Wedding Planning Stress

Did you parents state what they wanted to spend (give you a specific budget)? If they did, and you've exceeded it, then they are not really obligated to pay more. any extra will need to be provided by you. If they did not, and you are being reasonable in your expenses, then it sounds like there needs to a little more communication in what you need or have done. Sit down with what you have and see if they agree or not. If they don't see how you can modify it. And be open minded about it. REmember, their putting up the dollars, so when it comes right down to, they get final say as to yeah or nay.

In the past, the brides family did pay for the majority of the wedding. I don't know if you in-laws are from than time period, and maybe just aren't aware that anymore it can be very equal. Typically, the rehearsal dinner was provided by the groom's family since the wedding was for the most part done by the brides. Sit down with them discuss what their expectations are and what you and you groom's desires are. If you go in with a list then you can modify. They need to expect to participate financially some as he's there son too.

Not living near where you're getting married makes it much harder for you. But with good notekeeping and communication you can do it.

First of all, congratulations on your engagement - you chose to get married for a reason, and you need to be not stressed about it. I applaud you for scaling things down to meet your financial situation. I have a few suggestions for helping to keep your costs down.

If you are a member of a church, then you don't have to worry about large costs for the reception, since you can usually use their reception hall for cheap or free.

Let both sets of your parents dress up nicely in their best clothes, even if it is not a new dress or tux. They will not be standing up in front with you during the wedding, so they do not necessarily have to match what your bridesmaids & groomsmen are wearing.

Other money-saving tips... you don't need a professional photographer to follow you from morning to night, documenting every little thing - that's what friends are for! I chose a good friend to be with me all day long and take pictures of everything, and then just got her a really nice gift as thanks.

Decide what's most important in your "dream wedding" scenario and cut costs elsewhere. Is your dream wedding surrounding the idea of a wedding dress with a cathedral train? Splurge on the dress and go easy on the reception. Is your dream of having the perfect photo album? Then spend a little more on that and spend less on fancy decorations elsewhere.

Lastly, I agree with the others that posted about holding the rehearsal BBQ at a park... this is what I did for my reception! It cost very little money, because the shelter rental was $50 for the day, and I bought soda, water, potato salad, bean salad, chips, burgers & brats in bulk at Sam's Club. My relatives have told me numerous times that it was one of the most memorable wedding receptions that they had attended, because they had fun and didn't feel overwhelmed by everything being overdone.

Good luck with everything, and don't hold it against your parents or inlaws if they don't help as much as you would like (or at all). What is more important is going to be how they treat you during a normal day, month, and year, not what they contribute for your wedding.

congrats on the wedding.
I have a lovely evening wedding on a thursday night. (half the cost right there)I also had a bbq in the park. my parents did not help and his did what they could (they had their only daughter getting married 15 days later).

breath in-breath out.

expect all to go wrong and all will be ok
M.

Maybe you could try to have the rehersal bbq at a park. Also when thing get hard with the planing remember what you are doing and why. The wedding is one day of your life. Your marrige if for the rest of your life. Sometimes it help to look at the big picture. Good luck.

This is your day and you will absolutely remember EVERYTHING about it. You plan it the way you want. It does go by very fast though so make sure you have someone there with their own camera for the candid shots that may get forgotten. It is unfortunate your in-laws are looking at this like a burden, but if they show up looking like slobs, it will reflect badly on them, not you. In the end, I doubt they would want to come across like that and get the stuff themselves, if not, it's not your fault. We had a BBQ at the church we were getting married at, that may be an option. Just ask a few close friends if they wouldn't mind helping cook and serve, I'm sure they would be glad to. Don't let your parents and in-laws take away how special this day should be for both of you. I would bet when you start making plans without them, they may reconsider. If not, you will have done it your way and the accomplishment will be all yours.

I so understand where you are coming from. I got engaged and 3 months later found out I was pregnant. I ended up being 7 months along at our wedding! His parents helped with absolutely NOTHING. We has to rent his dad's tux and buy his mom a dress. They actually called and asked us if jeans would be okay. We had a picnic the day before with just his parents and my parents and I wish we wouldn't have. It was a disaster. Constant arguing. His mom kept telling me what she wanted to see at our wedding and my parents and myself were the ones paying for it. We didn't even get a card from his parents. My dream wedding is just that, still a dream. Everyone else took over and I was just the person saying I do. Don't let that happen to you. Put your foot down and tell them what you want/expect out of them. Some restraunts also have free party rooms. My friend just had hers at a restraunt and the room cost her nothing because there was more then 6 in her party. Just a suggestion. Best wishes!

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Here are a few money saving ideas I used for my wedding. I made my own center pieces at the reception. Go to any craft and buy a box of rose bowls (cheaper to buy bulk) and buy some nice floating candles to match the colors in your wedding, also at the craft store and discounted when buying bulk, some cheap ribbons to tie around and some shiny confedee to sprinkle around them. We also had a friend take the pictures during the wedding and at the reception we bought the disposible cameras and placed them on all the tables with a note asking people to take pictures of each other. You get better pictures this way then professionals, and you also get great pictures of your friends and families being themselves. Making the flowers yourself will also save you lots of money, buy silk and pretty ribbons and floral tape. The craft store would be able to show you how to make them if your not sure, or online will tell you also. When I got married, I paid for as much as I could, so NO ONE could try to tell me how to do it. Anyone who got too bossy, I said if you want it, you pay for it, or else its what I want. I will admit, though, both of my husband's parents had passed away before we got married, I never got to meet them, so I didnt have the in-laws to deal with, just my mom lol. Oh yeah, if you are part of a church with a good sound system, ask the sound guy to DJ your wedding. I did this and everyone thought we had professions, and we got to choose the music WE wanted and had a great time. They didnt charge us anything, it was their gift to us, and since the church had a portable system, we didnt need to rent anything for it. Good Luck.

Since you are talking bbq, you must live in a "warm" area so why not reserve a shelter at your local park? That way you are on nobody's turf and everybody should be at ease. Shouldn't be too hard to throw something together and enlist the help of your wedding party for cooking, table decorations, etc.

Choose your battles! This is not worth stressing over!

First off...RELAX. I know that is tough but planning the wedding shouldn't be a nightmare. I am also in the middle of planning my wedding and we are paying for it ourselves. i understand that you want the dream wedding, what girl wouldn't? Just remember to look at the overall picture. will this thing or that thing really matter when you look back on that day? If your parents and in laws won't help, Recruit some friends, maybe one of them will host your bbq. Don't let the planning become more important than the prize, you get to marry the man you love and that is what really matters. I would suggest writting a list of the things you want including the miniscule then you can go back and see if there are some things you can live without that won't compromise your dream. Sometimes little things can be taken out and make a ton of difference. Don't be discouraged... message me if you need to talk sometimes that is all we need for a little perspective :)

Want some advise? Get a babysitter and go to Vegas. My mother took over my wedding and it was nothing like my husband and I wanted. Of course all we wanted was to be married, and now we both wish we had said "I'm not dealing with this anymore, I'm going to Vegas".

Maybe you can have the rehearsal dinner BBQ at a park in the area. Most places have parks where you can rent a grill and picnic tables for get togethers, and they are usually pretty reasonably priced, and in some cases free, you just need to reserve it. I wouldn't bother asking for any more money or help from either side, because basically, you're not going to get it, and also, I think that you shouldn't expect it. Neither set of parents is obligated to help you out financially or in aby other way (although it's really nice if they can/do). You and your fiance are adults, and adults do things themselves. They don't ask their parents to over extend themselves to have things they way the imagine they should be in their own mind. Basically, you are saying that you want your "dream wedding", and you think both sets of parents should pony up the dough and the effort, despite the generousity of your parents and the financial difficulty of his parents. Sheesh. I mean, I'm not trying to sound mean or anything, but to me your post comes across as a whiny little girl who expects the parents to take of this for her instead of being a grown up and wanting to know how she can do it herself. I can understand how it feels to want the "dream wedding", and I also know how it feels to have to plan and pay for a wedding yourself. My parents helped us out some (they offered more but we refused it since we felt it was our responsibility to pay for and plan it ourselves), but we paid for 95% of our wedding ourselves. My husband's parents didn't give us a dime, or a minute of assistance, and offered neither. We had a wedding for almost 100 people for just about $5K. It was a nice wedding, maybe not my dream wedding, but on that day, all I cared about was that I was married. And after it was all over, I was really glad I hadn't spent a ton of money, because I would have felt it was a waste. Trust me, you won't remember much of your wedding day, no matter if you have your dream wedding or not, so try not to stress over it. The day goes by so quickly, you barely have time to process the fact that you're married. Step one to reducing the stress is to reasses your priorities. Learn to let go of the details you think will make your wedding day perfect. Maybe your future father in law can just wear a nice suit he already has, or borrow one if anyone knows someone his size. He doesn't HAVE to be in a tux. And if your future mother in law doesn't have a dress she can already wear, maybe the two of you can go to a consignment shop, or look on eBay, or something like that to find a nice dress that is reasonably priced. You can even go to Wal-Mart or Target and get a nice outfit for a good price. Step back and realize you are stressing basically over a BBQ, a tux and a dress. And you can work around all of those things. It is not a requirement that your in laws be in fancy formal wear. You just want them to look nice, which can be done, if you're willing to get creative and loosen your ideas of what they should look like. If you need other money-saving ideas, let me know and I can give you some pointers. I have planned more than a few weddings on tight budgets and the guests were none the wiser! Just realize that this is just one day...focus more on getting married, not the wedding. The really important things will fall into place. I hope the helps!

M.

J.-

I think you need a nice massage and then finish the rest of your wedding planning. Why not try a bbq restaurant? There are a lot out there! I wish you the best of luck and also enjoy the planning it will go fast so enjoy it! Good luck, tell me what happens!

Weddings these days are so stressful. As a freelance photographer, I see so many areas where couples stress for NO reason. The wedding will come off as planned, so my advice to people is "Just enjoy it." In regards to wanting a bbq...depending on how many people you are talking about, a bbq isn't cheap, unless of course, you are sticking with hamburgers/hot dogs. Is there a park in the area of the wedding? If so, have your bbq there. If there is a shelter, better yet. The clean up is easier than having it at someone's home and kids can run and play. Financial responsibility for weddings in this day and age, isn't up to the parents anymore. The couple themselves need and should be bearing more of the cost. Find a park...talk to close friends...
It will all work out and many congratulations and best wishes for a happy life together.

hey. i hear you. i am also planning my wedding and am also so stressed to the point i told my future husband that i wish he never would have asked me. i didnt mean it of course but i would just love to enjoy and look forward to the wedding but this stress is almost too much. anyway stay strong it will all work out. if you need help from someone dont be afraid to ask for help from family and friends all they can say is no you might be surprised how much people are willing to help. they might not realize that you need it.

Ok... I just got remarried a year ago, and know how you feel. My husband and I did everything... and then at the last minute (Literally 2 days before) my maid of honor/wedding coordinator got snowed in her town, and couldn't come. She had all the decorations not to mention she was my maid of honor. So I know all about stress. I had to basically re-plan a wedding in two days. We did not have a rehearsal dinner because I never thought they were a big deal... we had our wedding in a lovely hotel. And then we transformed it into our rception. We made the ceremony onl family and then the reception was family and friends. We had a "pot Luck" reception. Sounds cheesy, but it turned out to be a lot of fun. We provided all beverages, and of course dessert... and our friends were so glad to be apart of things. We didn't have a lot of help financially and we have 5 kids, so there was no way that we could afford anything. If I were you, I would just call both sets of parents and say," Look, this is what we need (Be specific) and if you can help, that would be greatly appreciated, if not, let me knw noe." Then start looking at your other friends. Who would be willing to help. Remember, It is YOUR day not your parents not his parents. It is about the two of you joining your lives together. It isn't about the rehearsal dinner, or the wedding day. It is about your love and commitment to one another and your child/children. I understand "Dream wedding" I have been married twice, and neither time was exactly my "dream wedding" as far as everything going smoothly... but what makes it a "dream wedding" is, marrying your best friend. There is no dream more amazing than that. Good luck!

Keeping everything simple is the key to less stress. Don't go in for all the fancy doo-dads and things the wedding catalogs have. My husband and I pulled our wedding together in 3 months.

We each had one attendant, two bouquets of flowers for the altar, of course flowers for maid of honor and me, and corsages/boutennaires for relatives. But that's as far as church decorations went.

During the ceremony, all the songs were hymns, and everyone sang. We didn't have a soloist.

Our reception was at a restaurant's party room, we had fried chicken and salads, and cheesecake was our wedding cake.

SO MANY people told us it was the best wedding they'd ever attended, including mother-in-law, who NEVER likes anyone's wedding, and didn't want us to have a big wedding, because my husband had been married before. But he told her that it's S.'s wedding too, and she hasn't been married before, and her family is really looking forward to this! She backed off.

Anyway, Keep It Simple was our mantra. It's about you getting married, not what kind of fancy show you can put on. ;)

Oh, yeah, since my maid of honor was from out of town, I told her to just find a formal black dress that she looks smashing in. She looked great, I felt like a princess, and it was a GREAT DAY!

Good Luck!