Hi everyone. I am struggling with being a full time mom and balancing work and family. I have always been very career oriented. How things change when you have children. Priorities shift and the struggle begins. I called out of work 5 times within the past 2 weeks because my daughter has walking pneumonia and my son has an ear infection and sore throat. They are both in daycare and caught colds from there. My husband took 1 day off but he needs to be careful with his time. He is a teacher in NJ and with all the changes happening in education, he doesn't want to put his job in jeopardy, even though he is tenured. So, the burden is falling on me to take care of my kids when they are sick, however, I do have help on Wednesdays when my aunt watches them for me. Thank God.
My struggle is that I feel guilty for calling out of work to take care of my kids. I have been with my company for 13 1/2 years, am a good employee, and never had any performance issues. My manager understands that I need to do what I need to do, which am grateful
for. I find myself apologizing to her for my absences even though she is okay with it. Any support will be appreciated. I love my kids with all of my heart.
I have the same issues. I always apologize, or send in the doctors notes, anything to 'justify' not being at work. Really though, being home taking care of the littles is what I'm really supposed to be doing when their ill - not worrying about letting the company down.
It's a hard line! I always feel so guilty. I think it's just part of the whole deal. I don't think there is anything you can do about it...
All I can say is that at the end of the day no matter how you slice it - family always comes first. A job is a job is a job, and yes I understand that it is a necessity to work to pay the bills but you can always find another job. If your kids need you that should be what comes first - they will one day be adults and not need or want you to care for them anymore and you might look back and think why did I feel guilty about giving them my time when I had it to give. You are lucky that your boss is understanding of this (they must be a parent as well).
Good Luck and never ever feel guilty about spending time with your children
I completely get where you are coming from. You are extremely lucky you have such a great supervisor and kuddos to you for building such a great reputation with your organization.
I think the first thing is to step back and realize that "this too shall pass" your kiddos will not be young forever and soon these absences due to health issues will be almost eliminated.
Your boss knows this. They value you and in all honesty to replace you would take more time and money than allowing you some lead way with your kiddos.
Now, if you are struggling because you come back to work and deadlines are looming, etc. You may need to take stuff home with you, put in some weekend hours or get a "nanny" to come over for a few hours each day so you can get some stuff done and not feel so behind at work.
Hang in there - No one on their deathbed ever said "I wish I spent more time at work." :)
I feel your pain. But you gotta do what you gotta do. If you feel guilty can you do things from home? If not let it go. Your job isn't in jeopardy and so there is no need to worry. Your kids need you be there! And know that what you are doing is right! =)
I want to give you a big hug.... you are not alone. I have been there (just last month) and I am sure I will be there again..the many hats we wear and at times those hats get heavy.
I remember when I was having a hard time at work, I asked to go Part time so I can focus more of my time on my kid, hubby and home (all were in disearay at the time). Work said no. So I nicely told them "I want to let you know I feel like I am struggling and not putting my best effort here so just to be clear, please dont expect me to be 100% at work if my 1st priority(my family) is not 100%.
K., I don't have any advice for you as when I read your post it was as if I was reading about my own life. I just wanted to send you a hug and let you know that you are not alone.
It sounds like right now your kids need you more at home and your job can allow you to take the time off. I would try not to feel guilty. You have the time. Your manager understands and isn't hassling you about it. Give yourself permission to do your other job as their mom right now. I'm sure you have to juggle tasks at work and sometimes put aside something smaller for something more immediately important. Right now, your kids are the more important task. Work will be there when you get back. If your manager says it's okay, believe her. Your kids are legitimately quite sick. That's what sick time/PTO is for. Show your manager that you can be a professional by taking PTO as necessary, coming back and going right back into the job.
In other countries (like England), if you *don't* take time off, they hassle you. There is value in taking care of business, even if that business is at home. There will be other days to work overtime. Just not today. :)
Oh honey you just wrote my post. You are not alone, and I have felt the same way, but as someone encouraged me, you have to take care of your family. You are not superwoman and as long as you are doing your work and doing it well, that's what matters...Concentrate on being productive when you are at work so that when you have to leave, nobody can complain!
It sucks, doesn't it? The thing that helps me is to remember that I'm the only mommy to my kids. I'm the only one who can cuddle and love them and make them feel better. If I don't take the day off, my husband has to (and he has so much work it's practically impossible).
At work, I'm one of many. Sure, I do a great job and make a difference. But if I'm not at work, things still get done, or are postponed until I'm back. It's an inconvenience for other people, but not the end of the world.
So it comes down to: my children NEED me, my work WANTS me. Realizing that has helped me stop apologizing for taking days off.
Welcome to the World of working mom.
This just means you are a conscientious person that doesn't want to let anyone down, but remind yourself that you are just one person. You can't do it all - ALL of the time! Your family comes first and aren't you lucky that your manager understands this!
It's okay. The work will get done. My bet is that you can go in on Saturday if you absolutely have to, but keep a focus on "have to." Remind yourself that it is okay to relax. Your job in life is not to run yourself ragged for everyone else. Remember to take time to take care of yourself too.
Fight the guilt! Sounds to me like You are doing just fine.
As long as your manager understands, quit worrying. Many people have to worry about their bosses not being understanding which puts a tremendous
amount of pressure and stress on them. You are a very lucky woman to have an understanding manager. Embrace it.
We've all been where you are. I even had a non-parent manager comment once. My son was having problems and was sick with a high fever that would last for almost a week every other week. So every 3 weeks I was out for 3-4 days because of this. The manager told me that my work needed to be my focus. I said, no my focus is my kid. Don't EVER ask me to choose. You won't like my answer. He was taken aback and then apologized. He was wrong and he knew it.
Some things that have helped me get through it.
1. Telecommuting! In the early morning or afternoon when hubby is home, I can log on and get things done.
2. Working off hours. I have been known to when hubby got home at 3:30p, I would meet him in the driveway, and off to work I went until 9p.
Talk to your manager to see if any of that is possible for you.
Hugs
M.
Stop beating yourself up...my co worker has called in late or off (past six weeks) for:
1 Dog Haircut
4 times that her mom was sick (mom watches her 2 year old)
3 times for her sister to take her mom to the DR
2 chiropractor visits
4 days for 7 year old being sick (dad works at home and can care for her, but chooses not to so that they can have Family Fun days whenever she takes off because there are NO downfalls to her taking off since she doesn't even consider her days off as a vacation or personal day...she just works less that week)
7 days off for feeling unwell for her pregnancy
3 DR appts
1 school conference
1 bad weather
3 days off from school due to the teacher strike
In my book you are a DREAM employee compared to that... :)
Your kid has walking pneumonia. Enough said.
Your first priority is taking care of your family & kids when they need you,there'll always going to need you but shifting them off when they do would put a hole in my heart I rather be home with them take care of them & worry about work when I return.
I understand what you are feeling. I do feel bad when this happens to me. However, if I lose my job because I was caring for my sick children so be it. My children come first, I will have to deal with finding a new job. No one is going to care about your children but you. So don't feel guilty, bad maybe not guilty. They will get better soon and you will back into the swing again. :)
I know exactly what you mean. I just went through this myself. My daughter came down with a nasty stomach flu. I mean it was nasty! It was the sickest she has ever been. I took 4 days off work to stay home with her. I felt horribly guilty for missing work. Luckily, I have the greatest boss in the world and she is super supportive of family obligations. But I still found myself apologizing for missing days. I have been with my company for a total of 10 years now, so I know I am a great employee. My boss tells me all the time that I am her right hand man, and she would be lost without me. I go above and beyond when needed, so I feel like that makes up for me being absent for a sick child.
I understand the guilty feeling, I feel it too! But we would feel even more guilt knowing our child was at home very sick and we weren't there. Plus, when I do go back after missing work, I work my tail off. That makes me feel less guilty lol. Hang in there mama. Motherhood is full of guilt.
You are not alone, I am going back to work today after four consecutive days off. Where I work we work in teams, so due to my absences the teams have had to reschedule things and so on. My supervisor also tells me she understands, work seems to cope better than I do. Perhaps it really is just my (your) perspective and I just need to accept it, because I'm neither here nor there. Take care of yourself.
You are so very blessed to have a boss that doesn't ride your back about taking off to take care of your kids. Another thing you have working for you is that you also have longevity on your side. Longevity does have its priviledges.
There is no realy need to apologise because you are taking time you have probably earned. You have worked there for a long time so they know your track record.
Continue to be the kind of worker that works in excellence but understand you family should come first. Your children can not care for themselves they really do depend on you to help them feel better. Please encourage yourself towards not feeling guilty for taking care of those you love whle you continue to work in excellence when you are at work.
Just continue to try to balance family and work like you are doing but there is no need for the guilt.
Mom guilt...it never ends! And its so not fair! You need to keep telling yourself that you are a good employee and that your job is safe and that the most important thing is your children. Nobody gets fired for taking care of sick kids! And they do grow up and get sick less so it won't last forever. Enjoy the time to be a stay-at-home momma for the day and leave work at work. Another suggestion that might make you feel less guilty is to see if you can do some work from home while you are there. I was able to get a web link that connected me to my office's network so I could at least check/respond to emails while my little one was sleeping. I felt like it let my bosses know that even though I was home with my son I was still willing to help them out if needed and it made me feel less guilty. Good luck! :)
