Could I Be Selfish About Christmas Eve?

no you're not being selfish.... why not this year your husband does the cooking and cleaning? tell him if he'll commit to doing that then you're ok with it. not even talking about your paycut here ... but i don't think it's fair that all these years the responsibility has been on you to do christmas eve. or have a potluck! change it up this year :-) make it less work for you. tell him you're feeling down and to make it better he can do all the cleaning and let his family know it's a potluck dinner this year.

Is it the money or the funk you're in about the money? Big difference.
Hopefully you are not "punishing" him b/c he is not reacting the way you would like over the pay cut.
If it's the funk, I'd go ahead and do it and make sure hubby helps!

Have your husband help out with getting ready -cleaning, decorating, whatever. Also ask everyone to bring a dish or dessert. There's no reason for you to take on the entire food preparation and cooking chore! However, I would be upset as well if my husband, regardless of what happened at his job, announced he didn't want my family or any of our traditional Christmas Eve stuff to happen. It may be a year you aren't into it, although doing it may help you a little bit, but it doesn't mean everyone should have to change their once-a-year traditional Christmas Eve -particularly on such short notice. Make some changes to help you out, but try to kick back and enjoy it on Friday. Everything doesn't have to be perfect -just make sure the vacuum's been run and the bathroom they'll be using is clean! Let some other stuff slide if you want.

I just want to hug you! No, your not being selfish!!! It is soooo normal to have these feelings after what you have been through with your job and doing the preparation alone each year. I would tell your hubby that you are just not into it this year- you need to take a break from it but he is welcome to host it himself if he wants it so much. SInce he doesn't help you anyways, maybe he will take this opportunity to step up to the plate and help---then he will really see all the work and trouble it takes to prepare something like this. I would also tell him how much of a jerk he is being about your traditions! Just because you didn't have "traditional-traditions" doesn't mean your values or thoughts are any less important than his. Set him back in his place-he is out of line and needs to respect you.Thats my 2cents hope it helps and you get the rest you need!

M

Ask everyone to bring a side dish and dessert. They them that you will only be able to make the turkey and stuffing this year because of your work schedule. You can even ask one person to bring paper plates and cups. Then tell your husband that he will need to help you make the Turkey. Maybe you could make a list of the side dishes that need to be made and ask each family member which side dish they would like to bring.

I think you should make the turkey and dressing, designate who brings the potatoes and gravy (to make sure there is some, but not four people show up with the same thing!), and have everyone else bring a side and dessert or snack. Have hubby do the cleaning all week so you have a break and so he gets a feel of WHY you might not want to go through all the trouble every year! Then when everyone gathers around, ask who is doing it next year! :)

My family (extended relatives) have been switching houses every Christmas Eve for as long as I can remember. One year at my grandparent's, next at my great-uncle's, next at a cousin's, then Dad's house, then somewhere else. If it is always at someone else's home, you only have to do it every few years, depending on how many people are willing to host. We have it on Christmas Eve so each family can spend Christmas with their own families (just mom, dad, and kids).

You're not being selfish, you're tired and stressed! Why don't you consider hosting xmas eve as your husband wants, but make it very easy on you. Instead of cooking, order pizza for everyone, and pick up a dessert at the store or a restaurant. There's no reason that you need more stress in your life right now, and whoever doesn't understand, oh well, especially if they're not offering a lot of help. If you still feel the need to have homecooked, designate jobs/food. You didn't say how many guests you are having, but it's early enough to call, (especially if they're family) or have your husband call, and ask them to bring something specific for the dinner. The only thing you'd end up cooking is the main dish. If they're as understanding as they should be, knowing you have kids and work full-time should be enough for them to realize you need help that day- it's more about the time spent together than the food anyway! And since your husband "needs" his traditions, get him to roll up his sleeves and work next to you! Have a good holiday, and I hope you can relax!

No, I don't think you are being selfish. I'm guessing that your husband is clueless when it comes to the amount of preparation necessary to prepare Christmas Eve. You have had a tough year with your job, not to mention working outside of the home and doing all the stuff necessary for Christmas is stressful in itself. I'm not doing Christmas Eve either. I don't have the patience or desire to prepare a celebration this year because I have a difficult toddler and I get no help. So, I'll be sitting around in my jammies all day and we'll probably eat a frozen pizza or find a restaurant to eat at. Seriously, I would let your husband know this week what you plan to do so that he doesn't say he wasn't forewarned. Maybe have someone on his side do the celebration and you bring a dish?

Maybe you could just ask him if this year would be okay to do a simple Christmas and you will be your old self next year? Or have the tradition talk with him letting him know you would like to change it now due to kids, job and travel you just would rather spend Eve and Christmas day at home till the kids are older and Santa is out of the picture..
You sound a little stressed, maybe having the chaos would be good for you, you sound torn in some ways.
You only have a few more days to make up your mind and make a plan. I would talk to hubby quietly about it, not in a stressed out naggy way... maybe while you are in bed?.... so he HEARS you for real, right now he's just thinking you are thinking out loud and nothing is going to come of it. You need to get his attention but in a positive way so he can relate to and feel how you feel. Let him in so he CAN listen to you.

I don't think you're being selfish. Sometimes people need a break!! However, why do YOU have to do it all?? If hubby is so put out that you're not up to it this year, I would say this to him: "I'm tired this year and this pay cut has really not left me in a celebratory mood. However, if you would like to host a get-together Christmas Eve, I'm willing to split the work with you. We can divvy up the cleaning of the house and here are the ingredients that I'd like you to shop for by Thursday. Then I will prepare the food." You could ask everyone coming over to bring a dish to share and you and your husband could provide the main meat and one other major dish. I think that sounds fair -- if you're up to it. I'm sorry about the pay cut, it's still really tough out there. I know; I also had to go back to work full-time in October; something that I had never planned on. Hang in there, ok?

no, i don't think, BUT do you have ANY plans for Christmas? Do you plan on cooking for yourself and the kids? Will you be able to pull yourself our of the way you're feeling?
I wouldn't cook for others but sounds like you don't want to do much?

I would love to be home making ccokies & candy on Christmas Eve but no can't do it I have inlaws plus my parents functions to attend then my MIL/FIL home for lunch on Christmas Day so all my cleaning & cooking shopping has started a few days ago had to really force myself to do it becasue I really feel like the spirt of chrismas has left this world & it's all about gimmies maybe I feel this way because I don't get Sh-- for Chrismas from my husband now for 5 years & I had stopped buying for him as well.I do alot of work during this holiday to make everyone else around me happy yes I do have kids but what about starting are own traditions does it happen after they leave they nest,I don't know.I say do what you can if its not a full fledge meal at least have appetizers & sweets, drinks for the adults, juice boxes for the kids.A pay cut is something to frown, hubby will get it when he is unable to buy here & there on wanted things & not a necessity.

Yes. Can I ask you a question that I dealt with years ago when I was working full-time, coming home to hubby & kids & lots of work, and never stretching the money far enough? Have you considered taking some time away from working, cutting expenses, and being home even for a few months? Perhaps this isn't possible for you - it wasn't always for me - but the last time I did that I decided to return to school so I could be more marketable & do something I liked better. It was a good time in my life and I wasn't any broker than before due to all the expenses of working. Have a blessed Christmas. Can you ask your husband if you can do the 24th more as a team this year since it seems important to him? He doesn't sound like the soul of sensitivity but it may cost you more not to do it at this point - know what I mean?

No, you're not being selfish at all!

I'd ALSO like to give you a hug!!! I'm so sorry you're feeling overwhelmed! The holidays are stressful enough without your recent pay cut and a husband who's not being understanding and helpful! I explain to your darling husband ;) that you are going to need some help this year getting everything done if you are going to host Christmas eve again at your place. Explain to him that you want to have an enjoyable Christmas too and don't want to be so stressed and tired that you aren't able to enjoy yourself. Is there a relative in your area that could come over the day before and help get your house ready? That would probably help quite a bit. Definitely don't try to do all the cooking yourself!!! Most people are perfectly fine bring a side dish (or two!). After all, they get out of the majority of working not hosting. Hosting is A LOT of work and can be exhausting!

Good luck to you!!!! :)

perhaps if he wants you to host christmas eve, he could do the cleaning?

After reading all the post I am a little confused. If this is something that your husbands family has always done and you knew it going into the marriage than you should still have it. I agree with the other posters have everyone bring a dish to pass to an old fashion pot luck. Christmas is a stressful time, but it like life is what you make it. Christmas isn't a job it is a joyous time, and should be appreciated. Don't think about the task, think of the rewards. I work a full time job (50 hours a week and have since my kids were born) have 2 grown boys (1 still at home) and 3 grandsons. I couldn't fathom not having Christmas because of a little stress. It amazes me how all (not necessarily you) young Moms on this site think they have it so hard.

I hope this holiday season brings you peace and a great day filled with love, smiles and laughter because isn't that want it is all about!

God Bless.