How to Explain Death..

Well, you need to stop telling her you're putting the dog to sleep. You're not. You are euthanizing the dog. A child that age doesn't understand the phrase "putting to sleep" and may think that it's possible that she herself may never wake up if she goes to sleep.

We told our daughter last year when she was 5 that our dog got sick, and the doctor couldn't make her better, so she died. We told her that when people and pets die, they go to live in heaven with God and wait for us.

Yesterday her Grandpa died, and she said that he was waiting in heaven with Tootsie now. We're all sad, but that's a nice thought.

If you don't believe in heaven, or that pets go to heaven, I'm not sure what you should say, but that is how we handled it. We also made sure to let her know that it's ok to be sad and it's ok to cry. She may not fully understnad and want to just go back to playing, she may ask lots and lots of questions. I'm sorry that you have to go through this, I know it's hard. Our daughter will still, a year later, randomly tell us that she misses her dog and wishes she didn't die. We just let her know that we wish that, too.

The way you're labeling it is going to make them afraid to fall asleep. They don't need to hear that term. Putting something to sleep is not the best way to explain anything to them.

The way we explain death is this.

Before we come here we are spirit beings. (show them your hand, it represents our spirits)

Then we get born and put on our body. (slip a glove on your hand)

When it is time to die we leave our bodies and go back to being a spirit (take the glove off and lay it down). Our bodies go in the ground/cremated/whatever your plan is) and our spirits go back to where we were before we came here.

This is always very tough. My 3-year-old has a set of grandparents that she never met. I tell her that they watch us from above.

A 3 yr old does not completely understand death developmentally. A 3 yr old thinks death is temporary and reversible.

There are a few books for children on this subject. Read the books first and decide which you would want to share:

"When a Pet Dies" by Mister Rogers
"Saying Good-Bye to Lulu"

Also, ask your librarian which book s/he would rec. A book can help you explain this to your 6 year old in a gentle, respectful manner. At 6, she probably does understand that death is irreversible. I think the Mr. Rogers book is one of the best books written to help a child understand...

In my house, we talk about heaven ...and the happy memories. I cry easily, so, my kids know it's ok to cry if they need to.

So sorry !

Our family had a simple way to explain death, If the child has used a pencil/pen/colored pencil we hold one out and show the child it. We discuss about how the good stuff is inside, (ink/lead, that can leave marks behind and be remembered) and how the what we see on the outside holds it all together. When someone dies the good stuff that was inside (soul) goes to heaven while the outside holder is left on earth. We have used this at preschool (3-4 yr olds) for a girl who lost her father, and many parents used the same idea for their kids because death was talked about a lot for a while at preschool.

LIbrary - they have books about this kind of thing. Also talk to your vet - THEY may have books specifically about this. Check them out first to see if they fit your belief system.