I Wonder...

That is a big question.

I have everything (husband, kids, home ) but do not feel balanced most days. I think it is because I have lost sight of myself some, and need time to get that back. I am hoping that as my kids get a little older (they are 5, 4, and 2) I can have more time to "be".

As a SAHM, many days (especially when my husband travels) I don't really talk to anyone other than my kids. Or don't leave the house (which is almost worse sometimes).

I visualize being a bigger part of my community, but struggle to get there. We moved about a year and a half ago to a larger community, and I've not yet found my "place" here.

I am pretty sure I could make a list of things I'd like to do for myself that would help me feel more complete (hobbies mostly - finding joy in things) but often feel swamped by the things that need to be done, and often lose the joy of the moment when I am doing everything by myself. I do better at enjoying life when my husband is home and more available. We all seem to do better then... but that's when I need to take time for myself so we struggle to find the balance of me having time to do my own things and family time.

I'll be watching other responses.

J.

As a mother I think I rock! haha. I am satisfied with my children and my parenting and I really and truly love being a mom. Am I completely balanced? Nope. I need some friends, I don't have very many. We need money, there's never enough, we live paycheck to paycheck. Am I satisfied with my husband? For the most part. lol. There are still struggles, but I think every married couple has issues. We have done a pretty good job of communicating and making it work, but there are definetely things that still bother me and I am sure bother him.
I wish that I had more time to myself, I literally don't have any right now. I wish that I could drop whatever I am doing and have wild monkey sex with my husband...THAT'S not going to happen for a while! haha. I wish that I could go back to work without having mama guilt about leaving my daughter with my husband (since I stayed home with my boys).
I would be really surprised if you find a lot of women that are satisfied. Women, esepcially, seem to be so good at finding the imbalance in life whereas men seem to be just fine and la -dee-dah through life. Maybe because most men have a good woman supporting them? lol
Good question, I look forward to reading other answers.
L.
Mother of two boys (8 and 5) and 1 girl (4 weeks). married 8 years

Good Question. I am the mother of two and work full time, as does my husband. It is a constant challenge for me especially, to feel as if I am giving enough to both work and family. There are times (almost daily) that I don't feel as if I am giving enough to my job, my kids, or my husband. I am especially challenged in the fact that I have always been a independent career focused woman. I work in a very demanding field that expects 50-70 hours a week as a norm, and most people don't have kids and many are not married. I just do the best I can on all fronts. I never/ever thought that I would consider staying home with kids, but it is becoming harder and harder with sick kids, day care closings, doc appts etc. Plus with my demanding job, I hate it that the only time that I sometimes even see my kids is the half hour drive to day car in the morning.
So to answer your question - YES, I struggle daily. I wake up early and get into the shower and think of all the other scenarios that my life could be right now. What if I was a stay at home mom, or what if I could do something that I really loved everyday, or ......everything else that is "the grass is greener". I look forward to seeing the other posts here. This mom thing is hard. And the juggling thing is crazy. I look forward to hearing how everyone else is doing it. Best of luck!

I have my moments, but I have a blessing in disguise...2 of my siblings and 1 of my husband's are never satisfied. They (and their spouses) are always wanting more, more, more. This has taught my husband and I to really be thankful that we are not that way. We have seen the affect that this has had on their spousal relationships and on their children. They are raising greedy and ungreatful children.
My husband and I are both the youngest and have been blessed with wonderful role models of what NOT to be. It makes me sad for them. At night, as I lay in bed next to my husband, and begin my bedtime prayers with, "Thank you Lord for all of our blessings...." Because we are so truely blessed and if I died today, I would die very satified with my life.

When I get caught up in bills, appointments, school, dinners, chores, etc I can very easily feel like there's not *enough*. We need a bigger house, newer vehicles, more money, more time, etc. I need to be thinner, blonder, more organized, dress better, have more friends, etc.

But when it comes right down to it.....yes, I feel like I have everything I want. I am married to my highschool sweetheart and best friend; a man who thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world; a man who can make me laugh with a silly joke or cry happy tears when I see him with our children. I have 3 healthy, beautiful daughters after 2 years of believing I'd never be a mommy. I'm healthy. We live in a nice house, my husband has a good job. My family is close and I have a few wonderful friends I can count on for anything.

Thank you for asking this question and getting me to remind myself how truly blessed I am :o)

Hi Mama
Great question.
To be honest I do feel I have a good balance the majority of the time. I think this stems from the fact that I was single until my 30's and did all the hard partying ,travelling and got a college degree.
The one thing I craved was a good man and to become a parent.
I met my husband at 31yrs,9mths later we were married and a year later we had our son.
There are days where I dream of having time to myself,sitting on a beach somewhere or to go out partying etc etc but I quickly remind myself I have the life now that I craved and everything else is shallow compared to it.
Of course I would like more money,less work stress ,more holidays,more time at the beauty salon , more girl time ( my close friends live a three hour car drive away) etc etc etc LOL but not having all of the above doesn't make me feel less satisfied.
Motherhood is exausting sometimes but sooo worth it.
All the best
B.

I think an issue is that many are living their lives (me included often!) as if it's a race to the finish line...another day to get through, another "goal" to achieve, and feel like, "When X finally happens, then I'll be happy or satisifed", whether that's graduating, getting a house, getting married, having kids, having kids go to school, having kids move out, etc.) Is it really about being "happy or satisfied" all the time? I'm finding that whenever I finally get that "X", it's just on to a new "X" and frankly, when I sit back and think about it...I really don't wish to get to that big finish line anytime soon! I am trying now to take things more a day at a time (I'm a huge control freak planner) and realize that tomorrow is not promised. My husband is deployed, I am home with 2 small children and there are days I'm ready to SCREAM! But I love being a mom, I have everything I could ever need (except to have my husband home with us), and I feel truly grateful and blessed. Balance is an illusion. If I was to reach that finish line tomorrow, and I pray I don't, I'd be sad...only because I'd hate to leave this family I love so much...I don't really care about a "bucket" list. I know what I want my obit to say...that I was a loving wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, and loved by those same people. That is more than enough in my book. Wife and mom are better titles than any I've ever had (and not to brag, but I've had quiet a few.)

I am a SAHM and I feel very busy. Too busy. I feel as if time is zipping by. I want to find time to exercise, walk my dog, just relax, but I constantly feel rushed. I had my career first and kids when I was 36. Because of that I feel content and have no desire to work but sometimes I feel as if I don't have much to show for my time. There's no pay check, no reports, no raises. Just my kids getting older and me feeling as if my time with them (as kids) is slipping away.

Sometimes I feel the answer to your question is a "mind over matter" deal for me....I think we ALL struggle with various issues, and the issues themselves change over time. I find that when I get in a funk and dwell about the things that are not so great in my life, it just snowballs and I find myself dissatisfied with everything! But when I make a conscious effort to count my blessings and focus on the good stuff, my overall satisfaction improves. Does that make any sense? It's hard to feel like all aspects in our lives are great at the same time - it is difficult to keep all the balls in the air at once! As women, we do so much for so many, all the time! I think a big part of satisfaction comes when we do something that's just for us, whether it's taking a class, exercising, making time for a hobby, meditating, whatever. And focusing on the good things that we do have. For me, that helps to re-direct me from worrying about the negatives that do creep in from time to time, and helps to put everything in perspective.
Good question!

I can honestly say that I am content and happy in my life and in motherhood. Now, that's not to say that I don't have my "bad" days, but I think everyone does. There was a time when I first became a SAHM (after becoming pregnant with our third, and had just finished college and was unable to find a job) that I was pretty bitter and resentful of the fact that I had no "life." This actually lasted for quite sometime. I can't tell you when or why it changed, but it did. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I just stopped stressing about so many things. If faced with a problem, I take the attitude that I can either change it or I can't. If I can not change it or if it is out of my control (weather, car trouble, husband's impending lay-off), then there is no reason to waste my time or energy stressing about it. All the stress in the world isn't going to change those things. If I can change it, then I choose to focus my energy in the direction of "useful stress." I put the stress into finding the change that needs to happen. I'm also a very postitive person, so I think that helps quite a bit :)

For the most part, I feel balanced. I have bad days, but they are greatly outnumbered by good days. It helps that I have a really supportive husband who gives me time to myself. I have a great marriage in general and if I didn't, I know I would feel very out of balance. I am happy to be a SAHM. I can't imagine leaving my son for long periods of time every day, and I think of all the things I get to watch him do daily. Not to say that there is anything wrong with working. I know many woman can't or don't have the desire to stay home. I honestly don't miss work in any way. I guess I have managed to hang onto a hobby and turn it into something that makes a little money. I have something outside of being a mom to identify with. Because of that, I feel I haven't really lost myself since my son was born. I think we all "struggle" with things to an extent. I think woman like me, who have a good marriage, and a healthy child, and know my bills will be paid...are lucky enough to not have certain stresses...that throw life out of balance.

I am starting to feel balance now that my children are a little older. I never had a problem with missing a part of myself, for some reason for me, parenting is high on my standards as the most challenging, rewarding job. So, I never went through the feelings of not having a fulfilling career life. What I struggle with the most is the constant feeling of being needed by little people. There is hardly any downtime and rest time, and that is hard.

Now I am working from home. So, I feel like I am doing what I am meant to do, both personally and as a mom. I do have very busy days when I wonder why I am seeking out this balance and maybe we should just simplify and have me be a stay at home mom again, but there are so many rewards of having the career as well. So, in other words, it can be stressful, but as I get older I'm trying my best to stay organized enough to enjoy it more. This morning before school we even had time to go outside and play on the ice covered deck. I filmed them for a few minutes and watched them enjoying their childhood. I love being a mom, even with the challenges. They are remarkable little souls who bring so much to my life. Occasionally, I think about single, child-less friends and family members and get a little green with envy at their simple lives, but I wouldn't change mine.

You asked how we overcome the unbalanced feeling. For me it's all about taking care of myself. I was giving too much to my job for a while and that made me miss my kids. Then I was spending all my time with them and my job was slipping. Now, I have found the balance of time for both and also have put myself first. I get up and exercise right away, shower, get dressed in nice clothes, so I can feel good about who I am first. Then I have so much more to give to the rest of the family. I also am realizing what is important in life. Health, precious memories, time with loved ones. If I keep up with those things, everything seems to be falling into place.

Thank you for your question. It's such a hard thing for parents. We give so much and it's such an incredible challenge to find the right balance.

The trick, for me, is to work on being grateful. I used to be in the workforce and, quite honestly, most of the time I hated it. Most of my jobs were the lowest of the low in the office, or temping. When I met and married, my husband, I was let go from my most recent job. After that, I took matters into my own hands - "honey, lets have a baby!" That was five years ago, and I've never looked back.

Yes, some days I wish that I could get in a car, drive away, and work at a desk. (Those are the days when my two kids are especially whiney.) I do feel fairly balanced...because I am happy with where I am at. My days are full of baking, crafting, reading stories, grocery shopping and Thomas the Tank Engine (Netflix is my new BFF.) It's easier if we stay home and so, most days, that's what we do.

Does that answer your question? My children ARE my chosen career, and I teach piano on the side. My health could be better - it seems directly linked to the stress I feel (and some weeks are more stressful than others). I am connecting with friends who understand me, and what I want from life. I live close to family.

I sound like I'm bragging...and maybe I am. I love being a mother, and love being where I am. I feel fulfilled in a way that I never did before.

I have found as a mother of six - now teenagers, 14 yrs to 20 yrs - and a husband who needs monitoring to be sure he is taking his asthma meds and such AND a full time job, along with many volunteer capacities, it is VERY difficult for ME time. Things are often out of balance, I feel there are few who can state they are in perfect balance. (Lucky them!) It does get easier the older the kids are, to be able to make a stand and state: THIS IS MY TIME! cause you know they can fend for themselves and it will be ok. When they are little and still do really need you alot, you obviously have to find a safe place for them while you do your thing. and that is what it comes down to.... I make time to do my thing. whatever that may be.. going for a bike ride, rollerblading, reading a book, sitting in the sun, gardening, walking with my camera, these things all nourish MY soul and help me stay sane. It can be difficult to find the time to work these breaks in amongst everything else we Mom's are responsible for - but it is a MUST! And thankfully, I have a supportive spouse who knows I need some time for myself now and again.

I feel I have a good balance 90% of the time. But there are times when I feel I am always the O. to give, bend, accommodate, etc. (Ex: school delays/illness when I am the only O. that has the flexibility to rearrange my PT work hours & schedule. It really throws me & I feel trapped when that happens. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful I can have that flexibility.)