Motherhood vs Having It All

I believe "having it all" is a choice to be appreciative of what all you have. When I look at my live I feel blessed knowing I have it all. Yes I do work outside of the home. My husband and I have 4 great kids. But to realize you have it all, Is by knowing, everything I have is all I want.

Being Mothers is the purpose for us to be on earth. I think career and other things can have a place in our lives but I definetly think that our higher calling is to give our beautiful children a well balanced and loving environment to grow up in. We can't always be perfect moms and shouldn't try but if we love our families and God as you say and learn to serve others especially our families then we are doing what we are supposed to do, and hopefully making a difference in the world around us.

You know.....here's my opinion on that. I am a full time working mother of two. Always have been. Our kids are 6 and almost 4. All the views on "stay at home moms" crack me up. I had two wonderful leaves when I had my two babies. And I can tell you that I've never worked harder than those two leaves!!! LOL Growing up, I always wanted to be a SAHM. My mom was a SAHM. Then I had my first baby. I'm telling you...it takes a very special person for that job! For me...financially, we have no choice. My husband and I both have to work full time and I thought it was going to be an issue for me, but it isn't. I like working. It's what works best for us. My kids got some priceless years staying with their grandma until we placed them in daycare when they needed more socialization. Now, my 6yr old is half way through her kindergarten year in a school for the gifted and high achievers. There is no wrong way to do things. To each their own. Life is good. =0)

***I adore your quote. My son sleeps with his Megatron, or Bumblebee or Optimus Prime and I always have to tuck them in! LOVE IT!!!!***

Hi! I didn't realize I was a feminist until I got married and had a CRAPPY marriage. I couldn't figure out why. I thought it was because my husband was a jerk, but deep down inside, I knew there was something wrong that I couldn't put my finger on. Well, I had 3 kids and was a stay at home mom, but still had a difficult marriage. My friend gave me this book called "Fascinating Womanhood" by Helen Andelin, about how to have a great marriage. This book is notorious among women for being anti-woman, pro-caveman marriage. I read it and cried for all the stupid, feminist things I had done to ruin our marriage - nagging, trying to be his boss, mothering my husband, not thinking of my husband and kids before me. I had never seen how selfish I was and how I was always trying to emasculate my poor husband. This book is all about what you are saying - finding joy in being a woman, being feminine, taking care of your home, family, and husband, and how if you are happy and think of them first, your entire life will be happy.

So yes, I feel exactly as you do. God made men and women different and to have different roles. If both men and women think they are men, then the woman starts bossing her husband around, emasculating, everyone fights over what they are supposed to be doing, it is just a landslide downhill. Thanks for your post!

I am in my eighth year of my six-to-twelve-month experiment with being a happy and fulfilled stay-at-home mom and it has made me no less a feminist. Feminism is about choice, having the opportunity to make choices and honoring each other's choices.
I am highly educated and my husband and I collaborated as a team to make the choice that it is best for my family for me to be at home full-time. My paycheck could not add to our quality of life the way my presence can. Valuing people more than things makes me see this clearly.
Every healthy person is a feminist, whether they know it or not.
Congratulations on realizing you DO "have it all." Please remember that making carefully-considered choices does not minimize the empowered woman in you, it only makes her more content.
Best wishes.

I've always believed you can have it all... just not all at the same time. There is time for work outside or from home and time for the family, too. It all comes down to priorities. When I was in my 20s I worked like a fiend to get to the highest level I could because I knew I'd leave that world for 10-12 years for my kids. And I did... last year.

Please never give up your feminist ways! And don't forget to teach it to your kids; boys and girls. Often people believe that being a feminist means you must be a woman and do X, Y and Z - but actually feminism simply puts forth the idea that women are people, not inferior to men, should have equal opportunities to make life decisions and are able to make intelligent choices about how they'd like to live their lives.

As long as you chose to be a SAHM and are not forced there simply because you are a woman and that's the only option available or because it's "your place" as a woman, then you are acting in a feminist manner. If thats the place you want to e because it brings you the most joy - more power to you! (and me, because at-home motherhood is awesome!).

Sorry for the feminist soapbox, but it's a very important cause to me and I try to never miss an opportunity to talk to people about it.

Never with a career could you make such a lasting impression on the earth as by being a mother. Women must have different things in their lives at different times. My time is now to be a mother to little ones, as well.

Blessings to you.

Beware of the water by Colorado Springs. Our well out east had rocket fuel in it.

Since I was 8 years old I knew that I wanted to be a SAHM. However, in college and after when I entered the work force, I was told numerous times that I should "have it all" or that I'm wasting my talents by staying at home. Now that I'm a SAHM, I can't imagine anything else. I I have thought many times about compiling many women's stories about what they truly believe is having it all. For me having it all, is being able to spend the day with my daughter and nurture her growth as a person. She is my "all". I'm not wasting my talents, I'm sharing them with my daughter. I believe some women have to or want to work and that's okay, but in no way is it anti-feminist to stay at home. There is always going to be judgment from both sides, the SAHM and the Working Moms, but do what's right for you and your family and don't worry about what others ideas about women, mommies and working are.

feminism isnt about being a working mother, doing all you can to avoid being a SAHM. it is about respect and equal consideration for all, man or woman. and about living your life by your own choices. whether it is working or staying at home. if you are happy in your life, then you know your life is in your control. what JOY. good luck and a great life for you and your family.
and you know the more you serve people the more people serve you too. its human nature. we are social beings who need eachother. our lives arent about us solely as individuals. how lonely that would be if we only thought about ourselves.
it sounds like you have true happiness and happy people are contageous (as are unhappy people). i would rather be infected by a happy woman like you than one who STRUGGLES to "have it all"

i quit my career after 18 years of education. I published my first book in my teens, got my master's degree, worked prestigious jobs, and then got married and had kids. i tried having it all, but lack of family support made the decision for me. I also didn't trust having nannies or babysitters, and didn't want my kids in daycare all day every day. So I quit working.
I never got into motherhood and nothing else really. I feel helpless. If we had family support, I don;t think I would have ever accepted to be a stay at home mom. My mom had it all, a successful career and three healthy kids. But she also had 'a village' of support.
My family is still shocked at the fact that I don't work. I say shocked but it's really a disappointment for them that I don't work. They think I did all the sacrifice while my husband flourished in his career. I agree, but what options do I have? Have us both have mediocre careers while trying to juggle it all? It wasn't working for us, one had to quit. I did. So, no, I don't feel fulfilled. I love being a mom. I am a very dedicated mom, but I am not just a mom. I am a very educated, smart intelligent woman who is not being able to apply all that I have and know.
I also never liked cooking. I didn't even know how to make a simple dinner. Now I do. I make a variety of dinners, all healthy. I clean like you'd think there is no tomorrow. But I do not like it.
I admire women who feel being a stay at home mom is the best thing out there. I understand where you're coming from. That is not who I am.
So, while my kids are still young and I still need to be here for them I plan on getting a teaching certificate and another master's degree. I will be that woman who tries to go back to work when I am 40. I can't wait to try answer the question from prospective employers: what have you been doing all these years? I don't have that answer yet.
I have a working mother-neighbor who tries to make me feel good by saying you're doing a lot. I joke back and say, what am I doing? I am being a bum all day every day :). It is how I feel.
by the way, I am not a feminist. I never claimed to be one nor did I want to be one. I like being the woman, I like having the men do the hard work. My feelings aren't related to feminism at all.

Brigette - I can say you are very lucky in the fact that you do have it all, being able to stay home and be a great mother to your children. There are many of us that are no so lucky and have to work and leave our little ones in the care of others just to go home and do our real job of being a single parent going it alone. Your post title, "Motherhood vs Having It All" is confusing, because I look at you as a woman that has it all!

L.

Good for you for not chasing the lie that you can "have it all" and putting yourself through the ratrace for nothing. There is no such thing as having it all and I just hate it when older women on TV try to convince younger women that we fail if we can't have a great career and perfect families at the same time. I left my job as an educator when my first was born because I didn't think it was fair to that precious little girl that I expend the majority of my energy on other people's children all day long and then barely have enough for her. I couldn't be a fantastic teacher and a great mother at the same time, so I chose to be the best mother I can be. I will have only a very short time in my children's lives to impart the love, values and wisdom I want them to have and then the world will have them until they die....so, there is no doubt in my mind that my husband, children and home are my first priority until they don't need me anymore (to take are of them).

I have to say I am lucky to have both. I am a full time mom with a part time business that I own and operate. The best part is I teach other moms how to do the same. I teach folks how to get paid on $95 out of every $100 they are currently spending on gas, groceries, etc. It took me a long time to find it but I do have it all. After all, who doesn't want to learn how to save money in this economy?
:)

I was the one that always said I would never get married, never have kids and never rely on someone else for anything. I was the first one of my friends to get married, totally rely on my husband as I follow his career wherever it takes us but I was the last to have kids and be a SAHM.
I know for me and my family this is the best choice. I loved work, had an amazing job with a great salary but I don't think I personally could have done both. I see other women trying to have it all and I see their stuggle to balance both. It is a hard decision and in the end you have to do what works for you and your family. There are some days I wish I could do both but I know in the end it is my daughter who would suffer I couldn't even imagine anyone else taking care of her but me. I am also shocked that I love being a SAHM so much. I thought I would be miserable but it really is the greatest and hardest job in the world.

I remember when I was in highschool being head strong that it didn't matter how many kids I had I was going to have a successful career. That all changed. After my first, and especially after my second all I wanted to do was stay home with them. When me second was 6 mths I got laid off and didn't have much of a chose for a while. Being off made me what to be at home more. We decided to homeschool, even though most of the family doesn't beleive we should, that financial securety is more important than family. But, God has provided this whole time. I love the Lord!!
I do make mirrors in my spare time, check them out
www.ReflectionsByAmber.etsy.com

I think as long as you feel contentment in your heart then you are on the right track. Only you can know for sure if you are being honest with yourself or not. I didn't think I would be a SAHM, especiallly not with just one child but when I got laid off at 8 months pregnant, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Sometimes there are greater forces at work out there guiding you. It's your choice whether or not to listen. I used to kinda make fun of SAHMs because so many of them seemed pretty lame. My sister in law even dropped out of college with one semester to go because she wanted to be a 'wife and mother". I still think that is lame because you never know what life will throw at you and you have to be prepared for the unexpected. But you will know in your heart if you are on the right path.

I was never really a "feminist" and loved nothing more than cooking and cleaning for my family. I thought I would have a really hard transition once I quit working but being a SAHM has been great for me. I'm not testy like I used to be and even though my cleaning standards seem higher now, I don't feel rushed or pressured to do it all in one day (missing out on time with my family).

PS - I love your quote and HAVE tucked my son's transformers in with him at bedtime. Even gave them kisses goodnight. What an awesome quote. ;)

Lordy, isn't this a huge issue in many women's lives! It is a precious balance, isn't it, to have it all. I did the career-first path: upon completion of college, pursued my career with vigor and became quite successful. But something was always missing: a family of my own. I wanted it to happen while I was a successful careerwoman, but the right man never came along. When he finally did, my career was at a crossroads-- I had moved to a different city and state and didn't make the money I once had. My uber goals professionally weren't being realized. So, I put all my energy into settling down with my now-husband, putting less of a focus on the career, and having children. In the last 4 years since we've been married I've cranked out 3 kids!!!! So I went from career-woman fast-track to mommy-fast-track! I stay home full time with them and wouldn't change a thing. For now. :) See, when they're all in school (in about 5-6 years) I will go back to work full time (or whatever works for our family) because I want financial security for their college tuition costs. My husband and I are in our 40's so we're getting a late start in that arena. That's our (my) path and I feel just great about it. No regrets. I'm glad I can be there for my kiddos at home. I'm not a very patient person but I do realize how little time we get to spend with them in their young, precious years and I want to be part of that. Then, when they're in school, I want to make them some money so they don't have to pay for college themselves. I do have a plan. I'm hoping it works out beautifully. Thanks for listening!!!

You have some interesting posts here. Thanks for writing it. I feel just like you and am so proud of it! At times I look at my day and wonder, what did I get done? I had such big plans but the kids really do take up the entire day! Tere is a time and season for all things and men and women are different. We have had to sacrifice some things for me to stay home but I know it is for the best for our children. I am blessed with a husband who praises all my little efforts too so that makes it great. I also thank and praise him daily which helps him feel his contributions is important and all his help after work appreciated.

Good Morning! I just read your post and the reply you put up-- whatever misguided woman put up that you are a disgrace to women everywhere is lost herself! I cannot believe anyone would write that!! Your post didn't slam working moms or working at home moms and it was uncalled for and rude.

I was a "career woman" prior to my family. I was very good at my job and there are days I miss it - but after being a stay at home mom and wife for the past 10 years, I cannot imagine my life any other way. I always wanted to be a mom, but couldn't have predicted the amazing blessing it is to be home with my children and taking care of my family. If you think about it... it's not backwards at all but part of a bigger plan.

God Bless you and your family (trials and joy both!)
C.

So happy you have found peace. Being a woman is challenging - so many roles so little time. I think having it all means you have your priorities in order - which you found great clarity around. There are MANY ways to make it all work - and work well. My husband has been home with our kids since a loss of job. I've been working. I thought it was going to be the worst thing EVER. I was worried financially and quite frankly resentful I wasn't home with them. Almost a year later, I am so at peace. My children are well cared for and thriving - our marriage is less stressed and our family life is more peaceful. We each have a new respect for the other one's role in the family, I'm sure this situation will change, but through it we have realized our priorities and developed a deeper sense of gratitude for what we have. We're forever changed for the better - ALL of us. Thanks for your post.

People's idea of what "having it all" means will differ. But, when I found out we were expecting - I knew that things had to change. I grew up with a SAHM - being able to come home and share my day with her was great! And I wanted that for my kids.

Originally, we couldn't figure out how to make things work - so I still worked, but had Wednesdays off to be home with her. When we got a new boss and he said my flex schedule had to end, I told him to go pound sand - and left.

I worked temp jobs and part time here and there, but it was super important to me to be home. When we found out #2 was on the way, it suddenly dawned on us that because I wanted to be there all I could work was part time - and that would only just cover the daycare needed for me to work....put that way, it seemed beyond silly.

Don't get me wrong, there are some days where I shake my head and question why we had kids - but my opinion is that people who believe being a SAHM is a waste have no real clue what they're talking about. I know there are some who have to work - financially and/or mentally. But, I love being here to see and hear every little, silly thing! My #2 has a "pretend friend" named Barbie and one named Diego. Not original, I know - but Barbie has slapped #2 down and Diego has been known to steal chips!

And your quote of the day is great - I can't tell you the number of "pretend friends" I've fed and scolded and loved. And I can't tell you how happy I am to have done it all. But it DOES get a little strange when you're talking to someone and they hear you getting after the pretend friend - I automatically include them in everything. "Kaitlyn, tell Barbie and Diego it's quiet time and come upstairs, please"

I think you do have it all. The question is redefining "all." if you are lucky enough to live on this planet 85 years, taking 5-10 to focus on enjoying your kids is really not that much. Then they are in school and you can work more outside the home. I work from home because we need the income. However I am working outside my field and for far less than if I was in my field. I choose to do that because I can nurse my beautiful 6-week old any time he wants. And he is so beautiful I want to enjoy his soft skin, cuddling, need for a hug, funny faces...I think the whole concept of feminism is that you feel empowered to prioritize what you value. And we shouldn't judge what fellow women value, as it can even change for the same woman based on her life circumstances. Ideally I would do my dream job from home and be with my baby. That isn't possible because of the demands of my dream job, so I feel really lucky to have the chance to create the balance I want.i do sometimes feel sad I am not advancing my career that I worked so hard at, but the word "prioritize" means you assign some order to the value of things in your life and everything can't be first. My husband has chosen the same thing: to work from home earning far less for now but enjoying our two boys as they grow up. I think women who frame the debate as "career vs motherhood" rob themselves of choices. And even if they choose "career" but feel sad about reduced time at home, they end up almost betraying feminist ideals of empowering yourself to structure your life according to your priorities. 

When my son was a baby and I began thinking that I would prefer being at work better than being all day with only him (and felling sooo guilty for that) my pediatrician told me: the most important ingredient for a happy kid is a happy mother. Whether you decide to work, not to work, to go out or stay in, to exercise with or without baby.... the key is to make a decision that suits you and makes you happy. If you feel good, everyone in the house will feel good.

I believe that happiness means different things for different people, as well as "have it all".
As for me, I really never planned to have a career. I thought the best life of all was being a stay at home mom, enjoy your children, see them grow and know that all what they learn comes from you and not from some unknown sitter.
The fact is that I found my husband late and already had a career that I enjoyed when I got pregnant. I was thrilled to quit my job and so exited to be with my son... for about 3-4 months. Then, I really began to feel frustration. I wasn't fulfilled and I was afraid that my lack of happiness would somehow make my son unhappy. I went back to work.
My chance is that I work from home, so somehow I do have it all. I can check on the nanny and still spend many hours with my kids. At the same time, I enjoy my time away from them, working, with adults...
My sister feels the contrary. She has 3 kids, 2 to 6, and would just love to never go back to work. Unfortunately, due to financial situation, she may need to.

What is "have it all"? Just think of what YOU want and like (not the magazines full of superwomen) and go for it. Being a Stay at home mom is a full time job. That is why we hire nanny/day care centers... to do the jobs (and pay them a lot) when we cannot do it ourselves. If being a 40-hour/week nanny is a demanding full time job, then what is being a 24-hours/day mom? Society and media pushes us to want more or better. Is there any more demanding job on earth? or a better one? with more responsibilities? more rewarding?