Hyphenating Vs. Not

One of the things i did, was added my maiden name to my middle name. So, on my soc card and everythign else, my first name, then my middle name, then my maiden name as an additional middle name, and then my married name. as far as my cred cards, i use two middle initials, whenever they allow me. Dont knwo if that would work for you, just something i did to not lose my name totally! ;)

I don't think there's a perfect solution to the last name thing, but I have to say that this: "If I hyphenate, people will see myself separately from them," - is not anything I've ever heard. And it's crazy - does it mean he isn't really committed to you if he doesn't take your name?

I changed my name because I didn't think I cared about it, but to be honest if I was doing it over again I might not have. Many women I know kept their names and the world kept turning, schools figure it out, etc. Hyphenating wasn't an option - our names were just too long and didn't sound . I did keep my maiden name as a second middle, but it doesn't appear on anything in full except my checks and social security card. There's really no perfect solution (we have friends who invented a whole new name for themselves, but my husband wouldn't go for that - and I'm not sure I'd like that either.)

I did not hyphenate and while I think it looks better professionally, other than at work its proven to be a HUGE pain in the butt of which I would not do it again. People put the 2 names together. Some add a hyphen anyways...I would hypehnate it if I did it all over.

Good for you. This negating one adult family name for another is very troublesome. It reinforces women as second class citizens. You don't see men abandoning THEIR family names. That being said, using YOUR own family name as a middle is really just a passing nod in respecting your heritage/yourself. Certainly better than nothing. That is what I did when I should have kept my own name altogether or at least hyphenated. Your husband is exactly right. Hyphenating respects your own heritage with acknowledging your spouse's. People sometimes say, "well what about the children's names?" I have that ALL figured out :) The female line continues with THAT name and the male line continues with THAT name. I won't see it in my lifetime but I think it will happen eventually.
C.

I went through this same thing a few years ago...I spoke with our attorney who told me to keep my maiden and just add on my husband's name. So, now I have a first, middle, last, last name...I use my maiden name at work and my DH's for social events and for anything formal (bank, home, loans) I use both last names without hyphenating.

I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone else but it works great for me.

Jen