Ok.3 wks ago me and my husband woke up from sum1 pounding on our door at 1 in the morning. come to find out my husbands car was getting reposesed(only car)me and my husband have seperate bank accounts cus thats how his parents are and since he makes the most money he pays for most of the bills.of course we always discuss them talk about whats coming out and he tells me when and how hes payed them..i usually pay for the groceries,Diapers, and daycare. so you can see how i was in shock to hear this.his parents helped us get the car out and that was it. until i get a notice from electric company saying he was 2 months behind. after that i spoke with my husband and asked him where our money was going.i asked are you leading another life? drugs? another women? he denied all and sai he payed them didnt know what was going on. then found a number listed under A. when i asked him he wouldnt say anything. finally said a coworker.then i found out he hasnt payed gas bill either. im suspecting another life? am i crazy?
so far ive checked his bank records going back to feb. the car place said he missed two payment but his staement said he only missed one. so we are going to talk with car place. he did still miss one tho but it was in may when we went on vacation.. but he still also forgot the two electricity bills... cant look at his cellphone records because he had his own plan but his parents added him to theirs and are paying for the bills..it was a christmas present..hes spoiled btw..cant ask his parents cus his mom doesnt like me..she once told him i was saying things about her on fb and flirting with guys...but i will be paying closer attention...i guess i shoulda called the number but i thought we had trust.. and now the number is gone....also today caught him going through my phone... snooping. i stood there for five minutes before he realized. i told him he could keep looking.i have absolutely nothing to hide but i hear that men who cheat often think their spouse are too because they are guilty.. this true?
Nope, not crazy. I think you're just starting to untangle some sort of terrible web. I'm sorry :(
Time to see bank statements from him, phone numbers, and have him get really honest.
Argh. That is not cool. Sadly, you are not crazy. It's odd he wouldn't tell you who the number was under A...and then when he did, he said it was a coworker. Can you look that number up and see who it belongs to? It seems like he's lying to you about several things. My dad was living a double life. And then my step-dad was living a double life. If things keep not making sense, don't buy into what he tells you unless you can verify it as the truth.
(((hugs)))
unfortunatly once you find out one thingit usually leads to another and another.. if I were you I would call "a" and just see if a girl answers or a guy... ask for bank statements, can you see the cell phone record?? i know you cant see what is being texted but you can see how many times he texts back and forth with what number and if photo messages are being sent as well... I am really sorry if this is what is happening, but wouldnt you rather know than not??
Yes, something is up and you need to investigate and find out what (drugs? gambling? affair? job loss?). If you are married it can effect you and your credit too even if you were to leave him immediately (though I am not suggusting that until you see what is going on). Check with all the bills, utilities, credit accounts, credit reports, etc. See if there are any other financial emergencies on the horizon. If you have to, ask for payment plan if you can't pay everything at once. Protect yourself fininancially as much as you can.
K.:
You need to take the bull by the horns on this one..
1. Sit down with him and go through BOTH bank accounts and account for each and every cent spent...
2. Verify that he has paid the electric bill like he says he has...if he has a cleared check - great - send it to the electric company or take it to them personally.
3. Get the cell phone and start calling numbers in it...sorry - once trust has been breached like this - you have the right to do it - what if you lose your home?
4. Sounds like you will have to take over all the money in the house....sorry - this is going to be hard...but until you have a grasp on what is going on - you will need to ensure that you guys don't lose your home, car again or get the water, electric or anything else turned off...
This will NOT be easy. He might feel emasculated - but tell him - honey - you did this to us - and we need to fight this together RIGHT? So step aside and let me see it all...let's get this under control and do it TOGETHER....
Bottom line? No, you are not crazy.
Oh man. The car getting repossessed when you weren't expecting it would have been a huge sign something was wrong. That's not just a little "oversight".
I would call all your debtors, from the electric company to whatever credit cards you may have and find out how far in arrears you are. That way, you aren't depending on what he does or doesn't tell you. I would go so far as to ask your payment history in case you thought things were being paid on time and these things have been going on for a while.
The power, water, and gas company aren't going to lie to you.
I'm not going to jump to conclusions and I don't think you should either, but you need to arm yourself with information if he isn't forthcoming.
I actually know someone who found out the hard way that her husband lost his job and didn't tell her. He was getting up every morning and going "to work" just like he always had. He didn't have another woman. He couldn't bear to tell her he didn't have a job and he thought he'd find another one before the house of cards would come tumbling down.
Obviously, something is amiss and he just needs to come clean. But if he won't, you need to know what your financial situation really is.
He's not being honest with you about finances. You know that for a fact. What else you don't know remains to be seen.
It's a horrible position for you to be in.
You are not crazy.
After the repo thing, I'm sorry, but you have every right to assume the absolute worst and he needs to start being honest with you if he EVER expects you to trust him.
I wish you the best. I really do.
Why didn't you call the number? I would have.
No, you are not crazy.
You are not exaggerating and I would be all sherlock holmes in his behind! His family needs to be first and obviously y'all aren't. Hope everything is ok!
Tons of red flags...
1. Why is "because that's the way his parents are"? He's an adult. So are you. Mommy and daddy shouldn't control your lives.
2. If you discuss "them", then why the surprises. You should know what's going on.
3. If he paid them, then he should have been able to show you proof right on the spot.
He's hiding something.
Not crazy at all.... I would start snooping!
I dont think that your crazy, but I do want to say something positive to you. Instead of making you worry more, because I know how it feels to have suspecions. It just kinda makes things worse when you have alot of people in your ear making things worse. It seems like something in your relationship is starting to come out. Sometimes you can feel like everything is falling apart but its for YOUR good! try not keep digging a this situation, because just like you found out about all the other stuff, everything else will come out also.If you pray, pray about it and God will reveal it all, and then its up to if you wanna work it out or not. Try not worry, it just makes thing worse for you. trust me I know! you can PM me if you like. Im not trying to be all in you business I just know what your going through. It hurts when someone you love lies to you. ((hugs))!
Don't be so naive. Your husband probably had something up his sleeve the day you said "Yes honey, I agree to separate accounts and we can mind our own financial business".
Find out whats going on before he catches on and takes away your last dime. Set up a nest egg now so if you have to separate for wahtever reason you won't be left in the dark. Please don't be one of those women who's husband disappears and you are left w/nothing and have no idea about your finances. Take charge of it now for the sake of your kdis.
Maybe not another life, but probably another woman!
Tell him you want to see his (your) bank statements.
There is definitely some issues he is hiding here. Thank heavens you have your own bank account. One bill not getting paid due to lost check in the mail or error is understandable... but several? Nope.
I'm so sorry. This is every spouses worst night-mare. It's time to find a place to go.
Time to become a detective if he won't fess up......maybe go to his parents since they help you guys out
You're not crazy. There is something he's not telling you. He could be embarrassed about not paying the bills, but in that case the money is going somewhere and you are entitled to know where it's going. This is your life too, whether he pays the bills or not. He pays them (or should be paying them) for you and the family. If you're truly worried who "A" is in his phone, you can either seriously ask him again who it is and which coworker it is, or you can call the number or google the number. I hate to suggest something that contributes to distrust in the marriage, but he's clearly given you a reason not to trust him right now. Cars are not repossessed because of a couple late payments. This has not happened to me ever, but I'm sure it takes a bit more for action so severe. The main objective here is protect yourself and your family and find out what's going on. Take control of the finances - they're your responsibility too and it sounds like you'll do a lot better job than your husband. If he won't allow you access to his account, then he is most definitely hiding something. Obtaining bank statements somehow is either going to put your mind at ease or confirm your suspicions. I'm sure all the moms who have posted hate to be the bearers of unsettling news, but it's clear there is an issue, and we all hope that finding out now rather later when more damage could be been done, the better for you and your family. Good luck and keep writing for more advice! This won't be an easy issue to sort through. We're here for you!
nope, he is hiding something, personally I would just take care of the bills to make sure they are paid (write the checks out of his account or have him put the money into your account) I would figure out what he is doing and who he is doing it with. he is being secrective in my book
Your gut tells you one thing your husband tells you another.... crazy making!
You are not crazy! He is. I would personally get that number...do *67 (followed by the phone number) from another phone and call it. Chances are, if it is a person's cell phone, they will allow it to go to voicemail as when you call...it will show as private on the other end. Unfortunately, I had to do this in my previous marriage. It's strange that he would just not reply when you asked what that was. He will probably be more careful now that you asked so try to be as sneaky as possible. I would also check the other bills and make sure things are being paid before things start getting shut off (gas, water, electric etc..) Sometimes, if people are not organized or don't pay attention to their bills...things can get missed but usually it would just be one bill and one month... not multiple bills and multiple months. Sometimes us women can jump to conclusions but something seems a L. fishy. Good luck on your snooping (though others may not agree in snooping and think I am an insecure woman - not at all the case - I have just been in a situation like this before in a previous marriage) I wish you luck and hope that it's just a brain fart on his part rather than living another life or cheating or some sort of other issue/addiction.
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Could be anything, affair, a double life, a gambling issue, or maybe he borrowed money for something and is paying it back. Any way you look at it secrets are bad.
Don't go nosing around, not yet, chances are you'll get caught. Cover your butt first. Whose name are the bills in, his or yours, or both? If at all possible take over paying anything directly in your name. Then you won't have to worry about being behind if he disappears one day. Make him deal with the shut offs, unless you are going without lights and heat, don't stress about it if they are in his name. It's ultimately him that is getting hurt by not paying them on time. Even married a lot of stuff depends on who holds the account. Start saving, looking for another place to live, and a car for you. Figure out what needs to happen if he's gone for good. Look and see if you can get assistance ect. if he goes, you can check online and see if you qualify for things based on your income. and know who and where to call when the time comes. Basically make sure all your ducks are in a row, then be nosey. That way when you find out what is going on and want him gone, or he leaves, you have a plan and will be ok.
I'm very sorry you are going through this. I have to say I suspect my husband of the same thing but for different reasons. From experience, if you confront him too many times he is just going to get better at what he is doing and do it better and it will take more time figuring it out. So I would say try to get as many ducks in a row before asking more questions. I know that is hard and scary but it will hopefully let you see the light some day. He has to make another mistake and since you know some of the things he is already doing it will help you see it better. I do control the bills in our marriage however he has things that are only in his name. I have contacted those companies through email b/c they can not actually verify who you say you are and ask them for statements or whatever you need. Most of the time they are willing to give it you with some of his personal information (name, address, phone number). I don’t want to worry you because honestly it could be anything but when you gut gets that feeling it is hard to shake off. Pray to God for guidance and ask him to open your eyes and allow you to see the truth. With lots and prayer and an open mind and heart God will lead you in the right direction. I’m not saying do nothing b/c taking action is good but if you trust in God he will not fail you. I truly wish you all the best and will be praying for you and your situation.
I’m not trying to be all preachy on you either. I have just found with the troubles I'm having that the only true person you can count on is God. He has opened my eyes a lot, just be willing to listen to him.
Best of Luck and God Bless
I see you have responded - so what happened, but want to share what my husband and I do. To make it even, we each deposit money into a joint account. Pending on how much more he makes depends on how much you each put in. My husband and I make almost the same so we each deposit the same. If it's a huge difference then I would go by percentage. Anyway, the joint account is just for our house bills, groceries, etc. Anything that has to do with us/kids that we pay for comes frmo our joint account. We each have our own personal account that our extra money goes into, what he does with his is his business and mine is mine. It works really great.....and I know bills are paid on time. Hope this helps.....
