I Feel like I Am Losing It

I think it would be best to get some professional help, some family counseling to help you break down where the problems lie and what strategies you need to take so that everyone can pull their own weight and help each other and the family. One person cannot do it alone, not with 3 kids, and one still being a baby.

Here is the contact info for your local brain injury support group:

KLAMATH FALLS
Brain Injury Support Group

2nd Tuesday 1-2:30 pm
SPOKES
415 Main St
Klamath Falls, OR 97601

Dawn Lytle ###-###-####
____@____.com

I would contact them and see what resources are available for you in your community.

Hope this helps and that you are able to achieve full recovery soon.

Check with your local and state social services agencies. If you are disabled from your stroke, they may have programs and in-home assistance that can help you out.

Train your boys to help, they are old enough. Get strict with them. Tell them what to do, don't ask. Write them each a list of chores each day. When they get home from school hand them their list and tell them once its finished they can have dinner and playtime.
They are members of the family and have a responsibility to help it function.

Get help during the day with your little one. Hire someone to come in twice a week so you can have a break, make that a priority. Talk with your husband about what you can and can't do now, make yourself a list of chores and one for him to. Everyone participates. Be sure to show appreciation when they do. :-)

See if you can get bins to organize or "dump" stuff in so they are out of your sight and you can tackle each bin as you get time. You seem overwhelmed by the clutter and the kids making more mess and your own personal health. Try not to let it get to you. Get a bin for each of your kids and let them learn how to put stuff in it. Goes for laundry, dishes, etc - If your kids learn what role they play, they might want to chip in. Define those rules for them and get some well deserved help.

I know that most of the responses have been about getting the boys whipped into shape, but I understand that is easier said than done. The part where you said you are tired all the time, also applies to whipping the boys into shape I would assume. I am dissabled too, not from a stroke but I have a very unusual spinal condition. I have been paralyzed, then walked again, then nearly paralyzed twice more. I get how hard them come back can be. I don't know why hiring someone hasn't worked, but it won't work for me either due to our location.

Here is what I suggest. Start really small, and really appreciate yourself for it. If you could just do one thing every day for a week, and keep that area looking good for a week, then maybe you can expand a little. I don't mean anything big here. I am talking like keeping the coffee table cleared off at the end of the day. Once I am able to get a little control of something the ball starts rolling in a more positive direction and it becomes contagious. Also, I don't know where your partner is in this matter, but I definately enlisted my husband in VERY SPECIFIC tasks. Like he does the laundry every tuesday. It just helps out to have him share the load.

As a disabled person, I think I find myself unwilling to ask extra of my children because I already feel incredibly guilty that they don't have a normal mom. It is hard for me to imagine asking more of them, and I know that I do this to their detriment, but I do wish that other people understood how hard it can be to wrestle with the normal pressure that society puts on parents multiplied by the fact that I can't always get on the floor to play, or that sometimes my children have to wait while I try to figure out how to get my feet to walk down some steps.

Thanks,
N.

I have had the same feelings before....but for much less drastic reasons...What I found to be helpful is to hire someone to come in and help with the children instead. Maybe you could find what time of the day is the most difficult and hire someone to come in during that time (I had a helper that came in for 4 hours). Then, perhaps have someone come in and show you how to organize your home so that it is easier to keep up (with family help, of course)...one thing that helps is to store things where they are used and to eliminate / store items that are not needed (clothes included)..maybe your "helper" could assist the children in helping around the house / cleaning rooms, picking up, etc...hang in there..I wish I could be there to help myself...Be sure to do something....you deserve the help...

So sorry to hear about your stroke and bad year.

Are you capable of moving around on your own now? If so, the first thing I would do is go and buy large black lawn garbage bags and start tossing things away. Take a look around you. Are there things that you don't need - toss them. Make a bag or two donate bags and get rid of clothes, etc. Tell you boys that they can either help you by sorting their stuff into piles (keep, toss, donate) or you are simply tossing it all out. They are old enough to pitch in. Less stuff equals less clutter. I've started doing this myself. I find that my hubby likes to keep everything - so I've started tossing things out - he doesn't even notice.

Then start making chore lists. 7 and 10 year olds can help. If they don't - no TV, phone, computer, whatever you choose. Let them clean the kitchen/baths on a weekly basis. Rooms stay clean, too. If not, consequences. Didn't clean the b-room on Sat morning - no game/practice/TV.

Best of luck and hope you feel better.

Call the visiting nurse service and find out if they can help you. If you have residual damage from your stroke the State of Oregon has programs in place to help you. Start calling or have your husband call about Home Health services.

I am so sorry I have no advice on this, but I just wanted to send a (((((HUG)))) your way. I hope things work out better for you soon!!

Wow - you have a lot going on. Pray first and foremost. Ask for peace and clarity of mind. It is very difficult to train kids to get things done that require multiple steps. You need to break the whole thing down into steps that can be realistically attained. When you get the first step done you'll have a feeling of accomplishment. First step could be get all dirty laundry in a basket , step 2 books stacked neatly on the bookshelves, step 3 all toys in the bins. I used to really care that the barbie dresses were in one bin, the dolls in another, books in size order.... not any more. Having the floor clear is more important. So make a list of steps. Have your kids help make the list so they have some ownership in the process. Assign certain steps to each kid based on their age and ability. As you cross off things that have been done have a small "celebration" - a cookie break, hugs or high fives, congratulate yourselves, etc. Then move on to the next few steps.
It's overwhelming when you look at all the things that have to get done, but managable when you break it down into bite-size steps. If one kid loves using a spray bottle let him wash the windows, bathroom mirror, etc. Explain ahead of time that he may have to do it 3 or 4 times before it's "just right". I just prayed for you K. - may God's peace be with you K..

Try FLYLADY.COM....it's a site that helps you get your life back one day at a time. She has tiny routines that you do daily and before you know it you get into a rythm and being overwhelmed will be a thing of the past.

Definitely keep checking around on a cleaning service. If you had bad luck with independents, see if there are any chains in your area or vice versa. You might also find it helpful to hire a professional organizer to come in and help get the process going for your entire family.

Boys who are seven and 10 should have chores. That simple. Our seven year old has ADHD and it's hard for him to focus after school when his medication is wearing off and even then we still have chores for him. He puts away his own laundry and he must pick up any toys he uses in the main rooms of the house, for starters. No excuses, your boys must help. Consider using a chart on the wall to remind them of what they need to do. Doing chores earns all TV, video game, play and friend time. They don't do it, life becomes mighty boring. Put your foot down.

Also, consider hiring a mother's helper. Isn't there a university in Klamath Falls? You might find a student who could be your assistant for a few hours a few days a week. Someone who can assist with the baby, help pick up things, help your boys with homework, etc. Given your health problems, I think this is a smart idea.

Good luck! I hope you find some solutions that work for your family.