How Do You Structure a 3 Y/o Afternoon/evening?

Well, after lunch we read a book, maybe do a puzzle, and then she watches 60 minutes of PBS or PBS videos. Afterwards, she has a snack, we play a game or she plays by herself in her room until her brother wakes up. Then we go to a park or outside to play. About 5 days a week we take a walk around the block and she rides her bike. I love the afternoon. I always consider it "me time."

My daughter stopped napping at 18 months. I was very pregnant. I tried to do the quiet time in her room, but it just wound her up. Finally, after she was nearly 3, I caved in and let her watch a video. Silly me! Her 60 minutes of videos every afternoon are wonderful. She watches them in the dark, basically like she is sleeping, and I no longer have a crying kid at 5.

I would insist on the quiet time. He doesn't have to sleep, but he has to be in his room, on his bed, and quiet, for 30 minutes. When he goes to kindergarden, or a longer day preschool, they will insist on this, and he needs to learn to do it. Besides, it sounds like he doesn't have goo sleep habits, and he needs to learn how to get himself calmed down (and that is a LEARNED skill).

I agree that late afternoon time is tough. Getting outside is the key, I think. Besides, physical activity will help with the sleep. That having been said, if you are going to let him watch TV at all, this is the time. We always have a half hour of TV while I cook dinner. There are a lot of really decent options, but our favorites are Mr. Rogers(30 min, online) and SuperWhy (25 min), both of which are very calm. He also likes Fireman Sam or Kipper, which are 10 minute segments, which is nice when he needs to "chill out' for a few minutes while we transition from one activity to the next. I don't think that an hour (or even 2) of high quality TV (no Sponge Bob!) is a problem, and can indeed be a learning experience.

Try to find activities he's willing to explore on his own (even if only in 3-5 minute segments). Playing is always good, especially if he learns to develop his imagination and works on self-play. But there are loads of fun activities you can also do together that have nothing to do with TV. Do you have wooden blocks? Build a castle or a house or a swimming pool for some of his favorite toys to play in. Do you have educational toys? (Melissa & Doug makes a puzzle set that has large wooden flash cards with 3-4 letter words on them and you have to find the letters to fit into the flash cards to spell the words - fun!) Games are a lot of fun, too (Sequence, Chutes & Ladders, CandyLand, The LadyBug Game, Hi-Ho the Cherry-O!, Ants in the Pants, Uno [or Uno Moo], Memory, etc...). Puzzles are great, especially the big floor puzzles, but kids also seem to like the smaller puzzles that feature their favorite characters/things. Art activities can seem overwhelming, but they can be done neatly and can be fun, too. Perhaps he'd enjoy working in a preschool activity book or a regular coloring book. Does he love stickers? A sticker book can provide a lot of fun, too. Watercolor painting. And sometimes you can get little $1 (or so) kits from places like Michael's and AC Moore for a little entertainment. I buy the seasonal magnet kits, and my daughter and I decorate magnets together and then can display them on the fridge. (You could also make your own by using card stock or something heavier and gluing magnets to the back, of course.) A game of Hide and Seek can be a fun distraction. Kids can be pretty funny when they hide! My daughter always liked to "race" me. She'd race me from the front of the house to the back of the house. Back and forth, seemingly endlessly. And as long as there are no significant obstacles, this works out to be pretty decent exercise, too. Pretend restaurant can be fun - ask your son to be the chef and prepare you a picnic or a pot of tea or something. He's bound to come up with something great like a green bean-watermelon-cheese smoothie. My daughter LOVES LOVES LOVES books and listening to them. So reading is always a great activity. We hit the library at least twice a week and come home with tons of books each time. (I'm convinced we'll soon have read them all!) Sitting and reading together for a while can be a really nice, relaxing (& bonding) time.

And that's just inside! Perhaps you could also, weather permitting, just go for a walk together. It's nice to be outside and to talk about the things that you see. If he doesn't just start asking about "what's that?" or saying "look, mommy, there's a [thing he sees]," then try asking him to look for something specific and to tell you when he sees it. You can be like detectives together. If you have a park nearby, a trip to the park in the afternoon can also be quite lovely. Especially if there are other kids there to play with/around. He can run and jump and explore. A great way to burn off excess energy and get some important exercise. Just try to have fun and relax - and enjoy your time together.

Can you take him to the park late afternoon? go for a walk around the block?

I'm not exactly in your same situation, but this is what I do:
I pick my 3 year old and 20 month old up at daycare at 4:30 and get home @ 4:45. We get home and have a snack, and then do "activity time" where I set a timer for 15 minutes (we worked up from ten - I'm trying to increase my son's attention span :) ) and we do some sort of educational activity at the table. For example, we play letter bingo or use stickers or blocks or objects to make patterns, cut paper, put beads on a pipe cleaner, put stickers on index cards (1, 2, 3) and then count out raisens to put on the sticker, etc. http://www.redshift.com/~bonajo/preschool_activities.htm

We then normally go outside and play, but just this week I've started putting them in the double stroller and taking them for a walk because I need exercise.

We get home and hopefully the kids play outside while I put dinner in, and then we eat @ 6;45-7:00. My husband gets home @ 6:30. Then its baths, a tv show, book, and bed.

My son is the same way and I'm pretty sure he'll do afternoon preschool next year when we enroll him. I've delayed my mornings since he started dropping his afternoon nap, dragging things out, going to parks at 12 instead of 10, serving (or trying to serve, since he won't eat, haha) lunch at a later time.

Don't let him just watch TV, it actually gets them wired so is counterproductive to your desires. Insist on a quiet rest period, YOU are the mom and you have to insist. Then lots of quiet play like with playdoh, books, blocks, and such rather than boisterous running around. Sounds like the second half of your day should be increasingly calm and quiet in preparation for bath and bedtime.

I think, just let him have "free play."
Which means, since his morning hours are filled with routine/schedules/activity.... in the later afternoon, just let him play independently. Kids also "need" this too. It lets them, be self-reliant and to just do things via their own invention and creativity and self-play skills.
And then at this time, for me, I do 'my' things like chores and cooking.
BUT I also, verbally cue my kids.... as to it and what is coming up.
So they know.

Could be that your son is also over-tired. Being over-tired actually makes it HARDER, for a child to fall asleep and to stay asleep and they wake more.
My son, when he is tired/over-tired (he still naps though), he actually gets MORE "hyper" and boisterous... because, it is a cue, that the child is FORCING themselves awake. And my son, when he is like this, I KNOW he is tired. I know his cues. If I explain to him, that his "body" needs rest... he understands. He will even then tell me, he wants to nap.

Quiet time, is not just that the child is 'quiet' or IN their room only... but that, at least for me, that my kids engage in things, that is not hyperly active....and it can be anywhere in the house. Sure, electronics/tv can be off. But with my kids, well they really keep themselves busy. I don't necessarily have to, structure their time or their play. I let them think of things on their own too... and they know that at these times, it is EVERYBODY's time... to do things. Independently.

All I can say is that you are not alone in feeling that "dread" feeling in the early afternoon/evening time. My child is much younger - 8 months old - but she is very active. I find it hard to keep her entertained and still have time to do all that I need to do with the dinner hour/bath time. (I do the same thing keeping busy in the morning too....) Sometimes we will go outside and sit in the sun for a bit or take a short walk. That seems to help with the anxiety I feel this time of day. I do let her watch educational TV programs on Netflix. I figure they are helping her learn her numbers and letters when I can't at the moment. Hang in there!!!

LEGOS! I'll bet we have invested well over $1,000 in legos over the years...and it was money well spent. My son started playing with them at 3 and got them for every birthday and Christmas until he was about 13 or so. They're great for hours and hours of play time. My dad built a lego table for him and that way it kept all the tiny pieces out of reach of his younger sibling. (Don't waste $$ on the duplos...my 3 year old started with the smaller ones and they worked well for him.)

What about play dates? When my son was 3, he had a friend that lived around the corner from us and they enjoyed playing together. When they are young, play dates are work...and you can't always count on a lot of free time for yourself to get things done...BUT...when the other mom reciprocates...and they go to their house...you'll get some free time. :)