How Do You Make a Clingy 14 Month Old Play Independently?

Hi B.,

My son (which is 7 now) was VERY clingy as a baby and toddler. He has outgrown it for the most part (with help of going to school). My suggestion would be to enjoy it while you can. They are only young once and she will become more independant when it's time for her to be. Ten years from now you will wish to have some of that clinginess back instead of hearing "oh Mom, give me my space" :)

L.

i remember that. of course, still going on at 3 years old :)
i did respond to every cry for me in the beginning but it got tougher by the day. so then i'd still leave the room and go into kitchen when i had to but i'd be talking to my babies. even though at that age they wouldn't understand i'd still say mami's right here, mami's coming back in one minute. eventually they got better. because they got to understand i won't go pick them up but i always return just like i said.
when she starts walking she'll be following you wherever you go so in that respect it gets better so you won't be a prisoner to one place only
good luck
vlora

This is tough, but to some extent your dad is right. She has learned that if she screams, you pick her up. If you don't feel up to going cold turkey, start out with just the little things like going to the bathroom. Before you go say to her (very calmly) "Mommy is going to (where ever - the bathroom) and I will be right back". Then let her scream while you calmly and not rushing do what you need to do. When you come back, again calmly and in a reassuring voice tell her that "mommy came back like I said I would". I think the key is for you not to get flustered. I know...it is harder than it sounds, but start small and work up to larger things. The worst thing that can happen is that you both get a headache from her screaming.

Good luck! Keep remembering that this too shall pass...

Hi B.,
My 14mo son is also very clingy. Although, he doesn't need to be held constantly. Instead he has to have everything that I have, do what I am doing, and follow me around. I can't read, eat, write, ANYTHING, without him grabbing at what I have and whining until he gets it. It's frustrating especially when I am trying to get stuff done. I can't even apply chapstick in his presence because he has to have it, and of course he cannot since he could swallow the cap. He recently started walking. I thought it would help alleviate the situation, but it really hasn't. I've learned to do most of my chores and whatnot when he naps. For instance, I wouldn't be able to write this if he were awake right now. Otherwise he'd be tapping away at the laptop. I suppose it's just a phase, a long and frustrating phase at times. But as the other lady and my mom has said, enjoy it while it lasts. When his playmates are around, he's not quite as clingy, but he still has his moments.

Awwww; you must be one of them 1st time mommy's.

Let me ask you a question; when your students act out in class do you have a solution to counter it other then sending them to the principal's office. If so then you have the ability to desipline. Now I understand that your students are much older then your daughter, but that same struness should be applied. As of right now, your daughter is running the show and I'm sure in your classroom you run the show. Bottomline, apply that firm tactic you use in class at home. 14 months, oh she know just what she is doing and she is playing you like a puppet. For goodness sakes STOP PICKING HER UP AND HOLDING HER!!! She is soiled and by time she's 2 she will be rotten and that is very hard to break. Let her cry, my grandmother use to say "the more you cry, the less you pee". Let her cry, so what. Go on and do whatever it is that you need to do around the house. As far as her not walking, I agree that it's because of the holding. Put her butt in a walker and let her do her thing. When it's time to read, play, watch tv, eat, put her in something other than your lap. And when you do, don't just pick her up and put her in the walker or in the highchair, hold her from behind and kind of help her to clime into it. This will also help with transtioning into becoming independent. Same thing with feeding, if you are not already doing it, let her feed herself. The goal here is to give her the space she needs for development. It might hurt your feeling to see her stumble and fall, but knowing she will get up and try again instead of always running to mommy makes it all better.

Hope this helps,

P.

It is hard to listen to them cry and pitch a fit but, sometimes that's the only way. My son will be 14 months on Sunday and it was very hard to get him to sleep in his own bed. Since he was born he was co-sleeping with my Husband and I. I would put him in his room and crib and he would cry and cry and cry, leaving me to cry because I hear him crying and calling for me. My husband said to let him cry and ignore him, I tried and it was hard. I would have to go and put on a pair of headphones to drown out the crying. One time I even went and sat in my car so I'd be away.

But it was gradual. I would let him cry for 20 minutes, then go cuddle/hug him to reassure him that I was still here. He use to cry and pitch a fit when I went to the bathroom too - I would put him in his playpen so he would be safe while I wasnt' able to pay him attention. As he was crying I would call out to him letting him know I was still there.

As for the walking around, why not try holding on to his hands - if he can stand- tell him to "Follow Mommy" maybe that will get him to walk. I know it's hard to watch them cry, but sometimes, that's what we have to do.

Another take on this is that she has some sensory issues and she is really and truly anxious when put down. Not all anxious behavior is manipulation. You say she isnt walking yet - she is on the late side. Is she speaking? Does she have any words? How is her eye contact? How is she with friends and other family members? Does she point? Clap? Wave? How are her stools? Daily? Formed? *ie does she suffer form constipation or the reverse? Think about these things a little bit and consider taking them up with your doctor. If your doctor isnt helpful do a little reading on food allergy/behavior/sensory integration -

Listen to your father! And watch Supernanny! She would tell you the same thing your dad has.
Giving in to her insecurities isnt helping her grow. Keep in mind we are raising adults. That's our job, to care for these babies and help them grow into healthy, functioning, independent adults. Be strong and find a way to deal with the screaming for a few days. She'll understand whats going on. She understands more than you think she does, isnt that why she crys when she wants you to hold her? She knows that you'll give her what she wants :)