I Know why...but Why?

Oh honey, I am so sorry you are feeling like this.
I can only imagine how hard it must be for you.
And the truth of the matter is, that is what we are supposed to feel.
Life has it's happy moments and it's moments of true sadness that comes
to all of us in some shape or form.
It is the cycle of life. It has to happen to all of humans and animals alike.
It is okay to feel this way! To actually feel the feelings. To go through it.
Right down the middle of it even though it is so hard & painful.
Part of the pain means we keep their memory alive.
What you are feeling is normal.
But then you have to go on.
When it feels too much, you can go see a counselor to help relieve some of the pain by talking about it & receive some coping skills.
I know that seems counterproductive but it can help. Counseling is difficult but so worthwhile
I am sorry you are going through this. I am sorry you are feeling this.
You need extra love & support during this time of year every year.
I think in life, happiness is intertwined w/sadness because we ARE ALIVE.
The burden of sorrow falls on the survivor.
That is my wish for my loved one, that if they must go then I will carry the burden of sorrow for them.
Do ALL you can to relieve your pain (talk w/friends, family, counselors, surround yourself w/loved ones, keep busy, celebrate what you feel you can, let yourself "feel" but then force yourself to get up and do things for yourself that make you happy.
Talk, Feel then Move.
Get busy.
I am sending you warm, loving thoughts honey!

What would your parents want you to do? Wallow in guilt? or have a great happy holiday season?
My mom died 15 years ago, when I was 16 years old, She never met my husband or my kids (her grandkids). I miss her daily but especially during the holidays. But she would certainly be pissed at me if I took that for a reason not to enjoy myself!!!! I push myself to live to the fullest BECAUSE of sadness like that. You ARE alive - don't waste a second of it!

:)

girl I am going through the same thing after losing my dad. I think it is kinda normal. I really miss my dad the last few weeks cause things have gotten real bad and I need advice. but he is not there to talk to which kinda makes it harder. you are having a case of survivors guilt. not sure how to help you get through it. hugs

C.,
I can really sympathize. My nephew was murdered the day after Christmas 8 years, ago. My mom died the day after Thanksgiving 3 years ago. This year, I found out I have cancer, both my in-laws died, a dear friend very tragically, my cousin commited suicide on the day of my friend's funeral. Another friend just found out she has terminal lung cancer. Last week my friend's husband died and this week a friend's son died.
On the other hand I am so thankful to be alive and have my husband and sons all together for Christmas.
I pray you find peace and release the guilt.

I hear you. Christmas time for me is an emotional rollercoaster. Extremes on both ends...very, very joyous but also very anxious and sometimes just depressed. I don't have any advice, unfortunately but you aren't alone in your feelings.

Simply because you haven't really dealt with the feelings of them dying. Thats ok, its completely normal and the sadness you feel honors what they meant to you.

I have the opposite problem, My parents are gone, so are my husbands, so are my grandparents on both sides. I lost my mom very young and sometimes i mourn over the life i could have had with her in it but something in me can only see the optimism in any situation. Some people think i am cold, but i prefer to call it hopefull.

Life is too short to focus on the negative but it is so much easier said than done.

For a lot of people the holidays are just very emotional. We remember the good old days. We remember being children and being cared for.

We now realize how much our parents loved / love us and it is all very touching.

We also realize one day our children will be grown with their own families and we will miss this age that they are. And so we begin to become melancholy.

To help you get your groove back. REALLY embrace today, this moment. And then continue each day. Wake up and think, I am thankful for...... I am blessed because.... I live a charmed life because.....

If you were to keep a list of these things each day, You would see that each day is a real gift. We cannot or should not take any of it for granted.

To be loved and to be able to love are the best gifts.. and they are with you every day.

IF you cannot get past your sadness, ask for a hug. Ask for help, let others comfort you. And if it does not help.. be sure to seek help from a professional.. It is not unusual for us moms/women to have our hormones change unexpectedly.

So very sorry, C.!

Sorrow is often intertwined with happiness. We can't avoid it. Grief is a horrible and necessary part of the human condition. Happiness is also a necessary part of the human condition and doesn't mean that we grieve any less for our losses.

Look towards life - your daughter who loves you and your parents and dogs who did (and IMHO still do). La vita e bella.

Blessings to you and peace...

When you are past your grieving and depression, you will be able to remember the good times with out breaking down.
Part of grieving is feeling a bit sorry for yourself that they have gone and left you and you feel all alone.
You should probably talk to your doctor about it and seek out a grief support group.
You can find a new kind of happiness again.
It won't be like the old one(s), but you have to be open to it.

The depression after the loss of your parents and pets might have settled in to stay. You might be depressed. It sounds out of hand only because your daughter was trying to cheer you up. But I don't know how bad it truly is. For some its never easy to look at photos. Your statement of not wanting a dog to out live you makes me think you need to seek help on how to better handle the strong sorrow your feeling with these losses. I am not being rude but truly from a helping heart. With the right help you might be able to enjoy most of the Holidays with taking some time to be sad also. Having another dog with out being curshed by the loss. Best of luck and God bless.

Do your best to remember the happy times with your parents and your dogs. Death is a part of life and I am always thankful for the time I do have to spend with the people I love. I have lost many people (and pets) in my own life (my dad, older brother, etc.) just like everyone else has. We all deal with the loss and sorrow differently, but remember that your parents and your dogs would most likely want you to be happy and joyous any time of year.
This Christmas is hard for me because my older brother would have (or has) become a grandfather, it's something that I wish he could be here for. (and my dad too).

I think Christmas just really magnifies the feelings and emotions we already have. I'm sure you miss your parents every day, but at this time of year--it seems sharper, deeper, more hurting....

And, having lost a loved O. myself several years ago, 10 days before Christmas, I remember it being a very lonely feeling, O. being sad, when everyone else around you seems to be happy, bustling around, etc., Christmas music, decorations--you REALLY notice that stuff when you're down.....

It's only logical that every Christmas season of our lives of not going to be "the best" or "the happiest" etc. There will be ones better than others over a lifetime.......

Remember this: "I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year." ~Charles Dickens

Merry Christmas, C.. Enjoy it just as it is. Not how it was or how you think it's "supposed" to be.

Yes, it's hard. Cut yourself some slack. I know the holidays are filled with "mixed" emotions for ALOT of people. I think anything that stirs emotion inside of us doesn't just stir good thoughts, sometimes sad ones as well.

Regarding your not wanting another dog, can't you ask a trusted neighbor or friend to take care of it in the event of your death??? I'm only 52 but I've already asked trusted friends to make sure my pets are taken care of. Fear of losing isn't a good reason for not loving and enjoying the moment. Love and loss are an unfortunate part of life. I can't imagine life without a furball....just a thought.....

One thing that really helped me was a process called "The Work" by Byron Katie. There is a website and a book etc,. But what really helped me was listening to audio tapes of her actually going through the process with people and their issues.
People would go through the work process with issues that really bothered them that they could not let go of like yours with your parents and pets dying and when she finished doing "the work" with them they were much, much better.
It has helped me tremendously because I can now do it myself when ever I feel myself becoming worked up about something.
Hope this helps so that you do not lose the joy that is to be had in each day.

Have you considered therapy? It sounds like you are really depressed. Even if it is only at this time of year, therapy and/or medication can make a HUGE difference in how you cope with feelings of sadness. I would also like to recommend a book, Seven Choices: Finding Daylight after loss shatters your world, by Elizabeth Harper Neeld, PhD. I attended a seminar that she presented in Houston and have now bought a copy of this book for anyone I know who suffers a loss through death or divorce.

I am so sorry for your loss. It really doesn't matter how long ago they died. This time of year is difficult. Just remember that you can only think of one thing at a time. Every time one of those depressing thoughts come into mind, replace it immediately with fun Christmas memories with your parents and pets. They don't want you to be depressed this time of year. They worked hard to give you fun Christmas memories. It would honor them to share those memories with your kids. Are there any traditions that you can or already do continue? You don't want to ever forget those fun times, so keep bringing those to mind. Have family members add some funny memories. It's so good to laugh!

This year we will be traveling out-of-state to have Christmas with my husband's family. His sister dies this summer. It will be emotional, but I plan to talk about her and ask about fun memories they had. She will be on everyone's mind already, so I plan to bring out some of the joyful memories.

If you are still dealing with the grief, give yourself a 5-minute cry every once in a while. Set a timer if you have to. But when the 5 minutes is up, think of those memories that not only bring a smile, but a hearty laugh.

Remember guilt is for something you did wrong. Being alive is not something you did wrong. Being alive is for living and giving. Are you teaching your kids the joy of giving to those less fortunate?

The holidays are the time when memorioes of loved ones that have died come flooding to the surface so don't beat yourself up about it. Pray and ask God to soothe you and give you the strength to make it through. Trust me because I lost and aunt two years ago that was like my mother and I have not gotten over it, but I go on with the help of God almighty.