I Broke up with My Daughter

I suggest that regular counseling will help you. Find a good therapist near by. I think you will really benefit from this. Good luck.

So the in-laws are racist bigots and you use terms like "hillbilly redneck"...I call that a wash. You both are wrong on that count.

You had to be begged to go to her wedding and you can't understand why she's upset with you. It sounds as though you've been as bad as she has. More so in some cases.

If it bothers you that much, stop talking to her. Leave her alone.

I think your daughter's version would be very interesting to hear. Especially, if her version had punctuation, capitalization, and made sense .

I'm only going to say that I would be very, very interested to hear your daughter's side of the story. I have a feeling that she feels very justified in distancing herself from you.

So it sounds like you threw a fit and you admit that you refused to help with her wedding....you had to be coerced to even go. Do you think that perhaps she had some really hurt feelings over that? Do you think that it is fair that she has to do all of the traveling to see you and make all of the effort? I really hope that I am interpreting this incorrectly.... It sounds like things have to be your way or you are going to pick up your ball and leave the playground....

Hmmm...I think there is much more to this story....

Maybe it is time to have a sit-down with your daughter only this time, you need to actually LISTEN to her. I bet you will learn a lot about what is going on and why she is distancing herself from you.

Good luck.

This sounds a bit like a case of martyr-syndrome. You don't drive, so your daughter has to go to you. At the same time, you're angry that she does't invite you places or to do things. How do you get to those places if she invites you? Does she have to chauffer you to them or do you have transportation? That makes a huge difference in what she invites you to do with her because that's a lot of extra work. (I know you're her mother, but she also has a family that she's responsible for managing, too.). You want her to be respectful of you and your time, but be respectful of her too. She's a newlywed...she has family obligations with a spouse and his family too...so she's trying to keep a whole bunch of people connected. And it sounds like there's jealousy going on there which isn't really fun to be around. You need to decide if you want your daughter and grandkids (if/when they arrive or have already arrived) in your life. The list of reasons for cutting her off from unconditional love come across as a bit petty, in my opinion. Let her know that you'd love for her to come visit on your time off, even if just for a few minutes. You're risking losing her forever.

Not with my daughter, but with my Mother. We arent speaking right now for many a reasons.

Just remember there are always two sides to a story. Have you asked your daughter what is going on and how you feel?

I wish mine would.

If you want to fix this you have to look at what you've been doing wrong to her as well instead of only looking at what her problems are. Mom's arent supposed to play in childish fights. Its not supposed to be an eye for an eye. She didn't invite you so you didn't help? You have to look at what you're doing wrong as well.
I have gotten a lot of advice on here that wasn't what I was hoping for but you an;t assume everyone else is wrong and you're the only one right. Sometimes you have to take the advice you least want and learn and change. If family/blood comes first (which I diasagree with- family isn't blood- it's who's there for you and supports you and accepts your flaws) then you certainly aren't putting her first.

I am with the 2 sides, but I was told years ago there are 3 sides. Mine, yours and the truth. Maybe her inlaws pay for her and her husband to travel. Mine has been known to pay for gas for us if we need the help.

You asked for opinions and you got opinions you did not like. So now we are the judgemental ones?

I think it is time for you to take a good long look in the mirror and think about whether you truely like the person you are. From what I have read, it sounds as if you think the world should revolve around you and your wants/needs. That is not reality. Your daughter has her own life to live. She is not responsible for your happiness. She cannot make all of her life desicions based on what you need.

You are the parent. Stop acting like a child.

K. do you think your daughter would go to counseling with you? Maybe if she understood how you really felt and you understood her, you guys could make more progress.
Your daughter loves you whether you think she does or not. I am sure you did your best but it seems like you are both very angry and I hope you can work it out.
It would break my heart if my daughter grew up and we didnt get along.

Good luck!

Not judging, Dear-just want you to know-you are not alone-believe me-and God bless you!

Your situation reminds me of mine, only in reverse. I'm having similar issues with my mother. I understand you being upset about her behavior, but she may have legitimate reasons for breaking plans with you. Just because her husband has a good job doesn't mean they aren't having financial problems. Or maybe she's tired of always having to drive and made the gas excuse so she wouldn't hurt your feelings. I also spend more time with my in-laws than my family, and the reason for this is because they live closer and because they are more loving and easier to be around than my family. You say that holidays are a waste of time and money. Maybe she is picking up on your attitude and would rather spend her holidays with people who enjoy celebrating them. I will also say that refusing to help her with her wedding may have been a bad move, and most likely hurt her feelings. Mothers are supposed to always be there for their children no matter what. Maybe she asked you to help to try to make up for not inviting you to her birthday. Or maybe she was just trying to connect with you. I can't imagine how much it must have hurt her when you refused to help with the wedding. I know you feel like she was just trying to use you, but I'll bet there was more to it. You say that you've supported her however you could through the years. Support and love are two different things. I can say that my parents have always "supported" me, but they fall short in the ways that count. Can you think of anything that you may have done that has hurt or disappointed her to the point that she doesn't want to spend time with you? I'm not trying to judge you or say that this is your fault. I'm just saying that there are two sides to everything, and I would bet that she is feeling the same way you are. I would advise that you speak to her about this. Either call her or send her a letter and explain how you feel and that she is hurting you by treating you this way. Because I am the daughter in my situation, I can tell you that I am almost certain there is a reason for her behavior that involves you. It is possible that my mother is feeling just like you are in our situation and I don't realize it. Maybe talking it out will resolve things and bring you both closer together. And if not, at least you tried and you can walk away knowing that you did all you could. Good luck to you :-)

There is nothing, and I do mean nothing, that would ever make me turn my back on or give up on my child. It is called unconditional love! I may not always agree with the choices they make but, they will always know I will drop anything to be there for them.
My step son called us last year and told us he was getting married (he is a Marine and was stationed in CA). He and his fiance asked if we would have an engagement party for them when he was home on leave. We said, "ABSOLUTLEY, WE WOULD LOVE TO". The engagement party was in Januray of last year and they were to be married in July. His fiance and I talked everyday about wedding plans. She was so upset because her family didn't have the money for a nice wedding and my step sons mom would not help them. My husband and I helped her plan her wedding and paid for EVERYTHING! We found out a month before the wedding that they were ALREADY MARRIED. Her parents and my step sons mother were all there at the courthouse when they got married when he came home in January (the same time we had the engagement party). They wanted to have the "real" wedding still so they could have the rest of the family and friends there. We felt SO used by them!
I tell you this story because even after finding out, we still continued with all the plans for the wedding in July and still paid for it. I love my step son and wanted him to have a beautiful wedding. Were they in the wrong? Sure they were, they should have told us and allowed us to be there at the courthouse as well. They were afraid we would be upset with them after we spent all this money so they were trying to hide it from us hoping we would never find out. I would still give him my left arm if he called today and needed it. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I don't agree with the choice he made but, I will love him thru it.

Sounds like you both are holding on to things from your past.

I would suggest the book Co-dependent No More by Melodie Battle.

I wish you the best. I know it seems hopeless and insurmountable right now - but just try and do the next right thing. Just one thing at a time. That's something everyone can handle. :)

Bug I couldn't have said it better.

K....texting like a teenager only works when you ARE a teenager. Grow up.

I understand where you are coming from..

In my husbands family.. Money is power. If you have a lot of money, every one shucks and jives for you.

Since my SIL married into an extremely wealthy family.. (multiple homes private planes.. etc). They make that family their priority..

This trickles down onto us. We always swapped out holidays and it was great. But once she married into this family, we all are at their whims.. My MIL instead of reminding and insisting that we are not ALL going to change our plans for that family.. so now plans are tossed out at the last minute, sometimes even totally just dropped!!!

When we try to go on without this group.. MIL is weepy and feels left out..

I say they are not that important, that SIL could not speak up and say, Hey, I have a family with plans.. But MIL says, "oh no, they need to stay in their good graces. They are important and do important things. ( Money)

Any way.. Unless you can calmly., speak with your daughter and just explain your feelings.. This is never going to change.

I finally spoke with SIL and MIL and explained how we felt and how they are always thinking the worst of me, even though for 26 years, I bent and conformed to a family I was not even related to. All because of money.

I no longer speak with them.. It has been glorious.. and in these last 4 years.. My MIL has finally begun to realize, what she has lost trying to help her daughter and her husband, stay in the good graces of these people.. that do not give a fart about her.. She was duped, because her daughter has totally run MIL life.. for money.

Have you ever considered CoDependents Anonymous? You might be surprised what you find out about yourself. I know I was!!!
Best wishes for your healthy life...

Well, you refused help with her wedding b/c she didn't invite you to her birthday party? Isn't that a little odd, given that travel is an issue for you?

It seems like maybe there are some other things missing here. In any case, you both need to take a step back, relax, bury the hatchet and start fresh and new in the relationship. Both of you need to forgive past issues and agree to move forward together. A sincere, calm and loving letter or conversation may be a good place to start.

It is also possible she is married to a very controlling husband who doesn't allow her to see her family and things like that. I had an aunt like that. It took her 25 years before she finally divorced the sob.

Give me her email address...I'll get it straightend out for you. You should never foresake your mother....above all else.