How Involved Is Hubby During Prenatal Appointments?

I think my husband only came to the CVS I had. I never thought leaving work was worth it for him otherwise. If there's a health issue that's one thing but otherwise, I never expected him to be there and I think he'd have been laughed out of his office if he'd told people he had to leave for all these appts.

My DH came to hear the heartbeat for the first time, and for the sonogram. For the rest of them, he said he would if I wanted him to be, but to be honest, I didn't see the point.

I don't know if it is normal but my husband did not come to most appointments with me. He came to the first ultrasound appointment and then a few follow up appointments. We didn't see any point in him taking off work for routine appointments. I had complicated pregnancies and was at the doctor far too often for him to attend most appointments.

Mine only came to the ultrasound, at around 4 months with each pregnancy. I don't really see why a man would need to take time off work to watch his wife get weighed and have routine checks like blood pressure and lab work done. What's so exciting or even interesting about that?

maybe its just me, but I'd rather handle the prenatal visits and have my husband home on time to help with dinner and kids. My husband was there for major ultrasounds. Seems like you are carrying your baggage from a previous relationship into this one and giving him tests to pass to prove he's supportive. Just do the man a favor and tell him just what exactly it is you need from him. If being in the room is important to you, then let him know. It was not for me.

My husband went to every single visit with our first child but that's because a) it was our first and b) he wasn't employed at the time. This time around, he's been unable to go due to his schedule and honestly, I don't see a point in him going except to see the ultrasounds. It's much easier for me to just pop in and out instead of making it a big production. But that could be my personal preference :)

My husband made it to a few appointments - a sonogram and the amnio - but other than that he was too busy working to make it to other appointments.
He saved up his sick leave and vacation leave so when we had our son Hubby stayed home with us for 6 weeks - taking us to doctors appointments, Mommy and Me classes, helping with cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.
We had no family around where we were living, I was a nervous first time Mom and Hubby was WONDERFUL!
He figured his job was to help me.
One time after the baby crying non stop for what seemed like days Hubby packed us into the car at 2am and drove us around the airport - baby would only sleep in a moving car - it was a blessed 30 minutes of quiet that I so needed!
I needed him more at home when the baby arrived and not so much at prenatal appointments - so it worked perfectly for us!

Whatever you decide (or want) please make sure he is aware of your expectations. Problems start when there is miscommunication between the 2 of you, so speak up if you want him with you at each appt.

I personally don't get the bru ha ha about hubby going. I didn't need a babysitter to go with me to be weighed and checked out.

My hubby still is on the road 2-4 nights a week and it would be a madhouse trying to coordinate my visits with his schedule. Our daughter is 20 now.

However, he did take me to the ER and stayed with me during an emergency and the follow up specialty sonograms afterwards. After I was cleared, we were back on our regular routine and he was at the hospital with me.

I know some people want someone there for support and such and that is ok. It is up to you to do what is best for you.

To this day... when my stepdad goes to the Dr, my mom does not allow him to go in without her. I think she has some control issue and stepdad is glad someone loves him but gees... talk about TMI!!!

Best wishes with your pregnancy.

My (now ex) husband worked full time and went when he could/wanted. I didn't care one way or the other. I was more concerned with him being "active" once the baby was here. Good luck.

i dunno. my husband came to one or two, but he was working and it wasn't available for most of 'em. sounds to me as if your fiance wants to be supportive of you, and isn't bothered by the details. i love that he's also planning to 'be there' for your son.
they can probably both be in the room for the sonogram. so i doubt it's even an issue.
why not ask him what he means by 'i want to be there'?
khairete
S.

Well, did you tell him early on that you wanted him to come in for the ultrasound? If you expected him to come in the room for the scan, why didn't you set up a babysitter? Or did you expect the 8 year old to be watched by the doctor's staff?

Sorry, but I really think this is about poor planning on your part. At least your fiance is thinking ahead. He's offering to take care of the 8 year old.

What I think is weird is that you didn't plan yourself for what you wanted in the first place.

Lol! My husband and my OB are both Cubs fans and spent the vast majority of all my appointments during my first pregnancy talking baseball. I only invited hubby to a few appointments in the S. pregnancy.

Hope you figure something out that works for you.

I have 4 kids... born in 1982, 1984, 1986, and 1991.....

I don't think hubby was at ANY of the pre-natals, unless something was wrong.

I had 2 ultrasounds (one with the first, one with the last) and he wasn't at those, either.

He was working.... he had a typical 8-5 job, M-F.....

He was in the delivery room with me, though... and we are STILL married.....

My husband went to a lot of the appointments for our two, especially for our first, and fewer for our S.. I think he was nervous and wanted to see what this was all about! I loved having him there. It was a great bonding experience for both of us. Him talking to my doctor at the appointments and being able to ask his own questions really put him at ease, even though he never said so, and we learned a lot together. Now, if you are just peeing in a cup and in and out, then no need for a partner that day!

But seriously, in his mind he is probably thinking he is there being supportive, and that is also doing well to take care of the 8-year old. So if you say anything, which I think you can, just be sure to be nice and don't insinuate that he isn't involved!

And I do not think it is weird for him to be with you at the appointments, to answer your final question. But I also don't think it is weird if he doesn't go to each one. Most women I see in the waiting rooms are there alone, unless it is a sono. I know you didn't want us to say this part, but it is truly what you want to happen! If you want him there, tell him! To me, if he took off work to be there, sitting in the waiting room would be pointless. Maybe you can both agree he comes to the big ones, that way childcare for the 8-year old is less of an issue too. Whatever you do, just talk about it and agree! Good luck!

My husband came to the first 1 or 2. Then the sonograms after that. It didn't occur to me to expect him, or even ask him, to come to every appointment. I had a very healthy pregnancy and giving him updates that all was well was ok with me.

Also, my doctor (for my first) was very close to my office to be convenient for me to leave early for appointments, and hubbie would have had to leave quite early to attend. His job could not always accommodate that, which I was fine with.

For my S., I made my appointments during the middle of the day, also a convenience for me.

My husband was there for some of the appointments.

It's wonderful that your fiance and his 8 year old are best buds. But if it's really important for you to have your fiance with you during this appointment, then tell him that and make arrangements for the 8 year old to be elsewhere. If you want him to be at every appointment, then tell him that, as well, and make other arrangements for you son during those appts. as well.

It sounds like your fiance is a great guy and he will be amenable to your wishes. There's no 'normal.' Overall, I think it's good for guys to be as involved as possible in all aspects of the birth and parenting, so they appreciate what women go through and they are as vested in the whole parenting thing as they can possibly be, but they don't usually need to be at every dr. appt., unless that's important to you.

My husband only came to one ultrasound with each pregnancy. So much of the rest is peeing in a cup, weighed, blood pressure, out the door! To involve him in the pregnancy more directly, I highly, highly recommend taking Bradley classes. It is 12 weeks of classes, one class per week, plus "homework." My husband and I did this for our S.. Beyond the techniques you learn for relaxation during labor, nutrition tips, etc, it was a great way for us to bond over the pregnancy. I just felt like he was much more part of the process and aware of what was going on through the classes. The awesome partner during labor was just one of the benefits :) Don't be scared off, it's not nearly as crazy hippie as it sounds!

Pregnancy visits are so tedious, does he know that? Waiting in the waiting room, then waiting in the exam room, then having your vitals taken.
Maybe you should tell him what it's really like. Other than the sonogram (or supporting you emotionally if something unusual is going on) I can't see why he would go or what he would do there.
I hope he's this excited a few months and years from now when the REAL involvement begins!!!

My guy came to the first one and the big ones. I didn't ask him - he just came. So for sonograms and hearing heartbeat first time.

All the other ones, I did on my own (I worked very close to my doctor's office, and he didn't and they were just routine check ups).

It must matter to you a little bit for you to post it on here :) I get it - I would be disappointed if he sat in waiting room too (although I get why he was with your son).

Best to talk about it and decide what you'll do going forward. Expectations always get the better of us - better just to be honest and voice what you would like :)

My husband went only to the sonogram appointments, so just two.Honestly, unless there were concerning issues with the pregnancy or baby, the doctor's appointments are really best conducted with less people, not more.

Think about it this way-- your eight year old is likely more in need of moral support than you might think. He's going to be a big brother-- you don't want him already feeling 'left out' sitting in the lobby by himself. Try to see that your fiance is actually being very kind.

You still have two more trimesters to go, at least, right? Give your fiance a chance to 'be in the room' when your son has childcare. Might be good to consider why you are so put out about this? It doesn't defeat the purpose of going-- he's being supportive of the *whole* family, not just you. I'd be elated that he cares so much.

Hmmmmm . . . could you simply ask him "what do you mean by 'as many as you can'?" He may be thinking that he just drives you or he may mean being in there, and he may mean that you don't need to worry about the 8 yr old son since he will always go with and watch him. Men are terrible mind readers and unless you ask, you really won't know the answer.

I wish I would have had someone come with me to every appointment for all of my pregnancies. Some of my pregnancies did not end well so they were stressful times for me. Even if they weren't stressful, you BOTH created this life, and I feel that he is just as responsible for attending as you are - even if they aren't measuring his belly or peeing in a cup.

If it is important to you, PLEASE speak up to your husband. I know that you didn't want to hear "whatever you decide", but really I think you do have an expectation of what his level of involvement should look like. Just share that with him - if it isn't the same as his, work out a compromise. I know you say it isn't a big deal, but you might feel differently when you are farther along.

Good luck and congrats!

DH basically never went to my apts unless they were the high risk ultrasounds (both pregs had issues).
For the garden variety ones where they check belly progress and blood pressure, etc... he didn't come. There was no point.

Basically, unless we were actually looking at/hearing the baby, he wasn't there.

Unless there's a problem with the pregnancy, there's really not much point in him being there for most of the visits.
If you're having a sonogram, yeah, he will likely want to be there to see it. But they don't do that every visit.
Most visits aer pretty much the same routine, and not anythign that he would really be involved or engaged in - he would just be sitting in a corner of the room.

I think it's really nice of him to watch the boy BUT I'd get a babysitter next time and that way he doesn't have to babysit kiddo and can come in.

My husband came to most of my ultrasounds. So he was there 5 times probably. I had to call him in once for an emergency ultrasound when we had a scare at 10 weeks with my first. He left work and met me, because they wanted me to have someone there for support. The rest of the appointments were routine. It was more important for him to stay at work. He was there for all of our birthing classes though and he's a great dad.

I don't think it's normal for dad to go to more than maybe 3 unless there is a medical issue.

My BIL wanted to go to every apt because if there was ever bad news, he didn't want my SIL to have to hear it alone.

My husband went to the first apt, which included an u/s, with our first. He also came towards the end, as I became high risk. I think he only came to one apt with our youngest.

I think it's more common for the mom to go to the appointments alone. I was pretty bummed my husband didn't care about coming with me. I'm very emotional and wanted to experience everything together and pregnancy was brand new and scary. It didn't bother me too much with our S., though.

If it's important to you, talk to him about it and be open to compromise. When I became high risk, my husband knew I needed him there.

My DH didn't go to any. He met the OB in the delivery room. There's nothing they can do, and they just sit there. It's a waste of their time.

I think its nice for them to come to a couple appointments if convenient. My hubby went to a couple with each pregnancies which was plenty, he had to take off work for them and I schedule based on what was convenient for me over him obviously.
I know some men like to go to all of them but really, don't they get kinda boring outside of the sonagram and maybe to keep company for the glucose test. I think coming to every other one would be more then enough. I also feel like I didn't see a lot of dads in the waiting room either.

He was there to hear the heartbeat and sonogram. He came to one with the first one late in the pregnancy because I was having problems and they thought I was going to go into the hospital. So he came with me for that.

He traveled a lot so if it was a routine visit, not necessary. He doesn't come with me when I see the regular doctor, I saw no reason for him to come to the OB visit. I needed him at work!!!

With my first, my husband went to about 1/2 of the appointments with me, but that was because I was suffering from hyperemesis and was really weak. In the beginning, I needed him to drive me, check in for me, etc. As the pregnancy progressed and I was able to return to work, he stopped coming because I would go to the appointment then go straight to work. Towards the end, he was laid off from his job so we went to the appointments together.

With my S., I went to most of the appointments by myself. He wasn't there to hear the heartbeat for the first time and he didn't even go to the 20 week ultrasound. And that was fine with me. Part of it was because he had to watch our daughter. Towards the end of my pregancy, I asked him to come, but only so he can keep an eye on our toddler (I wanted her to get more involved to prepare her for a new brother).

I generally didn't feel the need to have him there and he didn't feel the need to be there.

My hubby went to the first sonogram and then to 2 more after with a specialist. If I didn't need that specialist. He would have come to two total. Honestly, that's all I needed.

I'd say, if he wants to drive you and wait with your son, great. That's supportive in its own way. But encourage him to come to a appointment where he can see the baby. That is if he can figure out what he is looking at. Sometimes my hubby couldn't (clueless).