Husband Wants Sex with Others.

I think you'd be hard pressed to find any parent who didn't feel like they had commitments and obligations and maybe some still unfulfilled dreams.

As for the fantasies, he may well find out that fantasy is better left in the mind.

If I were you (which I'm not, but this is what I'd do), I'd tell him that you are not willing to entertain that type of a relationship and if he is not happy in a monogomous, committed relationship, he is welcome to go elsewhere. The I'd file for divorce.

Don't sit around saying "what if I need an extra pair of hands...blah blah blah..." That's not why you decide to leave a marriage. Best of luck to you.

Tell him you have a date tomorrow night and go out, somewhere and when you get home act like you really had a great time and you can't wait to go out on another date. He may just see how ridiculous he's acting or get jealous and really want to stay. Give him a taste of his own medicine, before he does it to you!

Something needs to be done, quickly. He has something wrong with him. Try to go to counseling with or without him. I'm sorry you are going through this. Get help no matter what. Good luck to you!

I am a man married 34 years to two women (in succession, not simultanteously) who each started off loving sex and then turned it off completely. The first wanted me to join her in her "no sex" world shortly after marrying, and openly admitted that our great pre-marriage sexual attraction was a ruse. I did not agree, after 5 years of wedded celibacy, and had many casual sexual encounters with other women. Other discreet sexual partners are readily available. We divorced after 20 years and are still friends. My present marriage of 14 years has evolved to no sex for physical/medical reasons and her Marlene Deitrich attitude (Men. You have to let them or they won't come back.) This is passive aggressive and I don't like it. Nevertheless, I have remained faithful 14 years of monogamy and the last 4 years of celibacy. It is not a good situation for me. She is happy. There is no resoIution in sight.

Only a few women here have responded to the issue, rather than to your feelings/emotions about it. In the end, your feelings will guide you. Until the end, you need to understand the issue. I will over-simplify to be brief, but here's what I see. You said "I feel like a huge fool for being here. I have wasted so many years on him and didn't think he was this weak, superficial person who would throw away our beautiful family for sex. Its SEX. Yes its egoboosting and feels good. Yes its exciting with a new partner, but at the end of the day its still sex." Yes, it is sex, and sex is very important to some people. If you belittle sex, as many women do, especially those who have had their babies and for whom sex no longer has a need to fulfill, you are missing part of your role in your partnership with your mate. You are forcing him into a loneliness that he would like to satisfy with you, IF you would be assertive and actively join in. Don't think you can change the rules of sex in your relationship just because it is not important to you anymore, if it ever was important for you to satisfy your mate as well as satisfy yourself and bear children.

If you cannot bring yourself to learn a new attitude (and aptitude) about sexually pleasing your mate, then end your relationship. You will be helping your mate. He can be a good father without being married. But don't embrace such a rigid position belittling sex and expect anything but more consternation.

All relationships require balance, and balance requires give and take. Sex is only part of your issue. Find out how to balance it in your life together or free yourself and your mate from the instability that your imbalance is having on your marriage. It is all about personal choice, and there are two of you who must decide.

There are many great counselors out there today. Best wishes.

.

this is what a friend of mine did when faced with a somewhat similar situation.... she told her husband to meet her at a certain hotel in the bar area one night. unbeknownst to him she had already rented a room. she went and bought a wig, sexy dress, heels, put on heavy makeup, she didnt even look like herself anymore! she went to the bar and sat next to her husband and began to flirt. it took him awhile to figure out it was her, but she just kept up the roll play and insisted she was another person. they eventually ended up in the room and had quite an evening. she left first and went home and got cleaned up and back to normal then acted as if it had never happened. She became his fantasies. We're talking pretending to be a soccer mom and picking up on him at a game, pretending to be a streetwalker and him picking her up on the street, you name it, they acted it out. it did save their marriage because it opened his eyes to the fact that he could have all his fantasties WITH HIS WIFE!! I dont know that it would work for you and it does take a lot of effort and some acting ability but it could be one last effort before throwing in the towel. men can be such idiots.

Let him go.
Don't read "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". It doesn't matter what you do, he will want what he wants. He makes his own choices and he won't stay with you just because you give him a sandwich and open your legs.
Don't let anyone make you feel like you are abnormal to prefer monogamy.
Don't blame yourself for your husbands selfishness.

He wants to be single.......let him be single. You will never be alone or pathetic. You will have your kids and you will be a strong woman for not letting him coerce you into being his leftovers.

You are a valuable person and I am sorry that your husband made you feel like you are not enough.

'

My husband cheated on me. Never told me he wanted any one else. But, after it all came out, I went to the lawyer the next day. We had been married for 5 years, together 17. We were best friends, just as you described.
Here's why I divorced him... I have a daughter, just like you. And, some day, I want her to grow up & be in a loving relationship with a man who adores her. I want her to see & know that if your husband thinks like this or acts on this, it is not loving. It just isn't.
It took me a long time to not hate myself, but this isn't about you at all. This is about him, 100%. And, as soon as you believe that, you will know exactly what you should do.
Please believe you are NOT alone, you have friends & family that love you & would support you. Being alone... is truly not as horrid as it seems.
You have a lot to work out & it is best you seek the comfort, advice & support of your family & friends & even a therapist it you need it. Always follow your gut, always.
I hope this doesn't sound silly...

Unless he is willing to fully commit to you, and go to marriage counseling with you, I would let him go. For him to put this desire for variety over his family is just unthinkable. Tell him it is all or nothing, the family or the fantasy, one or the other. If he chooses the empty meaningless sex over family, he is a pathetic excuse for a man and you and your girls are better off without him. What kind of example is he setting for his children? You need to show your kids what a strong woman is, and stand up for your self and for them. If he has already strayed, or is just thinking about it, the marriage does not have to be over, but it can only be saved if he is 100% on board, and you guys need to get a therapist involved, it really does help. After my husband cheated I would have left, but he agreed to counseling and it changed him and saved our family. If he had not gone, I would have left, because it is my responsibility to show my kids how to stand up for them selves and keep their self respect in tacked.

One thing I learned when leaving my husband (before I decided to stay and join him in therapy) was that you can not look at it as wasted years. You have good memories and amazing children. The relationship may not last, but that does not mean you wasted that time, it just means that book is closing, and another one is opening. Please, whenever you start to feel like that time was wasted, just look at your kids and remember the good that came from that time.

Hi P., I can't imagine how hard all this must be. I'm going to say something that isn't very politically correct and most people would say I'm crazy but at least your husband is being honest with you. And there are lots of couples that open their relationship up just a bit to make it work better.

I read Dan Savage's advice column (he tackles a lot of non-traditional sex topics) a lot and this subject comes up quite a bit. Just because you open up your relationship a bit doesn't mean he has carte blanche to run wild having sex with anything that will with him. There are rules of engagement so to speak and you are a big part of those rules. At least with honesty in his behavior outside your relationship it puts you at less risk because he will be less inclined to act recklessly with his sexual health. Think about it, with limited permission it takes some of the wind out of the naughty sails. It eliminates that thrill of sneaking around.

But the part that makes me doubt what he's telling you is that he's saying he wants his own place and wants to be able to come and go as he pleases. That's a huge red flag that he might want out of the relationship.

That being said, I can understand his curiosity if you guys married very young. I think the first course of action I'd take is to see about talking to a marriage counselor that will be non-judgemental if you guys decided to make some non-traditional decisions about how to run your relationship. If he does want to stay in the relationship you both have to come to a compromise that works for both of you.

I don't know if I made any sense but I hope this helps even a little.

P., I so relate to your turmoil. I came of age in the 60's, and "freedom" became a mantra for many of my contemporaries, including my husband. Free love, no limitations, no outside authority. All fun stuff, I suppose, but no real responsibility. I tolerated an "open marriage" for a decade, chose to stay faithful myself until it all became pointless, finally left the marriage (yes, it was scary to try to raise my daughter on the very small income I could earn at the time).

I see a couple of ways you could look at this. Both are challenging, but have been done. In fact, I have done both.

Option 1: you can tell yourself that if you really love your husband and support his need for happiness and fulfillment, then the formal ties of marriage are less significant. The obstacles to this route are (A) that he will be less available to you and his children. Not so good. (B) that he could fall in love with another sexual partner and decide to leave you anyway. Also not so good. (C) that he will put himself and you at greater risk of STDs. Not so good. (D) You will at some point have to explain to your children why your family is so non-traditional, and your daughters might think themselves not lovable enough for Daddy to stay home. So sad.

Option 2: You can get over the idea that your decade of love and marriage have been a waste. They have not. You've had good times, love, children. You have wonderful memories, and painful memories. They will all be yours to keep, as you choose. You can get counseling (VERY helpful) for yourself with the intent of deciding on your future, and if that means letting your husband go his own way, then you'll have some support to help you through the necessary transitions.

Personally, I prefer Option 2, having tried both. If you can bring yourself to act proactively and make a conscious choice to move this man out of your life, who knows, he may be shocked into realizing what he's losing. Or not. He may sow his wild oats for awhile, and then realize he really wants you. Or not. There are no guarantees on what he might do, but YOU have the chance to set a happier course for yourself and your daughters. This will give them a wonderful model of what a strong, independent woman looks like, and perhaps reduce the chance that they'll marry someone who will want to wander.

Whatever else you do, I stongly recommend, if nothing else, that you find a compassionate, practical counselor. You could use some help with the painful feelings that are tormenting you now, the regret, the self-judgement, the distrust of others, the fear. All of this will help you grow into your full self, and truthfully, someday you will be able to look back and realize you are better for what has happened.

Wow - good luck with this.

Have asked him how he'd feel if your daughters were grown & he found out one of their husbands was saying he "needed" this?

Sometimes our husbands forget that we are somebody's kid too.

Hugs to you!

Hmmmm...I feel for ya honey, this is a tough situation. It sounds to me like a typical case of a husband feeling neglected and *thinking* that sexual variety is the answer to all of his problems, when in actuality-he will find out that its not. I'm guessing that he is not feeling loved or appreciated by you, and has "regrets" over getting married so young and thinking he missed out on some "sowing his oats" time...but really, even if he were to try and do that now, its not going to be how he imagined. I mean dating a bunch of people, having sex all the time with different partners...yeah, guys do that at 18. He's not 18 anymore, good luck trying to replicate that time in your life, buddy! And you are right, you "can't make him want this" (to stay with you and the kids)-which it seems like he really cares about and loves since he "is torn", and partly "wants to live happily ever after". So what to do...well, letting him get his own place, or letting him have sex with other people is a recipe for disaster. You are right, it would be a separation, and you would only be putting off the inevitable (a breakup). It would be a total violation of trust, and would ruin the sanctity of your marriage. And it would be extremely hurtful to you and make you bitter towards him and the relationship in the end. So don't agree to that, whatever you do. If that's truly what he wants, let him go and let him know that if he chooses that route, it will be a clean break...your relationship will be over, you are not ok with that. You might think you maybe could be ok with it, in an effort to save your family, but from your post-you are not. No self respecting woman would be. What probably is going on, as to why he is feeling neglected...is what you stated-you two are focusing more on the kids than each other (SOOO many of us fall into this habit when we have small children and lead busy lives), and there is a trust issue with his emotional straying like you said. So really, all that you can do is try to make him feel less neglected and more loved and hope that this notion of sexual promiscuity goes by the wayside when he is more focused on your (hopefully) more loving, romantic, EXCITING, relationship. There are 2 things I will recommend...the first one is an audio version of a book, the audio is kind of key-since most men don't want to be given a book to read and probably won't do it. The CD you can listen to together on a long car ride, or after the kids are in bed at night. I did with my husband a while ago (we weren't even having problems, but it was given to me by a friend) and it opened my eyes to how he feels loved and has helped our relationship greatly. It is called "the 5 love languages" by Gary Chapman. This is dependent on his willingness to listen, though. The second thing is a book for you to read, called "the proper care and feeding of husbands" by Laura Schlessinger.

Both resources should help you and your husband, if he is willing to try. Ask him for a waiting period before any drastic changes. Ask him what a reasonable time frame would be, and then work on your relationship in that time. If at the end of the time frame, he still thinks he needs sex with others...I'm sorry to say, but let him go. But really, men are simple creatures...all they really want is to feel appreciated, have their egos stroked very frequently, feel respected and looked up to, and have food in their belly, and sex in their bed. Oprah did a show on why men cheat a while back, and although he hasn't cheated yet...it seems like he really wants to. And the running theme of every story was that all of the men thought they wanted sex, but really all they wanted was to feel appreciated.
Marriage takes effort by both parties, and I'm going to tell you some advice I got on my honeymoon that stuck with me all these years. We went to Hawaii, and kept running into this same couple at all the places we went, (luau's, bike trips, etc) so we got to talking with them. They were there on their 20th wedding anniversary, so I asked them (since I was newly married) what the secret to a happy marriage is. They said to us, as the years go by, and you have kids, and your jobs get more demanding, etc...never lose the focus on the 2 of you. Your kids will grow up and leave you, you will move jobs, eventually retire...what matters is the 2 of you. Keep your love for each other the #1 priority, make time for each other, go on dates with each other, always reconnect no matter how busy life gets, and you'll be fine. And they were right.
Good luck to you-I hope that once he feels more loved, he will realize why he married you in the first place and all this other nonsense will go away. Keep us posted on how it turns out!

You have nothing to feel bad about. There shouldn't be ANY bashing.

It sounds to me if your husband wants an open marriage. Like anything in life - this is a negotiation. You married young. Your husband "FEELS" like he needs more. What he will find is that he may get the "variety" he's THINKS he wants but he will find that he wants the stability of home and you.

My best friend of 34 years has an open marriage. It was funky first. This was HER idea, NOT his.

You need to know what YOU are comfortable with. With my ex - it wasn't about an open marriage - he just felt he was "the man" and could make wise decisions when it comes to choosing women to "have fun with". He wouldn't wear a condom - I told him he wasn't worth my life. I told him that if he HAD to have more - he could bring them home - I didn't want any surprises.

If this does not work for you - you need to find out what does. If monogamy is what you want, I don't believe you will be getting it from him. He may think he'll find something different, W., etc. somewhere else. But really - he doesn't know what he wants either.

How to deal with the kids? Tell them that "daddy and I do not see eye-to-eye on certain things and have chosen to live apart." It doesn't mean that either of you love your children any less, that's not it at all. It's hard for kids to understand.

YOU have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror every day. YOU have to be comfortable with your life. Most importantly - you need to realize there is NOTHING wrong with you.

I'm sorry you aren't close with your family. I'm sorry you feel as if you have friends who won't be there - give them a chance. You need to give yourself credit and confidence. If you don't have any of these things - it will be hard for you to do much of anything.

Please feel free to contact me privately. But YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!!! DO you NOT "NEED" your husband. He needs to know what he wants and how he wants to handle his feeling for wanting more. NONE of this is YOUR responsibility. You can tell him what you are comfortable with and what you will and will NOT tolerate. If he can't handle it - leave or he can. There's no reason that the kids have to be uprooted from there home because their father is going through a mid-life crisis.

Would he be ok with you having sex with others while being married to him?
This would be deal breaker for me. If my husband wanted anyone other than me, he could have it, but at the end of the day he would have to go home to his own empty house.
Sending ((hugs)) this must be very hard for you. Good luck to you and your kids!

Hi P.,
As I see it, the crux of the problem is not necessarily your husband's desire to have sex with other women , but rather that he does not want the constraints of being a father and having a family. I think that is the biggest problem and one that YOU cannot solve for him. I can imagine two people who are very honest with one another agreeing to a sexually open marriage. But I cannot image a marriage working when one person wants their own space, more time on their own, none of the constraints that come with being a father and a husband (and a grown-up). To put it differently, if you had said: "my husband is the greatest husband and dad in the world, he is there for us all the time but wants one night a month when he can pretend to be a bachelor", then your problem would "simply" be the sex issue. But he isn't there for you, and doesn't want to be there for you and your kids.

I hope that once you see that this is more than about sex, that it's basically about abandoning his commitment your marriage, you will know that it is not something for YOU to solve. And that you will know that it makes no sense to cling to a man who doesn't want to cling to you.

My apologies for bashing your husband, but it almost seems to me that he is too much of a coward to ask for a divorce and is trying to push YOU to be the one to have to make that decision.

Having said all this, I know that it must break your heart to lose your best friend and husband. And that it will be difficult on your own. Ask yourself this question though: In 5 years, where will you be if you stay and if you leave. There is a light at the end of the tunnel that you are now in. Keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other, and you will get to a much better place.

Many hugs to you.

P.,
I am very sorry that you have to go through this and feel even worse that your husband the father of your children would put them through this. He is selfish however at the very least he is being honest with you. In your own words you wrote "there is no coming back from that". Once you agree to something there is no coming back from that. Aren't we all a little bit selfish? Wouldn't you like to take off to an island on the caribbean for a week and leave everything behind? I would love to take my pay-check and spend the entire amount on me however we don't because while we may have selfish tendencies we do have self discipline over that selfishness. It's the same for Men I am sure they all wish there was something that they can do that is just for them and most of them do have their little selfish habits however they too show discipline. Your husband is weak and based on what you posted is refusing to show self discipline he wants what he wants without thought of the consequences. Anytime I am struggling with an issue in my marriage i.e, arguments, behaviors, etc I ask myself this question if one my daughters came to me with the same scenario that I was faced with would I tell them that it was okay to accept the behavior, etc or would I tell them pack your bags and run for the hills? If it's not okay for the lights of my life than it is not okay for me. I cannot show them one thing and ask them to do another I have to be a model for them. Be strong and whatever you decide be sure that it is the right thing for you and your children. Have you asked your husband to go to counseling for himself? There maybe some real issues going on internally that would explain why he feels he "missed so much" marrying early. Your husband was right any man would be lucky to have you, stay focused on the wonderful mom and woman that you are and draw your strength from that for whatever comes in the future. Good luck P.!

I haven't been in a similar situation, but have some ideas for how he could stay loyal to you and still have a little variety.

Ask him what his biggest fantasies are, and surprise him with them. Let's say one of his fantasies is having sex with a school girl. Have a friend or relative take the kids for a night, without telling him. When he comes home from work, or wherever he went at the time you want to surprise him, be dressed in a school girl outfit. Act like a school girl. That way he gets his fantasy and he doesn't have sex with anyone else.

Or if you are willing to try it, set up a threesome with him you and another female. Again have a friend or relative take the kids for the night and surprise him with it. That way even though he is still having sex with another woman, you are still involved.

Or if you are willing to try it, give him one day a month that he can go out and do whatever he wants... Or whoever he wants... As long as he is responsible about it. Make rules... Like he must wear a condom, and if he gets another woman pregnant or gets an std EVERYTHING end... Not just his night of freedom, but EVERYTHING.

I hope everything works out for you.

I think you don't feel comfortable with the idea, as you said several times that you have distrust issues from the non-physical betrayals he has already had, and should probably dissolve the marriage, because I am sure you will probably be very hurt and even more sick to your stomach knowing he is out galavanting around with other women. You deserve better; he needs help! And none of this is your fault, my friend! All the best!!!!

I try to keep an open mind about alternative lifestyles. I myself am steadfastly monogamous but I do realize that many married adults choose the "swinger" lifestyle... and they supposedly claim it keeps them married...

I personally would be grossed out to think of myself participating in a swinger or serial one-night-stand lifestyle--and I'd lose respect for my husband for wanting to participate in that lifestyle... Without respect for your spouse, what's left...? Well, there's trust... But he has already compromised your trust in him. So that means you're left with keeping your marriage due to feelings of security.... and religious obligation? But if he were to start meeting/dating other women, how long until he starts a relationship someone else? Seriously. So, you really don't have security in your marriage either. And religious morals isn't playing a big part in his values right now...

And he still would want to be intimate with you? What about exposing you to STDs and health risks?! Yikes, even if he practiced 100% ultra safe sex, there's still herpes of the mouth that he could give you and your children.... (eeweeee, I just wouldn't be able to agree to this idea.)

I'm truly sorry. I would probably separate from my husband if he asked for this. And I truly think, even if he suddenly tells you that he 'changed his mind and won't pursue the idea to order to save the marriage', I suspect he has already dabbled (and is telling you after the fact) or will eventually pursue the lifestyle on the side. (I'm so so sorry to sound so pessimistic.)

Gosh P., I dont mean to malign your husband but he's the one who is pathetic not you. Totally sounds like midlife crisis material. What he needs to know from you is that he can have it really good with you - and only you - or he will have none of you and possibly very little of his children. If he wants to be a bachelor that bad, then you can arrange that for him through your attorney, and in the meantime, he can figure out how to pay for two households, child support and spousal support. He's not going to have much left over for dating.

This is about him and not you - please dont blame yourself. being more "desirable" or the perfect mate willing to offer lots of variety to please him, frankly won't because of his state of mind. He really needs to man up and get a clue -

I wish you all the best and that he comes to his senses - soon.

P.,

Your post makes me feel so sad. I can't think of anything hurting me more then my husband saying what yours has. *big hug*

You're not being weak, you're hurt, confused and wishing this wasn't happening.

I really like Wendy's idea. Hardcore roleplaying, costumes, etc. to charge things up. Find a few good baby sitters you trust and start dating your husband again. Relationships, to have a great one, means putting as much effort in when you've been married 10 years as you did when you had been dating for 3 months. Don't make excuses for not having time together - tired, kids, work, etc. Clearly your husband feels he has time to explore. Make time for each other.

I would also suggest - you mentioned going to a regular counselor, what about a sexual counselor to help deal with the real issue.

Good luck, sending lots of strength your way.

I had this happen to me, although my husband and I were 30. My husband didn't "cheat" on me, but he had a problem texting and talking online to women he met in chat rooms. This was a deal breaker for me. We did not "separate". I kicked his butt out and divorced him. Life is too short to be spending it with someone who is so disrespectful to not only you but your KIDS!!! I am now married to a wonderful man who is great to me and my kids and who I trust completely. It seems that this is not something you can work thru. He wants his freedom and will not stop until he gets it. It's up to YOU to decide for him. Good luck, I'm sorry you are dealing with this!

You have 2 small children. You love this guy. He wants to go screw around with other women? Seriously? Get some self-esteem, woman. You talk about how you "love hard"...yet where is his love for you? If you want "affection" or "concern"--go find a friend. This guy doesn't have the kahunas to step up and help out with the kids and work on the relationship--he just wants to get off! Really, think about that. Give him the kids every other weekend. Get a college education and some self-esteem, and find someone who deserves your love. He is playing you for a fool--sick, twisted manipulation of your feelings. I know this is harsh, but really--if he hasn't cheated yet, he is going to. Kick him to the curb, sister.

I don't mean this in a mean way at all, just something for you to think about. There are two things you said about sex in your post. 1. That he is willing to throw away his family for " just sex" 2. That sex is so important that he can only have it with you. Which is it? Sex is so trivial that he sexual desires aren't important or that sex is SO important that it can only happen with you? I don't think there is anything wrong with your desire to remain monogamous, but I don't think your husband is evil for wanting to have sex with other people. I wish you the best of luck working it out, and I hope you can find a middle ground. Just remember that he could have chosen to just cheat on you. People do it all the time. Try to give him a little credit for coming to you with his feelings. I think it shows that he values you.

It would be a marriage breaker for me. It's not something I could live with. Could be hubby is having a mid life crisis. Some marriages don't survive the crisis. Would you rather break up with him before he sleeps around or after he already has?

I am sending you a huge hug. I feel for you. It seems that he has kind of made up his mind on how he wants to live his life. It always seems greener on the other side. Let me tell you they always want to come "Home" after they discover its not greener at all. I think that you should go to counseling just for you, get while he is still in the home. Maybe taking time alone and discovering that your a strong women. Maybe you will find a different life and interest that you did not exist with your husband. You both need to figure out how to deal and co parent you children if you do part. Start your plan now. Dont wait for him to decide if he is going to be with you or not. Its your life also and your children s lives. He should not be given the power to decide what will happen with your family. Either he is in all the way or not. If it were me and I have been where you are. I would start preparing my life without him. I would start to do things on my own while he is still in the home. Its funny when we act uninterested in someone how interesting we become to them. I wish you luck!

Oh man my heart aches for you and your children! I literally feel sick to my stomach reading this about your husband! He needs some serious therapy and FAST! You know how you hear about Tiger Woods and these other stars going to therapy for sex addiction? Well that is what he needs! Its not fair for you and your children to live like that. You shouldn't have to wonder every moment if he is straying or not and your children don't need a daddy that is constantly thinking of other women either! ITS NOT HEALTHY! Oh man I wish I could just come and beat his a$$ for you to knock some sense into him cuz its literally making me ill just picturing all this. I can't say I have been through anything like this as my tolerance for straying is ZERO! Call around and make an appt. for both of you for the first time and then let him go alone after that. Ofcourse if it was me I would following him after a few mins to check to see if he actually went and STAYED there! Good luck!

P.,

Never let someone compromise your principles. If you believe in a monogamous relationship and that's what the two of you committed to when you married, then hold him to it. You must teach your daughters how they should expect to be treated. Otherwise they may grow up thinking that it's okay for a man to treat them this way. Hearing your heartbreak in the words you've typed tells me you would not want them to go through this. So don't perpetuate the cycle.

Don't be afraid. You will draw strength from your children and you may surprise yourself how strong you already are.

If you believe therapy will work, then try it. But I must agree with several of the posters below that your hubby is not in a mature state of mind.

For the sake of your daughters, do not be unprepared if the "inevitable" does happen. Establish a credit card only in your name. Make small purchases and diligently pay it off to establish an excellent credit score only in your name. Even if the house, car, credit cards, etc. are put under both names, a lot of times the husband is listed as the 'primary' account holder. Credit scores will be listed only in his name - not the wife's. If you two split, you will need to have a good credit score established in your name so you can have the home put in your name, buy a car, etc.

I hope the two of you can work things out, but be sure to move forward with both eyes wide open.

It sounds to me like your husband is polyamorous which is not the same as polyagmy. Polyamory is the ability to love more than one person at a time; and for those who say it isn't possible, for those with more than one child, you love them both, right? My husband and I are in a polyamorous relationship and it has its perks. If you have more questions, feel free to email me. My husband and I would be happy to talk to you more about it on a more private forum because I know that polyamory isn't exactly "normal". Please, don't feel like you are doing anything wrong, because you aren't. Humans are the only species that goes against animal instinct and nature (and humans ARE animals) by becoming monogamous.

Good luck!

H.

Not all relationships are, or can function as, what our society sees as "normal". Monogamy is not natural, especially not over decades of a marriage. Many couples, I believe, come up with their own rules as to what works for them. Most do not share this because of the "stigma" of this in our sexually repressive American culture.

I have been in a relationship with a man for 26 years, since I was 23. We were having an affair for 2 years, lived together for 3 years, then married for 17 years. We've been divorced for over 3 years now.

We kept the sexual energy in our relationship by trying new things together. Sometimes involving others, mostly us exploring. There is still an aspect of sexuality in our relationship, just different now that we live apart. There are many things that can keep people's sexual spark going - some suggestions: take nude pictures, make videos, have sex in new locations/outside/in public, rent a hotel room and pretend you are having an affair (don't even stay all night), and yes, it is possible to bring another consenting adult into the mix although not all will choose this, obviously. What we agreed on was that we were in this together, we did not have secrets from each other.

I also read Dan Savage occasionally, and one piece of advice he gives is that there is nothing that is "wrong" sexually, there is only what works and doesn't work between a couple. If you can accept that his request is not about you (I know that's hard) but is about his wish for new experiences. Then honestly evaluate what you are willing to try and what you aren't. The two of you (and any others potentially involved) need to be honest with each other and figure out what might work. It is no one's place to judge you.

A lot of people have open marriages and are very happy. It doesn't sound like you are willing to participate in that. So, you guys need to make an appointment with a sex therapist and have them help get to the root of the issue. Your husband is at least talking to you about the issues and that is much better than him just going out and "poking" it around....

I hope you can find the answers you need soon so you can have peace, stress about this is so awful...I feel for you.

I know you have a lot of answers and I haven't read them all, but you need to talk to him about how this is making you feel... If his problem is being with the same person, try dressing up. Go buy a few wigs, play games, meet up somewhere and use a different name, get a hotel room... stuff like that will spice up your sex life and maybe help make some of his fantasies come true without straying from you and your kids. Ask him what kind of look he wants for that night... If he wants a brunette with long curly hair, get a wig. If he wants a bleach blonde with short hair, get a wig... so spray on tan or tanning lotions if he wants a tan girl. Try whatever you guys can before letting your marriage fall apart. If he isn't willing to try these things with you, then sadly I don't think that there is anything you can do to make it work... This is his decision, He is the one being selfish and He is the one who will break up your family. And remind him that if you seperate, your daughters will one day know WHY...

Sweetheart.... show him the door. You have way too much love for your children and what is best for them to be dealing with some immature "man" that clearly does not know what is best for his children. Be strong, and know that in your heart what is really best for them is to NOT be taught that "straying" is okay. Children can feel what is going on between people even if they are not old enough to understand or comprehend it. You need to make yourself happy so your girls can see you happy and feel your happiness. I know what you really want is your family to be like it was before, but this cannot be the case now. You will always wonder and question where he is, what he is doing, did he tell you the truth... so on and so on. Just take one day at a time. Nothing good in life is ever easy. You CAN do this.

I do not think you deserve any type of bashing.

I didn't read all of the responses but I do know that a lot of married couples have an open relationship and successful marriages. HOWEVER, for that to work BOTH parties MUST be in agreement. It cannot work one sided.

It sounds like it is something completely not ok with you (AND THAT IS OK), therefore, I suggest setting a priority on date nights (we still have weekly date night after 22 yrs), explore things you like to do, have fun, play some games together to enhance your intimacy.

You did marry young, why not go back and remember what got you two so into each other from the beginning and work forward.

Good luck and I really hope things work out, especially for your children's sake.

I'm sorry, but your husband is acting like a child. We ALL have made decisions that we have to live with. You should tell him that you want to do the same. That you want your own place and want to experience other men. I'm sure that he wouldn't like that much once he thought about that. Tell him to grow up, you deserve better. Good luck sweetie xoxo.

I can feel for you and send you all my love! I want you to stand up for yourself and show those girls how a strong independent woman can take control. My first husband wanted to be a swinger. I could never go for that! It took me such a long time to figure out that it was insecurities and I was never going to satisfy that. All the men in his family were cheaters because that is what they had been raised with and it was acceptable. Don't ever feel that it is something that you have done or not done that caused him to feel this way! If you decide that leaving is the best thing for you guys then go and do it. Remember to put your best foot forward in whatever you do. Being alone with children is a rough road but you can do it. Many women do. Love yourself and love you children and things will work out the right way.

Wow, I see you have gotten so many responses so I wasn't going to add one more, but I skimmed a few and changed my mind. One thing I know about a woman is that a basic need of ours is security. I know that men need sex, I get that, but we also need security and for most of us that would be absolutely shaken to the core if we found our partner wanted to stray. I hear him saying he wants to cheat "legally" like somehow if you give him permission to do it, it's ok. Well it's not, whether you agree to it or not. Marriage is a covenant between two people as long as those two people are living, it matters. One thing you don't do is bring another person into the marriage bed. I am all for being frisky, I am not a prude or anything. But the friskiness must be between the two that are married and both must agree on it, no forcing. When you make love you deposit yourself, the most intimate part, into the other person. I totally understand how thinking of your man doing that with another is heartbreaking. I am so sorry, you don't deserve that. There is no such thing as "just sex" regardless of who says so. We are all so conditioned that sex is just a casual act, but it is deep and powerful, I mean life comes out of it so that is just one clue of how precious and meaningful it is. I haven't been there, but here is what I think I would do. First I would center myself, think things over and have a clear head before talking to him again. As emotional as it is for you, guys spaz out when they are met with a lot of emotion, they freeze up bc they are so logical and it is hard for them to meet us there at times. So I would sort through this in my own head and then let him know that under no circumstances am I ok with him sleeping with other women. Then I would let the chips fall and pray a lot. You are not responsible to keep your marriage together, it is not your fault that he has this issue and you don't have to own it. You are a team, do your part, but let him do his. If he chooses to walk out you just can't control that. But I would let him know that he needs to fix this, it's his problem. He promised his faithfulness and he needs to figure that out fast. I would let him know his marriage is on the line here. Adultery is not ok. So after saying those things and standing my ground I would wait and see, I mean you guys are a team but you can't make him man-up, only he can do that. But you can give him the opportunity to do so by not agreeing to things that are unacceptable. I hear you so much about your concern for your girls and that they need their dad. I have young ones too and cannot imagine not having dad around. If you can, try and leave that out of it. Your girls have nothing to do with this problem and so bringing them in the mix is just making it so much harder for you to figure things out. If you can just deal with him about this and forge the rest, because if the worst happens, believe me you will have time to figure all that out. Again I am really sorry for all you are dealing with. But be a strong woman, rise up, let him know where you stand and see what happens, that is my vote. I just want to say also that anything is possible with God and He can help you through the pain. I will really pray for you and your family. You are going to be ok again, promise, hang in there!!

It sounds like your husband has already checked out of the marriage by even asking for permission to stray. Yes every man thinks about sex (often) and the unknown is always more appealing. But to even consider choosing sex with other women over your own family is selfish and completely inconsiderate. I would be so insulted if my husband was seriously considering that. There is just more to life than sex, even for men. And if it was only about sex, why didn't he come to you about your own sex life and how to spice it up before he came up with this idea? I know you want to try to save this and my heart aches for you, but I think you should come to terms with it being over quite soon.

Sounds to me like you both married young and he thinks he is missing out on something. You have kids and he is at a different age in his life and wants to explore outside of his current environment. Try to give him his space, go away on vacation or something for a week and see what happens. Discuss with him your disapproval of him wanting to have sex with others, and let him get some time to rethink his life. We all need that sometimes. If you need to do the same and you have some help for the kids, then both of you go on vacation. He is feeling suffocated, so if he gets a chance to be by himself, he might actually get some time to realize he has the best thing with you.

well your obviously not ok with having an open marriage. it works for some and not others. i would give him an ultimatum saying if you want to be unfaithful then we cant be married. writing emails and such i could careless about because they arent physically touching. so in my opinion hes not cheating or straying until he acts on his hormones and such. tell him that it ill hurt his family because sooner or later his children will catch on and ask questions. you have to do what is emotionally right for you. even if it comes down to separating.
now on the other hand you can join him in his conquest. there are many swinger groups out there. but the bottom line is that you need to listen to your instinct. who knows he may end up acting on his own behind your back.
also i have always told my husband that if he wanted to be with another woman to tell me before hand and never ever do it behind my back or out of anger. in turn i would also be able to see other men as long as i was honest about it. i have acted once since we married and i dont think he has acted at all. your husband may sleep with another woman and become guilt struck over it and not want to do it.
i hope this helps.

He'd be long gone if that were my husband. I tried to find out why are you considering this, and other than fear of being alone and being able to take care of your kids, i couldn't find anything else.
love? that must have died right then. I am assuming. I mean it's a good thing he's being honest with you, but lady you can do it all by yourself for yourself and your kids.
i am not going to bash or criticize or anything of the sort. I am just telling you, if this repulses you as much as it does me, do not be afraid to get out of it. Love is right around the corner when you're ready for it. do not waste a minute on this guy anymore.

Not a simple fix but this is what I would do TATA cya gather his things lead him to the door the divorce papers will soon follow.It sounds simple that is who i'am,married 10 yrs with 3 kids I will not put up with that kind of BS.Best of Luck I hope all goes well that was tough to read but you are a strong woman.

My first instinct is all he wants to do is experience other women, which for me is inappropriate if married, if he can not get the thoughts to go away counseling to help. To me marriage is one partner and that is that, yes I know there are others who say go ahead experience others but why be married then and commit to just one person. He made the choice to get married, no matter the age that is the choice he made. He needs to stop living in the past and what ifs. We all have what ifs thoughts but you look at what you have and be happy and content, once again if he can not do this by himself counseling could help.

I kind of want to say explore fantasies (both yours and his, it helps if both partners open up about what they want) but if he wants you to be someone else, or involve someone else because that is what he is attracted to I honestly do not think that is healthy or helpful. If it is a one or two time thing to role play fine but if ALL the time he wants you to be a character he really does not appreciate you for you. I would never allow another person into our intimate relationship. Personally we are trying a few different positions, self pleasuring and more sex to keep that connection alive and healthy.

I am so sorry you are put in this position. My thought is... as far as I am concerned, marriage is a commitment and not a game. You are either in it whole and for the long run, or you aren't in it at all. Unfortunately, it sounds like your husband is more interested in "his" fun/gratification, and not your's or the family's. I can't advise you on what to do, because I am not in your situation, but if nothing else, at I would also look at it from this aspect. My fear would be, you decide to try and keep the family "together" and let him "try out his fantasies" by sleeping with many other partners. It's one thing if at that point, you and your husband don't have any more sex and his is just sleeping with random people. But say he "plays the field" and you and your husband are STILL having sex with each other..... If he is so desperate to play, I would worry that he (or any person in that situation) wouldn't be as careful because they are more or less desperate for the fun.... What if he gets something from one of these other ladies and then gives it to you? What if he gives you something that ruins your life with your children? Shortens your life?

My advice, look at the whole picture. Not just keeping him happy and keeping the family together, because even though that's what we would all like to do, sometimes it doesn't happen the way we planned. If he isn't worried about you and your marriage (or your kids) then you need to be strong and think about yourself and your beautiful children. Take care of you and them.

Good luck and my thoughts are with you.

Hi...
I know this post was a long time ago...I'm going through the almost exact same thing. I'm distraught and don't know what to do. Let him live this out and wait for him to realize he wants his family? Kick him out and let it go? I have loved him for 9 years...

I am so sorry for the situation that you and your family are currently in. I can't imagine what you are going through. I do want to offer some thoughts, and please know that I know you have received lots of answers already and I haven't read any of them.
At this point, do not think about what will happen if you get seperated/divorced. You can't ponder on something that may or may not happen. That simply isn't a way to live. It isn't good for you, for your relationship with this "man," nor for your children. So, please take a few steps back.
If you have been able to get your husband to do counseling before, maybe your first step should be to get back into couples' counseling. I personally think you might benefit from individual counseling for you both. You have already stated what you seem unable to definitively tell your husband. You are NOT okay with him cheating. I don't care how he words it, that is what it is. He made the decision to have a family with you (whether intentionally or not, if he had sex with you he made the decision). He made the decision to marry you. He know has responsibilities and obligations that he needs to meet.
Is your husband helping you with your children, with your home? Is your husband a friend to you? A supporter or you and your children? Is he just trying to see how much he can pressure you into giving him, so that he can be the childish boy that he seems to currently want to be?
Only you can answer those questions. And all I can share is a personal experience. My hubby and I were hs sweethearts. We married immediately after hs. We immediately had a family. While preg with our 2nd son, my husband "cheated" on me. He did not have sex with other people. But there was a situation that wasn't okay with me, that he knew wasn't okay with me, and he lied and kept secrets regarding it.
I found out, and was ready to leave. I knew something was wrong while I was preg. I begged him to open up to me. He wouldn't. When ds was only a few weeks old, I found evidence. I confronted him. I demanded that he listen to me. And I told him in very clear terms that this was not acceptable behavior for me, and I would not tolerate it from him. He had a choice to make, whether the behavior was more important or our marriage. And even if he made his choice that it was the marriage, that I needed alot of time to decide for myself what I wanted after this.
I lost all trust in him. There were times I even felt that I hated him. How could he do this to me? How could he do this to our children? While he wouldn't go to counseling, he did work extremely hard to prove himself to me again. Years and years have passed since this occurred. However, I still can suddenly remember this and feel devastated all over again. I had to learn how to trust him again, and I have. But for the longest time (over 5 years), he HAD to be an open book with absolutely every aspect of his life. If I wanted to look at his phone, his email, open his mail, check up on him, he needed to understand that was what I HAD to do to regain my trust in him.
I am not saying it was easy, even on his part. DH has always been reserved, enjoys "his" time. But, I could explain myself again, remind him why we were in the position we were in w/o making him and myself feel horrid again, and ask once again if he wanted us or not. I did have to remind him many times throughout the years that I didn't have a choice in the matter that nearly destroyed us, but I did have to find my way to live with it.
If you truly feel he hasn't already cheated (and if he truly hasn't), then he is a brave man to be speaking with you and being so open and honest. He needs to figure out why he is feeling so compelled towards this very destructive behavior. And you need to make your feelings very clear on the subject! Don't let him or your fears talk you into something that you aren't happy with. And make sure you keep asking yourself if this is how you would like for your daughter to be treated/feel in a relationship. If you wouldn't want it for your daughter, don't show her that it's okay! Stand up for yourself, and remind your husband that he is also showing his daughters that his behavior is something he feels is acceptable for them to do/have done to them.
I don't know if I have helped you at all, but I hope that I have given you some things to consider. If you want to chat some more, please don't hesitate to message me. I can give you my telephone number, and wouldn't mind listening. I could also try to offer you some support if you would like. But please, above all else, don't let yourself be walked over! Not even by this "man" that you thought you had built this great life with. Maybe you have truly built a great life, and he will soon see that again. Maybe it isn't what you thought was there. Either way, be true to yourself. Treat yourself the way you would want your daughters to treat themselves!
Best wishes are going out to you as well as my prayers!

I'm sorry! I would be upset too! It is not you it is him! You want a happy family and he obviously has some personal issues! I would be loosing it as well.
Sorry Mama!

M.

Please don't think i am judging. I have a question. Do you have sex often...at least once a week? A man needs it, like food. When they don't get it they start having stray thoughts. I am not saying they are right. That is just the way they are. The longest i have made my husband wait was the 6 weeks after you have your baby. It is not fair to them. Not too sound terrible, but part of our job as a wife is to satisfy that. I would rather do it grudgingly than have another woman do it happily.

If i am way off, and you are still doing it pretty regularly. Forgive me. Then your husband is an a$$. If so, there is nothing you can do to satisfy someone like that.

I really do wish you well. I hope that you can work everything out. I am young too. I am 33 with 4 kids and was married when i was 19. I would love to talk to you if you want to message me.

No bashing here. Yes you have been through so much. You can't stay with someone who wants to have sex with whoever. If he does what if he picks up STD, AIDES, HEPC, and all those other issues' that come along with this. Of course he loves you because you have cared for him through good/bad. He says loves' you but means "can we still be friends". It also seems to me from your own words that you have been violated at some time. That fear within, that you don't want your girls around a stranger. Don't forget, you are still young, look in the mirror every day and say I am beautiful, I deserve more. That is the truth and I mean it. The way your husband is acting is like a teenager all over again. I don't wan to tell u what to do but I think you know that this has been going on longer than you are admitting. Once he's gone go out and celebrate. Can you not see that you have been doing everything!! Yes hes' been a wonderful father and a great husband to. It could very well be that he is going through a hormonal seizure.
Woment go through menospause but men do as well. It sounds like he is
he needs hel, PRONTO!! It sounds like you of you have had a wonderful wife to him and vice/versa. However you can't trust him from this day forget because of his suggestions. When you do tF_Be there for him no no. Tell him what you know about men and menopause. He will laugh but its truel
I wish you so much love and happiness, something that you have or had, you will pull through. You know it, you are a very smart and beautiful young woman and your full of happiness for the most part. Remember life is a learning lesson. We choose what we wanted in life, remeber that. I can't say anymore. Let him go, he will be at his mothers' and I doubt that she will put up with this. I love you dearly and I am proud of you. Keep in touch and remember what I said. Get a journal if thats what he wants', his eyes will open after what up put in int Take care P., you can always email me, always.
Keep in touch and let me know how you and the kiddies. Stay in touch. Maybe he has to much time to think Good luck dear friend!!

I know it's is emotionally more complex than an easy answer, but honestly, he is either a complete A$$ or unbelievably immature.

Get back to counseling if you feel you want to save your family. You might still have a shot.

Other than that I would tell him, that this is not what you signed up for and that his foolish and immature behavior is hurting you and your family. I would tell him that if he wants to sleep around, he needs to move out and you will file for divorce (follow through on this) and !!!PLEASE!!! get a good lawyer and strip him of every last penny that you can get.

To me it sounds like he is done with your marriage and simply wants to find a way to not ruin himself financially! Pretty low!

Good luck to you and your kids!

PLEASE READ THIS!!! http://tinyurl.com/2as2glp It is a WONDERFUL blog series (He Said/She Said) that I feel you will find very helpful. Since it is a blog, the series starts at the bottom, as newest posts appear at the top. ESPECIALLY READ Post #5 about RESOURCES for you BOTH!!!

No matter what, PRAY!!
Blessings and Healing to you.

I will not bash. I will tell you that you deserve to have an exclusive relationship and your girls deserve to see that too, what you put up with they will too.

Men's needs do change over time and it sounds like you are getting very little time alone together. I know that is hard and I have been there and done that with my husband. We have had to work together hard to carve out any time together alone with our schedules and our 4 kids.

First off you need to make it clear that there is a line he can cross, but if he does it is permanently with out you. A healthy relationship should have very clear boundaries and you need to care about yourself, what he wants would not even be SAFE for you physically let alone emotionally. Part of being a "real man" is managing any inclinations he has and doing the right thing. It is good he is open to discussing these with you. And there is nothing wrong with the 2 of you working to see how you might be able yourself to satisfy some of these needs. I do not agree with you even that self pleasuring would be a good option for him. This does not do much for the Bible admonition of "deadening your body members" as regard to adultry. Biblically his body belongs to you and vice versa.

If he loves you he will be honest about his inclinations, but he will not do this. If he thinks he can have his cake and eat it too he will likely try. This in the end will hurt both of you. I don't blame you for wanting to keep him, you have been together for a long time, you have children together and you have had some very good times together.

I have not been through my husband wanting to have sex with some one else, but his needs have changed over the years. So have mine. We have had to communicate and be flexible and open minded, but 100% of the focus is on each other. My husband too sometimes wants to be away from the home, only because he is sometimes overwhelmed with the household itself. You need to find out if that is what is his behind his wanting his own space. My husband now has a job where he works often over seas and so he is gone often now, and actually our relationship is better when he gets this time away. I have had to be open to allowing for him to be away for work, but the rest of it is not optional. Is there a way you could give him more space with out having him be unfaithful to you?

I would ask him to go to counceling with you, or at the very least for the 2 of you to have time @ least 2 times a week alone together....

I don't know what else to tell you, other than you deserve to be with some one who is sexually loyal to you.

Wonderful advice from Cheryl O.
HUGS and LOVE and FRIENDSHIP are what I'm sending you! No matter what you decide, remember that you and your babies come first.
If he's not what you NEED, then it really is time to get strong fast and move on.

WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU.

Hi P.,

I would start by taking a family inventory and look at your priorities and family vision to make sure you’re both in alignment….see which one’s you’re willing to move up or down or never compromise and have a long long talk. If you never thought about a “family vision” I would start thinking about it. Ask yourself, what is it you want your family to look like? It could be kind, respectful, tolerant, confident and loving girls who live life with integrity, who graduate from college, who are leaders in the community, etc. Parents who support one another, resolve conflict respectfully, save for retirement, have family over monthly, yearly, etc. take 2 vacations a year and thrive, who are healthy, take time for each other, etc. Every family is different and every person’s tolerance and acceptance is different.

Personally for me, cheating is not a deal breaker, because the vision I have for my family is far greater than the impact of having sex with someone else. Cheating is only a symptom of a problem and a break-down in communication that needs attention….that can be fixed to me; However, being consumed with thoughts of wanting sex with other partners and freedom and space to do it would not align with my family vision. I strongly believe there isn’t an ooops that can’t be fixed (we all sometimes take a wrong turn), but when visions don’t align, you will never be on the same path. If we want to raise respectful, confident, smart girls, who are treated with respect, we have to be respectful, confident women who are treated with respect. What is that you want for your family? By the way…..when you’re out of alignment, you know it becasue it doesn't feel right.

I wish the best for your family.

S.

Hi P.,

I haven't read all the responses (how could I, it seems like there are a TON of women who want to support you). I do know that marriage is also about mutual respect. The fact that he made a commitment to be faithful to you when you married should mean he should be faithful to you period, even in his mind. He is showing no respect for you. Even desiring other women is wrong, simply wrong! He may go through the motions of being a good dad, but my definition of a good dad is someone who knows how to treat mom. Adult behavior needs to be modeled for kids to learn what is proper. Whether they see it or not, the kids will figure out who he really is. Don't let them think he's right!

Remember that when you married you became one flesh, and he is eating away at you. Whether you decide to pull the trigger or not is your decision but please try to prepare yourself for what may come. P., I'm a praying woman and I will pray for you and your family. I know this is hard.

I'm going to go thank my husband right now....flaws and all!

He wants his cake and eat it, too.

Rachel is right on.

If that's what he must have, show him the door.

Good luck.

he wants his cake and eat it too. you are not his doormat. if he wants sex with other women then he wants a divorce. my answer would be(and I have been there) either you want me or them but your not getting both. I was bitter for years but you will be somuch happier single trust me. it will seem overwhelming at times its lonely at times but you will much happier than you are now. and you claim you dont want to date that is normal after going through something like this but when you least expect it someone will show up out of the blue. this person is going to be the one meant for you. and it will happen when you are not looking.

my theory used to be dont need a man dont want a man aint going to get a man. guess what I did. I found a man. you probably will do what I did subconciously running off all men most of which will be worth keeping. This isnt a you thing its a him thing. he is not happy with him self and misery loves company. yes you are putting off the inevitable unless your happy bieng a doormat. you can adjust to single parenting you will not be the only one who has done this. it is hard I will not lie to you but it is also doable.

it took me 5 yrs to even give a man a chance to date me let alone a serious relationship. I could cut a man down so fast to make him lose interest in me and it worked. I DID NOT DATE FOR 5 YEARS. AND THEN I WOULD DUMP PERFECTLY GOOD MEN FOR NO REASON. it was a protection mode to keep me from getting hurt and it worked like a charm. so if you leave and dont want to date dont. I labeled all men after my divorce and the label wasnt nice. it took lots of men to show me all men arent like this. and they didnt do it by dating me. keep your chin up you already know the answer and you are tougher than you think. good luck

I know it's been 7 years. I hope you are back together! Don't dovorce, STAND! Trust in God for the vows you made, trust in His power and wanting to restore. For anyone else, it is just the lies of Satan. Many have stood in their marriage, and gotten their spouse back. ALL of their marriages are better than before!

For your sake and the sake of your children, you need to put your foot down, or he will keep taking this adultery to the next level. He's a selfish man, and thinks only of his sex drive. Many women are dealing with this problem, you are not alone. He sounds like a sex addict....and perhaps he's into pornography, which distorts his view of women and destroys the family. I went through this with my ex. Check out http://www.NewLife.com. They have a 'love and sex' tab....check it out. They also have archives from their radio show that you can listen to online, or you can even call in to the show....many women have called about this very challenge. You'll get some good direction. Best wishes!