Husband and Wife Communication - Normal?

If you were upset with a blunt whats up then how could he have won with not answering at all or saying I am too busy to talk?

No it doesn't bother me at all, I have done it to him and he has done it to me.

I answer his calls when I don't have time in case it is an emergency and he does the same.

One thing I have to ask is do you bug his office? How else could you know what he said to his coworkers?

I used to work in an office with all men. When they are in work mode they are in work mode - it's nothing personal. Also he isn't going to get all cutesy on you with a bunch of colleagues around - it's unprofessional. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to talk to you but they are just different at work. I wouldn't jump on him about it. My husband answers the phone bluntly with his name and rank every time I call. As if he doesn't see my cell number on his, right? But if he has the time he talks if not he tells me, but either way he is in work mode and i can hear it in his voice.

I wouldn't care at all if my husband asked if I called. About 30% of the time, I didn't call- it was one of the kids that got a hold of my phone and managed to call him. I also think that saying "Did you call?" is a nice way of saying "I saw you called, what did you want?"
I really fail to see what is wrong with the phrase "Whats up?" Its not rude, its to the point and simple.
I think you're reading waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much into a phone call.

i think you are coming off a bit needy and demanding. first off if he's working, of course he has other things on his mind - i know that when hubby calls me at work my first thought is sometimes, "ugh what? this better be important!" and it rarely is. so i feel for your husband. usually i also have that twinge at first because i FIGURE that if he's calling, it IS important, like something is wrong. then it normally isn't and that adds to the frustration.

S., the comment about "did you call" is just completely harmless, instead of saying, "hi honey i saw you called what's up my darling?" give the guy a break. he called back in 5 minutes flat. he made time for you in case it WAS something important.

was it??

Really? No, I wouldn't have been bothered.

Mountain out of a molehill. .

ETA: Reading some of your past questions (I believe I answered them) I think you're just REALLY insecure. It seems like you're looking for something, that simply isn't there. Give him a break. The constant worrying over his fidelity (or schedule, or intentions. whatever is applicable here.) will drive a massive wedge of resentment between you too. I don't normally read back on old questions, but I felt something was missing here.

Hon are you serious? You really think that it's a problem that someone (spouse or not) returns a phone call with "Did you call?" It's a common phrase that people use when returning calls. It's not literal.

Really, if this is your own husband you're complaining about, you're just looking for something to be offended by. If this is something you overheard, you need to MYOB. I would consider this totally normal communication between married people.

I am not trying to be ugly... but who cares? He's being courteous and calling you back. Why read something into it that's not there? Maybe he's having a bad day and everything possible that could go wrong, has, and he doesn't feel like spouting sunshine and daisies? Me personally, I'd be sympathetic before jumping the gun and getting defensive.

nope. when my dh is busy and distracted i don't need to be canoodled. 'what's up?' isn't rude, it's simply busy and somewhat curt.
khairete
S.

When calling each other back, my husband and I go one of two ways.

If we have time and are being silly, we'll say something like, "You raaaaang?" in a stupid voice like Lurch.

If one of us is in the middle of something, or we need to get to the next thing, we'll say, "What's up? I've got to be quick." No offense taken, no need to take extra time to say words that we can figure out on our own.

Timing is everything.

Please do not take this the wrong way, but you should have not called when you knew he was getting out of meeting. I am a working mom and I find it really annoying when my hubby calls with stuff we can discuss at home. He works too. Yet he feels the same way when he is with his colleagues or is busy at work. Your hubby is busy at work and he can't give you his full attention. Its nothing personal. I totally get where your husband is coming from.

I think he's working very hard and feel sorry for him that it appears he has a wife that has to call and bug him the very SECOND he gets out of a meeting. Of course he's annoyed, who wouldn't be? Give him a break for crying out loud. I don't "bug" my husband during the day, he is stressed out and working and if he has time and WANTS to call and chat, well, he knows my number. Otherwise, he knows I'm at home waiting for him and I try to be respectful of his time. He does the same for me. A couple times he has called me literally a minute after the kids walk in the door, NOT good timing for me. They are yelling about their day and what's for snack and it just is not a good time. So he NOW knows not to call me then. So we do have an *understanding* of our work days and are BOTH respectful of that. Good luck.

I don't know what the big deal is.
Husband was busy. Just got out of a meeting. Was amongst colleagues.
He called back 5 minutes later. That is quick, given the circumstances.
He's a guy.
They do that.
They do not communicate like women.
Even women who are busy, answer the phone like that at times.

Your Husband said "Did you call?" I see nothing wrong with that.
I say that too, if I am calling my Husband back but could not answer his call previously.

Then again, my Husband and I don't call each other all the time nor during the day unless it is important.

When at work, you can't expect the Husband to say cutesy things and act all cutesy. They are busy. There are people right there, co-workers or even a Boss.

DH usually doesn't like to be disturbed at work. I don't like it too. Not unless its an emergency. If anything needs to be said, we ping on chat, or leave an e-mail. The other person calls back as soon as they can.
While at work, if DH called, I've never answered with a "Hi honey, tell me.." Its always, "You called? What's up?". I am at an office. Not with friends. Likewise with DH.
Stop brewing up for a fight. :) Relax. I think your hubby did just fine. More than what most men do.

Ya know... My husband says, "did you call?" all the time. He can see I called (unless his phone is in a mood) but he misses calls all the time because of noisy equipment and loss of signal in certain buildings and certain places and he doesn't really have a time sense of when I called compared to last time I called compared to what time it currently is. I never thought of it as odd. If I know he has a meeting or tour I don't call unless I'm pretty sure it's over. I will however email him texts during meetings, sometimes with lines from songs, sometimes a joke (with no punchline) and sometimes, "do you need me to call you and say its an emergency so you can leave?". Oh, and sometimes he is crabby when he gets out of a meeting, sometimes he's REALLY crabby when he gets out of a meeting. Take a deep breath and forget it, it isn't aimed at you.

Why are you calling him at work? If it's just for a chat, it's highly inappropriate and annoying for all involved (co-workers included).

I would have to say that all most all men I know on this planet speak like
that.

No disregard for your feelings and not to give men a pass for any rude behavior they happen to adopt (and they will) but this is, I believe, just how they are.

They are more matter of fact.
Less flowery in their speech.
Get right to the point.
Don't always "get" why we have to call.
They're not talkers per se like we are etc.
Don't worry.
I would let it go and not call unless you absolutely have to.

I think your maybe looking too much into it. Maybe him saying "did you call?" was his way of saying "I saw that you called" and saying "what's up" is just a normal thing to say. I say it ALL the time and so does my husband. Nothing to stress about. For us it's how we talk. There is nothing at all to get upset about. Totally normal in my opinion

Meh. No big deal. There have been a lot of times when I have called my husband at work and he is just very busy, so he will be like whats up or what do you need or something. I remember there were a few times he would call me when I was working and I was busy and I would be like what do you want!? Very blunt. I think its normal. And having him ask Did you call, I think is just something that is ingrained in our language. I might say the same thing or I saw that you called. I think pretty normal.

It seems perhaps you are over thinking this one.

My husband is always in a meeting, getting out of a meeting, on a conference call, or going to get on a conference call...

Perhaps you caught him at a bad moment... of course he knew you called. I suspect it was just a way to start the conversation and then the bluntness probably was related to the fact that he just got out of a meeting and his mind was else where.

For me, I try not to call my husband at work unless it is lunch time, or it is something he needs to address immediately. Generally - I text him or email if it's not something critical. I'd chalk it up to "normal communication" during the work day (not if he was on an errand or something) and "no big deal".

Umm.. I guess I'm not that sensitive. My husband asks me that all the time, when he sees I've called and he missed it. It doesn't mean, literally, "DID you call me?", it's more of a "I'm returning your call, what is it?". It's like, letting you know that he is calling you back BECAUSE you called; that he is NOT calling you for some reason of his own. It's passing the mike to you so you can say whatever it was you called about.

I don't see the big deal. Do you always expect everyone to be so literal?
And I don't get what is wrong with "What's up?" either. There is sort of an assumption that SOMETHING must be up, if you are calling him AT WORK, right?
Unless your husband has a job that he can sit and be on the telephone on personal calls at random times throughout the day every day, then I think it perfectly asks the pertinent question.
Unless he was gruff, or sounded miffed, then I don't see anything blunt about it. Even so, I wouldn't think calling for something that could have waited would be a smart move, if you knew he was in a meeting. What was the reason for the call, anyway? Was it something urgent? or was it something that could have (should have?) waited until later?

ETA: Is this guy the same one who commented to the younger woman at his work about her dress blowing in the wind??

I say, "Did you call?" also, but what I mean is, "What do you want?" For me, it's a rhetorical question. Then if the person I'm asking says yes but doesn't get to the reason why they're calling the, "What's up?" Would definitely follow.

Sometimes my husband will answer the phone and not even say hello. He'll just say. "Lemme call you back." I then hang up without saying anything because I'm sure he's already hung up.

So, yep, short, blunt communication is how we communicate for the most part. I don't think it's a man/woman thing, but more of a personality thing. We are very direct, blunt people.

If he was just getting out of a meeting I wouldn't call I would wait for him to call me.

I do that to my husband and everyone else that calls me at a time that I cant pick up. "did you call?" is my normal question even tho I KNOW they did.... I think it's pretty normal, but I guess I think it's normal because I do that.

Husband is working - he's in work mode. Any short answers I receive when calling my husband (which isn't often), are taken as oh, he must be busy and/or doesn't want to look like he's on the phone with his wife. So I give him the out and he can call me back later if he can. I have had calls answered with "can't talk now" followed by a prompt hang-up. I do not take this personally.

Having butt dialed hubby on occasion, I am often asked "did you call". I don't take this as an insult either. I don't take his lack of "buttercup" niceties as a sign of his falling out of love with me either. I'd rather he look better to his boss/co-workers/clients than to me. Just my 2 cents.

I text unless it is an emergency.

When I am working I turn my own phone off.

When I have a moment I then turn it on and see who called or texted.

People know If I am working, I am with clients in a setting there is NO WAY, I can receive or talk on the phone.

My husband , my daughter and I know we do not even look at out phones while we are in meetings. It is distracting and rude.

I do special events. Imagine Weddings, Funerals, Corporate events.. No way to stop and visit.

My husband and I do that but i don't think anything of it. A lot of times, he accidently redials the last number he called and it happens to be me.

You caught him in "business" mode. No biggie. I honestly mean no disrespect - have you have ever worked in an office setting? Some days are go, go, go with high stress, lots of pressure and your mind is reeling with everything you need to do as a result of the meeting... He called you back? Within minutes? Go give your guy a big hug, shoulder rub...and anything else you deem appropriate. ;) It sounds like he had a busy day and you both could use some unwinding.

If I'm calling my husband at work (as opposed to texting, which he can look at when he has time to do so) it had better be an emergency.
Just because it's my number doesn't mean it's me, it could be any of the kids.

I am guilty of making call backs and saying....did you call? No one has ever come back with...you know I called...why do you ask me? And the whats up....just a common response....I don't see a thing wrong with any of the above. It was just bad timing for the call....that's it. So what do you think....he doesn't want anyone to know he has a wife or something? Maybe you are reading too much into this. Rest easy....everything is okay!

I think it's normal & not a big deal. You're reading into it too much. Is it normal to call him when you knew he was in a meeting/at the end of it & trying to wrap up? If it is, it shouldn't be.

To be honest, if the situation were reversed, I'd probably be a little peeved if DH called me knowing I was still on the clock. It just seems like one of those unnecessary types of calls that don't need to happen.

DH & I RARELY talk during the work day. To me, unless it's an emergency, there's no reason I need to call him during business hours, and vice versa. If I really had to talk to him I would wait until lunch hour.

That being said, I looked at your other posts & it looks like there are some insecurity and/or trust issues there. So, to me, this situation seem like nothing, but if there is some type of doubt or issue in your marriage, then it may be a big deal to you.

This is totally normal. My husband asks me "did you call" all the time. And every once in a while, I say "No, I didn't...oh wait, I must have butt dialed you because my phone is showing that it called you...sorry...". Therefore, "did you call" is a completely valid question in our household. As for the bluntness, that's also totally normal. They're in "business" mode, you called during business hours. I've had my husband actually answer my "Will you be home for dinner?" with "Yes" and hang up on me...no "bye", no "I'll see you later", no "I love you, honey". But I didn't take it personally, I asked a simple question and got a simple, direct answer. Can't complain about that.

Normal communication.

Wife knew hubby was busy and should not have called unless it was something very important.

Wouldn't bother me at all.

My husband has been known to call ME and have that happen. He tends to call me at inopportune times. I usually say hi and ask what he needs...he has gotten offended withme before.

Was "Did you call?" a dumb question? Sure was. Was it a big deal? Not at all. It was his way of saying "I'm returning your call". Not the most precise way to say it but it is what he meant.

The "What's Up?" may have sounded blunt but I see nothing wrong w/ what he said (maybe his tone was the problem). I am guessing putting the two things together he meant was "I was returning your call. Did you need me for something?"

Again, could he have worded it better? Sure. Should he have said it in a nicer tone (regardless of his words)...Absolutely.

Is it normal communication....YES!

Wow. People at work are BUSY! Why are you calling him at work?

Send an email if you need to talk to him! Then he can call when he has time!

Specifically:
Anyway, would it bother you if 1) your husband asked 'Did you call?' when he indeed knew you called ? No--that's pretty much what people say when they're acknowledging that they missed your call.

and
Anyway, would it bother you if ....then came out with the bluntness? I would take that as a sign of he's BUSY at WORK right now & he'd get back to me at a better time. It's a cue for quick info-relay like "The cat is on fire" or "We're heading to the ER" otherwise...it means end the convo QUICKLY!

Normal.

My husband 's cell rings constantly at work. He legitimately forgets if I called if he doesn't call back immediately. If he is short on the phone I know that he is in the middle of something. He knows the same with me at work. We try not to call randomly during the day but have a standing lunch time call each day!

No bother. Succinct. Businesslike. Social cues - buttercup.

wow. I hope you;re having a bad mood day and not always over evaluating every word he says or action he has. You really wanted him to be all cutse on the phone at work. Why not text if you want to ask him somethnig orwant a cute repsonse?
I always say "did you call" its J. habit and you don't know if the person meant to call or pocket dialed you
I always say her whats up, or hi, I don';t answer with whats up butter cup

Normal. My hubby Always asked if I called if he misses my call. I never thought anything about it. And if he didn't have time and was blunt about it I don't think I would care either. He is at work if he doesn't have time then he doesn't have time.

M. H.
Let me just start out by saying that Ive read the other moms answers and I do agree with them,but can I ask;is this the only "incident"that has occured with him?When youre with someone its kind of hard to know soo much about them,but really have no clue what they could be like at their job.Its where they spend alot of their time.As women we have many insecurites.I think you felt that at that moment something more "intersting" had his attention and it bothered you.If there was no other "out of character incidents" at work,then maby you found it to be odd behavoir for him and it struck a cord with you.I think my husband is the most attractive guy in the world,with that being said,do I think women could be interested?yes.Do I think there is a level of flirting at offices and that work can be a distraction,yes.Just remember,in relationships trust comes before ANYTHING.Ifhe comes home every night to you and youre family and he has not given you a reason to think otherwise,just hit him up with a text before or after a meeting.And remember,he chose you and loves you.Like one mom men have their own vocab,especially when they are in other setting,like with friends,or in this case work.That pet name or special way he usually talks to you is just for you anyway!Guys dont like to look "soft"!!!Youre the only one that gets to see that side. :)

This happens with my husband all of the time. Yes, I think it is rude b/c he doesn't do it to anyone else that calls at an inopportune time. Only to me therefore, it really pisses me off. It's like I am SUPPOSED to know it isn't a good time and his tone reflects that. That's probably not the answer you were looking for, sorry.

I don't think he sounded blunt or rude...Yes, he should have known it was you who called due to caller ID. But, I think that you are overanalyzing this one. I would not let that little thing hurt your feelings or feel disrespected or dissed. That's the way most of my hubby and I's conversations are. IDK, I guess everyone's different.

When I went in to have my third child, I asked my doctor if blood without oxygen is blue or red. He laughed and said "if that is the worst you have to fight over, then you are pretty lucky" We had been arguing about it not in a bad way but in a "I am right" way. Over the past 30 years we have had things to argue about and things to "argue" about, you know those things that really doesn't matter? Would I be upset over the "what's up?", probably not since I say that too, but it bothers you and you alone need to decide if it is an ice breaker or something to really be getting upset about. Communicating about the small things that irratate you may help you communicate over the big things but I like to think that if it isn't life changing, it is just an irratation.