How Long in Between Children?

my sister and I are eight years apart and she is one of my best friends and always has been. (right now she's 17 and I'm 25 so we have a little more in common now) my grandmother and my great aunt are 16yrs apart and are also really close. my brother and I are 13mnths apart and we don't get along at all. so I don't think you can really tell iff siblings are going to be close or not

There are 9 yrs between me and my oldest sibling we were never close as kids , we are now but never were then. I am / was closer to my even younger siblings that are 12 and 15 yrs separated from me.
My two are 3 yrs apart and do pretty well together. I think it depends on the kids.
If you get him involved with the new baby then it will help.

Dear L.,
I only have 2 kids and they're 10 years apart. My daughter was SO excited about having a baby! She'd always wanted me to get pregnant and I had to explain to her that mommy couldn't have any more babies.
Well, surprise!
I certainly didn't plan to have my children so far apart, but I honestly would not change a thing. My daughter adored her baby brother and was so proud of him. She thought he was HER baby! There was never any jealousy or anything. At that age difference, they're on such different levels as far as attention, etc.
My daughter is out on her own, but she takes my son shopping, he goes and stays with her, they talk on the phone almost every day.
I won't lie, there were plenty of times as he got older I'd hear, "Mom! He's getting into my stuff!" But, that happens with all siblings.
Honestly, after my son was born, with the exception of my horrible husband, it really was the happiest time of my life. My daughter and I used to dance around the house and sing, "There's a baby in the house...there's a baby in the house..."
We were so happy, we really were.
And after my divorce, we had even more fun, the three of us.
It was hard on my son when my daughter moved out. But like I said, she really takes time to spend with him.
One of my neighbor kids was in high school when he got his surprise sister. He loves her like crazy and carries her on his shoulders, takes her on walks, plays with her.
It might be an adjustment having a new baby after a long while, but in my case everything just felt so natural and my son was such a happy baby. My daughter was tickled and as I said....I wouldn't have changed a thing.

I don't think your kids would be too far apart. It's kind of funny, but when my son turned 10, I had the strangest feeling it was time to have another baby. I couldn't because I'd had a hysterectomy, but I would have if I could have.
My sister and I were 3 years apart and we fought like cats and dogs so you just never can predict how "close" siblings will be regardless of how far apart they are in age.

I wish you the very best!

I am the 3rd of 4 children - my older sister was 8 yrs older, my older brother 4 yrs older & my youngest brother 15 months younger - at some point in our lives we didn't get along, but then in others we did. My girls are almost 6 yrs apart and they fight like cats/dogs but they would be the first to be by eachother's side should one of them need someone.

I don't think that it only has to do with birth order or the amt of time in between, it has to do w/the personalities of each child and the amount of tolerance shown by a parent. I've told my older daughter many times that her sister is here to stay & that it's - i don't recall my mom and dad sitting us down to ask our permission before they brought home another baby. I'm not saying it has nothing to do with the other child/children, it's just that if I did what my older daughter wanted all the time, we would've either had an only child or 50 brothers & sisters for her plus lived on a farm so she could have all the horses she wants. This coming from the 12 yr old who very rarely cleans up after herself or her dog she just had to have. It's a hard decision to make, but you are the only one who knows at this point. Good luck!

My 2.5 year old DD asked me in March if she could have a baby brother/sister. I hadn't planned on getting pregnant again and was surprised that she even understood what that meant. Although I shouldn't be as we live in one side of a duplex while her Daddy's brother lives on the other. I questioned her about it and she seemed pretty insistent. Well, I guess she is getting what she wanted because a couple weeks later I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant. Crazy. I think another mother mentioned asking your son how he would feel - my DD initiated that conversation for me.

Needless to say we are all excited - especially her. She really wants to be a big sister =)

How does he feel. I always wanted a little brother or sister. I was 9 when my brother was born. Would've liked a sister, but he would do. Well 2 years later my sister was born. It was really hard for me. I wanted her to be a boy, so my brother had someone to play with unlike me. Also my mom was put on bed rest the whole summer. I do not get along with my sister (25 and 14) A lot has to do with our parents raising us different and she's hardly punished. Our personalities are so different...I care too much and she doesn't care at all. Maybe after high school we'll get along better. My brother and I get along just fine. He also doesn't get along with my sister. But I do have to say, if any boy picks on her or hurts her...32 weeks pregnant, I'll go running after them!

My younger sister and I are 9 years apart. We have always gotten along great. And my parents loved that I could help out with her when they needed me to! My sister loved having the older sister when she got a little older because I could help her with certain things...they always needed an extra 'mom' during girl scout trips and during the summer when I was home from college, I could always help out. I think it's a great age difference and so does she...especially now that she's in college and doing the same kinds of things I used to do...we have bonded even more over stuff like that!

I'm not sure there is any tried an true formula for this. My sister and I are nearly 10 years apart and are very close. She means the world to me and of all my siblings I would say we have been close all our lives. My brother is 2 years younger, my other sister is 5 years younger. We are all good friends now, maybe not always growing up but in the end it is all good.

I also have 4 children. The first 2 are 21 months apart - there are good days and bad but right now a lot of subling rivalry. I think it has less to do with the age difference and more to do with their personalities and the fact that the older one feels outdone by his younger sister much of the time. The next 2 are 33 months apart which was great for me when they were babies but has not proven to have any huge impact on how well or how often they get along. My 3rd is 5 years younger than the oldest and they go hot and cold too. The baby is 2 years exactly from her older brother and they have always been like an old married couple! Pretty much best friend since the beginning.

I think a lot has to do with birth order and personalities and I think it is also ever changing as they age and go through different phases. I think the age between your children is just perfect for your family and will work itself out. I also firmly believe the BEST thing you can do for any child is to give him/her a sibling. Being an only child has it's own set of challenges throughout life. It is good to know the world does not revolve around you, it is good to have someone to gang up with against your parents :) - it is good to have someone to grow up with/ grow old with and be in your life when mom and dad aren't.

Good luck!

Updated

I'm not sure there is any tried an true formula for this. My sister and I are nearly 10 years apart and are very close. She means the world to me and of all my siblings I would say we have been close all our lives. My brother is 2 years younger, my other sister is 5 years younger. We are all good friends now, maybe not always growing up but in the end it is all good.

I also have 4 children. The first 2 are 21 months apart - there are good days and bad but right now a lot of subling rivalry. I think it has less to do with the age difference and more to do with their personalities and the fact that the older one feels outdone by his younger sister much of the time. The next 2 are 33 months apart which was great for me when they were babies but has not proven to have any huge impact on how well or how often they get along. My 3rd is 5 years younger than the oldest and they go hot and cold too. The baby is 2 years exactly from her older brother and they have always been like an old married couple! Pretty much best friend since the beginning.

I think a lot has to do with birth order and personalities and I think it is also ever changing as they age and go through different phases. I think the age between your children is just perfect for your family and will work itself out. I also firmly believe the BEST thing you can do for any child is to give him/her a sibling. Being an only child has it's own set of challenges throughout life. It is good to know the world does not revolve around you, it is good to have someone to gang up with against your parents :) - it is good to have someone to grow up with/ grow old with and be in your life when mom and dad aren't.

Good luck!

L.,
Every situation is so different. I am the 4th of 4 children. My oldest brother is 15 years older, then my second brother is 13 years older and my sister is 10 years older. They had a different experience growing up together and a different mom (she was 17 when she started with them and 32 with me). When I came along, my mom was tired of the "mommy" thing, but my sister was all too willing to step in. For that reason, my sister and I grew up very close. I have to admit that I was the resentful one for a while. I wanted the experiences that they had. But, by the time I was 10, my brothers were on with their own life and soon my sister moved out of the house too. I loved having mom to myself as a teenager and I came to realize that we each had our special years with her. Ironically, my siblings were all late bloomers so we all started having families around the same time. We are a very close family. Although the age difference felt huge growing up, it almost doesn't feel like it is there anymore. When we talk about it, my siblings are really happy that I came along so late - they felt like they really remember me as a baby. I did not steal mom's attention, I just made the family bigger. So, from my perspective, 10 years apart is no big deal.
Good luck.

Since you're still in the "what if" stage, have you considered including your son's "what ifs" in your deliberations. He's apparently happy with things as they are, and is used to being "the" central child. And he's old enough to have his own thoughts on the matter, so if you will deliberately be getting pregnant, it seems a simple courtesy to give him a voice.

If he does have reservations, you can find out what they are and support him in exploring the positive aspects of being Big Bro. I think you'll have a far happier time making necessary adjustments if you give him this consideration. The wonderful resource How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk can support you in this exploration.

But he may express nothing but enthusiasm. My youngest sister was born when I was eight. We were nearly inseparable for her first 10 years. Our circumstances are different now, and we are no longer tight.

its what you say to your child.. like you are so lucky.. you are the big brother.. you can show this child so much... you are the protector and the helper.. i hope youll always be there for you borther or sister.. i am 4 years younger than one brother and 13 older than the other one.. we all get along great.. my mom taught us to love each other, depend on each other and be there for one another.. we have a great relationship.. steve is 50 and chris is only in his 30's.. and i late 40's .. we all get along great... we all watch out for one another and talk at least 2 times a week.... bring you son up to adore the new baby... and make it a great event...

You can never predict... what will happen and how their relationship will be.
It is different for everyone.

It is also important to nurture the children... and raise them to be siblings not enemies. To foster a sense of 'family' in them.... and so they can relate to each other.
You can't just leave it up to the kids... to get along or not.
I believe, it has to do with the whole dynamics/traditions of the family. Too.

my daughters are seven years apart and they get along just fine; my oldest is actually happier since her little sister was born and my youngest adores her big sister. I think your son will be fine, I would def go for it!

Sounds alot like my situation. My daughter was an only until this past March when my 2nd daughter came along. She was #1 for almost 91/2 years, quite an adjustment. Some days are harder on her than others she has to learn to be patient because the baby takes alot of time. He may regress a little because I have noticed that with my daugher. I also try to still get a little one on one time with my 1st child so she can have her time with mommy. Best of luck, I think he will be fine!

Hi,
My sister and I are 2 years apart and fought a lot growing up but now we are very close. My children are 6 years apart and while my daughter loves being "little mommy" I'm not sure how close they will be growing up since she'll be graduating from high school as he enters jr high... That being said, I am very happy for all the time alone I had with her before we had our son. She was the light of our life for 6 years and I think she had her fill of always having the spotlight on her :) Thankfully she is very happy to have a little brother and I had NO trouble with her adjusting to bringing my son into our lives. Its been great and I know we are very lucky! Good Luck :)

Maybe you can test the water by asking your son how he would feel to have a little brother or sister? Since he is much older he might understand and you never know, he might like the idea of having a little brother and sister and being the big brother himself.

The good thing about 9 years apart is that if you decide to have another baby he can help out : )

I know some kids that are 10+ years apart that are VERY close. I know some close together that get along great. Usually, when there is a big age difference, the oldest really wanted a younger sibling and got to help take care of the baby (but wasn't FORCED to take care of the baby).

I have 3 sons - ages 6 years, 2 years, and 5 months. Both older brothers ADORE their baby brother. Sometimes everyone gets along. Sometimes the 6 and 2 year old fight. I expect the 2 year old will fight with the baby some when they are a little older, but based on dynamics so far, I think they will be friends for life, even if they don't ALWAYS get along.

I have a book called "Siblings without Rivalry". A lot of it is about how parents behavior can lead to kids getting along or not getting along. A friend with 4 kids gave it to me. You might want to check it out. Good luck!

my kids are 6 years apart.......the fact that my oldest was no longer the baby was an issue for maybe three days, until my daughter realized that this meant she was the older one now and that it came with special priviledges....(be sure you make up some special priviledges for a 'big boy")