Husband Cheated?

Yes, this is cheating. Plus, when people get caught, they frequently only reveal the info that is necessary, continuing to hide the worst details, hoping that the spouse doesn't found out about those. It's easy to spin photographs into "I only kissed her once." The truth could easily be "we f***ed like rabbits." How would you know? I'm sorry to be so blunt, I just want you to understand that the guy has no motivation to tell you the details that you don't already know, because that would make his situation worse, and right now he's trying to cover his a*s.

I would go to the OB/GYN and get tested for undetected STD's, like HPV and HIV. I wish you well. Marriage is difficult.

Since there are no clearly laid out points that determine if someone has cheated or not, it all comes down to opinion and in my opinion, your husband cheated. This is a woman he sees and knows, not a picture in a girly magazine. I saw the Oprah show another person wrote about. It was really great. She's having either the same show on or a contuation of the first show this Thursday. Try to see her show...it was so informative and helpful. (((hug)))

Well, that is a very thin line that he crossed. If it were masturbation only, which is inappropriate enough, things might be a little different. But if there was a kiss involved, that's just a little too intimate. I'm not saying pack your bags and leave, but there should be some VERY specific guidelines that are to be set as to what is appropriate, and what is not. If he fails to live up to them, that's when there is a big problem.

Hi J.,
Below is some information that I got on Oprah Winfrey's website she just had a show on about husband's cheating.
This sounds like it would be just what you need to help your situation... Good Luck and Stay Strong.....

In a new study conducted by marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman, it's estimated that one in 2.7 men will cheat—and most of their wives will never know about it.

Gary documented these findings—and many others—in a groundbreaking new book. To write The Truth About Cheating, Gary surveyed hundreds of faithful and cheating husbands to uncover the real reason some men stray.

Gary says his work as a marriage counselor inspired him to write this book. "For over 20 years, [I've been] living along with women, counseling, seeing the devastation and how overwhelming it is when they are cheated on and what it subsequently does to the children and the family," he says. "You want to help children of divorce? I said, 'Well, let's get really down and dirty and find out what we can do to save marriages and make them better.'"

Although Gary discusses how wives of cheaters can factor into affairs, he says he wrote the book to empower women. "It's not about blaming the wife. It can't be. I mean, cheating is ridiculous. It's wrong. And you can't justify it," Gary says. "My book is about one thing. It's really about empowering women. If I can give you knowledge that says that I could have proof that if you do certain things, you can lead your relationship to a better place, that will be much better for you as well because it's not just about stopping tragedy. It's about building a much more mutually beneficial relationship."

Hi J.!! He is cheating. That sucks and I am sorry you are having to go through this. I have been cheated on before also. You can either go forward and get some marriage counseling or be done with it. If you really want to know what is going on get your cell phone records. Let him know you will not tolerate anything else otherwise it will continue. You deserve better than that. I have a little saying for myself and girlfriends "A man will only do to you what you allow him to." Don't allow this to go any further. Good luck

My opinion...YES, yes he cheated. Sexual intercourse alone doesn't define cheating. I'm so sorry, about this. You must be hurting. My best suggestion, counseling. You both need to work through this, and make sure it doesn't happen again.

J.-

yes, it is cheating. people will define it in different ways, but whether it was physical or emotional, he crossed a line for sure. its kind of difficult to give you advice because i don't know you or your husband. i think if i did, it would make things a lot easier because this is such a personal issue - but i will try! :)

i read an interesting article in a magazine this month about "why men cheat" and it brought about some points that may be something for you to think about. it said that less than 8% of men just cheat for sex - that 50% know the woman for about a month before something happens or they cross that line - that about 60% cheat for emotional reasons (not feeling appreciated at home, not feeling important, they miss their wife, bad communication between he and his wife, etc.) i am NOT saying that this is your fault in ANY WAY! but perhaps there is a part of your marriage that needs some attention from you BOTH, and perhaps if you two can spend some time focusing on that, you can set aside this incident and heal your marriage together. i liked the statistics in the article, but the overall read made it feel as if it was the woman's job to make things better - i disagree with that - it needs to be BOTH working on it equally, and the husband doing what he can to regain that trust! that, i do believe!

it sounds like your husband and this woman are no longer in contact, and that he has moved away from it. i understand that you must be so hurt and angry and confused right now - no doubt about that. once you think you can, my advice would be to sit down and really talk - i mean really talk (not yell and argue, if possible - no matter how right you are in being mad and hurt and pissed and how justified it would be to come unglued on him) - but try to get issues and feelings out there and make a plan for how you two will have a better tomorrow. try to use "i" statements - ("i feel very hurt and i want for us to be able to be honest with each other and really work on this." - instead of finger pointing and blaming and ugly words) it will be a far more productive conversation if you are both careful about HOW you talk to one another.

good luck - this is a hard one, and i am sorry you have to deal with it. i am sure you'll get some great advice here... maybe from someone who has "been there." do what your heart tells you, follow what's right for you, and you'll find your way. i'll be thinking of you.