How to Be More than Mom

I was all that, then I got diagnosed with lupus and it all went to pot. I finally had days were I would do laundry, monday was clean the bathroom day, tuesday was dusting day etc. It was much easier to do when I did not have to work, but combine working in there also and life can be exhausting sometimes. My 17 year old girl gets this tone to her voice that is very condescending to whom ever she is speaking. She did not realize it was that way until we were watching "16 and pregnant" and the girl was talking to her parents like they were dirt and her slaves. My daugheter commented how rude the girl on the show was and I looked at her, muted the tv and very quietly informed her that is how she speaks to us. Now she gets it when I tell her she needs to watch her voice and manner. The next experience is don't yell at teenagers, they will only shut down and be afraid of you, creating more of a gap between you and them. LIfe is a balancing act. Mine right now is trying to get back to the gym and work off this weight.

since my son has been born, my attitude has been "mom is everything" not "more than mom". i guess the basic difference is, if being a mom is everything to you, truly everything, then you don't sweat if you and dad don't quite get as much alone time as you used to, or the house doesn't look as spotless as it used to. i honestly don't try to be everything to everyone. for the first year of my son's life especially, i honestly put about everything else on hold temporarily. even now, my main focus is always to try to be the best mom i can be. the rest has happened naturally. my husband and i have a great relationship, partly because i am happy and comfortable in my role. my career (it used to be a job) has taken off nicely and although i am no ceo, i am happy with my progress and have recently gotten a great promotion and raise, by just being myself and working hard every day at work. i have been very lucky and blessed, true, but i honestly feel that my "success" is not measured in these things, but in the fact that i have embraced loving my son and focused on raising him to the best of my ability, just loving him and enjoying being with him, not stressing any of us out over things that don't matter in the long run.

My life has changed so many times in my 60 plus years on this earth!! I have gone from being the beloved only child, to a young wife of a military man and traveling the world, to a stay at home Mom of 3 fabulous daughters. Now I am the Grandmother of 2 unbelievable little boys, a working woman who is still trying after 20 years of being back in the work force, to forget how great it was to be at home all day, with plenty of time to do the little things that I wanted to do, instead of trying to stuff all of my "living" into the weekends!!!
Life is all about growing and changing and learning new skills, I have an entire CLOSET full of "hats" that I have worn over the years....each one has had it's good points and it's less than good points, but each one has taught me something new and helped me on this journey of becoming "me"!!!

I feel like I need to be supermom and superwife. I seriously wonder what my husband contributes to the house other than money from his job and eating all the food. I am the one that takes care of EVERYTHING....from taking care of our 1 month old, mowing the lawn, budgeting and all money matters, cleaning, cooking...you get the point. Sometimes I feel like I'm taking care of two children (did I mention he plays his PS3 all the time when he's not at work?) It gets frustrating. I can't go anywhere without toting the baby with me....No time for me (even when he's home, he'll hold the baby while I make the bottle, but doesn't do much more than that...).

Balance is essential to staying sane while doing plenty. My plate: I run a preschool from my home during the school year; I have a three year old son, a husband and cat who all want a little something from me; and I'm working on a parenting book. My summer projects are (currently) keeping up the vegetable garden and prolific berry bushes, prepping our kitchen for painting (which involves scraping off layer-upon-layer of the Ugliest Wallpapers of Several Decades), working on parent handout/letters prior to preschool and planning curriculum.

Not a lot of time for *my* writing, so this forum (while sans pro editor) keeps me fresh.

Balance, for me, comes in various forms. Mostly it's about reading the emotional weather report at the beginning of the day and moving along with what my son and I need to stay happy (with each other and ourselves). Some days, we need some outings and other days, we stay home. Child care is a godsend, and I firmly know that I would be a mess without having those blocks of time (about 4 hours a week, usually) to get some chunks of work done. Some days, I forgive myself for letting him watch two episodes of Mr. Rogers, back-to-back, while I get just a bit more work done. Taking walks and getting exercise is essential, as are playdates and other social activities.

I also have learned what to let go of. At present, while the preschool is out for summer, I've let some housework go. Laundry will eventually be folded or worn before the week is out. (We have laundry-folding parties on the weekend if need be. 3 yo's can be overly-helpful.) Dishes and kitchen, however, are kept up. I let go of asking my son to nap for that mid-day break, and now he goes to bed at 7om. I'm learning to Stop Working by this time of evening and relax, which was a bit difficult at first. My husband then has more of my attention, which improves our communication and prevents more of those sorts of misunderstandings that can make us upset with each other.

Besides getting rest and trying to eat well, I would say my biggest asset is that I have surrounded myself with people who are supportive. There will always be others who question or criticize aspects of our person--how we parent, what sorts of priorities we have, etc. -- and I feel better when I'm around people who understand that we are all doing the best we can. The prissy people, who seem to need to make me feel that I am not keeping up my house/my looks/my parenting, etc. can really go take a walk. Supportive people can laugh at the mess with me and then have fun. That's what being a friend is about.

Time is my biggest challenge. If summer were twice as long, and if I had oodles of money to spend on childcare, all of this would feel more relaxed. Or maybe not. Acceptance of one's situation is important--all the good and the bad-- and when we can accept what it is that we have, it's easier to move forward and try to stay sane with the myriad demands thrown our way (including from myself). At least, it is for me.

One last thing--if you are a writer, you are a writer. Is it that you are aspiring to be published? Most of us writers are, to some degree. If you can, find a writing group or some sort of support. It's lonely work when we only have our children to read to, but even then--oh, if I couldn't write, I don't know what I would do. My head would explode. Take yourself and this work seriously, because this is a great topic to expore. Keep writing!

I am trying to find a balance between being pregnant, taking care of my kids who are 2.5 years, 1.5 years and 7 months months old and housework. On the days I wake up with tons of energy and start to get to work on the house are the days my kids are really "needy" and I find I'm getting hardly any work done. Plus during my first trimester I am so tired that I would like to sleep, sleep, sleep. LOL I do fine with making meals, shopping for all our needs and taking care of the kids. It's just the housework that I need to fit in there somehow. I find I would love the hire a maid to come once a week and help me get things in order.

I was a single mom of my daughter from day one till she was about ten, with the support of my parents and extended family. I met my husband and married him a year later, gaining five stepkids - four of whom are BOYS, the youngest four years old! Ten years later, we have went through a multitude of challenges in raising these kids, many of these situations about making me lose my sanity... but I learned that being the adult and staying calm and even keeled - even when I don't feel that way inside, was the best solution. Now the three oldest are 19, one 17, one 15 and one 13. Their other mother lives an hour away and I am almost always the one who makes the trips back and forth to get and drop them off. Teenagers have their own unique set of needs. There are times I would not mind them all being toddlers again!
My husband has health issues and takes about 7 different medications daily. I am the one who has to monitor whether refills are needed and that he is taking them correctly. He works at least 65 hours a week (salaried) and put 120% into his job, which includes managing a staff of 45. I am his support person in so many ways personally and business related.
All four of my grandparents are living within 20 minutes of my home. They would appreciate more of my time to just be with them. I feel badly when too much time passes between my visits. One gramma has Alzheimers and I am the only person she really trusts. When she gets agitated, it isn't pretty and I get some pressure from other family members to be with her more. And this is a close to the heart thing, because my grandparents have been such huge influences in my childhood and who I am now.... that I should be able to give them my time now - but fitting it in with all the other demands on me is hard. I will regret that when they are no longer here.
I volunteer for many non profits including Big Brothers Big Sisters, United Way, American Cancer Society, 4-H, OPB, Red Cross, Booster Club, and more. This creates alot of "hats" in my life, but I find it difficult to let go of any of these very worthwhile and needed causes.
I work full time and have been with this same company for almost 19 years now. I have an extremely busy job as a Human Resources Manager with up to 400 employees at times. The variety of hats I wear just for my employment is a large number!
I have control of the family finances and am responsible for getting the bills paid. This can be really stressful when money is tight and I need to determine what gets paid and what gets put off till next check and still leave enough money for milk and gas. For years, my hunny has pledged to take on this task, but it has as yet not happened.
At home, I am the primary care taker of our cats and dogs. My husband and 15 year old just recently insisted upon getting another dog - a 1 year old Staffordshire rescue, who is great, but creating many new challenges as he integrates into the household.
I love gardening and do my best to give my plants the attention they need to flourish. This is a big part of my relaxation mode, to be quiet in the garden doing what needs to be done. I regret not having more space or time to let more things bloom.
Photography and reading are escapes for me. When I start a good book, I have a hard time putting it down and will sometimes stay up WAY past my bedtime finishing it.
I have realized as I grow older how important a good nights sleep is for my well being. That even if it means leaving a mess somewhere out in the house, I need to get to bed and sleep for a full chunk of hours. When this doesn't happen, I am not in the prime shape to deal with the challenges that arise every day.
Eating well is another key to my survival. Junk in - junk out. And it is soooo easy to consume junk! Especially with a super active sweet tooth. :~)
I really enjoy rollerblading and go out a couple times a week. I recently bought a bike in a silent auction and want to incorporate riding that into my week somewhere.
I know I have girlfriends out there somewhere..... I have times where I long for the days of being able to catch up and go out together pretty much whenever we wanted. Talking and texting on the phone don't cut it. Facebook is more trouble than it is worth. I keep thinking that when these kids get older, I should be freed up more, but that has not yet been the case. I haven't really had a true vacation since our honeymoon. I know that would be a huge recharger for my spirit. Little mini escapes keep me going, but even those are few and far between... so going outside at night and stargazing, watching the clouds and the beautiful vistas of my region, Stopping with my five yo niece to pick raspberries off the bush and pop them into our mouths, seeing wildlife and raptors almost daily, stopping to smell the roses on my walk with the dogs, all of these little things make me right. and anything that makes me laugh are my medicine.
I LOVE to laugh and know that it IS the best rx for all that ails you. Surround yourself with people who have a good sense of humor, read the comics daily or at least the sunday funnies, refresh & revisit fun memories, play with babies & toddlers.... Yes, laughing is one of the critical factors to my everyday happiness. Try it... You'll like it!

My husband wants to buy our first house and get our first dog and have our first baby. He doesn't understand that we don't have the money. But he insits that he knows what he's doing. And whenever I say no he pulls the I'm-the-man-of-the-house-whatever-I-say-gose card. Ugh it's so frustrating!

I thought your idea was neat, But really is there a balance.
I am a full time working Mom, with a great husband and 4 great kids. I am also in the process of opening a hardware store, which means an additional job. There is also the kids extra activities and off coarse their education. So I was sitting here trying to come up with some advice for you on balance.
there is no complete balance. Something is always left undone, and you know what that is okay. As long as at end the day you can say hey I did the best I can and my kids, husband and myself are happy. That's was balance is, finding happiness in a crazy world.