A.P.
I have this kid!
My son just turned 2 and is so much better but let me tell you between 14 to 17 months I wanted to give him away. He was terrible baby (I love him to death) but he cried all the time, he never slept unless I was holding him, nursing him, or co-sleeping with him. Everyone told me it would get better but after dealing with him for more than a year it was getting worse. He was shy, clingy, mad. I just didn't really get along with him. He wouldn't really play, all he did was throw toys, throw food and cry some more. He would get frustrated so easy and would not accept any help from me.
I talked to my pediatrician at his 18 month check up and he said he was a normal healthy kid and to keep in mind that some times the hardest babies make the best toddler. I just have to hang in there.
Now fast forward to now...just 6 months later. My son is sweet, loving, listens. I can not believe the turn around in him. It is amazing.
One of my sons biggest problems was his brain knew what it wanted but his body couldn't do it or his language wasn't up to par to tell me. I made picture posters of things that he got frustrated about. On the fridge I had pictures of the food he likes so he could point to them. On the closet door I had pictures of most of his toys so he could point to them. When we got up in the morning I started doing a chart mapping out his day. I would draw a picture of breakfast, then books (library time), toys, lunch, nap, snack, daddy home, dinner, play, bath, bed. My son was and still is very bad with transitions and I think knowing up front what was coming for the day helped.
He now has a great vocabulary and understands the flow of our day better.
I also gave him tasks similar to what I was doing. If I had to do dishes I put a small dish pan of water on the kitchen floor and put some plastic dishes in it. If I had to fold clothes I let him play with the socks and underwear until I was ready. If I had to cook dinner I gave him things to cut with a little playdoh knife (melon, cheese, tofu...anything soft). This kept him included without me holding him all the time.
I hope you your daughter is like my son because if so you are heading out of the nasties!
Good Luck!!!!!