I Know the Messes with Be There Tomorrow..... but I Want Them Gone NOW!

flylady.net - It's kind of a online mentoring program - only 15 mins a day - really easy to use and easy success in the long run.

Hi there, I have a 4 mo old and a 2 year old. I know how it feels... I'll just let you know what I've figured out that works for me. I'm not OCD, but I have noticed a big difference in my attitude when my house is clean--I'm at PEACE.

I made a schedule for my typical day (and I am usually not a schedule type). In the schedule I included only 1 hour a day for my two-yr-old and myself to clean together. You'd be suprised how much cleaning you can get done when you dedicate one hour a day to it. I have another list of chores that need to be done and then some of those extras that don't need to be done as often like the bathtub, windows, etc. Prioritize, and simply start going down the list. We also started taking the 5 to 10 minutes to clean up after ourselves, ie. doing the dishes immediately, cleaning up after each activity, etc. If I need to do the floors (hard wood) I do them when the kids go down at night (it stinks and I'm tired, so this usually only gets done really thoroughly only a couple times a month). During our "hour of cleaning", I move the baby to whatever room I am in. Unlike your daughter, she is pretty content in a vibrating bouncy seat. I used to wear her, but she is now too big for that--my back and shoulders will get a little tired. Usually I clean when she's napping anyhow. You can still things done with daughter attached--it just takes a little more time.

Really, the big thing is don't stress. I've found my company never cares--they just make a bigger mess anyhow. As long as they have a clean and decent place to sleep and eat, most people are content. ALMOST everyone understands the demands of having a baby (I do have a couple relatives who will comment on dust etc. but I have decided not to care and they don't get invited over as much).

God bless you and your family.

Our son didn't sleep much for the first 4-5 months-- needed to be held 24/7. My husband took time off of work to help hold him-- we took shifts;-) Are you part of a church or moms group-- most moms know how hard it can be--- Ask for help---It's hard to do-- but there are other moms out there that have gotten help and are happy to return the favor
L

A., I'm just coming out the other side of this process.
Pick one room (preferrably the one you breast feed in) and get it clean during your few precious moments of baby freedom. The big thing with this plan... anything that doesn't belong in that room needs to go into a laundry basket. That way you aren't going to another room and realizing all the work you need to do in there too. When you're done cleaning the ONE room, put the basket in the next room to clean. Then approach the whole room and basket the next day.

This way you feel like you've done something, you don't need to look at the mess around you while your feeding your baby, and you haven't done too much that you've hurt yourself or deprived yourself of sleep.

Good Luck!

The biggest help will be teaching your older one to clean up after himself and having him take on a few chores (especially for the summer). If you get really desperate, you can offer to pay her for extra chores.

I hope that my child, looking back on today,
remembers a mother who had time to play.
There will be years for cleaning and cooking
but children grow old while we're not looking

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow
for babies grow up we learned to our sorrow
So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep

I don't really have any fabulous advice to offer, I'm afraid. I just wanted to write and say that I've been there! My oldest child wanted to be held all the time when she was a baby. It is really had to sit around and look at a messy house- and I didn't even have a nine-year-old to clutter things up!

Just think, soon your baby will be old enough to ride on your back and you will have your hands free. In the mean time, just focus on getting one room or your porch clean and hang out there. That way you are free to enjoy your kids and still have a nice day. When the baby naps you can work on cleaning another room. When I take this approach, I find that I enjoy my children more and even get a chance to do something creative. Best of luck!

I have tried just doing 1 major thing a day and a few little things. Just know that you can't clean your house in one day. Example: Mopping the hardwood floors would be my major chore (try during nap time, let the baby cry for a few min if she wakes up before you are done) The little things: keep a basket handy and pick up things that don't belong (tomorrow put them away), do 1 load of laundry a day, dishes.

Another options might be asking someone to help with the baby so you can clean. maybe for 1 or 2 hours a day until you feel finished.

Good luck.

I think many people struggle with this same issue. So, you aren't alone. I know exactly how you feel and I have just learned to do what I can and be ok with the rest - even though I am really not. :-)
What I started to do was compile a list of what I wanted to accomplish. Then I pick one or two of those things and do them a day. Then I feel like I did something.Make it things that aren't part of the normal(dishes, etc) - like wash three windows or dust or vacuum the stairs. Something a bit bigger than the normal. It makes you feel more accomplished. Set a timer for 15 to 20 minutes, do the task and be done.
I also usually do a few things that are most important to be daily - wipe counter tops, dishes in the dishwasher and pick up toys. Other stuff I just do when I can.
It is so hard with kids because as fast as you pick up the clutter, there is a new pile of clutter. It just happens.
I help me solve this problem, I purchased a few storage ottomans where I can just toss stuff in and get it out of sight.
I also keep a basket at the bottom of the stairs to take things back upstairs and I just do that at the end of the day. I also have one on my desk which happens to be our kitchen eating bar. It helps a little.
As for your guests, please know that you will see more than they will - that is just how it is. They are just going to care about the kids. Tidy up the main areas where they will be the most, clean the bathroom and that is it. Seriously, they aren't going to notice.
For some reason, we feel like we have to be superwomen and do it all. I am totally guilty of that! But you are one person and so am I and when you are taking care of everyone else, doing it all is just not always possible.
I wish you all the best.

A.,

The best solution would be to invite a friend or two to help. This way someone can be with the kids at all times and you won't have to worry as much. Then, pick the main areas you worry about and focus on those (ie, living room, bathrooms...). Clean each area top to bottom (walls, floors, and in-between). Get rid of the extra paper or other clutter that doesn't belong.

The process may take a few days, but the process will help you feel in more control and better about the house.

I understand your feelings. There is little you can do about the constant little messes from the kids, but you can control the larger feeling of the house by doing a good cleaning and reorganizing at least 2x/year. I am in the process of mine now!!! Between a friend and myself both our homes are getting done.

Good luck and God Bless,
T.

This is something I struggle with everyday. I am on the border of OCD. I have 2 children and work full time. My friends and family compliment on how nice our house is, but all I see is the mess. It is sooo frustrating. I think you really have to just find a balance.
I know it sounds silly, but try assigning yourself a chore chart. It will allow you to only focus on what is planned for today. Also you will be able to reflect on all you have done (which sometimes we forget in all the mess that we have actually done alot).
Does your older child help out with chores? She is plenty old enough. Maybe she could take on a few added chores (for the time being) in exchange for a special thank you.
As for having company coming soon. Is there a friend you can call upon to help? Either watch the baby so you can do some marathon cleaning or help you get organized. I love to organize. Whenever I visit my friends with new babies, I always find myself cleaning their house. They fight me on it, but I know what it is like to feel suffecated by the mess, so I love to help them out...
One other thing I try to keep in mind is to not lay things down out of convienence. For example: is it really any harder to put the diaper pail than to leave it on the changing table (thinking, I will come right back after...and put it away)? I found myself doing things like this all the time...thats when it gets overwhelming because you never go right back...
Other than all of that, relax and do what you can and dont be to proud to ask for or allow someone to help.
I am looking at my favorite quote right now: "You dont need to do it all; just do one thing RIGHT NOW." so true. You will be amazed how much can get done if you can live by that.

Wow you have gotten some good advice. All things I would recommend. But just another twist on the idea if you can afford to have someone come in and get things "back in order" and really clean right before your company arrives do that. Because you were away so long I am sure things were not exactly how you would have had them when you returned. Then after the initial overwhelming cleaning is done for you pick one chore a day and feel good about getting that done. That is what I had to do, one day I would vacuum my downstairs the next dust then, swiffer, mop, dust the upstairs, vaccuum the upstairs, clean the master bathroom, clean my 2nd and 3rd bathrooms, and on days I just felt to overwhelmed to do things like that I did the laundry and called it good. The only other things I did outside of my one "chore" a day was dishes and dinner, but at first I didn't do the dinner thing. Laundry I would fit in when I had a few minutes, but I am sure that is something you could get your 9 year old to help out with. Maybe a few other things too. I think you would feel much better if you had one "big clean" then could do small things to keep it from getting overwhelming again. If you can't afford to pay someone to come in and do it then what everyone else said about having a friend take the kids for a couple hours or entertain them at your house while you do some "super cleaning" before your company comes would be great!! Hope it all works out for you. I am looking at starting all over again with the same kind of situation when my next little one arrives in August.

I completely understand feeling like you don't get enough done. Since I've had my second child I feel the same way. What works for me is to set little goals for the day or what you want to get done during nap time. It is definitely better to stay somewhat caught up on housework so it doesn't get to overwhelming you don't even want to start.
I haven't worn my baby to do much house work, but he do wear him to take my daughter to the park or run errands.

OH how I do hear you!! -- here are some ideas. ( and yes, you have been through a dreadful ordeal - thank Heaven it's over). Can you have your 9 year old help you? - start with things she likes to do - would she think it's fun to wash dishes? - cook- ( simple stuff) - wipe counters - use a shiny new swiffer-type '''mop'' to get the kitchen and bathroom floors shiny????--- make 'chores' a tiny bit shiny and new and she just might really do a super job--- she could make the bathroom shine with a great big jar of ''wipes'' - and it would look so much cleaner. IF she enjoys it- she might also sing or chat with the baby- or bounce her gently in her bouncy chair while you do 10 minutes of tidying -- you all are in my prayers --

Blessings,
Old Mom - aka J.

Hi A.,

You've gotten a number of good suggestions here. Personally I use FlyLady.net and it helps a lot. We also have an after dinner routine in our home that everyone gets fifteen minutes of choice time to do whatever they want and then we all have 15 minutes of clean up before bedtime routines start. It is amazing at how much difference 15 minutes of putting things away makes. Usually we start with putting away whatever project we were working on (Legos!) and then concentrate on getting items to where they belong.

Regarding the kiddo who wants to be held all the time, a sling also works for kangaroo care. If you get her used to a certain amount of background noise when she's sleeping it will due you well in the long run.

If I had to pick somewhere to start with my housecleaning and I was in your shoes I'd start with the room where you typically feed your baby. That way I'd be able to look around and see order in one room at least while I relaxed with the child.

You can do this.

Hi A.,

I am one of the least motivated housekeepers I know...

Keep your tasks small and manageable. If you look at the whole mess, you'll get overwhelmed. Ask yourself what you can do in 10 minutes. It may just be emptying the sink of dirty dishes or putting laundry away, but it'll make an impact. And, worse case, baby can fuss in her swing or bouncy seat for short periods while you do specific things. Set a timer if it helps.

Don't let yourself be sidetracked. If you're changing sheets, change the sheets. Don't stop in the middle just to deliver stray toys to other rooms or sort laundry from the floor. Save those for later. Finishing ANYTHING will help.

Use your Baby Bjorn to your advantage. When the little one is happy riding along, catch up on safe things like laundry, sweeping the floors, dusting, washing dishes, etc.

If your older one (or daddy when he's home) can hold the baby for a nap while watching TV or reading, use that time to do things that aren't safe or comfortable to use while carrying the baby like cleaning the bathroom or changing sheets on the bed.

When you cook, use the Crock Pot to make dinner prep quick and clean up small. Also, if you can make double a meal and freeze half, you'll be able to use the time you'd spend in the kitchen to make some progress on the house. Not fun, but effective.

Notice the low hanging fruit. Figure out the small things that make a room look much better quickly. For example, we like to use afghans while watching TV. Just folding the blankets and straightening the couch cushions can help a little.

Make a prioritized list of everything to do before your company arrives. What absolutely MUST be done? (Clean sheets and towels, grocery shopping.) What should be done? (sweeping the floors, cleaning up toys.) What is a stretch to do? (dusting, scrubbing, etc.) Crossing things off of the list will feel good.

And, finally, know that this is a temporary stage in your life. The baby will grow and become more independent. Take a breath, and make sure you're getting as much rest as you can. Your circumstances will improve.

Good luck. I'm still struggling with this one. If only I'd follow my own advice, I'd be in much better shape. :)

I can't recommend FlyLady.net enough! It will help you set up routines, break some of your "OCD" types of habits/behaviors and bring cleanliness and order to your home! It's awesome! Plus, you literally jump in right where they are. In a month, the entire house will be covered and you will be doing great!

I felt the same way.. I can't think if things are messy around me. I forced myself to keep up on the housework with my two girls as newborns. I stressed my body out and didn't hold my babies as much as I wanted to - and looking back I wonder if I didn't hold them as much as they needed me to. I regret it so much. Hold your baby, close your eyes, and just keep one room spotless - the one that you mostly are in with the baby. Perhaps you can get a friend to come help you get semi-ready for your company.. and then ask them to help out when they get there. If there is a mom amongst them, they will likely be more willing and glad to help than you realize.

When my place gets out of control I call my best friend over to help, or vis-versa. I've gone to her house many times just to hold her baby while she got things cleaned. Do you have anyone that can come help you? If not, perhaps you can hire someone to hold the baby (like a teenager) for a few dollars an hour. Good luck! :)

I know how you feel.

This doesn't solve the problem in the long term, but in the short term either

a) have someone watch your kids outside of your home, so you can do a power cleaning (2-3 hours should suffice), or

b) if you can afford it - have a maid service come in. Mrs. CleanNW has a great 4 hours 'spring cleaning' special for about $150-$200. http://www.mrscleannw.com/. The money is spent is a lot - but WELL worth your sanity.

Hi A.,
It sounds like your baby girl got off to a difficult start and that that coupled with her need for physical contact has made it hard for you to get back into your routine that allows you to feel at peace with your home environment. I am a therapist, so can tend to "pathologize" myself or others, but in this case I want to support you in your need and desire to have your home be in a state of clean, as a way of soothing yourself. I see it as a form of self care and I know many woman and men who value a clean home environment. So, what can you do to attend to that and to help you feel better? A friend of mine who is an incredible gardener often advises me to just tackle one small spot at a time. That's one step. Also, tackle some things that you can do with your daughter in the baby bjorn. Another possibility is to have a friend come and hold the baby for an hour, while you tackle something a little bigger. And if you have the money, just to hire a cleaner. Can your husband soothe your daughter? On the weekend could he be on baby duty while you attend to this?
It sounds like as a result of your daughters early hospitalization she may have some significant sesnory needs. Do you have the means to enlist the support of an pediatric occupational therapist to help find ways to work with her developing sensory system in a way that supports her, but also finds ways to give you the much needed rest?
Hope this is helpful.
Mary
I use to work as a school counselor but I lost my job - it was part time. Mother of 6 year old fraternal twin boys, married 15 years to a wonderful husband.

You've gotten a lot of good advice. I just want to echo the baby sling idea. We really liked the one that actually wraps around the body and over the shoulders.
http://theslingstation.com/mobyproducts.html
I felt much more secure that my babies wouldn't fall out as I was doing things. And they were more comfortable as well. I used mine well into toddlerhood.

Can you do the chores while your little one is carried in your moby wrap or bjorn? I used to cook etc al the time and even the beaters or vacuum didn't wake him up! It's a good workout too.
Also what about a parent's helper. ie a babysitter that is in the house entertaining the little one while you run around doing stuff. Since you are in the house you can get someone younger than you might otherwise feel comfortable with if you left the house. That way you can pay a little less too.

flylady.net a great resources! I focus alot of keeping the floor cleaned up, I do most of the straightening up before I go to bed at night. My older kids are responsible for helping around the house (the do a good job in the bathroom if they have a list and they are 6 & 10). With my youngest, he did not like to lay down to sleep, he slept for the first few months in his bouncy chair or portable swing beside my bed.

My niece spends 1 hour a day she has 2 choldren 1 does have disabilities, what works for me since i hate absoulty hate to clean house is to set a timer usually for me in 15 or 30 minute incriments of clean then something for me then back to cleaning. I had 2 children and my husband at the time was in the navy so sometimes he was home and sometimes deployed. but any way good luck
Paula

I struggle with this as well, particularly when we have anyone planning on dropping by to see our little one. What I've tried to do is allow myself 15 minute increments throughout the day to do as much as I can, usually when my son is sleeping. That way, I make a dent in the ever-growing pile of stuff to do but don't spend every waking second that isn't focused on my kid cleaning. Have you tried wearing a sling with your baby? Those worked great for us. And there are a variety out there so if one ends up not working, there are many others to try. I'd recommend the Peanut Shell or Baby Bjorn for this age. She can nap and you have your hands free to go about your day. My son was so comfortable in the sling I could vacuum and he'd sleep right through it. Also, if you have the ability, hire someone to come once a month or so to help with the big things like bathroom cleaning and such. It feels sort of gross to let those go. If your nearly nine year old daughter isn't currently doing chores, now might be a good time to start. Dishwashing or putting clean clothes away or making beds are all age-appropriate chores for her, and she can learn a bit about responsibility, accountability, etc.

I have the same problem not enough time. Make a list of thing you would like to get done in one day. Make it real some day everything will get done and some not all will. But you will be able to see you are acomplishing something. Have you older child help, rememmber she may not do a perfect job but thats ok nothing needs to be perfect. I have a 3month old 9 year and 12 year old. My 9 year old had many health issue when he was born and was very needy. It was hard for eveyone, it will get better and easier. My older keds help with the baby alot, I have allowed the to be very involved explaining it is my job to take care of the baby but they can help if the wish. And they always are help me with the baby or the house. And the enjoy it because it makes the feel important part of the family. Good luck.
B.

A.,

I would enlist the 9 year old to help you. She if she'll play with the baby, or at least stay in the same room while you get things done. Or even help you keep an ear out for when she wakes up from a nap while you clean. The other way is have the 9 year old do some pick-up while you nurse the baby.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Get some sort of toy box or set of boxes with lids that you can toss the toys into and close up and set to the side. Press-to change-o! the room is tidy. The kids can get their toys but put them away easily. Give the nine year old a larger box for his own toys--only! That way she can sort them into some sort of order if she wants to.

When you clean up, Mackenzie can put her things away care fully or you can do it your way.

If you can scrape together about $70, you can save your sanity by hiring a cleaning lady for a one-time deep clean. I A. sort of OCD myself and I feel very out of sorts when I live in a dirty house. When I had my second baby, I saved up for a cleaning lady to come. It was the best purchase I ever made! Before you give me a litany of reasons why you can't afford it, just remember, it's about WHERE you spend your money. I can tell you that all the clothes for me and my kids are second-hand; I have make-up that is a decade old; I don't order out; I don't go on vacations anymore; we eat a lot of PB&J. Because we scrimp in other areas, we can splurge for a cleaning lady to come twice a month, at $65 a visit. My house is 1500 square feet, so it doesn't take them long. The money is worth the sanity and the lack of marital spats over who cleans what. Ask friends for recommendations for cleaning people, as there are sketchy ones on Craigs' List. Seriously, it will change your life.

Enlist your oldest to help out. If your youngest has to be constantly handled wear a wrap/carrier and clean while you carry her around. Try to accomplish minimal things at first and do one thing at a time. Don't push yourself to do it all in one day and don't stress if things aren't perfect. My house is never perfectly clean when the children are home but I've found that as long as it is straightened up it works for me, perhaps that could work for you as well? Good luck and try not to let a messy home keep you on edge.

Try to lower your standards (it's hard but so worth it). I just had baby #3 (have 2 & 4 yr old), so my house is never how I want it. But, I have happy kids, and they are learning how to help. Work together with your older daughter (as opposed to yelling out orders), and take turns holding baby. I have my parents and inlaws both coming this weekend (for extended visits), and they know things won't be spotless. They are great about helping out (I just tell them what needs to be done, rather than trying to do it myself as I'd like), so I don't get overwhelmed.

I'd say put that 9 year old to work, and ask husband for help! Make a chore chart! You can't do it all on your own.

One of the things my husband and I figured out early on was that while my daughter was napping in the evening, he and I would both do housework (even just dishes or laundry) for an hour together. Then we were both working, but neither of us had to do a whole lot. Your 9 year old can help with some things too such as folding/putting away laundry or making sandwiches for lunches the next day. My house isn't immaculate by any means, but it's generally clean enough for me to not go crazy living here.