For about a month now my 2.5 yr old DD has been responding to many requests with a cry of "I can't!" or "I sorry, I can't!" the politeness was cute for a while (it is so much better than saying NO!) but it's starting to wear on me. She starts crying and is very upset. I get this reaction more frequently when she's tired, but it can happen at any time of day. I'm not even sure where she picked up the phrase... My only thought is that her requests are being put on hold because of her new sister (4 months old).
I really dislike the negative speech and I'm not askIng her to do hard things. Of course, she cant explain why she can't. Do you mamas have any suggestions for me?
I tell mine "let me see you TRY, and if you still can't do it after REALLY trying, I'll help you" and then, the next time (if they really did need help,) I'll say "if at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again...let me see you TRY, and if you still can't do it after REALLY trying, I'll help you"
if you know she's capable, then she must obey you.
If she does not obey you, then you will need to be consistent & follow thru on whatever method of discipline you normally use.
With my daycare kids, they get 3 chances to comply....& then off to timeout. A couple rounds of this....& the "I can't" game is over.
If you know these are things that she can do, I would just insist - tell her "Oh yes you can! I know you can!" and don't let her get away with it. If you know it's more from her being overtired you could probably cut her some slack, but my 4 year old will pull this too and I don't fall for it. Usually it's because she wants me to do it instead - and I just refuse to give in, so she starts to learn that whining and insisting she can't do something will not get her her way. Sometimes I will ask her if she needs my help but usually I just tell her, "Yes you can - don't tell me you can't!" Sometimes I will start to count to 3 and that will get her to hustle along, because she knows a consequence will happen if I get to 3.
I usually tell the littles that yes, they can, and they must obey me. If it is something new, or if I am not positive that they can do, I assist them and reassure them that they can do it. But, if that is just their "polite" way of disobeying me, then that doesn't fly. Yes, they are so stinkin' cute when they are little and say precocious things. But, it comes back to bite us if we don't nip it in the bud.
I think a 2.5 year old can understand if you ask her to do something and she says she can't then tell her she needs to stand in the corner or face the corner until she decides she can. Worth a try. You are then putting boundaries on her that she can't act that way and get away with it. Start young. Also, make sure you give her extra attention (which sounds like you do) so she feels secure.
N.
Welcome to the terrible 2-3s! It's just a battle of wills. She is trying to flex her muscles and see where it gets her. Instead of setting the situation up for this response (ie Sally could you please bring that too mommy?) instead give her two options or find a creative way to get her to do something. For example if you want her to pick up her toys instead of flat out asking just say something like, "Sally, would you like to put the dollies in the crib or pick up the blocks first?" or "Sally let's see how quickly you can put all the babies to bed."
Bottom line though, don't let her use this as a way to get out of something. Start imposing consequences. For instance, "Sally if you don't pick up your toys then you can't go outside." Or "Sally if you don't do what mommy asked then you will go to time out." Time out should be 2 minutes and then give her a chance to comply again.
She might just want to be babied if there is a new baby in the house. Give her some extra cuddles now and then. We had/have a similar situation and my dd is jealous of her brother. We still have some issues and my kids are 6 and 4. My 4 yr old still needs more attention with eating, getting dressed/ready for morning or bed, etc. His skills just aren't quite there for some things. My dd still wants me to do things for her as if she were 4. I just need to remember to give her more cuddles now and then to make up for the time my ds gets when he needs help doing something.
