How Much Time Do Ya'll Spend Apart?

Any time something came up that one of us found interesting, as long as it was within the budget, s/he was welcome to go do it, whether or not the other wanted to come along or not.

I think that I TRY to plan something once a month but its hard with all the daily obligations. For him its easier because I take care of the kids but for me I always feel like I need to have one with me (the kids that is) so he doesn't get overwhelmed. I am going to make more of an effort though :)

My ex went out 6-7 nights a week. He LOATHED being around us. When home, he usually tried to have people over so he wouldn't have to be around us.

My dad was often gone 6-9momths a year. He LOVED being around us. When he was home (Navy) we (Mum, me'fine'self, and my siblings) were his entire world.

Because of the amazingly TIGHT (loving, awesome, fantastic) famy I grew up in (parents married & deeply in love 40 years later), it took me a long time to sort out how much my ex really hated us & did everything he could to get away from us.

LOL... So my point just being that even if its MOST nights separated, it can still look/feel very different!

I take my dog to training on Tuesday nights, and go play volleyball on Thursday nights, and attend women's bible study.

He goes and hangs out with guys and has coffee on Thursday nights, and attends the men's bible study at church.

Tonight I'm having my bestie over to talk about wedding stuff. She's my maid of honor.

As long as you have good, quality time together, doing things apart shouldn't be an issue at all.

C. lee

Definitely what woks for each couple!

My husband works until 5:30 everyday. The bulk of 5 days a week are spent apart. We see no need to schedule MORE time apart. There are times when we do things apart, of course. Sometimes, to get things done we have to divide and conquer. We have the same interests, so we are typically excited to go together. There are some art shows we both want to see, that we will have to do separately. We don't have a sitter. We are both bummed about that.

I wonder if we are the norm, but we HATE guys and girls nights. Neither of us drink, dance, like card games, or big/rowdy crowds. We're both very introverted. it's not that we can't be apart from each other, or we are insecure about it. We just would rather do stuff with the other. When we have to do things separately, there are no issues. To answer your question more specifically, not often.

Not a whole lot is my response to your post.

We look forward to our date nights together...or date nights out with other couples. We don't drink so the bar scene is not a concern for each other.

Hubby plays once a week in the evening on an adult soccer team. Once or twice a year he goes with a few buddies on a golfing trip. I love his friends...they are like the brothers he never had. I love the stories he comes back with about their crazy adventures.

I am a SAHM and all 3 of my kids are in all day school. A lot of my gal pal time happens during this time. A couple times a month I may go out with my gal pals to a movie, or to get dinner or dessert and chat. Occasionally I get into a book club which is in the evening once a month. I attend a once a month evening church activity.

We encourage each other to do stuff with friends. I guess if it became excessive and one felt left out or insignificant then we would pipe up. Most of our friends are mutual friends so we do stuff together.

i do fairly often. i've got religious stuff or horse stuff or girlfriend stuff. him, not so much. he has a couple of buddies he hangs out with a couple of times a year, but for the most part he either does something with family (me, the boys, his parents etc) or he works on things around the house.
i'm slowing down, so now we'll often go a couple of weeks without seeing much of anyone but each other, especially during my midsummers and midwinters off. but for the most part he's so fried from work that he's happy to decompress here on the farm.
i'm pretty happy to be here too most of the time, but i need occasional non-fam friend time. so probably on average of a couple times a month i ditch him and head out.
when the boys were little and we were both crazy busy it was a different story. we hardly ever saw each other then except as coach and team mom.
:) khairete
S.

We have very little time apart from work. He is on the church mens softball team but I go to all the games. A couple of the men will meet for coffee once a week and he goes with them. Our church has some womens activities that I will go to. But otherwise, we are always together. I like it like that.

My husband plays a lot of golf, at least twice a week, something I have ZERO interest in. It's good for him, he's actually made quite a few good friends this way.
We work out, but not together. He plays basketball, I prefer the treadmill, walking/hiking with girlfriends or going to aerobic type classes (though we sometimes hike with our dog together.)
I don't do many girl's nights out but it happens on occasion. We don't just go out drinking, it's usually for a concert (something I like more than my husband) or a movie and/or dinner or lunch, maybe once a month or so.
He has a monthly poker night with the guys but other than golf that's pretty much it.
Oh and I just joined a book club (yay!) so that will be once a month too :-)

Hubby usually gets together with coworkers after work on Sundays (he works weekends) or during the week some night when the kids go to bed for a few hours. I usually do Girls Night Out 1x a month during the week and go to a girlfriends 1x a month for a movie night or something. I do PTO stuff without him while he's watching the kids. So I'd say we both get out of the house to do our own thing at least 2x a month if not more. We understand that we need our time apart and with other people.

Our norm - very little. It is one of those common grounds for us. We married with the intent of spending a lot of time together and spending a lot of that time home together doing projects or what not. With children we spend even less time apart. Our kids spend 50+ hours a week away from us while we work and I am not voluntarily giving up more of my family time. It is just one of those things about me. My kids and my husband are very important to me and I enjoy relaxing with them not apart from them. I find I can recharge nicely in the tub after everyone goes to bed and I have one heck of a commute which adds to more alone time. My husband occasionally goes out after work for a drink or two. For me the time flies without being uber-busy on top of it all. This is one of those family/couple specific topics in my opinion.

I think the "norm" is different for every couple.
My husb works outside of the home so all of those hours w/commute,
we spend apart.
I guess that's my time to spend w/the kids, clean the house how I want
w/o people in the way, run errands that I want to run with my kids, go to
library reading time etc.
As far as time apart doing things for ourselves: he likes to fish, bike ride
etc.
I like to go for long, fast walks alone so I wait till he gets home & do it
when he can watch the kids weather permitting.
I don't go out w/friends much anymore. They are busy, I'm busy. Once
in a blue moon, the stars align and we get together for lunch or dinner.
We used to workout together, go to dinner, go to movies but we need to
watch our money now that I'm a SAHM.
We take vacations together.
One day we will take up an activiy again when the kids are older: bowling,
mini marathons, cooking class, golf, wine tasting again (ahh).
But for now we have so much to get through on just the day to day basis,
so we just take it day by day.
I say for now, it's just whenever something comes up that each person
wants to do. It works for us. I'm happy with that. I've adjusted from my
BK(before kids) life to my now WK (with kids) life and love it. :)

My husgband and I got married when we were alreayd in our 30s and were set in our ways - so to speak. We reallyt don't spend a whole lot of time together alone and based on his work schedule hardly at all other times either. My husband is a NYPD sergeant who has worked all kinds of strange hours over the years. He now works three 12 hour shifts from 6 pm to 6 am - then ahs 3 days off. We see eachother for about an hour a day or less on his work days and much more on his days off. We go on long exercise walks in mild weather and we do stuff with the kids. We try to have dinner out alone about once a month. But we do things separately as they come up. About once every month or two my husband will go play cards with his guy friends (who i don't really like) and I go out with my girls friends for dinner or a movie or a pedicure about the same. But we don't grocery shop or clothing shop together (he HATES shopping). And he goes to see his mom in a nursing home and I go to see my mom in a different nursing home. we do go to chruch together which is sweet.
It works for us. We both love eachother deeply. Neither of us really drinks or parties so we dont' worry about things that could happen if we were hanging our in bars, etc.
That being said, I know couples who do everything together - go clothes shopping (it would make me crazy), go to eachother's doctor appts, grocery shop together, etc. and that works for them. Hopefully we find the partner that fits our needs. ;o)

We have a lot of time apart between my school schedule and his work schedule, especially because he works Friday and Saturday nights. Before I was in school, I had a lot of time out and about, mostly to do my advocacy work. Now, I crave being at home, near my family. It seems I never have enough time with them.

But anyway, to answer your question, I still have some time out on my own. Monday nights, as the kids are going to bed, I slip out for a support group and am back a few hours later. I have a second thing on Tuesday evenings, but have the kids set up with fun activities of their own while I am immersed in my stuff.

My husband leaves for work an hour early on Friday and Saturday nights. During that time he decompresses from the week and hangs out with some of his friends. He also goes to a regular appointment 2 x monthly.

During the work week - 9 hours...there abouts...

Monday nights - about 2 hours (he has Boy Scouts with our oldest son) and I have Cub Scouts (until the end of this month) with our youngest son...

Friday night is my night out. So I can be gone from anywhere to one hour to 4 hours...

Before our friends PC'sd (military moves) to other states, Saturday night was his night out. We would go to Glory Days for dinner and he would stay and play cards with his friends...

We eat dinner together every night but Friday...this is what works for us...you need to find out what works for you and your family...

I get my mani/pedis done during the day....so it doesn't interfere with family time...every Wednesday night (and yes, there are times we change this due to other obligations with school or work) is family night...we order pizza - or make our own....order Chinese or have chili dogs and fries and either watch a movie or play games....

We spend most of our time apart, except we usually spend Saturday and Sunday evenings together. We definitely have time to ourselves every week. I take some time each week for myself while he watches the kids at home. I might go out yard saling on a Saturday morning, go for a haircut, mani/pedi, massage, or on lunch, a ladies night out, sometimes a girls weekend away. For his time to himself he is content to stay home and play on the computer while I take the kids on an outing. My husband is a homebody and I am not.

Well, once a week for a while I will be babysitting at my church so people can attend ESL classes, and I'm also doing a parenting study group with friends. DH has a thing he does every weekend for a couple of hours. So while DH gets out more regularly than I do, I'd say we average once a week/week and a half when the other parent is solo with the kid.

Twice a month, my husband attends Men's Group at Church, and I attend a group at church once a month. My husband also encourages me to go out with my friends in a local alumni group, but that probably only happens once every couple of months. That's it. Any other evenings we spend apart are usually due to his work. I tend to do my girlfriend activities during the day when he's at work, and the kids tag along. He works long hours and we don't get to see him much, so we try to save evenings and weekends for each other.

My husband goes to Seattle Sounders games during the season. I do not. He always says that I can go (we have one ticket/seat for the season) and he will stay with the kids, but I know that he loves it.
I encourage him to go out once in a while with his guy friends, but he works so much that it doesn't happen very often.
And since he works so much *I* don't get to go out that often either without the kids.
There are times that I do to the gym at night and he stays home with the kids.
I don't know! I know there are moms and dads out there that have their weekly spa or guys night or whatever. But, we are a family with 3 kids, none of who can stay home on their own. Maybe when they get a bit older?
I know that we both wish we could have more date nights. Once every 6 months is not enough.
L.

My husband works out of town and is home max 5 days a month. 1 day out of those 5 days, all 3 kids are in school. We typically go to lunch and get pedicures or spend the day at the shooting range. We have a lot in common so there is always something for us to do, we just obviously dont get the time:)

I get my hair and nails done, but it's not about having time to myself or away from him. I do an almost-quarterly brunch with a couple of friends. I have dinner monthly with a friend. He plays golf. For the most part, we don't do happy hours without each other, unless there's something special going on. We watch TV together, but we also watch TV apart. Maybe once or twice a year he "hangs out" at our friend's bar until late.

We have a pretty active social life, and we do most of it together.

Our norm is that he works out of town Tuesday morning thru Thursday night, so he does his own thing during those days. When he's home I usually have Monday, Saturday & Sunday morning all on my own without the kids, and then the other times we try to spend quality time together as a family. We do an adult date night (dinner & movie, or something similar) about 1x/month.
When our 2nd was born, we actually scheduled 2 nights and 2 mornings per week for me to get away, and the same for him. It was a way for us both to have balance.

Whenever something comes up. We just moved to another state, so not as much as before. When we were in NY, I had a group of ladies that got together for dinner 3 or 4 times a year and he golfed every Friday and went out for drinks (during the summer months). Here in FL, I have joined the women's group at our church which meets monthly on different topics and does regular community service. We are living very close to my family now, so I will go and do things with my mom and sisters pretty regularly (often with the kids too).

For us, it's whenever something comes up!

It really is whatever works for each couple.
My husband works away from home often - gone 2-4 nights some weeks, some weeks he's home every night. On weeks when he's gone alot, we definetly spend our weekends together. We don't have certain nights we go do our own thing, but whenever one of us has something they want to go do, that's fine. It also matters WHAT they are wanting to do. A night drinking at the bar? not so much.......A weekend up north with a bunch of buddies on a fishing trip - go for it!!! I take the kids to marial arts training 2x per week and I am joining soon too which means I will be at class 2-3 times per week for myself. My husband is fine with that and most of those nights, he'll have a buddy or two over to play music.

I'm all about spending time together as a family, but my hub and I do have our things that we do separately. Mostly, my things include an occasional girls night out or meeting a friend or my mom for coffee or something on Sunday. I also have the once a year girl trip that I usually take with my friends for a long weekend. He loves to go to Mizzou games and he's also in a band, so he's off doing one of his hobbies usually one or two nights a week. I'm not one of those women who gets bent out of shape about things like that, though, if it's more than two or three nights in a row, I do. Both of us have hobbies outside of our kids and our life together, and I think that's healthy. You've got to do things just for yourself sometimes and know that your spouse is picking up the slack with the kiddos. It's a good recharge for both of us. We also do what we can to get time together alone and doing something fun (like a date night or something) at least a couple times a month. Otherwise, sitting on the couch watching the tube is fine with us, as long as we're together.

My husband meets with his guy friends for either golf, bowling or beer tasting (whichever is in season) once a week. Then once in a great while he goes to a beer tasting gathering with friends. (Him and his friends are beer snobs as I like to call them.) I hate beer so I'm happy to stay home with our girls.

For me, I try to plan a dinner with my long time girlfriends once a month, but it usually ends up once every other month. And then other than that I spontaneously have a shopping trip here and there with my SIL or a scrapbooking 12 hour day with a friend. A scrapbooking event usually happens about 3 times a year.