I Am So Mad

If he doesn't want to take her with him, maybe it's for the best. Possibly there could be another reason why he doesn't want to take her with him. Have you ever asked him why he's never taken her or been alone with her?

I wouldnt take it personal. I think that the majority of men NOT ALL OF THEM (lol) is afraid of having a child with them all alone who is not self sufficient. It freaks them out. He is just being a man =)

I don't think you are in the wrong, your feelings are what they are. But at the same time, living your life in anger over him is not best for you or your child.

In no way at all am I saying he is right, I don't feel he is, but there is a big difference between spending the day with a 10 year old and spending the day with a 2 year old. If my husband were to run to the store, or even if I were going to, and needed/wanted to bring a child along for whatever reason, more then likely we'd ask our 11 year old to go along instead of our 6 or 4 year old, just because he is older and is helpful to us. Not that we don't take our 6 and 4 year old out, but if it was based on ease, older is easier. Just something to think about too.

I say take a deep breath and get a life. Get a life without him if that's what you have chosen and move on. If he takes her great if he doesn't oh well.
Get a baby sitter if you need a break, ask a friend or neighbor that you trust to watch her for an hour or two while you collect your thoughts, take a bath, run errands or whatever.
If he sees that you have a life, he might very well ask to have her. When you aren't bugging him all the time about it, he'll want her.
And I agree with the others that said having a 10 year old boy for the day is a lot different than a 2 year old girl. He might just not be comfortable with it.
So, he's a looser fag. Get on with your life and do things that are going to make you happy and your daughter happy.
She's going to be more upset that you aren't happy than not seeing her dad.

Was he spending alone time with his son when his son was 1 yr, almost 2 yrs? It could be that he's not comfortable being with a child, alone, that he may end up having to change a diaper for. Many men are like that.

And, showing him YOUR anger will not help him get over HIS... if you can find it in your heart to calm down, he might do the same.

no R. - you are not wrong to be upset. but let me tell you about the self destructive behavior you are unwittingly engaging in - and he is winning.

he is mad with you - most likely because you got pregnant right away and nonw he feels trapped. plus if, for whatever reason, you chose not to make the relationship work (which was probably for the best from what you have described of his behavior) then he is going to make you as miserable as possible and in the process, he is saying, "if you had tried to make it work, then i would be here to help. but since you chose not to stay with me, i will make you miserable." he is winning. the more you fuss, the happier he is.

if i were you, i would stop fussing. go out with your frineds. find a new love. let him do as he pleases. believe me, the baby will figure it out all by her little self as she gets older and sees that daddy does not spend any real time with her like he does with her brother.

I can say this from experience. my ex did almost the same thing to me when we first split up. i won in the end. my son gets everything he wants from his father and does not go on visitation any time he doesn't want to - which hurts my ex's feelings. i won - but it takes time and patience.

as for having a break and time to yourself, see if any of your friends will give you an hour or two by keeping the baby, or see if you mom or one of your aunts will keep the baby for you to have a break.

and another thought - realize that you have the best of the deal. you have your daughter all to yourself cause daddy is a putz. and believe me when i tell you, she will see it and figure it out all by herself - and she will make him pay in her own little way in her own time.

as for the ideas of how did he behave with his son at this age and there is a difference between a 10 year old and a 2 year old, my opinion is that if really loved his daughter, he would work it out and spend the time with her. if nothing else, he would ask you to come along and help him with her - until he learns her quirks.

realize this one idea and it gets so much easier to deal with - he is the BIG loser here!!! he is missing out on so much as she grows and learns and it all happens so fast - there is no going back and getting it to happen again. once it happens - it's over. you to got to see it and experience it - he only gets to hear about it. who wins then? YOU!!!!! you have all the memories of the "firsts" and he has NOTHING but the stories!

i have a feeling that he did not want any more children when your daughter came along and in his strange - deranged mentality - he is going to make you pay for "trying to trap him" by getting pregnant. now reality most likely is that you had no such plans and it just happened; but he most likely does not believe you and he is going to go out of his way to make you as miserable as he possibly can, because he now has a responsibility he did not want.

again he is the loser. you get all the memories and he has nothing and in the long run, you will have your daughter and he will have nothing again.

as soon as she figures it all out, she will find a way to make him pay for what he has done. believe me when i tell you this. i know from personal experience. my son has found a way to punish his father and so has my daughter. she has known my ex most of her life and when the divorce happened, she went out of her way to punish him for leaving her (she was only 5 when we divorced - but she made him pay dearly and she still does today at 15).

Hi R., I am assuming that you never married the father. It doesn't matter about that. The thing I want to tell you is this, you cannot not change someone else, you can only take responsiblity for yourself and your daughter.
He may be resentful that he got you pregnant and is taking it out on his daughter. Shame on him!
My advise is to take care of yourself and your daughter. Continuing to think about this sitution will keep you from moving on and finding happiness.
Accept what you cannot controlor change and let him go.
Maybe someday he will wake up and see what he has lost.
L.

I don't want this to sound simple so don't take it that way :) Maybe he just has more to do with his son. He probably don't even know what to do with her when he is one-on-one. His son is older and able to communicate, go places, etc. My husband would easily be able to take my 4 year old boy out and about for the day. Not so sure about my 2 1/2 yr old girl though. That is a rough age. Give it a couple of years and I am sure the daddy / daughter time will kick into high gear :) Don't worry so much about that relationship and be grateful that you get to see your beautiful little girl every day :) Heck it could be the other way and he could be trying to take her from you half of the time (I do know that happens alot just out of spite).
Enjoy your weekend!

I had a dad like that, and all I can say is to persavere as a single parent. You can't change him and you can't make him a proactive father. I am a mother now and an adult and my mom and I are so close I really see now the sacrafices she made for me and I see my father for who he is. My suggestion as she grows is to let her see his true colors for herself and try not to talk negative about him in front of her. ( easily said than done) She WILL see him for the choices he made to be a uninvolved father. His loss, and his consequence for his bad choices. Nothing you can really do other than find good friends to vent to and remain the primary for your baby girl. She will see it down the road.
Good luck

divorce,alamoney and child support.He wont' change,Now you know why he has an ex.

Hi R.,

I think that you should take a breath and relax. I am sure that when his son was 1 and 1/2 he did not do all the things that he is doing now with him.

I know that you are upset right now but MOST MEN are like that. It is just too much for them to have to take care of a little person all by themself. With his son being 10 the boy can feed himself and go to the bathroom and he can hold a cup and drink from it, he can walk with him (with no worries)he can get dressed and take a shower by himself and so on and so on. Give him a break he is doing the best that he can right now. He can only do what he is able to do, not what you or anyone makes him do.

Give him some time and Thank God that he even comes around.
Some fathers do not even visit their children at all.

Go easy on him and i am sure that he will do more with her as time goes by.

I am sorry, because i know that this is not what you want to hear from me. I know that you are looking for me and others
to side with you and not him. ~~~ :>
I hope that you have a great weekend.

Perhaps your daughter's father doesn't take her because she is so little still. A lot of men don't like to deal with babies and toddlers - especially girls because they don't know what to do with one or how to take care of her/him.

I don't think you are being unfair and being upset is warranted! But you have to make sure that you are wanting this visitation for the benefit of your child and not just so you can get a break. I have felt the same way before and then I asked myself what would I do if their fathers weren't around at all...I wouldn't have anything to complain about.

I know someone who has a 10 year old son who lives in another city and he goes out of his way to go and see him and be involved in his life, he also has a little girl, I am not sure her exact age but when he talks about seeing her it's always at his ex-girlfriends house. I asked him why he doesn't pick up his daughter and keep her with him or take her to spend time with her big brother when he goes to visit and he blamed the mother. I too am a single mother with a 10 year daughter and a baby on the way with my soon to be ex-husband, I know things can be difficult.

Maybe you can get an agreement together (If you don't have one already) and get it filed with the court system that says for visitation he needs to actually pick her up and take her with him, that visitation cannot be at your home anymore. You can also put in the agreement that you will meet somewhere to exchange her instead of doing it at your home, or take her and drop her off at his home!

R.,
You can't change what other people do or their priorities. If he doesn't want to take the time with her, he will suffer for it when she wants nothing to do with him. Do you have friends that can give you a break once in a while? How about family? It sounds like you could use a little down time.

I wouldn't assume that he is avoiding her just to be spiteful unless I had really good evidence for that. This is causing you to take it in a different way.....in anger for a feeling of self righteousness.

I see so many women now suffering for a lack of quality in the men today. They are almost like Man-child types, my husband is among them.

You have to be greatful for what you have. Set your sites ahead of you. If you HAVE to work with him on a schedule for seeing her, it needs to be a set schedule to a degree. This way you know what to count on. You would plan on being flexible if needed, we all know that life takes over sometimes.

Do you really want her with him if he doesn't want her there?

You can't change what he wants. He isn't doing the right thing by having integrity with regards to his daughter. You need to teach her that other people do not control your feelings. They belong to you.

It isn't her fault,. It's no reflection on her what -so- ever. It's may be a broken part of him or a malfunctioning part of him. You can't help who your parents are.

I think it is dangerous to assume that he is doing this so you can't have free time or because he wants to be malicious. Maybe you should introduce her to a more healthy situation and get her used to being there so that whoever she has grown used to can watch her for you sometimes. Go out through your life looking for a good friend with the same values as you. If that is what you seek, that is what you will find. Rejoice when you find that person and lean on them a little. We all have to ask for help. Why do you have to count on him? If he can't be counted on, is he WORTHY to have her time?

I know if he is making a genuine effort, he is worthy of her time.....but you see what I'm trying to say?

As for the anger, it will only hold you back and drain you of energy. You could consider moving on to indifferent. I started that way with my ex. One day I got to the point where I said "Oops. We were never meant to be together. What a mistake. It would never have worked out. I am so happy to be free of him...." and then I gave him a clean slate. It felt really good. I knew he would do things later that would make me think"Oh my gosh, what a jerk....that is so (HIS NAME) like of him" I also had a plan. My plan was to overlook it and move on. He no longer had a place in my heart because he didn't deserve one. If he wanted to be a DOLT then he could. If he were causing harm to our son, then I would speak up. Otherwise, I was polite and considerate and friendly. That way, when I had something to say, he was more likely to listen,.

It took me 10 years to get there. The place that I started was indifference. OK, I have to deal with you, but it will be on my terms and I will not let you have any power over me because I don't care what you have to say as long as you are not following the rules or treating others as you would wish to be treated.

I stopped feeling so angry. I felt powerful. I did feel a little self righteous, but that went away later. It's hard to keep a balance. You daughter is looking to you for an understanding of how to be a balanced person. You need to show her real power. You need to love her, look for friends or family that can be trusted for an occasional break, deal with your ex with integrity and move on with your life.

Don't focus on what he is trying to do or whether he is being mean or selfish. What a waste of your precious time and energy.

Focus on your today and your tomorrow and the person you know you were meant to become. Become that person and show your daughter that it is never to late for you to make your own dreams come true. Give her that rare gift. Take hope and roll with it girl./

Maybe he is uncomfortable taking care of a girl vs. a boy? Do you know if he took care of his son at such an early age? Some men don't seem to be comfortable with babies until they're older. BUT that's no excuse, really. As the baby's father, he needs to help you out as much as possible no matter what is going on between you/him - that has nothing to do with your daughter. And speaking of helping, is he paying any child support? If not, you should make sure he does at least that.

Hi R.! Good for you for posting on here! That's one of the things this site is for, SUPPORT! I have 2 small children who arent exactly a priority to their dad, and I DO look forward to him taking them so I can have a break. Everyone needs a break and you shouldnt be faulted for that. Obviously I want the kids to have a good relationship with their dad as they grow up, and I want him to spend time with them to facilitate that, but I also need me time! I have no advice, but I wish you good luck with everything. It's ok to get p*ssed at him, I know I get that way at mine. I also know it wont change anything, but so what. Heck, if you lived near me I'd say drop her off and I'd watch her, what's one more? :)

I am so sorry that you have to feel this way. I know how frustrating it is when the other party isn't willing to meet you half way especially when you feel overwhelmed. It sounds to me that he is not being realistic or fair. It is a shame because he will be the one in the long run who will miss out. I'm assuming there aren't any court orders that he would have to comply with since he doesn't take her for a weekend. If not, then you can't make him do it and you might be wasting your good energy on complaining to him. It always helped me to get a friend who has a child the same age as mine so they could play together as we both watched them and talked. Meeting at a playground or somewhere for a picnic was always the easiest for me and the nature was soothing for the children. Good luck!

I hope the following article helps, at lol. --- A.

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one
day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs , the little old man took down the
shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
"Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."

A Prayer.......
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death, because I don't know how to crochet.

I have to say that there seem to be a lot of posts on here that are real quick to make excuses for men in general, and to lay much of this issue on R.. Most of my post is directed more at other posters, but some is directed to her.

R. I assume you came here for some support and advice, not to be given every excuse that I'm sure the man has already given you, why he should be pampered like a little baby. Am I correct on this? I do not at all blame you for being ticked off, we all get like this at times, especially when life is extremely stressful. It sounds to me like your post was probably written while you were extremely pissed off, maybe after an altercation with the dad. In that situation your words will probably sound a lot more nasty then ussual, which is why you gave us a warning at the beginning of your post. I think all of us have been there, and even if you hold your temper and try to be reasonable with someone you feel is wrong that doesn't mean you will hold it when you are trying to get it off your chest. That is my assumption, that the position you are in has you so ticked off that you needed to get it off your chest and let off some steam. I just think some of the other posters need to acknowledge that, we all need to let off steam sometimes and may say some harsh things in the process. But that is part of letting off steam, to let it off here instead of in a much less appropriate situation. You are stressed out, you have to take care of a little 2 year old all the time, you work and don't even get a break from her then, your ex is being very un-supportive of you, very lazy and disconnected with his daughter, and unfairly uninvolved with your daughter, yet very involved with ex's son. Yes his son is older he is more comfortable with him more use to him and he is a boy, but that is a pathetic excuse for paying so little attention to his daughter and being so disconnected. That is all it is is an excuse, an excuse that has been pushed buy society for centuries and apparently shows no signs of letting up. No matter how much you love your little girl, you also deserve a break every once in a while. Someone suggested he may have problems with the trouble it takes to visit, but he had problems being lazy with her even when he was living with you and had no job. I get completely stressed when I am with kids 24/7 and daddy can't bother to take them off my hands once in a while. I am happily married, but I expect him to take care of them himself at times because they are his kids too. I have explained this to him very calmly, but seriously so that he understands that I'm not trying to be mean I just need some help and me time and these are his kids too so he needs to help care for them weather he's comfortable or not. We have a boy and a girl and he is just as involved with both. Even so he can be lazy at times and think it's perfectly ok to leave me with them at all times and just play the whole time he's around them. Boy, it must seem easy to them if they think that's all we do all day is play with the baby, but we all know there is far more to it. I make sure he knows that I have to have a break every once in a while, just to keep my sanity. Yes that is for mostly my benefit, but it benefits all of them also. You know the old saying, "If mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy!" Well it is true, stressed out mommy makes for stressed out baby, and stressed out everyone else.

I am so sick of men and women making excuses for men acting like children. We all expect our children to grow up and except responsibility for their choices, their life, and their actions, but when men act like immature little babies concerning babies they helped bring into the world, we just make excuses for their irresponsible actions. "Oh poor little man, he doesn't understand how to take care of a baby. Boo Hoo Hooo!" "Oh poor men they just don't know how to connect with their little girls. How sad!" "Oh poor poor men they just can't figure out how to relate to females. WAAAA WAAAA WAAAA!" It's all excuses and not very good ones at that. Is this how men are supposed to deal with their life choices? My uncle use to say something about excuses that pertain here, "Excuses, excuses, excuses, everybody's got em and they all stink!" Poor man, go easy on him, say most of the posts on here. Well I think maybe these poor men should go a little easier on the poor women their excuses are being laid on. She has every reason to be angry, yes she needs to discuss things with him calmly and rationally, but he also needs to take responsibility for their unplanned child even if it's hard or uncomfortable.

As for the comments about feeling trapped, give me a break! Another pathetic excuse pushed buy society! It takes two people to have a baby. Unless you are pretty poorly educated about sex, you know full well that anytime two people have sex there is a chance (yes a small one) of producing a pregnancy and child. No one is trapped, she isn't forcing him to stay with her, they both had some idea that this could happen. If anyone is trapped maybe we should say it's the female, since she has to carry the baby and give birth or whatever other decision she decides on when she gets pregnant.

I think you need to try to talk to him while you are alone and

Anyway sorry to be harsh to some of the posters, but lets get real here. We don't need to keep making pathetic excuses for men who don't want to take responsibility for their life choices. We don't need to make excuses for females either but, most of these excuses are being made for the man in this situation.

Let me tell you about my experience. I am a single mom as well. My relationship with my daughter's father was brief and over before I found out I was pregnant. He quickly decided he didn't want anything to do with either of us, and we never saw him again until a year ago (she was 18months old). He said he had thought about ehr every day and changed his mind. I was ALL excited. No, I did not want him back (believe me!), but I was SO happy that my little girl would have her father in her life. Well, in this last year since he has met her, he has seen her a total of ten times. That's it. And more than half of those times has been just for a quick lunch with other people present, including his new girlfriend who is so insanely jealous of me that she won't "let" him spend time with me and my daughter alone. And he goes right along with whatever she has to say. Let me tell you, I have been right where you are in terms of being so mad I could spit! But I finally decided something about a month ago. I cannot change what he is going to do with his life, and I can only protect my daughter from getting hurt so much. So I stopped begging him to come and see her more. And I told him the ball is in his court. He can see her as much or as little as he wants, and if he wants to bring his girlfriend, that's fine too. Because ultimately, he's going to do what he wants anyway, and what can I do about it. It is HIS relationship with his daughter that he is building and he can do it as he chooses. That being said, I have not heard word one from him in over a month. But so be it. Again, HIS relationship, not mine. My job is to keep my daughter as happy as possible, and I am doing my best. My advice to you would be to dig deep and let it go. (Easier said than done, I know!) YOU cannot control how often he sees her and when he takes her for the day, etc. It takes a strong woman to be able to watch the father of her child flit in and out of the child's life as he pleases, but you just have to make sure you are there for your daughter in the end. I hope this helps you in some way. :)

I'm not a therapist but I have some advice. It sounds like the father is more comfortable with his son. Some men are like that. I have 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls. I think you made the right decision not to marry him, he does sound very immature and he's the one missing out. Enjoy your daughter. Dont be upset you have 24/7 with her. Accept it and make it as enjoyable as you can. Make each moment your not working precious. Plan your own outings with her. Take her out of town, to the park, to famiy, keep busy. I guess I'm saying, dont look forward to the father doing anything, make it that you two are busy, sorry charlie, you missed out. One day, your daughter will be a young lady who respects you, who knows how much her mother was there for her and loves her and you will have the honor walking her down the aisle. You have to change your mind set and just forget that man. He's not going to change, and if he does one day, your daughter will know who was there for her to grow up right.
Hope this helps.
Dawn

R.,

I read your story and how you were not mad the next day. I am glad to hear you are not letting him get the best of you. Just remember when you two fight or exaust eachother thre one who suffers the most is your little girl. Good luck with your situation. I hope it get better for you.

First R....did you try and work it out with your daughter's father ? or is he a total idiot that you can not even think about living with him. If that is the case....why did you have sex with him. Having said that......I think the reason he is not taking your daughter is he feels uncertain with a little one. He probably does not know what to do if she cries or has a need that she can not express verbally. And ....how much can he do with a 2 year old. My guess is that when his son was 2 years old....his X wife spend most of her time with him also. But now that he is 10 he can communicate with him and he does not have to watch him that closely as a 2 year old. True he is an idiot for not wanting to do that....and since he is not living with you and your little girl does not see him on a every day basis.....he is going to have a very hard time getting close to her when she is older. I am sure that when she is older and not so much work he will come around to take her for a week-end or so. Does he pay child support?

Hi R..

First of all, stop and BREATHE. Relax a bit, and know that you cannot change him. I know it must be infuriating, (I have difficulties with my son's father as well) and very stressful for you right now. You can always teach your girl about quiet time for mommy and her. Each day, play a game with her where you have to do some quiet activity individually for 45 minutes or so. This will help to ease your mind. Do it right before snack time or tv time or something, so there is a reward if she behaves. There are things like coloring, picture books, alphabet magnets, etc.

On Mamasource, they advertise a company called Sittercity. Perhaps you could call them for someone to sit for you an hour a week, just for some sane time.

As far as your ex, there is a difference between boys and girls. Perhaps he feels he cannot have the same relationship he does with his son, and he is afraid of the change. Or...maybe he's being a spiteful as^*(%$. It's hard to tell. But, you have to look beyond your situation and put yourself in his shoes. What is the real reason? He may be afraid of having to play tea party with stuffed animals. lol

I wish you luck.

C.

Dear R.,

I read your request several hours ago and saw how many responses you had, read a few of them and thought you probably had what you needed. But for some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about your situation and felt the need to speak my peace.

First off, some of the previous responders have mentioned a possible comfort issue, that he may worry about what is inappropriate and not able to handle the baby as well as the older child. If this is the reason he gives you, it is a cop out. I am a SAHM. So on occasion, my husband will take my 2 children (aged 2 and 4) and go shopping or whatever. Changing diapers has never been an issue, except that places really need to start adding changing tables to the men's room. And just the other night, I had the little one and he had the 4 year old and she had to use the potty. So he had to take her in the mens room. One of the men who saw him come in stood sentry at the door to keep other men out. This happens all the time in public. People really are nice if you give them the chance.

Secondly. If you force him to take her, then what exactly do you think he is saying about you while he has her? She may not remember it now, but give her a year and she'll have a mind like a steel trap. You don't want to risk that possibility.

And finally, if he doesn't want to see her, don't make him. There's nothing worse than being forced on someone you don't want to be around and it makes you resent them. Most of all, you don't want him to feel resentment towards her, but it's possible.

In my opinion, it's best to find a sitter you trust, enlist the help of your closest friends and family and let him make the next move.

Whatever happens, good luck.

C.

Mary A. said most of what I wanted to say... But maybe he is just afraid because she is a girl. Maybe he doesn't know what to do with a girl. Especially how to change her.

Like the others have said, don't let him see you angry! It will just fuel the fire.

Some men are just dumb like this... Maybe they will find a cure for it soon! But until then, Keep your chin up and enjoy your little girl while she's little. THEY GROW UP TOO FAST...My oldest just turn 15 yesterday... I wish i spent more time with him enjoying him as a baby. I wish I took more pictures and had a video camera but I didn't...I can't live life in the past... LIVE LIFE ONE DAY AT A TIME AND LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!

Blessings,
K. J

You don't say if he is supporting your daughter monetarily. If he's not, I would just forget about him and move on with your lives. All that anger and bitterness you're carrying isn't doing anyone any good, and it doesn't appear he'll ever change. Be happy and enjoy your daughter and you will likely attract someone who will appreciate and treasure both of you! Many blessings! Rose

R.,

I'm in the same boat as you but I was and still am married to my son’s father, my son will be 2 in April. It is hard to say just set back and take a deep breath because as you know being a mother there is never a moment to take a deep breath, unless we are having fun with our kids and the joy on there little faces is enough for us. What I did with my son's father is avoid him, find things to do that don't involve him. When he sees that you don't have time for him he will come around and want to spend the time with your little girl. And if he doesn't come around you just move on with your life. There are to many of us women out here not to support each other and if you ever need support I would be willing to help.

Thank you for your time. J. B.

Hey R.,
My opinion is that he has a son that's 10yrs old that can talk back. Men are funny creatures. I have a husband who is a huge huge help and he didn't communicate with our children when they were little either. My son is 20mths old and he just said the other day he can't wait until he's older when my son can talk to him more. Especially since you have a daughter. Most men just don't know what to do with a girl, especailly when they're little. I think you're being a little hard. Look up the psycology of men w/ young female children. Their all the same. Every one of my mom friends says the same things and my friends are all married with great husbands. Really, it doesn't sound like he's doing it just because of you. I know it seems like that because you're exhausted. Maybe just ask him for a little help on one day for just a few hours. Set the day up for him with an activity for them. Don't make him just figure it out. He won't be able to do it. Approach him kindly, not with so much anger. Take baby steps and give him ALL of the details for the day. Give him alot of little suggestions where to take her, what to buy her, what to say to her. Not in a demeaning way, but in a helpful way. Tell him you know it must be hard for him to connect with her since she's so little and assure him it will get better when she's older. He'll appreciate that and it will take some of the pressure off of him and you'll diffuse the tension between you two. Guys just need alot of guidance in this area, they really do.
Good luck.
R.

R., from experience, you need to quit taking it so personally. Don't show him selfishness. In essence, we can't help the way that we feel, but we definitely can control our actions and our verbage. It's easier said than done, but you have to not let it bother you. Why? Because in the end your daughter will be intelligent enough to see him for what he really is. Allow her to grow up in an environment where she doesn't hear even the slightest bad-mouthing about her father, so that there isn't already some kind of prejudgement settled in within her. Don't show your anger/resentment towards him around her, she can pick up on that vibe.

Instead, love her with everything that you have. Spend the quality time that you do with her. She will know that even though he is her father, you, her mother, sacrificed a lot to ensure her emotional and physical well-being. She will remember the times in which the two of you have spent together, and she will never forget those who have done for her. She will hold you to a different regard, in comparison to him. It's sad that it will happen like this, but it is true. I've witnessed it within my own self and with my own children.

Good luck. It's hard, but it can be achieved. Just know that you're hard work will pay off. You will mold her and teach her to become the best adult that she can. And we can look forward to her doing great things in her time.

Wow--I think you have every right to be upset with him! But at the same time, getting all worked up about it doesn't help you at all.
Some dads (and even some moms) have a hard time relating to and being with babies and toddlers, but are much better once the kids get older. My husband was told by many other fathers that "they don't become fun until they are about 3" Now did he love his son and help me with him from day 1?, of course he did, but I think he is really starting to enjoy him more now that he is getting a bit older (he'll be 3 this summer).
At the same time, we have the benefit of living together, so he rarely has to spend the entire day with him alone (he's done t his once recently) and has maybe taken him somewhere once by himself (I think it was Home Depot). He'll go with us to the park (sometimes) but hasn't yet done this on his own. But he's already planning on taking him to Daytona 500 when he turns 5...so I know it's really more an age thing.
So her age and the fact that she is a girl may be the reason for his reluctance. (again--it may be hard for him to relate with her if she wants to do tea parties and play with her dollies.)
With you guys being apart though--it IS important for him to spend time with her so they can develop a healthy father/daughter relationship.
How strained is your relationship with him? Can you sit down with him and maybe plan ahead some time that he can take her? And try to make it as easy for him as you can, plan ahead--giving him time to prepare give him ideas of things to do, etc. Start with a couple of hours in an afternoon and then make it longer and longer so his comfort level being alone with her will grow. Getting mad and frustrated will only make him think it IS your fault. So come at it from a different angle because what you are doing is for your daughter....

Finally, find some other support too! Moms groups, family (including his), church, etc. to help you get a break and be able to recharge. She's almost 2, so even a trusted teenager should be able to watch her for a few hours while you go get a pedicure...Ask around, network with those other moms at the parks and find someone you can trust to take her a couple of hours when you need a break. Not that you shouldn't be able to use her father, but have other support too!

Okay I have two opinions on this....

1. I think that if you want him to take her, tell him that if he wants to see her, he has to come pick her up that there will be no more of this coming to hang out at your house.

2. It sounds like you only want him to take her for your benefit. If this is the case then you are doing it for the wrong reason. There really could be a reason why he won't. I have two girls, two different dads. Both wouldn't change diapers or anything with their daughter... They both have sons and would. They were afraid of being accused of touching a girl inappropriately. If she is still in diapers this could be a concern of his and he is just unable to express it.