I Think My Son Is Stealing from Me and I'm Scared to Confront Him

I would recommend stealing from him. Make it obvious too. If he doesn't approach you or if he pretends like he doesn't notice, then you KNOW he's stealing from you...

Maybe you should try to catch him stealing on video. There are little cameras that are easy to hide that may be worth the investment. That way, when you confront him and he lies about it, you can show him the proof.

Good luck, I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.

First of all, I am sorry you are going through this-second-don't give him opportunity-third-when he sees that you're on to him , you can confront him then. Good luck-

Count how much money you have in your wallet right now - leave it out within his grasp - and then check back in a day or two. If it's missing you have your answer.

i hope this helps - it sounds like he might be involved with drugs or gambling if he's stealing and not asking you directly. sorry - i hope that isn't a downer...good luck and keep us posted.

Definitely count the money NOW (maybe even write it down and put the paper somewhere he won't see it) and keep a record. The next time something DOES go missing, sit down with him and discuss it IMMEDIATELY.

Let him know that you love him very much, and that he can come to you to talk about ANYTHING and that he can ASK you for anything. Not that you'll give him anything, but that he can ask, and if you deep it appropriate, you can give him what he's asking for.

He needs to know that stealing is NOT OKAY. Not from anyone, not from Mom, not from a stranger. He might not even see it as "stealing" but more as "taking what he needs". There can a big different in the eyes of a 16 year old.

Lastly, if the money is going missing, don't confront him like "I can't believe you would steal from me!". Sit down with him and say, "I've noticed lately that some of my money has been going missing. Do you know anything about that?" and if he denies it, perhaps try, "I love you, and you know you can tell me anything. I'm not angry with you, but I am upset that you didn't feel you could come to me".

Good luck, L.. Praying for you!

This is easily solved: know EXACTLY how much money is in your purse, then when it disappears you will know for sure.

If you think he's taking it, he probably is. It's not THAT uncommon for teens to help themselves to mom's purse (though mine don't), so it doesn't make him a criminal. He's probably just doing it because he's getting away with it.

Why are you afraid to confront him? You are his mother, and the one responsible for teaching him good behavior. Therefore, it is your job to confront him. Once you know for sure he took money, just go and tell him you know he took money from your purse. Tell him that is stealing, even if you are his mother, so you expect that he will NEVER steal from you again.
Say it firmly.

Then continue to monitor your money. Hopefully he's a good boy and one warning will be enough. If he does it twice, give him some major consequences.

Stop being afraid of your kid. It's not good for him.

IF you think someone is taking money, then they probably are! The chance that you are losing money that frequently is pretty slim. Is there a chance that it's not your son and someone else?

I would do as the poster suggested. I would make sure that you have a certain number of 1's, 5's and 20's or 10's in your wallet and see what happens. I would also leave it out in the open so that he has more opportunity. As much as this scares you, you have to face it. If he is stealing, you need to get to the bottom of why. You really don't want to find out, when it's too late, that he has a drug problem or worse.

Good luck.
N.

It is better for you to find out now, than a call from the police that he has been stealing from others.

Do as other moms say and verify that your money ios missing, by keeping up with how much you have at all times.. Make sure this is not happening at one of your jobs.

If you know it is missing, go to your son and ask him what is going on with this money situation..

Is there anyway for him to get a job? My mom made sure I had a babysitting jobs from the moment I was 11.. and then a retail job when I turned 16. I had my own money and was instructed to keep a certain amount to spend and the rest was placed in savings..

It sure made me respect working and money..

I know you are scared of hurting and upsetting your son, but you need to know the truth and HE needs to know this is not acceptable and he cannot get away with this. . It makes me weep a little that he would steal from his beloved mother.

Always follow your mommy heart and brain..
I am sending you strength.

I would definitely start keeping track of how much money I have for a few weeks and also marking my bills -- keep a pink highlighter in your purse and just put a little mark on the bills so you know it was yours. If you see him with any of these pink-marked bills that will be a SURE "Bingo" signal. Otherwise, as you are keeping track, you will be more apt to notice what is missing. I think for maybe a 2 week period, I would keep the EXACT same amount of money in my wallet and use my credit card for everything (if this is possible for you) so you would DEFINITELY notice if any of the money goes missing. Good luck and I hope it isn't your son -- but if it is, better to know now and put the kabosh on it! I think I swiped a bill or 2 in my day and turned out AOK...but definitely better to catch it now!

I haven't read all your responses so I may be repeating some advice. I know someone that went through this same issue when their child was that age. There was no reason for him to steal from his mother. She gave him allowance, brought him clothes, food and whatever else he asked for. She was just like you at first.She wasn't sure if he was taking the money or not. And she didn't want to just accuse him. But all the facts pointed to him.

Do you know what he maybe using the money for? Has he been wearing new clothes that you didn't buy? Or has he been hanging out with friends and saying they are the ones footing the bill for food, movies etc.

First thing you should do (and I know others have said this) is write down the amount of money you have in your wallet. On a piece of paper write down the following "today is May 18 and I have $50 (or whatever amount you have) in my wallet..I have (2) $20 dollar bills and (1) $10 dollar bill". Or have ever you have it. Just make sure you are precise. Take that note and wrap or paper clip it to the money that's in your wallet. Write the same information on another piece of paper and put it somewhere he can't find it.

If he tries to take money from your wallet again the note my deter him from doing it. Or if he is bold enough to take the money (and maybe even the note too) than you will know that it's him.

If you don't catch him "red handed" of course he can argue and say that he did not do it because you didn't see him take the money. Well the next step is restitution. Start by saying...since money has been stolen from your purse you are going to need to cut back on some things until this situation gets resolved. Cutting back means no allowance or any other things that you may have been paying for that he doesn't really need. Like a cell phone if he has one.

My friend also gave this speech to her child.It's a shame that someone has to stoop so low as to steal from another person. You see how this affects others. Now I don't have the money to pay your cell phone bill or buy you those sneakers that you have been asking for.

Don't allow your son to get off easy just because you can't prove it 100% that he is stealing from you. Whatever you are paying for him that is not a necessity, be sure to let him know that you are no longer able to do this because someone has been stealing from you.

When my friend did this...the note alone stopped the stealing.

L.,

A year is a long time to be imagining things. Hard as it seems, time to sit down with your son.

Blessings....

Every morning, get a piece of paper and write down how much money you have in your wallet. Keep it with you and write down if you spend any of that money...keep a running total. At the end of the day, see if you have the correct amount left. If not, you know he's stealing.

He probably is. You wouldn't suspect, if you didn't think he was capable. I know that's a hard pill to swallow, but it's the truth. The advice I gave you about the piece of paper, is from experience. My mom and I suspected out sister was stealing from us, and she was. I knew she was capable, but wanted to remain in denial about it. Writing down how mush money I had was the proof I needed to snap me out of the denial. You NEED to know if he's stealing, because it's wring...and because, you need to know what he's stealing for. For other people? For a girl? For games, food, etc? For drugs and alcohol? You need to know and you can't live in denial any longer.

Why not just discuss it with him? I would. Then, if you present it as a matter of curiosity, or just the way you did here, you can gage by his response what to do next.

:)

I'm so sorry this is happening. I think what you're most worried about is why is he stealing, and what would you do next. If he's doing drugs or something, this obviously changes things a lot and you have to deal with that issue which is a huge commitment- financially, emotionally, etc. But deal with it for sure.

I wouldn't just ask him when you don't know for sure. As others said, count how much you have and leave the wallet, not obviously, but around for him to steal. You don't want to accuse him unless you are 100%. If he is, you need to find out why. Speak with him matter of factly, not screaming. But he betrayed your trust and will need to earn it back. Until then, let him know what you need to do to keep him safe.

Hopefully, it turns out to be nothing. But it sounds like your mommy gut tells you otherwise. Good luck.

You have to keep track and you HAVE to confront him if/when you know for sure. Kids (and people in general) tend to continue to do a bad behavior if they can!

Does he have his own money? Does he think he doesn't need to ask permission when he needs lunch money, gas money, going out funds, because you have always opened your purse to him? He may not feel he is 'stealing.' Maybe it's like opening the pantry to him. Give him an allowance, and chances to work, and tell him that is it. And tell him if he helps himself, you'll consider it stealing.

I would be tempted to catch him red-handed! How about wrapping a note around your wallet (w/a rubber band or something) that says something to the effect of "Son, I know you are stealing $ come see me...now! If you wait till I catch you red-handed you will be in so much MORE trouble" or something like that?

Absolutely start keeping track of your $ and I like the suggestion of marking your bills...then go looking for them after they have gone missing? Start waking up earlier and checking your purse first thing in the morning?

Best of luck to you.

I would really suggest that you bait him first and see if he takes it before asking him about it. Keep a few twenties were you would usually keep them and the rest somewhere safe for a while. If you have a feeling, you probably are right but it's worth taking the time and make sure money is missing before approaching him.
C.

Wow-this has to be so hard. I would follow everyone's advice and make sure you know exactly how much you have each day. Also, and I hate to say this, you need to really do some snooping into his life. When this happened to my friend her son was stealing to support a precription drug habit which she had no clue about. He also took out credit cards in her name so you should probably get your credit report just in case. When he couldn't get more from her he stole from Grandma and sister. Not saying your son is doing this but I wouldn't put it out of the realm of possibilities either.

I would get a nanny cam and leave your wallet out in sight and wait to see what happens. I would not confront unless you know for sure money is missing, because I know I have misplaced cash before and found it later in an old coat or in the wash.

Hi,

That must feel awful to be even thinking that your son is doing this to you! I would start writing down all of your purchases and keep better track of the money you put in your wallet. Then if you notice that more is missing, you can confront your son and ask him. Is there any possibility that it could be someone else and not your son? Like a best friend of his etc someone who hangs around your house alot? Best wishes and hope this is worked out soon.

M

If you're going to make this type of accusation you better have the proof to back it up. Make a journal for a couple of weeks, everytime you get cash, spend it, keep all receipts for this time or whatever then you'll know for sure. As we all know confronting a teenager with something like this isn't going to turn out good and more than likely they'll deny it at first, but if you have exact proof, hopefully then there won't be any denying it.

You are most likely not going crazy.....it is real. Confront him and he'll probably say it's not him. But then learn what to watch for in symptoms of drug use, or look for new things he has that are not in his budget. Drug use is the most often reason teens steal. Though it is tough to face, better to catch it early than to be in denial and have it get worse. There are home drug tests if you suspect it, or you can take him for an assessment to an addictions counselor. Be part of the solution and learn what you can do too. I know of a parent group just for that purpose. Good luck.

I'm so sorry, what a heartbreaking situation.
I agree with some others who have said to take note of EXACTLY how much money is in your wallet. Write it down every day, and write down what you spend. See what happens over the next week or two. I think it would be helpful to have a written record so that if you do need to confront him it won't be just his word against yours.
I hope that he is not stealing and that you are just losing track of your $. Having teenagers can make us particularly frazzled!