How Do You Get Your Guests (Who Are Family!) to Help Out at Holiday Dinners?

People just don't think. Normally nobody wants to host and I always open my home to my mother her home is too small and we are up to 22 and one on the way and any extras that may come to. I always end up shopping, cooking cleaning (before and after) and hosting so I really don't get to sit down and mingle. Nobody offers anything. One year when my sister decided to host because she wanted her husbands family also. I got a call to take 2 main items from the person who has never brought one item to anyones home and has my older kids clean her kids playroom before we leave even though they are too old to play in there and leave my playroon in shambles(I do daycare). I asked my siblings if they wanted to divide the cooking or just divide the bill, they decided to divide the bill. That way I can choose to make or buy what ever we eat and not have to pay for it all and in these times that is a big help. I am lucky enough to have 3 wonderful daughters who help with everything and I am teaching them what to do when they go to someone elses home so we have to start somewhere babysteps and keeping the peace. SO if you at least have everyone pitch in money and get it catered it take a load off the hostess. Best of luck and Happy Holidays

How about writing a master list of all the chores that need to be handled and writing those chores down on separate slips of paper for your relatives to draw from a hat when they walk through the door. Explain to your relatives that you are doing this so that everyone will have a chance to sit down and enjoy the day's festivities and your aunt will have a nice clean home once everyone leaves. You may want to assign two relatives per task to make the chore less like a chore and you'll also want to write down which relative drew what chore lest they end up suffering from selective short term memory loss.

As far as the actual meal itself, just be truthful with your relatives about how you do not want to burden your aunt down with preparing Christmas dinner year after year and ask them to either contribute an item for a potluck meal or pay a designated amount so that you can order a complete meal from a local restaurant or Honeybaked Ham.

Hope this helps. Happy Holidays.

i know how you feel my family is terribly sloppy... all day thanks giving i cooked and cleaned and the only one that gave me help was my uncle (well my hubby sorta watched our daughter). but what i did to limit the dishes i knew i would have to do later wasuseing chinet paper plates instead of the regular plates then i would only have silverware and glasses to use (well you could use plastic cups too). what you could do too is just before everyone starts to eat just say as a reminder to please place your plates into the sink when your done. with the wrapping paper place a paper grocery bag between every couple people so they can place the torn paper directly into the bag (i know the lil kids may not catch on right away). you could also deligate some chores to be done. with the little kids make it a race to see who can pic up the most paper off the floor for a cookie and for the adults just ask someone to help you clear the table then ask another to help you rinse and wash the dishes. you shouldnt have to do it all alone family should always be willing to help.

Be direct with people. If your aunt is making a turkey or ham or a main dish then tell each family to bring something as a side dish. Rolls or green bean casserole etc. This will get everyone involved. Don't forget drinks this will cut the cost down for your aunt and everyone is involved. as for clean use sturdy paper plates costco has real thick ones and paper cups. It sounds cheesy but they work out so well and no one complains. Also it makes clean up so much easier and even the kids can help. Your a family and evryone has to chip in to make it a great holiday.

If she is unwilling to be assertive and ask, can you ask people? My husband's 60 year old aunt (single, lives in a one bedroom co-op apartment) has hosted Thanksgiving for the past 40 years (he's 47.) In her tiny kitchen, she creates a feast, but people do help. Sometimes people cook something and bring it. Not everyone, but enough people peek their head in and offer to help. And help is accepted. And we make sure to pull her out of the kitchen and someone does something so she can enjoy it too. Maybe say that out loud and people (will hopefully) get the message and if anything, be shamed into action.

Hi K., You just have to be direct and then even so, there are still some who just don't want to do it. We are a family of 5 girls. One sister pretty much just shows up, eats, and well, we say sits on her boyfriend now husband's lap, then she leaves.

I think over the years, our dissatisfaction with this has shown. We normally only ask her to bring something non-essential otherwise she screws it up. Many times we have asked her to bring drinks and she shows up late, we start without her and have to drink water or get into my sisters drinks there at her house. If we ask her to bring cake for a birthday, she will just stop at the grocery store and buy any old cake, however we usually order our cakes from the bakery and have our names put on them.

Well, when it comes to helping, I have asked her if she is done with the plate and if I allow her to, she will hand me the dish. So, I ask while I am standing at the sink so she will have to bring it to me. So here is where I think she has taken the hint. She didn't show up for Thanksgiving, only promising to stop by in which she didn't and said she would be doing the same thing for Christmas. She says it is because her new combined family, but I think she is feeling our wrath from not helping.

As for the trash, I usually ask my favorite nephew out loud if he can take care of the trash for me and he tries to back out, but always gets it done.

So my personal opinion about those who don't want to be there and help, than they shouldn't because we don't want to cook, clean, and serve them...HOWEVER, my opinion doesn't matter because this all hurts my mother.

So there are a few hints in there for you, but use them wisely.

I hate hosting, but I deal with it because, well I have to. Well I really hate all the work leading up to the hosting. We are the only ones with a big house and we usually have close to 20 people or more for each "occasion". I hate the cooking, cleaning, purchasing, etc. What I have found and what seems to the be the commonality amongst the posts is let them know. For the last 2 years, I have made it mandatory that each person that is coming is bringing a dish. I will provide the atmosphere, the plates, cultury, cups, and napkins. The food is up to them. If they cannot bring anything then they are to help with the cleaning. It has worked for us. We will usually make a dish here, but with 3 kids I am lucky that I can get the house clean for a period of 4 hours. So now everybody brings a dish and I can actually relax and join in conversation instead of making sure everything is prepared. Really, if you are family, that should be the way.

I send an invitation and it states clearly that it is "Pot Luck Style". I have an RSVP date and if they do not RSVP by that date, I do not count them. I do not call. If they call me after the date then I will make room. But don't call me the day of because you will not be there. Sorry if that seems harsh but I frankly don't have the time to call and check or anything. I tell them to let me know what they are bringing and that's it. Everybody mostly helps out with the cleaning.

I know I may seem strict when it comes to family gatherings but it is my home and it really starts to wear on you if every occasion is at your home. Sometimes I wish we had a smaller place :)

Why don't you just ask. Talk to your Aunt and have everyone bring a dish. If you don't ask how is everyone expected to know to help out if you do not ask. At my family we have over 20 people, everyone brings a dish. My sisters and cousins help to clear the table, my uncles set up and put away the extra tables and chairs when we are done and we all eat and have fun opening presents. It should not be a dilemma and your Aunt should not have to do it all.
Good Luck.

We've started having pot-luck dinners. Everyone is invited via evite.com or punchbowl.com. I pick what I want to do (sometimes it's the main course, other times it's desserts) and then I make a list for people to sign-up and bring. This has worked out really well with taking care of the food part. As for re-cleaning the house, my husband takes care of the heavy lifting of tables, chairs, garbage, recycling etc. and typically, once the men see him starting to move things, they pitch-in. I also make sure the dishwasher is empty, the paper towel holder full and all cleaning supplies full and ready to go and easy to find. I keep the kitchen sink clean for rinsing of dishes, and a ample supply of disposable containers for left-overs. Once dinner is completed, I head for the kitchen and just start asking (X, would you please bring in the food? Y, would you please clear the dishes? Z, would you please see what the children are up to, they are too quiet?) In our get-togethers this works well and once a few people are set in motion, everyone else follows. I like the idea of a chore list, (since I'm a list maker) and I already make a master pre-party to-do list that everyone looks at and asks what they can do, so I'm going to add post-party tasks as well and see how that goes. Good Luck!