I Need a Comprehensive Parenting for Preschoolers Theory.

I go through the exact same thing with my daughter. It started at age 3 and she is now almost 7. I just set firm boundries and try not to argue with her. If she doesn't clean her room then she gets no tv time or computer time. When she yells at me I tell her I can't hear what she is saying and when she is ready to talk instead of yell I'd be happy to listen. Then I walk away. As far as cleaning up goes, I tell my daughter we need to beat the clock then set the timer for the amount of time I think she can get the work done in. If she beats the clock she gets an extra story. I have to find creative ways to get her to do something because she wants too, not because she has to. I hope this helps some. It is still a battle. My pediatrician says it's just a phase. I don't necessarily agree with her but oh well. If you find something else out let me know.

I second the Precious Minds, New Connections recommendation. I took the class and it was outstanding. They also provide daycare and a meal, and you get a free children's book with each class session. They also have a wealth of parenting books and videos that you can borrow for the duration of the class.

I also really like T. Barry Brazelton. His books include a lot of little "case studies" that tell the story of an issue that a family is working on, and helps you get at the underlying issue. I think what you need more than parenting books is books on child development, that help you understand what a child is going through at different phases of their lives. What seems like a personality change in your daughter is probably in fact a developmental growth issue. As her skills and abilities grow, so does her independence. Yet she still needs help with many things, even though she's less likely to accept that help.

It sounds like you have a 3 year old. I am going through the same thing with my daughter. My mom, who raised one child very similar to my daughter says to hang tough, she will grow out of it. In the meantime, I stick to my boundaries, give her time outs as appropriate and when she melts down in public because she can't have something I carry her out to the car. She also apologizes for throwing fits and I tell her that I love her.

I used and loved the Secrets of the Baby and Toddler Whisperer by Tami Hogg.

precious minds new connections is a free parenting course offered at the JCC (with free babysitting and snacks, and course materials) I believe it starts today at 9:30 am, but call ###-###-#### to sign up. I have heard that it's a great class. I believe more classes will be offered throughout the year with evening sessions too... Good luck and welcome to San Antonio. We moved here from PA two years ago and we use our snow shovels in the garden and as toys...

Hi W.,

Wow! Welcome to the world of little people developing a sense of independence!

Parent Coach J. B here with several suggestions. Many parents develop their own parenting style as their kids grow. We might start out with really strong ideas of how we'll interact with our kids, only to discover we want to take a step back and evaluate some of those philosophies.

An energetic child like your daughter needs to know first that she is loved unconditionally (regardless of her decisions or behavior). Then she needs to know you love her enough to set some loving boundaries that she may not cross. As she grows, she will earn the right to more priveledges and less restrictions by showing she is ready for that.

The books mentioned are great resources. The parenting class is, too. I also work with people just like you in a variety of ways.

One specific point - when you decide you want to work on a specific habit or behavior (for example her whining voice), develop a plan with any other adults involved, sit her down to explain in a friendly voice that this is the plan, and start using the plan without backing down. ALSO - address only one issue at a time!

Congratulations on wanting more for your daughter and for you. You'll be glad you took the time to discover who you want to be as a parent!

Good luck!
J. B
Parent Coach

hey...i have a 2 and 4 year old girls...i just bought some of the "love and logic" books by charles fay, "parenting birth thru 6" and "innocence to entitlement" they're great!