I Have a Great Kid & Life, but I'm Still Overwhelmed & Exhausted. Is It Just Me?

T.,

For me 'overwhelmed' depends on the day...work, kiddo, life in general...all this stuff plays into how I feel at the end of the day. But, yes I think it comes with the territory.

In my daily life, I'm a single Mama who has to work to pay the bills and take care of my son...who's 2.5 years old. It is a tough situation, but with help and some patience it gets easier to make it through those days that are overwhelming.

What I've started to do is take some time for me on the days when my son is with his Father. So, every other Saturday I'm all by myself for a full 8 hours a day. For a while, I was doing nothing but laundry and cleaning...but, thanks to some outside third party advice, I take time on those Saturdays to read a book, have coffee with friends, see a movie alone or with friends, go shopping with my sister...I make a plan to do for me. And, enjoy myself in the moment.

I think as Mommy's we get so used to taking care of things that we forget that we had hobbies and activities before our kids were born. There is no harm, in asking your hubby, your Mom or a friend to watch your little one while you get a mani/pedi or sit in bath and relax.

This has made my life feel a little less overwhelming...finding me again, has made moments of my day feel less hopeless and I've started looking foward to making dinner and not trying to figure out how I'm doing to do it all over again tomorrow. I even started working out in my own litte homemade gym, or a exercise ball and weights, and started dressing the way I did before I became a Mommy (cute and fun, instead of tired and droppy...as my Mom called it).

This last weekend, I even got some friends with kiddos on the bandwagon and we went to our local coffee shop grabbed a pastry and read books together. We're thinking of staring a book clud for Mommy's...it's just finding something that inspires you.

Think about the things you used to do before you were a Mommy, and find a way to incorporate that into your life again. Oh, and I hear date night works great too! Take some time for you and your hubby...grab a bite, see a movie. Flirt again, and have fun.

It can be tough, but as Mommy's we have the power to do anything!

Good Luck.
Deanna

I certainly felt tired and overwhelmed when my children where little. I felt better when they were in school full time. If you enjoy your work then do not quit. The key to finding more energy is doing things you enjoy. Perhaps more work is what you need. That way you can afford to pay to have done the things that drain you, like house work. Getting a sitter and doing something you look forward to with your friends can give you a boost too. Have some fun in life. Make it your own definition of fun.

Hi,
Yes, I feel the same way too. It's normal for Moms.

My one tip is, just don't feel you have to be "perfect" and everything. That is just too stressful.

Me, there are days I just tell my Hubby I'm doing NO cleaning or anything and that I need a break. He understands that I am at my limit then, and it's fine. Otherwise I get so grumpy!

Also, I was not so stressed out before I had kids either. Now, I have 2 kids. I always feel like I have a flame under my feet and that I have to do everything QUICKLY, before my kids hit another mood or need me for something... so I am always zipping around and do everything so quickly and efficiently and as fast as I can. Exhausting! Even my Hubby tells me, 'how come you never sit down? How come you are always doing something?" Ha, ha. Well, that is the way it is... there are always TONS to do around the house and for the kids. It's endless. It is EVERYDAY like this. I am a SAHM... but it's not like I get any days off or holidays or paid vacations. I do this 24/7, at all hours. Lack of sleep for me too. And with once a month PMS... well I get burnt out.

Okay. Phew! I know how you feel.
But, you have to carve out time JUST FOR YOU. AND HAVE YOUR HUSBAND HELP TOO. Afterall, he is a part of the family too, and live in the house. EVERY member of the home, has to help. That is the only way to help you, the Mom, and to help keep things manageable, and sane, and fair. For all.

It IS overwhelming. It IS tiring. It IS not easy. So, you should sit down with your Hubby....and make sure he knows it is not just 'you' and then enlist him to help. For me, I have a "Daddy-Do List." And on it... i have a list of things my Hubby has to do and be responsible for. It can be anything you think of and he can do. Fairly. This will help to alleviate you and the pressure of everything.

Or, my cousin, has a Nanny/housecleaner. They can afford it. My cousin and his wife work long hours, executive jobs, and they do this to 'help' themselves and to give them more time for their kids after work.

The thing is, this happens. I deal with it everyday, this feeling. Not easy. The demands of young children, and the household AND hubby relations too... it is daunting! But, you need respite for yourself. It is only normal and a natural thing to need. Block time off in your calendar... get a babysitter... go out just yourself and have hubby watch your child.... anything that is a 'treat' for yourself. Don't feel guilty about it.

There is only so much a person can do in 1 day. If it doesn't get done, fine. No fret. There is always tomorrow, and a Hubby there who can/should help. My Hubby, when I am feeling burnt, will even cook dinner sometimes and do the dishes after. I LOVE it! What a 'treat' for me. :)

Whether you work or not, or are a SAHM... these feelings are universal with "Moms." But make sure your Hubby is on the same page and can understand.... it is usually always more work for the "Mom"... and a man/Hubby can help, if asked.

All the best,
Susan

Been there, sort of conquered it. Here are some things that worked for me . . .

Plan meals and grocery list - sounds silly, but when I plan all meals and snacks for 1 week (kept it simple with 1 day to try a new recipe and 1 day for a more complex meal we like and 1 day for take-out), it is much easier to face the lunch and dinner dilemma. I know I have the ingredients on hand and I often try to prep as much as I can in advance on the weekends. I also try and double the recipe - 1/2 now, 1/2 in freezer for later.

Plan housecleaning chores - again, kind of silly. But I found that if I just let go of the notion that the whole house should be cleaned all at once (which I never had the time or energy to do), and instead focused on just getting a few things done every day, the house stayed picked-up and organized with just an hour a day (usually broken down into 15-minute increments) and an extra hour on the weekend for deep cleaning. I actually laminated a list that lists every room in our house and what needs to be done every week/month/3-months or annually. Then, as I do it, I cross it off. For example Hall Bathroom: empty trash (weekly), dust for cobwebs (monthly), organize under sink (quarterly), inspect fan (annually).

Plan outfits for the week - this way you have what you need cleaned and pressed (if necessary) and you're not sitting on the edge of the bed in the morning wondering what you're going to wear.

Wake up 30-minutes before anyone else (I like to take this time to take a hot morning shower, get dressed and possibly even put on make-up) and make sure your child gets to bed ON TIME and YOU get to bed on time. This is a big one, because unless you have a set morning schedule, it is very easy to let them stay up until just before you go to bed, then everyone is tired and groggy in the morning. Also, I found I was trying to do all MY work after the children went to sleep, which pushed my bedtime to later then it should be. I realized it was okay for the children to see my husband and me do housework. And when they were a bit older, they got jobs too. And after they went to bed, DH and I took an hour to wrap up whatever it was we were doing and then it was us time.

Make lunches the night before - you always hear about it, but it really works!

Plan to do things on certain days. I try and schedule all personal and child appointments on Mondays, anything for the house or cars on Thursday, pay bills (reconcile checkbook) on Wednesday. This way I'm not interrupting my schedule to do something unplanned, or worrying if I paid a certain bill.

Hope this helps a bit.

Hi T.:
I agree,that alot of our exhaustion,derives from feeling stressed or pressured about (what we have to accomplish in a day. Lets face it...That ole saying there's not enough time in a day)Had to of been written by a (Mother) I find I tire myself out simply thinking of all the things I have to do before days end. Drop off the kids, run to the market,mail off the bills,pick up the dry cleaning,pick up the kids and run them to their dr appts, or baseball practice. Race home to begin dinner and clean up. Do a couple loads of laundry, help with homework..get the kids off to bed,just leaving us enough time to bathe,and make ourselves look gorgeous for our husbands. lol I mean Geeze...Makes me want to hire a (stepford wife) lol I've discovered most of the time, I poop myself out,before I get started.Try to make some time for yourself,but also, stop pushing yourself. Alot of what we moms push ourselves to do, can wait another day.We're to hard on ourselves. If your not taking any vitimins,begin taking those each day,as they will help give you a little lift.In answer to your question...."When does it stop" Never! I'm a Grandmother now,and While my own sons are grown and on their own, I now have my Grandchildren who look to me for support and help. Once a mother always a mother. I think I have more energy today, than I did when my boys were toddlers. Maybe deep down, I know I must! I'm needed,and I haven't the time to be sick,or tired. lol I wish you and your family the best. J. M

Don't worry, it's not just you! I definitely feel overwhelmed sometimes too, and I don't even really "work". I do, however, help out my pregnant friend by watching her 2 year old son a couple of hours a week (8-12 hrs /week). I can't even imagine having a "real job"! Kudos to all of you who manage it! For me, just doing the everyday little things tire me out like; cooking the meals, doing the dishes, the laundry, picking up/cleaning, getting my daughter dressed/undressed/bathed/fed/into bed at night, etc...
What helped for me, was that I realized that I had to stop feeling "guilty" about asking my husband for more help around the house. I used to think "oh well, he works so hard at work, so I don't want to bother him at home" and then my mother-in-law told me one day; "hey, it's his daughter too! He'll do stuff for you, if you just ASK." and she was right! He IS willing to help out with all those little things when I just ASK him to. And be sure to take a bit of time for yourself too! At least once a month my husband lets me hang out with a girlfriend (or a group of friends) for a couple of hours and he stays with our daughter. Last weekend for example, I went out to breakfast with a girlfriend and it was awesome and I really felt like it gave me that extra little "boost" of energy that us moms need once in a while!
Good luck with everything and keep up the good work! :)

2 YO's are overwhelming and you are not alone. My 3YO is great, but a lot of work. It gets better as they get a little older and more independent. However, once that happens you also start to miss that mommy need. Just one of those things.