We were watching the news and my heart breaks for the families in CT. My daughter is 5 and is crying that those kids got killed and she thinks its going to happen to her when she goes to school on Monday. She is very upset and I try telling her that it won't happen to her and daddy & I will keep her safe and then she asked why the other kids parent's didn't keep them safe. I tried to explain as best as I can in 5 year old terms that we do the best we can to keep her safe but she is really upset. Any thoughts?
Umm...the TV is off. She just knows that some kids at school got killed. She didn't see the news program. She's just frightened and I was looking for some tips to reassure her. She found out because her 8 year old brother came home from school b/c he heard it on the bus and he asked about it as he walked thru the door b/c he had questions.
Did you see the post about age-appropriate discussions?
It might be helpful.
And don't keep the news on the tv!
Megan P. posted this on a different thread:
It's Mr. Roger's suggestions about how to talk to children about this type of situation. I found it really comforting.
http://fci.org/new-site/par-tragic-events.html
ETA: so how does she know what happened?
Turn off the TV!
I know she has already seen it but please keep the news off until after she's in bed from now on, at least until this coverage is over.
Remind her that the world is a good and loving and safe place and TURN THE CONVERSATION TO SOMETHING ELSE.
The more you talk about it with her the more anxious and worried she will get.
If she didn't see it how does she know??
I'm not sure how you can reassure her now. This is why children should not be burdened by adult problems.
Please pull yourself together and turn off your tv, radio, whatever. She needs to see you strong.
I would second that. Definitely turn off the TV.
Sorry but you shouldn't have been watching that with her. No doubt you were and are very emotional about this and she is reacting to this as well. I suggest you take some time to pull yourself together and do not go there with her until you can be very matter of fact about everything. Kids will also become more dramatic about something when they realize how concerned their parents are. It is an excellent attention getter for them.
Turn off the TV or put it on her shows, or watch videos. Someone just posted a few questions ago with info about how to talk to your kids.
No news is good news in this case - don't listen to it anymore around her.
I want to second Ephie's suggestion to look up Mr. Rogers. I'm sure you can follow her link, or look it up on Youtube. He often had very good advice for dealing with tough situations, and I honestly don't know what to tell you.
My 7 year old said that she hopes this doesn't happen to her friends who go to school (she's homeschooled) and we explained that statistically, the probability of that happening is very, very small. She asked why someone would do something like that and we explained that the person was very sick and obviously had a lot of problems, and that most people are not sick like that. She seems satisfied.
It is so scary to think that this can happen anywhere. It is especially scary for those children who personalize everything. Make sure she knows that the shooter is dead and he can never hurt anyone again. Give her the ability to know what to do if she would ever find herself in a position like that. To get out of the room and find somewhere to hide. To take a breath and be brave to think how to stay safe. Let her know that almost all children in the United States will never be in this position. Let her know the safety measures her school is taking (I am sure they all are taking more now) to keep her safe. Mom and dad can't always be there to keep them safe and they have to know how to keep themselves safe. There was a young girl who was taken from outside a public library while she was with friends. The friends ran away when the man asked them to come to the car and help find his dog. One little girl went to the car and he showed her a gun and told her to get in. What she didn't realize is if she would have turned and ran, he wouldn't shoot her, not in public like that. I made sure my granddaughter knows this. Even if they have a gun, never ever get in a car. Same with this situation. They need to know what to do if it would happen in their school to keep them safe. Hide somewhere, a closet, under something, run out of the room if you are close to a door and the shooter is in the room with you. If he isn't, lock the door and hide anywhere in the room.
Edited after:
There is a lot of critisism about the TV. Even if they don't learn it from the TV, which you can't be watching anything without it coming up. They will hear about it at school today. It will be the questions the teachers will get, the playground talk and if schools are smart they would be letting the children know how they are keeping them safe. Parents who didn't talk with their children about it before school this morning, will have children coming home talking about it tonight. I would always rather have my kids learn from me then out on the playground.
