How to Bond from a Distance?

Do you have skype? With that you can set up a webcam and talk live. Also, in addition to the t-shirt and photos, try an audio tape of dad just talking. Or, aybe reading stories or singing lullabies. Babies really respond to voices.

Make sure your son hear's his daddy's voice on a regular basis. That is the main thing. When you talk to your husband on the phone, talk on speaker phone, if at all possible.

Do you remember the first minutes you spent with your son? He never saw you before, but he knew exactly who you were because of your voice.

Show him pictures of his dad, and talk about his dad.. if possible any videos you have of his dad.

They'll bond eventually, if not right away. On the bright side, you son will get to tell all his friends that his dad is brave and a hero!

My husband was gone for ten of the twelve months of our daughter's first year with the military. It was a challenge to have her accept daddy and bond but here a few things you can do. First, keep a large picture of him somewhere he can see it (wrapped in plastic or ironed on to a blankie). Baby's eyesight is not very good those early months, so make sure it is a pretty good size. Get your husband to tape record his voice reading your son's favorite story. Hearing his voice will help him associate with him when he returns. Talk to him about daddy and try to share letters and pictures from daddy with him. Babies tend to go through a clingy-mom period anyway, but I found that talking about daddy, reinforcing that with pictures and his voice helped the homecoming go a little bit better. Also, have your husband be patient when he returns home. We all look forward to a homecoming when your kids throw their arms around your neck. Be realistic that this may not happen and don't force the issue. Your son will recognize soon enough that daaddy is a person who loves him and cares about him and will warm up on his own. Best wished during this difficult time!! Thanks to your husband for serving his country!

Do you have any movies with him on it? Whether him just talking or home movies? If so play those - lots.

We don't have any experience as a military family, but this helped our son not be scared of his grandparents and aunts and uncles. He was about 6 months old when I started it, but I taped the family members reading a story to him. I played it every so often - and still do if we are going to visit them. It has helped him so much. He is now 16 months old and we don't have many problems with him being used to them. I think it would work at any age.

So if you have any audio or video, that is my suggestion. Even if in the video he's not talking directly to your son, just hearing his voice over and over and over will help tons. That I know from experience. Seeing his face will also help huge.

Hope this helps.

I personally don't have this problem although my bf, Ava's father, does work kind of a lot and she doesn't see him nearly as much as she sees me. I guess what I would do is show him pictures of his daddy as often as you can and say "that's daddy" when you show them to him. Thats the only thing I can really think of though, sorry, but I hope it was some help.

All of these ladies had some very good suggestions. My dh is over the road and has been for 9yrs. Our daughter is 11 now. He was home a few days every 3 to 4 weeks so it wasn't quite like your situation.

I do want to add that your little one may get jealous because he has had all of your attention. Also, if you are not spending time around any males, he may be frightened of a deep voice or men in general.

Get him used to sharing you by spending time with other moms and babies, let him see you holding other youngsters and having a chance to see that you return to him and are still in love with him, by your voice and tender handling. Get him used to being around men, by handing him to the dads who are home when you visit your women friends homes, or go to functions where families are participating. Don't forget about grandpa or uncles too.

When your dh comes home, be sure to include your baby in that first hug and let him see and feel your joy and excitement to be near this wonderful person who is DAD. Often they won't go off into a screaming fit when you don't give them the option. They can pick up quite readily on your apprehensions, if you are worried he will react badly, then chances are he will.

When my dh would be home from the road, he would lie on the floor and let the baby approach him on her territory. That way he wasn't always looming over her. She very soon was using him as a mountain to climb, and when a bit older horse back rides. Another fun thing was to watch her crawl and her daddy crawling along above her. Have him imitate her actions too. Sarah loved it and now Jenny does too.

I join the others in saying thank you to your dh for taking up the torch of liberty that I and many other vets have passed on to this next generation.

Navy Vet 1972-1977 & 1985-1991

I've heard/read suggestions for helping baby's sleep, by putting a picture of you in their crib (attached so they can't get it of course)...it's supposed to help them feel comforted with a familiar face, you could try something like that with a picture of Dad, if not in the crib maybe put your baby in a bouncy and a picture of dad on the floor so he can see it for a while each day.

Is there a way that you can set up a web cam thru the computer and have a daily chat or atleast once a week? I would record a conversation and play it for baby...maybe Dad could record a story or songs...
I would still show baby pictures of Dad and tell him stories of his brave Daddy.
God bless your Husben, as well as you and your family!
-M.

Beth already shared my idea, but I actually did it. My husband deployed to Iraq when my second son was only 3 weeks old. I made sure he left a T-shirt he wore so he would have dad's scent. It took a while for dad to bond to him when he came home, but he did and now they are as close as ever. Is your husband in the Guard, Reserve or Active Duty? As a fellow military spouse of an Active Duty guy and Guard member myself I can relate to the deployments. For some really great assistance and help check out myarmylifetoo.com lots of resources there.
Also, if you are fairly new to being an army wife (and actually, even if you aren't) take the AFTB level 1 course. You will find it listed on the website. It will teach you a lot. After 20 years in the service I still learned something about Army Family Team Building. Good luck.

show your child pics, video, etc.. if the baby is scared when your husband comes back just give it time.. normally young children come around fast.. it might take time and you and your husband will have to give your son that.. i would have to say my son dont see his dad.. and i have dated the guy im with for almost a year now.. and my son warmed right to him.. i wish your family good luck and god bless your husband..hugs

I agree with the others. My cousin's dad is in the Phillipines, and that's kinda what they did too. She was VERY timid of people she didn't know, but already "knew" her dad when she saw him the first time at age 18mos. She mostly used a couple of his shirts with his cologne/aftershave periodically sprayed on to keep the scents, and these were her nighties and blankies, then they "talked to him" every night via a pic hung by her bed at eye level, and they constantly were showing pics of mom&dad together with TONS of stories... it worked for them, but every child is also different, so be careful not to get disheartened if it does take a while to warm up, they do have a bond of love still =)

I would let the baby have one of dad's shirts or something to get the smell. I would show or have in the background daddy on a video atleast after awhile baby would remember daddy's voice. And baby's just know who's their biological mom and dad don't ask me how they just know.

I would take a close up pic of Dad's face and print a bunch of 8x10's. Get some of those full sized laminating sheets (at Walmart with the office supplies) and put them in there so they won't get wrecked. I'd tape them everywhere at his level. On the cabinets, the fridge and on the wall next to his crib. I'd also get a little photo album and fill it with pics of Dad and some of you and Dad so he can associate you together. Does he have access to a webcam that you could use to see him and have him talk to the baby. Have him make videos if he can and send them home. Make ones of him singing lullabyes so he'll learn Daddy's voice.
Hoping for a safe return,
J.

First, please let me thank you with all my heart for the sacrifice you and your family are making. Next, please, please thank your husband from myself and my family for being brave enough to fight for our freedoms.

OK, now that I'm done slobbering, my daughter's father was over the road when she was born. Not quite as far away, but still not present very often. Whenever I talked to him on the phone, I would put her on the phone to hear his voice. You may want to ask your husband to also send a tape of him talking to his son and play it for your son. Another suggestion is plaster pictures all over the house and maybe pin one to a favorite stuffed animal. Honestly? If you trust and love your hubby then he will too. He should take his cue from you. And the voice thing will help too.

*hugs* & good luck!! If your husband and battalion (is that right?) ever need letters, please let me know. My daughter and her friends love making pictures and writing letters to the soldiers. They do it often with their Brownie troop.

Hi Elizabeth. I am sorry I don't have any advice but I do want to say thanks. Thanks to your husband working hard to protect all US citizens and thanks to you for giving up your time with your husband for our country. God bless all of you. I pray that he will be home safely soon!

A.

Hi Elizabeth

I have a very good friend who has been going through the same thing. What they were able to do though is communicate through Web cams!! This way the baby and daddy can see each other and help them to stay connected. Depending on where and what your solider is doing, this may be an option. Either way god bless you and your family until he returns safely!!

Carrie

Elizabeth,
I have no advice to offer you but I wanted to thank you and your family for the sacrifices you are making!!! I have much respect for you and your husband and appreciate your willingness to serve. If you were in front of me right now, I would stand in your honor. Thank you! K.