How Do You Find Time for Yourself??

Would it be possible for you to get up 30 minutes earlier each day? You could spend the time exercising 3 days a week, and getting some chores done on the other days (so that you can do something fun later instead of those chores). It may be easier to get up earlier than stay up later. (I've even heard of the 5 o'clock club -basically you get up at 5 every morning and do stuff that needs to be done then, while its quiet and everyone's asleep).

Elizabeth--You have a very full day! I remember when my children were small that I felt the same way you do now. Many of my friends joined gyms with childcare so that they could exercise. I don't know if this is an option for you. I eventually learned that my "job" while my children were small was to be a mom and that I wouldn't get much 'me' time. That was a difficult adjustment to make. I went from working full time to mommy-ing full time in a matter of days. I also did childcare a few days a week. When I finally 'accepted' that I needed to make this my new job and mentally do it, not just physically, it became easier. I made friends with other families who had children in the same age ranges, and knowing they were struggling, too, relieved a lot of stress for me. We would help each other out with childcare for me time--it was never one sided, we always helped each other.

Now my children are older and can do more for themselves and that has freed up some "me" time--not to mention they are in school all day. The young years are hard, but hang in there. They can be fun, and looking back, I am glad I found a way to tell myself that time with my children was 'me' time because I can't get that back now (they are 15 and 12). Every once in awhile they will talk about something we did. They remember it as good times and so do I, but I really did miss doing my hair and makeup and going out with friends for 'me' time--I won't lie. It was hard but worth it the end though, to lower my expectations of 'me' time because I did get it back and it was worth it. I hope that you are able to find a balance that is rewarding....Good Luck and know that you aren't alone! J.

Elizabeth,
You sound a bit lit me....gott’a do everything and all of it must be done. Well I have changed my ways. Things can wait (understanding with a daycare in your home some things can't) but you and only one will ensure that you have time for you. It is just how mommies are they take on ALL the stuff. We don’t hand stuff off to husbands or children without reservation. Well you can and you have every right to do so. Take your hour of work out everyday....dinner can be later 7 or even 7:30 rather than 6PM. Once all the kids are gone for the day and daddy is home you are gone!
Yes you need time with your husband but slowly you may feel a bit put out by the fact that he comes home and doesn't support you in taking time for you. Sorry, to say but most husbands don't walk in the door and say, "honey, you look like you need a break, get on out, do whatever you want and spend what ever you want, you deserve it".
So take it, you need it….you will be happier for keeping a little of you for you!

Time for myself? Not so much. I don't even "work," but have a 9 mo old and a 3 1/2 yr old. Between keeping us all fed and clothed and clean, and trying to keep up with the house, I am tired and never seem to catch up. I keep thinking that "next month, when she's sleeping better" I'll be able to get things done, but not yet!!
So I have no answer for you, but I will tell you my favorite thing that keeps me going. Years ago I read a comment (don't remember by whom) that said, "Who said having it all meant having it all at once?" I know that in even 10 years, I'm going to miss all this. Of course, I won't be able to remember how it felt to be this tired, but still, all these precious little person days will be gone before we know it.
I hope you had a great Thanksgiving and are enjoying the beginning of the holiday season!

Hi Elizabeth - How I feel your pain! I really understand your struggle. It's tough being a mom of a toddler. My boys are 6 and 2.5 and they keep me busy morning until night too. I work PT and teach a class but having a full-time job is certainly more challenging for you - not to mention, you are giving so much of yourself through the day to the kids in your care.

First off - I know another poster suggested getting up in the wee hours of the morning and being super-organized. I have a feeling that you are probably already more organized than the average mom so don't beat yourself up about that one. Not to mention I'm sure you need all the sleep you can get - that is one of the biggest ways of taking care of yourself.

This is going to sound bad, but with your work schedule and the age of your son, you are probably going to have to set your sights a little low. But remember, it is only for a season. You may not get as many opportunities for "me time" as you would like but take advantage of what you can. I would encourage you to enlist your husband in the endeavor. Encourage him with the truth that "when momma's happy, everybody's happy". Start out with what refreshes you most. Is it an hour undisturbed or an evening out with a friend?

Workouts might have to be at home instead of the gym - or in the evening when your husband can watch the kids. Maybe you could pull out your favorite workout video or pilates video when the kids go to nap - or let them go through the tape with you. Maybe your husband could take over the bath and bedtime routine 3 or 4 days a week to give you an hour or so to yourself in the evening.

My husband is awesome at this - he really understands that I need some time just to myself so he's willing to help with the nightime routines even though he's tired too - the boys aren't so whiny about it anymore because dad has done it enough that they have their own routine with him. The other thing is that I only make dinner 3-4x a week for the whole family. The other days, I feed the boys early and my husband and I have a simple dinner together. It isnt as awful as it sounds. It's also little things that help me get through the routine. I get a pedicure at least once a month. One morning a week I head to Starbucks early for a quick coffee and my husband helps to get the boys dressed and fed. I'm not even gone 30min but for some reason it does wonders for my attitude.

I hope that helps you! It sounds like you are doing a great job and that you are a caring and loving person.

Elizabeth,

I believe the secret: Make your work fun!
This includes cleaning the home and family.

Really it is more of adjusting your attitude than adjusting your schedule. How can cleaning the house be exercise?
How can running the daycare be relaxing and fun? How can Family activities be things that your truly enjoy?

We all are given 24 hours in a day. It's how we choose to go through those 24 hours that make the difference.

With my whole heart,
C.

Early mornings for working out work well for me, as well. Plus, I have a bad back, so if I don't do my exercise, I'm limited the rest of the day, especially for snuggles -- a high priority. Late nights for personal stuff. I have the option of napping with the babies while the older one does school, so I can afford the lesser sleep at night. Mangosteen juice also works as an energy boost for me when I need it. Maybe a universal nap or rest time with the kids so you could rest or exercise. When I was in daycare we always had rest time, even when we were pretty old. You could limit it to one book or something and require they lay down even if they don't sleep. If you just make it your policy, you could tell parents ahead of time before they send their kids in case they don't like it. It's tough, but usually something can work out. I know the more kids we get (3) the less "me" time both Hubby and I get. GL!

Hi,

Good luck! I haven't fully conquered it, but here are a few tricks I'm learning. I cook dinner, so I leave my husband and daughter to finish eating and to clean it up and I go for a walk. When I'm on the computer I give my daughter crayons, and coloring books and let her color while I blog, and email. To read I take my daughter to the library, I get a cup of coffe, at first I engage her in the books and puzzels, and then I let her have some alone time and I read. I have to admit I never get hours of quality alone time, but even 15 minutes is cherished. They'll grow up and we'll have to much alone time...

Hi,

I run an in home daycare myself and we have exercise time. I put in one of my pilates or yoga videos and workout with the kids. They love trying to copy me and they get exercise too. It is not a perfect workout and not nearly as "calming and spiritual" as I am sure it should be, but it works and it is fun. : )

I'm so glad you asked this one! how many times do I wonder this? lol. I'm impressed with KN but I can't get up that early--of course she is getting up in a few minutes and I haven't made it to bed today. I had a sister call with a crisis need to talk moment. I give up sleep for that anytime.
there is one thing I try to do (try being key word but I really am trying to be better at my trying lol) I keep a jar in my bathroom, it's a really pretty one I picked out just for this purpose--and I have in it small pamper things I can do ranging from 2 min in time to an hour. I made a list of 100 things that are pampering to me. The idea is that each morning I draw one out and then do that during the day. Some days I know my time schedule is extremely tight so if I draw a longer time one I draw another and put the long one back in. I do it about 3 times a week. I need to get back to doing it every day because those moments are critical.
ideas are take care of my cuticals (soak etc) or a bubble bath. shave legs with shaving cream make it a production of love. massage my feet.
I made up the list over a couple of weeks then printed it out and cut it up and folded the strips into the jar.
as for working out--I'll be checking back for other answers...one thing I am thinking of doing is getting a work out video geared towards my dd's age and doing it with her it will teach her the value of working out will probably be more fun than my workout videos and get us doing something together and get me moving. I'm researching around right now trying to decide which one to get...

I schedule it.

Every Tuesday night is *my* night - I meet my girlfriends (also moms) at the climbing gym at 6:30 PM, then afterwards we head out for a late (8 PM) dinner and girl talk. If no one is available to hang out - I go out by myself. Sometimes I go boulder a bit then take a good book with me and go out to eat on my own.

That day, my husband is in charge of dinner and getting the boys to bed.

I come home to a messy house, which I used to hate, but I have learned to let it go (mostly).

I can catch up on housework on Wednesday, because that's my husband's night to hang out with friends or do with what he wants.

Once a month, I *try* to schedule something for me like a pedicure or a massage on a weekend day when my husband is home.

It sounds like your husband is supportive and would encourage this kind of arrangement for you to get some time of your own.

I get up at 4 am to get a load of laundry going and to work out. Then I eat breakfast and have my coffee and catch up on email---if it's not too cold I have my coffee in the hot tub otherwise I get some cleaning done.

I have the house set up into four weekly zones and designate chores for the kids to do each day in these zones as well as things I work towards getting done each week. That way if the rest of my day is catering to the kids I feel good knowing I accomplished something.

Getting up at 4 am surprises a lot of my friends but I have found that when I am consistent in working out, I have more energy to get up each day and I also feel better mentally. When I don't want to get up in the morning I just remember how much better it makes me feel and if I don't take care of myself than I can't do as good of a job taking care of the rest of my family. If I keep up on my daily chores and zones then I have my weekends usually free except for a little laundry and I can usually steal away for time with a friend or getting some chores done without the kids.

I am a single parent through the week while my husband works and is finishing school and I work between 20-40 hours a week out of the home over the weekend. I try to follow the Flylady philosophy (flylady.net) but have tweaked it to suit my family's needs for keeping the house up. They have weekly "Pamper Missions" on the website but I have been inconsistent on finding time at the end of the day or week doing these things, unfortunately, but it reminds me to take time for myself.

Best wishes in your search to see what fits for you. It took me awhile but it really helps keep me going.

Hi Elizabeth,
Early mornings is the only time I can fit in excercise. You most certainly have your hands full, the only other option is if you can hire help for an hour of your cleaning so you can finish earlier and give yourself a little time.
Good luck,
have fun,
SarahMM

You are doing a great thing working from home so you can be there for your son. I am a single mom with two kids and do the same thing for the same reasons. My hours are about the same as yours other then I do get a few days off a month during the week here and there. I made a huge financial sacrifice when my ex husband moved far away knowing my kids needed my present vs. material things. I wrestle with if that was the best choice daily. However I have gotten to be hom and here for them until both are in school fulltime. It will help your son tremendously too with learning the dynamics of peer groups, sharing and so forth having the kids there each day! :) My true downtime is after they are in bed at 8pm! :)

First, maybe consider doing a class for the kids, getting everyone up and moving, stretchng and do some funny dance moves for them.
That will stimulate the children and help them burn off a lot of steams and energy for you.
Do a few things each day while they are napping, throw a load in the a.m. and the dryer later.
I am just as tired as you are and totally understand where you are coming from. In order to be the best mom you have to take time for yourself, HAVE TO! You are right in wanting to find it.

I do stretches, crunches when my kids are in bed, the house is quiet and I am watching my favorite shows. I try to walk as often as I can, which I realize you cannot do with a bunch of little ones. Walking is a great way to exercise.

Take them outside and do laps around the backyard even, hee hee.

Maybe every Saturday morning, leave your son with your hubby and join a Pilates class or something. Even one day a week, gettng away for a few hours to yourself and feeling like you have some downtime for being a mommy and daycare person will help you unwind.

Never feel guilty for needing a break, we all do and some of us choose to be a marytr sometimes at the cost of our own personal well being. I was there, never did anything for myself and was here on parenting duty 24/7. Then I realized I should never feel guilty for wanting my own space. I tell my kids it is "mommy" time if they are awake and running around and I want to enjoy a cup of coffee and read the paper for 20 minutes. I used to feel bad if I did this, now I realize how important it is.

Of course family and kids are very important, the top of the priority list and they are young once but you need to find something of your own and get a break too.

Luckily, you only have one child so this is entirely easy to solve. To maintain a loving marriage and to keep from resenting your child and the children you take care of, it is imperative that you find time away from whatever you consider "work". There are a lot of very reputable baby-sitters/nannies/rec-centers/child-care providers that offer "parents nights out" or night care. If you do this two-three times a month, I think you'll find it relieving. Your husband will appreciate it too and as long as it can be a regular routine, your son can find it an adventure and maybe make some new friends. I went through a divorce because I was overly dedicated to my household and work. Do not fall for the guilt!!! You work very hard and should be rewarded beyond money. As far as a regular basis, have the little ones help pick up as much as possible and don't be afraid to let the cleaning go for one day a week to indulge your hobbies. Peace, S.

Hi Elizabeth,
wow, I see why you are having a hard time finding time for your self, you are working hard! Fifty hours a week, wow, that is not easy! Here are some ideas: Hire a housekeeper, if you have the day care you can write this off, that will give you some time, : get up early in the morning, even a half hour of quiet time for your self is good! How many kids do you have in your day care? Could you transport them to the gym? You could put them in the day care and work out for an hour or two. Maybe try and join a play group, you can be with other mom's and the kids can play. It is ok too to have boundaries for bed time, get dinner going early since you are home and eat early as well, have your son in bed by 7, that will give you some time in the evening.
Just remember, as mom you are the heart and soul of the family, the kids will follow your lead on moods and attitude, so it is so good for them for you to re charge your batteries. My number one goal in life is to create a peaceful home for my kids to grow and thrive in, also for myself and my husband to enjoy, so I alway's ask myself this question when I do anything weather it is buying something, participating in an activity, or doing something for myself, will this help me with that goal?
Have you heard of Club for kids? It is drop in day care, it is expensive but since you are working so hard all week maybe you could take your son there on the weekends and go to a movie or even just the library for a few hours for some quiet time to your self! Or maybe a date for you and your husband, he needs your attention too! Good luck!

You don't. I know I get tired of people telling me: enjoy the kids now, don't wory about all those other things. alas, I am not just a mom. For work out, my good friend has scheduled every Tuesday eening at 6 pm (she goes toa class) and every Saturday afternoon while kids nap as workout time. i work out on Fridays when I only have one kid...but you are working full time. so ge out the Kds Bop CD and have reces (inside on cold days) and you dance with the kids. If you could get 30 minutes in while maybe smaller ones nap in the am. also, get yoga Kids by Giaim. It takes a bit to get used to it and teach the kids, but once done, you can do more complicated yoga moves while they are doing the video. So be a creative PE teacher for 30 to 45 minutes each morning.

I personally am an artist, don't have a day care, but still have a hard time getting creation time in each day. I work all hours of the night which you can not do. Now mine don;t nap, I tell them thay have to play quietly for one hour together or they wil be in their beds sleping by themselves. That works well. It is only an hour. so maybe after the kids leave for the day, your son has to play by himself wuietly for one hour. Put on the timer. What you getd one, you get done. start witht he shared potty room, the day care room, and then schedule one househod task like mopping Mondays, Dusting Tuesdays, windows Wendsdays. and so on. then schedule tie on the weekend..limited to two hours, maybe while naps in afternoon for you to complete the rest of the house like laundry, bed sheets, maintence. Only do what can be done in that time and your hubby helps or watches your son.

then on sunday, schedlue that two hours as couple time. (also schedule S_X for that evening as you should be the most relaxed...I know this is hard but worth it, just lock that door.)

and lastly, join a moms club or other and go out with girl friends once a month. I have two: MOMS Club of Longmont West and Groovy Gals. I created the second with all my riends and they each brought in one friend and now we are 12 and play BUNKO. So I make space for it every two weeks to go out of the house and chill out with gals...and gripe about not getting time to myself.

Lastly, say: this too will pass. I know I hate hearing it too, but it will...one day your kid wil be in school all day and you will be dying to see him. to sum up: create small segmants to accomplish, write it down in a checklist form, plan for a "catch up it" each week in case you ouldn't get it all done, get hubby to comit to scheduled babysitting time for youson and/or to help out, and schedule time to rela by yourself and toghether. Be religious about your schedule for a bit and then it becomes habit and easy.

Oh, and get rid of stuff. Kids really don't need a ton of toys, just good standards like blocks. Make a lot of crafts and do PE time. and get rid of as many horizontal surfaces as you can. I have one side table in each on my room..and that is all i hae to dust...how awesome! It takes no time and my house is stll really nicely decorated.

it is difficult... I have a nearly 2 y.o. daughter and one of the way in June. I work 30+ hrs a week. In between all that my husband and I try to spend as much time with our daughter as possible. I totally love my family, but some times I need a little "re-charge" time. I'd like to work out more too, but seem to never find the time (or am too pooped by the time my daughter is in bed). but what I generally try to do is catch the time when I can. Also, including my daughter as much as possible.. like walking, trips to the park.. etc. and honestly, it kind of requires you to re-define "me" time... every other saturday I have a regular chiropractic appointment... The adjustment only takes 20 mins, but part of that is laying with a heat pack on the table for ten mins... I usually hit starbucks afterwards and just sit quietly and have a hot cup of tea by myself. I'm usually not gone more than an hour, but it is enough to just have that time to myself. Even a nice long shower can be rejuvenating, it just takes the mindful awareness to relax and enjoy the time to yourself. i find in general, trying to stay in the moment helps (with my family time too... e.g. that is more enjoyable when I am focused on that and not other things).

can I also suggest you establish a "nap" or quiet time for all the kids you take care of? if you had an hour or two in the middle of the day, you could take care of some house-keeping and/or exercise.

lastly... I clean as much as I can throughout the week, but I try to limit those chores to say an hour a day (laundry doesn't count... that is easy to fold while watching t.v., etc... plus you can get the kids to help you with that... it just takes longer). you kind of have to let go of the idea that the whole house will be clean at the same time.

I know where you are coming from, but I would trim the fat.
I used to work every day...now I don't. It's the best choice! I work three days a week now, instead of 4 or 5 or sometimes 6. I realized I had no time to make for myself because... ***there was no time left!*** I had sold my time, then wondered where it went. Life is too short to always be chasing the next big thing. It's all about simple contentments right here. I dunno, It's all I could think to say. I would if I were in your shoes, look at my life where it is and ask myself if I want to chase rainbows. I'm not saying don't do what you love or try to fulfill yourself or don't try to make your self a little wealthier, I would say trim the fat. I would work less, get a smaller house or whatever, or sell a car... Or pay off my debt really fast, and not live as a slave to my means, or to luxuries I thought I needed when i didn't. I don't know what you need. But I bet you do. It's all I could think of! luck to you!