For the past several years, my husband and I have eaten a sort of semi-vegetarian diet--fish but no other meat. Our daughter, who's 3, has been raised eating a mixture of meals with fish and vegetarian meals, including meatless hot dogs, hamburgers, and chicken patties. We don't think eating meat is wrong--we mainly just want to avoid the whole factory farming scenario. In fact, for various reasons (fish has its own set of issues and we can get locally, humanely raised meat for a reasonable price), we're considering adding some meat to our diet. But I'm not sure how to go about introducing the idea of eating meat to our daughter, who hasn't grown up with it. So many of her favorite books are about happy little farm animals, cute chickens, etc, and I wonder how she's going to react to the idea of eating them. We live in a farming area, so she's around chickens, sheep, and cows a lot, but she just knows they make eggs, wool, and milk. And to her, hamburgers and hot dogs are not meat, and "chicken" patties is just a silly name for something made from soybeans (just like hot dogs are not made from dogs).
I think I should try to just be matter-of-fact about it and tell her that some animals are raised for food, and if she really objects, let her eat something else. But I would love to hear from any of you who have had experience with the "where does meat come from" question--how did it come up, how did you handle it, and how did your kids react?
Thanks, everyone, for your great responses--they were very helpful to read. We served chicken the other night (a whole one), and when my daughter saw it in the oven and found out what it was, she first ran around the room saying "I don't want to eat that!" Then she came back and pointed at one of the legs and said "What's that?" My husband said, "It's a drumstick." She said, "I want the drumstick!" and that was it--she chewed on that bone all through dinner (and ate some meat too)! I guess I was over-thinking things a bit; it seems at this age they don't necessarily make the connection from A to B. So we're off the hook, for a little while anyway!
Please be honest about where meat comes from with a 3-year old, but don't be overly concerned. My youngest at 7 still does not care where meat comes from - only that he likes to eat it! He makes no connection between meat and his cute toy animals and fluffy pet animals on the farm. Just be careful with kids' movies and books that make an issue about life from the perspective of an animal, like Babe the Pig and Charlotte's Web.
I thought I would answer your question from a different perspective. We are vegetarians and raising my son, know 5 years old, that way too. We just tell him that meat is an animal and some people eat animals and some people don't. We don't. It has never been an issue.
However, I wasn't born into a family of vegetarians. My Dad's family was farmers and I spent every summer on the farm. I helped raise the pigs and then got a check when "my" pig was sold for slaughter. I don't ever remember having a "talk" about meat when I was real young because that was just the way it was. When I got older I started asking questions like why do we eat some animals but not others (cats etc.) The response I got was like you said matter of fact (except from my grandma who said got put animals on the earth for eating and some for friends). I was probably 8 or 9 then. By 12 I told my Mom I wanted to be vegetarian and she said that she was just waiting for me to ask. She cold tell from an early age that I was uncomfortable with meat but wanted the decision to be mine (especially since the rest of the family ate meat and continues to do so).
So, I think you are right on to be mater of fact without a lot of judgement either way. I think it is wonderful that you are open and flexible. As she gets older she will experiment and figure out what her likes are and what she is comfortable with. The great thing is she will be OK with many situations and types of food. Maybe vegetarian isn't right for everyone but being responsible in our eating and teaching how our decisions impact the earth, animals, and people is a really important lesson.
Best of luck.
More sympathy than advice here, as we will be in a similar situation when ours is older. I wonder what is age appropriate. I think like people have said, we probably need to explain less than we think until they are older. Attention children's book authors: This is a niche that hasn't been filled as far as I can see! I would love to find some not gory, not holier-than-thou children's lit from a vegetarian or vegan perspective. If any other moms know of titles, pleas post!
We also eat meat, minimally and with respect for the creatures they came from. Still, I have found with my kids, One 8 and one 4, that often the less I say the better. Its not that my kids don't need the information. Its just that as adults we have gathered our philosophy over time and young children become overwhelmed with a lot of talk. i.e. we put a lot more thought into a situation than they can process. A great example is that I always make small hearts on my calendar when I have my period. For years my daughter didn't notice. When she was five she did notice and said "Mommy what are those hearts?" I said those are days that are special to me. That was all the answer she needed. She didn't ask any follow up questions. When Rebecca was 6 1/2 she asked again. "Mommy, What are those hearts for?" I replied, "You know how sometimes blood comes out of Mommy's vagina?" She said "yes" I said, "well that happens one time each month for a few days" She said but there are three hearts and I explained that I have my period for three days." That was all the answer she needed. Then last month. at almost 9 years old. She asked again. This time She'd ask a question and I would respond with a little more information. By the end I had explained about "the birds and the bees".
With meat. My four year old will always say. "Which animal did this come from?" I tell him. Sometimes he has another question. Sometimes he doesn't. I did this with my daughter as well and she is quite respectful of what we eat. When she was younger she would joke and laugh, or make noises if I said this meat is from a chicken. Or this meat is from our friend Brie and Jon's Pigs. Really. less information is okay. They will ask for more when they are ready.
Good luck.
B.
Hi,
The way I explained it to my daughter was that everything has a purpose. I kind of explained the food chain to her: as in cows and other animals eat plants and then other animals like lions, people, etc eat the animals. We are religious so I explained that God has put animals on Earth so people can eat and live. Something to that effect.
We have 6 kids and each has come to the realization at a different time. We have a 4yr old who is just now kind of getting the idea, but not really making the connection that cows he sees at a farm we drive by MAY become someone's meal soon. We have plenty of books with farm animals in them and they just don't seem to connect the two concepts between seeing them live or in books vs eating them. My 2yr old is two young to even question it.
When our 6yr old questioned why we eat meat and if it's ok, we told him about God providing animals for food and others for work and pets and we read him the passage in his children's Bible. That's not the right approach for everyone, but it worked for us. Our older kids aren't bothered enough by it to eat vegetarian instead, but our 15yr old has expressed that she does find it awkward to think about what she's eating when she has meat so she just tries to put it out of her mind. If she wanted to stop, we would just make sure she had lots of healthy substitutes. Honestly, I try not to think too much about what I'm preparing when I cook and I grew up with grandparents owning a farm with plenty of cows, chickens and pigs.
Go with what feels right for you and your family. :-)
My 3 year-old, who has been eating meat his entire life, does not yet question "where meat comes from". For the most part (aside from chicken & turkey), the names of the meat don't necessarily correspond to the animal. He'll ask us "what are we having tonight" and when I say hamburger or ham or beef or pork, its just the name of the dish he's eating. I'm not saying "cow or pig". THAT would definitely make the questions start to fly out of his mouth. He hasn't realized the chicken yet and I must admit I've switched to saying "we're having meat" a few times. So far so good - he hasn't made the connection. I'm hoping for a year or so before that happens! I, too, am dreading it.
I knew where the meat came from when I was young (~4) and I was fine eating meat until the day I was exposed to the entire butchering process with chickens on our farm (when I was 8 or so). After that day, I went several years not eating chicken. So when the day comes that your daughter asks, definitely explain things in simple, more general terms (food chain; some animals are on earth to feed others) but definitely no details. It can be traumatic.
I liked what another person said to describe the food chain to her, and explain that some animals are raised as food and some animals are raised as friends. I wouldn't get into detail about the killing aspect, as this may be too much for her to handle, and may have the effect of turning her vegetarian, whereas a less graphic description would perhaps not have that effect.
I don't think a 3 year old needs to know the gory details. Unless she asks, I would just introduce it as a new food.
I think she is really to young to explain these to as she will take them in her 3 year odl mind and maybe get confused. Just say you are trying new recipes and be excited aobut it..eat what you are serving her and make it a fun time each time.
My son was over 5 when he came home and said 'did you know chickens come from chickens?! as I also had been worried he would start asking more than I could explain.
You really must take her age and developement into account before you spring more mature ideas or ways on her..she maynot not understand the concept of 'meat' and may htink you are eating any animal around..be gentle and kind with her young growing mind
A three year old would get more out of the funny conversation about hot dogs not coming from dogs and chicken patties coming from soy beans - although three year olds are notorious for "why" - they don't really care why - any answer will satisfy their curiosity. My son was 5 before he believed that hamburgers come from cows - he thought it was ridiculous and silly.
We think kids will be damaged if they know we are eating Old McDonald's farm animals....kids take it in stride.
Hi C.,
I agree with Rita: I would introduce meat products simply as new foods and not say anything about where the meat itself comes from unless she asks. I'm thinking that your daughter might not ask anything if you've been having meatless hot dogs and burgers all her life anyway. She might not even notice the difference.
If she does, I think you're right to be matter-of-fact about it. Children tend to take things at face value and their cues from their parents. If your daughter sees that you are comfortable eating meat and that nothing is wrong with it, she will feel that nothing is wrong with it and be comfortable with it (most likely). Especially if you are comfortable with the source of your meat. I don't think she'll ask not to eat it.
