How Would You Proceed?

I feel sorry for the girls. I would invite them in, feed them and let them hang out and play. I would also have them phone home.

The girls could walk 2 blocks, but the mom couldn't?

The next time she shows up, ask her if her mom knows, and what time her mom is expecting her home. I would also get her phone # so that you can call her. Yes the parents seemed to overreact, but I can also see the situation where if the mom truly was stuck at home and its getting dark and the girls don't come home.

Always good to have phone #s.

I'd let her play. She needs a good parenting role model more than you need the extra peace and quiet.

Most times. Don't go overboard and take them everyday. But they need you. Be that person for them.

That's how we change the world - we pass on our good thoughts and helpfulness not just from us to our kids, but to any kids that need it. :)

One huge thing, I would make them call home and tell their mom where they are and ask when they should go home. I get the mom thinks they are next door when they are halfway across the country vibe.

Not that it is your responsibility to make sure mom knows where the kids are but since you have a phone....

Growing up, we had two neighborhood friends (they were brothers) who would show up all the time. Their Mom would show up exactly like you describe. They hadn't been home ALL DAY but all of the sudden, she shows up frantic. My Dad never stopped letting the boys come over, though, because our home life was WAY better than theirs. My Dad figured he was better off with us.

I don't know anything about the home life of those girls, but judging by the fact that they are able to wander around the neighborhood unsupervised, they are probably safer and better off with you. Keep letting them come over.

Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but it sounds to me like the girls left home without telling their mom where they would be. Wouldn't you be in a panic if you didn't know where your kids were?

I think you should call the mom and talk to her about what happened. The next time the kids show up, ask them if their mom knows where they are or get her on the phone.

The next time they show up, I would ask them for a phone number to contact the parents. That way you can let the parents know they are there and ask what time they want them to head home. I don't think there is any interest on the other parent's part to get to know you so I would just be courteous, keep her informed, and leave it at that. I also would not let your child go to their house.

But clearly the girl is looking for friends and if your daughter likes playing with her, set up some actual days/times. Give the girl your number and ask her to please check with you before coming over so that you can make sure the timing will work.

When we moved into our house, there was a boy who lived a 1/4 mile away but he would just ride around on his bike all day (I would see him miles from home...he was about 5 when we moved in). I never knew what his home situation was. He would just come by our house or the neighbors house and just hang out. It was rather weird but harmless, he was just looking for ways to occupy his day.

I would ask her to put her mother on the phone when she calls.
Then cover arrival & departure times, etc.
I usually get a cell # and text the other mom when their kid is leaving our house. If its dark, I drive them home.

The minute they show up, ask them "Does your mom know you're here? Please call her right now to tell her you got here safely and to find out what time you need to be home."

Then as long as it doesn't bother you, keep letting them come over. I agree with the posters below who say that those kids need a good example set for them. They obviously crave stability and if you can provide just a glimpse of it for now, their lives will be all the better for it.

I would tell them to go home , until you talk to a parent, to make sure it's OK & they know where they are. I do that all the time.

I would explain to them that they should call in advance to make sure that you don't already have family plans and that it is ok to come by. I would also ask if their parent's know they're visiting and get the phone number. A chat with a parent is needed. Some parents are very liberal in allowing their kids to come and go without much restriction - whether in daylight or dark. They obviously like playing with your daughter.

I would have called the parents from the get go. I wouldn't be comfortable having kids I hardly know spend so much time at my house without actually confirming it was okay with their parents.
Other than that, are they nice kids? They can't really help it if their parents are clueless, so if my kids liked playing with them then I'd be happy to let them hang out at my house. Again, I would call each time, and say oh, just thought you'd like to know your girls are here, you can pick them up at x time.

Wow.

Sounds like these kids are looking for some stability and supervision! What would I do? I would have the mother come in and have a cup of coffee or tea and set some ground rules.

"You seemed upset the other night after the parade. Is everything OK? I don't mind having the girls here occassionally, but I wouldn't want them to walk all the way here to find us on the way out or not home. Can you have them call here when they are leaving your home? Would you like me to have them call or text you when they arrive here?"

If she won't talk to you or continues to be rude and distant, I would try to limit the play time outside of school. I would also not allow my daughter in that home without me there!

In the one scenario, my guess is that she was possibly afraid because the girls were out after dark and didn't call her to say where they were. I would be terrified too, but I also wouldn't have let them walk that far alone or without a cell phone.

I would just ask if they have gotten permission for their parents. And how are they going to get to and from. Or you can ask to talk to the parent and make sure it's ok. Not all parents are interested in knowing their kids friends parents. I don't understand that. Cause I personally don't let my kids go somewhere if i don't know the parents.

im confused. i think ive read it diferent then some other people
my interpreation would be she knew where they were but they were supposed to call and check in and didnt, and she was too lazy to walk the mile herself to get them, so made her husband drive home from work to get them.
I would think if she wasnt aware where they were she wouldnt have sped up to your house and known where they were
how old is the older girl?
what time at night did the parent come by?

when I was with my older brother I was often allowed to go with the bigger kids...we weren't allowed to cross the street but could play in the alley, and then the two blocks connected by the alley. when I was 8 and he was 10 we romed everywhere
Sounds like she may have a more then laid back idea of parenting but I couldnt J. that unless i knew the whole story and the kids maturity level

OOPS forgot to answer the actual question=) if they played well with my kid and were respectful I'd allow them to comve over and make sure the mom had my cell phone number

My SD has (though not at that age) forgotten to call and left her phone home so we might've been really ticked off at her behavior a time or two and said little to the friends' parents at pickup. Many is the time where she would just head over to ask, and come home if it wasn't a good time. I foresee a time in the near future letting DD go next door to ask if a child can play and the parents can say yes/no. So I see the showing up as less of an issue than the parents not knowing where they are.

I'm not there so I don't know if she's rude, rushed, distracted, shy, reserved....If the kids show up again, 1. have them call home and ask that you also speak to their parent or they can't stay, and 2. don't offer to include them again in something away from your house. Just send them home. If they are good kids, I'd want to let them play (if my child wanted to play and we didn't need to go anywhere) but with the strange behavior from the parents, I'd want to confirm their mom and dad knew where they were. I wouldn't block an otherwise good friendship but I'd cover my butt in the parents knowing department...and would not send my child to play in their home. I don't think you need to be close with their parents, but any dealings with young kids needs to include SOME conversation, IMO.

Feels like the children's parents are a little pathetic - clearly not the children's fault. Maybe their mom and dad have arguments, and the girls wanted to escape to a calmer happier environment - which looks like it is you and your house? I'd just let them play if I were you, so long as they are not causing trouble and are happy to behave nicely.

Next time they come over, ask them if they told their mom/dad. Get the number of the mom/dad and keep it with you. In case they do not tell you a clear answer, just give their mom a call and let her know the kids are here.

This is hard one. But obviously I would NOT let my kids at their house. EVER. If the kids get along well tho and don't give you a problem, I would absolutely say from now on that if they are coming over you want to speak with their parents first. If they show up unannounced I would have them IMMEDIATELY call their parents and talk to them yourself. Let their parents know you aren't comfortable with them coming over without having talked with them first.There aare many things that could happen to these kids and you don't want to feel responsible. And tell them that from now on you want communication between the ADULTS. If the kids show up again unaanounced, I would kindly send them home.
Soometimes if parents really are lazy and irresponsible and don't care where their kids are, they will either jump on board with you so they feel like someone else IS watching them. Or they'll tell their kids to stop coming to your house because they don't want to be on point. Which is sad. But it shouldn't be left up to you to monitor these kids if their own parents won't. That speaks volumes about the kind of people they are. We had this issue with our old neighbors, and after a few times of me sending the kids home, they quit showing up. Don't get me wrong, I kept my eye on them because their parents didn't. But not on my property :)

My daughter and her friends are always going to play at each other's houses, but if I didn't know the mom, I'd phone her right away to be sure that they were ok to be there. They sound old enough to know mom's #.

I wuold let them know that they are no longer allowed to just show up at your house because if they do they will be sent straight home. It's for their safety and the parents do not have control over their children. When they call ask them not to call anymore because you are worried about their saftey. Do not be involved in this situation anymore. It will become worse and you will be in the blame if anything happens.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

I wouldn't want a friendship with these people,,they can only cause trouble from what I see. Next time they call, ask to talk to their parents. I would ask to have a parent come with them and stay there. Don't let your daughter go there by herself. If they want a playdate at their house, go with her and stay there the entire time. Like you said, you don't know these people. I, personally, wouldn't have these kids over without one of their parents. Kids can make things up and then you, the host, get in trouble for nothing..Good luck!

The fact that there is not communication when they are coming up to play is a huge problem. I would confront their mother and tell her that it is ok for her girls to come and play however you are going to need her to call you when they want to play. They cannot just show up because it is not safe for them and puts you in a bad position of being "responsible' for kids that you don't even know the whereabouts of. If those kids go missing they will come directly to you-and if something should happen the parents will say thaty YOU were responsible for them because they were at your hous-and didn't even know they were coming over.
If it were me I would let them play once in a while but try to let the friendships taper off.

They wouldn't plain and simple. The answer is no and if they invite themselves they can directly turn back and go the way they came. Sorry if it sounds ugly but like you said you don't know the parents and from the looks of it, I wouldn't want to!

This reminds me of when I was young. All the kids of the neighborhood could and would go to each other's houses, unannounced, and ask if so and so could come out and play. Sometimes the parents said yes, and sometimes they said no. There were no "play dates" back then... at least not where I lived. Children played in big groups and roamed all over the place. In retrospect... I don't know how my parents could stand it! On the other hand... they didn't have to entertain us all day and it was our responsibility to be in before the street lights came on.

If these girls are old enough to walk over, they should be old enough to understand that they need to call first (if that is what would make you more comfortable.)

If you know the Mom, maybe call and ask if she's like a call to let her know where they are. It sounds to me that she's giving the children a lot of autonomy, and obviously her parenting style is different from yours. I don't think it means she's a bad Mom, just different. If your kid likes the girls and aren't busy, let them play. Otherwise, tell them no and send them on their way.

Good Luck with this one, we have the same situation with our neighbors. When the police showed up looking for him that was it. He never told his parents where he was going and they called the police.

He is no longer allowed over to our house unless I get a call from his parents first. No exceptions. I have had to send him home several times, unfortunately, they just do not pay attention. My Daughter is not allowed to play over there.

Hi, B.D. What a difficult situation! Before answering your question, it would help to know what your top concern is. If there is more than one concern, rank them. for example: What's my responsibility for the safety of your daughter's friend (and the friend's sister)? How do I maintain balance in my family's life? I feel angry that the mom didn't even acknowledge what I did; how do I deal with the anger? What boundaries should I set, and how should I set them?
Those are just some issues that come to mind. They may not be yours. So what are you most wanting help on?
Many blessings,
Meg

If the timing was right, I'd let my daughter play with her. I don't understand; are you considering not letting your daughter play with this child? It doesn't seem like the child has done anything wrong. I don't get the point of the question. Seems more like gossip than an actual question.

I'm sorry, I would have to squash this "friendship". Not to do so in just inviting problems & drama into you, and your kids' lives. Parents really can ruin everything, IMO. It sounds like they were more worried about the car than they were about their kids. Sad.