in general" -- I would have made sure he knew where the fridge and stove were and I would have BOLTED out of there. It's just not a fair reaction. I'm sure your husband, like mine, is a great dad and provider, but seriously, I'll betcha 20:1 that you could easily rattle off 5 things he's done/gone to GUILT FREE in the last 6 months, right? Why do they get weird when WE are leaving??!! I don't know but I give ya props for considering his attitude, even though I think it was manipulative, because when I give notice that I'm doing something or going somewhere--I GO! Because I deserve it. And they'll be fine. We ALL deserve some "off time"!
Its probably that he didn't want to be in charge of the kid(s).
I think it is great that you feel moved to get involved. After all, it is your future and your community, so you should be concerned. I think you need to explain to your husband how much this means to you. My husband used to give me grief (mostly because he can't handle responsibility), but once he understood how important something was to me, he gave me better support. Also, I could tell him in advance, but when the time came, he always claimed I never told him or he would admit he forgot. I suggest putting it on the calender with gentle reminders as the day gets closer. Maybe it just caught your husband off guard because he forgot.
I hope you stay involved - I have always been involved in political campaigns and support so I tell my husband that it gives me extra license to complain or be critical in bad times and take most of the credit in good times.
C.
Maybe he doesn't truly support your decision?
Or could it be that he does not want to take care of the kids for you while you attend these meetings? Just an idea.
While it's important to stand up for what you believe in, it might be a good idea to see what is really at the root of this problem.
Men are a weird species. My husband always wonders WHY I have to go do this or that. I think they feel safer when we are home and prefer not to have to worry about us. If he's not into politics like you are he is just showing some babyish jealousy that you have something to do that doesnt include him. That would be my best guess. I think it warrants a deeper discussion between the two of just so he understands how passionate you are feeling about being involved in this certain campaign (dont shove it down his throat, just let him know you are "into" this right now), he doesnt have to like the politician but should respect your feelings as we all have the right to vote for who we want to vote for, etc. It sounds like a deeper issue that just needs to be put on the table. Next meal you have together just discuss how you feel and tell him all you really want is for him to give you his blessing and let you do this temporary political work because its filling a need you have. Promise him you wont attend venues that might have picketers or fights, I'm sure that those are not in your plan anyway.
Hubby is probably worried because everyone is just so upset with our govt right now and he's hatin it and doesnt want you getting hurt in some heated dispute. There are a lot of haters out there right now.
You need to hear why he is not wanting you to go and he needs to hear why you do want to go. After you have that ultimate conversation I think you will find it will all work out for both of you.
You are entitled to your own opinions on politics - and so is your husband! It can be awkward if they don't always match up, but it sounds like your husband needs to get over that a little.
I would talk with him and say " Honey you seemed upset that I went to the meeting to support so-and-so. Can we talk about that? I don't want to argue with you about it, but sometimes we might just have to agree to disagree. My supporting a political candidate doesn't have anything to do with us loving and supporting each other, right?"
Put like that, he ought to at least discuss it. Don't try to change his mind if he doesn't support your candidate- just focus on the 'agree to disagree' . This approach has worked well in my family of mixed Dems, Repubs and Independents!
If, on the other hand, he was just grumpy about watching the kids, then THAT is a whole other conversation!
Joanna-
I noticed you are from delaware...and Ms O'Donnell seems to be a candidate that was both unexpected...and controversial from your state. If she is the candidate, perhaps your spouse feels awkward regarding some of the things that have cropped up surrounding her? Perhaps he supports her 'quietly' but feels 'funny' about the 'witchcraft' thing...the late Palin endorsement...and some of her personal financial questions?
Just a thought...
I am NOT from delaware, but an avid observer of the political 'goings on'!
Take Care
michele/cat
Is he like this when you want to go shopping with a girlfriend or otherwise be away from the house for a few hours? If not it sounds to me like he's a little insecure about this political involvement. He may deep down feel like you're going to have an experience that will be mentally and/or emotionally fulfilling and he's either a little jealous that he's not, or jealous that you're not finding it with him. It could also be that he's a little afraid that you're going to see this woman in a successful powerful position and that's a little intimidating to him - maybe he thinks you'll get ideas.
personally I think this is about his insecurities - not about taking care of the kids - since he's never had an issue about that before. Thepolitical season is only a couple more weeks - so take a few minutes to talk to him - tell him that this is important to you becuase You really believe in this candidate - but you sense that he's a little insecure about you getting involved. Ask him if there's anything you can do to make him feel better about it becuase you'd really like to be involved and there's only 2 weeks left. Once he unpacks this issue and it sees the light of day he may realize he's being a little silly.
Sometimes when I'm getting ready to go out on my own, my husband acts all flustered and like I've dumped the weight of the world on him by leaving him with our two kids. He's not always that way, and he enjoys his nights out too, so he doesn't really have a leg to stand on, BUT it really annoys me! He's usually fine by the time I return. In the future tell him if he has some sort of concern about whatever you have planned, that you would appreciate him voicing that when you first announce what you plan to do instead of acting pissy and causing you not to go. That way you two can discuss it and decide if the concern is legitimate. Also, make sure he understands that politics is a new interest for you, and it's something you may want to get more involved in (volunteering for campaigns, going to other rallies, etc.) and that you hope that he'll support your interest and be respectful of your choices even if he doesn't support the same politicians.
This is a late answer, but I have found my best bet when my husband's actions don't match his words is to PRETEND he means what he is saying. Because being a jerk while saying all the right things shouldn't result in him getting what he wants. I know this probably sounds callous and it took me YEARS to get to this point, but honestly, it works better than "respecting his feelings." When he acts like that, he is not respecting my feelings and catering to him only rewards him for being a jerk.
Good luck to you. Personnaly, I don't think your politics should matter in how your husband behaves. Supporting your efforts doesn't mean he agrees with you. Wouldn't you support him regardless of who he was backing without getting all snippy?
