How Do I Tell My Husband - Arnold,MO

That's what is so hard about when one person in a couple is serious about getting in shape the the other isn't mentally ready to start making a commitment to being healthy. He has to decide on his own when he wants to lose the weight. I think if you just keep leading by example, eventually he may get motivated seeing how great you look and feel. And you can take over making healthy meals and not bringing high calorie food home.

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Option A) Talk to him about it and leave it up to him

Option B) Become a pesticating nuisance, nag, ego killer

Option C) Find fun stuff he DOES like to do that's active

(I DESPISE the gym, and in general won't go, period. But I snowboard, sail, row, ride horses, surf, hike, etc. But if I don't like it... like the gym, or biking, it's just not going to happen.)

Option D) Change the food that's in your house

(Doesn't help if it's fast food for lunch every day)

Option E) Doctor. "Hon, all this weight you've been gaining, do you think it's because something's wrong? I think you should see a doctor."

Here are a couple of things that work for our family:

One, I do most of the cooking, so I ask that we buy healthier food. I've made small replacements (as in, instead of having gnocchi once a week, how about every other week and a nice quinoa pilaf instead). I also make sure that he's got time to go running/exercise on both Saturday and Sunday.

Once the weather gets nice, we often do a family walk right after dinner. This is relaxing and just gives us a little boost.

I don't think you can come right out and say "honey, I've changed my mind, it would be great if you lose some weight". Instead, I'd focus on feeling good, healthy eating and planning more outside activities as the weather improves. Or you could offer a gym/lunch date idea as a time for you two to connect.

You don't.

The thing is, fat people know they are fat and don't need to be told. If he's okay with it, then you have to be too. He may not be okay with it for long, or he might. THere's no telling really, but it's his thing and not yours and although I totally get your concern of wanting him to be healthy so he lives longer and models good choices for the kids, telling him he's fat is only going to make him feel worse and probably less motivated to work on it.

I do agree with making healthier dinners and trying to make family walks happen during the week, etc., but he's going to have to come to the conclusions all on his own. You can be there to offer guidance and assistance but in my opinion if you tell him that you want him to work out and that you don't want him getting heavier it will turn into an argument.

The first thing you could do is "forget" to buy some of his favorite snack foods.

You could also start making healthier, less fattening foods for meals.

And rather than ask him to go to the gym, which to me is work, you could try to get him in the habit of taking a brisk walk with you and the kids each evening. Walking is a wonderful workout but it doesn't seem like work.

Good luck!

I flat out told my husband, "I love you, but you are looking a little pudgier than usual. I worry about your health."

Which I then said, "But who am I kidding, I'm getting a second chin myself!" I worry about him b/c his family has a history of heart disease and we always told each other we would be upfront and honest about trying to keep ourselves and each other healthy.

We watch a few netflix food documentaries together for motivation and education, I recommend, Supersize Me, Fat Sick and Nearly Dead, Food Matters and Forks vs Knives.

So, we joined a gym and have been working on eating healthier... we both look and feel better, and no one gets offended if we need to give each other a little bit of motivation. WE do notice when we start to get back into old habits... it's very easy to tell when the fat sneaks up on us. It;'s called "creeping obesity" for a reason. You have to nip it in the bud when it starts, otherwise you will be 50 lbs overweight in a matter of years.

I am in a similar situation with my hunny... he needs to lose 20 lbs. He has been half heartedly "trying" for about 6 months on and off but with no success or to drop like 3lbs and regain it back in a weekends time. I am a frugal biotch and in charge of the money in the house and he would spend the world away if I let him... So, he has been complaining that he wants a new computer... an iMac with a $1300 price tag. We already have iphones and ipads and plus I am fine with our slower than molasses Dell PC so of course I was like HELL NO. Yes he could just go buy it anyway but then he would feel the wrath of the evil penny pinching wife for days if not weeks. Buuuut... then I got an idea to use it as a weight loss incentive. I told him that if he can lose weight to get into the healthy range and stay there for one month then he can go buy his expensive a$$ computer and I won't say one word. In fact I will buy it for him and slap a bow on top. Lo and behold he has been actually trying and even though he has had a few slip up days he is down about 6 pounds in the last couple of weeks. The other night when he was on the PC and it was being especially finicky he put on his shoes and went for a run. :) So, maybe come up with an incentive for your hubby so that he has more motivation than "you'll be healthier." Because lets face it, if that was enough for most people we would all be at the gym every day and eating quinoa instead of Jack in the Box.

Since you both acknowledged the weight gain isn't your question then really an issue of you being turned off by it? Don't think you can address this without really stepping on feelings. I think you will need to just continue to work on you and hope he follows suit.

I looked at your profile so I know you know this but...

Instead of talking about his weight gain talk to him about his health. If he continues to be sendendary he is risking hearit disease and other complications as he ages. he won't be as able to keep up with the kids or be able to keep up with you in a few years if this trend continues.

Oh I know exactly how you feel! My husband and I went on a sort of diet late last summer and we both probably lost around 17 pounds. We were both not overweight, but he had the unattractive beer belly and my clothes had become tighter than I wanted them to be. I've kept it off but he's gained a few or more back.
I've told him gently that 'we' should get back to 'our' healthy diet so he won't feel so bad as if I just said him. Now he has gotten back on board which I'm glad about but it took a few gentle conversations about how 'we' need to stay on track.
Also if you do the grocery shopping for the home you can sure try to buy healthy and low fat stuff and serve it for dinner also. Those things have worked for me, good luck;)

This can turn into a huge issue. It was one of the several things that led to my divorce. My ex gained about 50 lbs, and wouldn't change his eating/drinking habits or exercise. I exercise almost every day and weigh within 5 lbs of when I met him 28 years ago.

Here's something I've learned recently - "Knowledge does not change behavior". He knows how much he weighs, he knows that overweight leads to health issues, he knows that eating healthier and exercising could help. To lose/maintain his weight, he needs to make changes to his behaviors. Behavioral change can only happen through making small changes to his day-to-day life. But, you can't make him change anything...

I still fear that my ex may not live long enough to see our daughter graduate from high school. He is 58 and she is 10.

Print pictures of a shirtless Hugh Jackman and hang them *casually* in the inside of your closet or by a mirror...he'll get the hint...*-)

If you do the shopping and cooking, you can control what he eats, and perhaps the amount of beer he consumes.

Try not to nag, but invite him to meet up with you at the gym and go out for a lite meal/snack afterwards. Maybe have a little more sex (even though he's not a sexy) at this time.

Keep us posted.... Blessings.....

I'd make it fun and not about weight, make it about you

hey babe. "I need motivation to keep getting in shape can you compete with M., whoever loses X (or goes to the gym x amt) in X time gets (insert dirty or most wanted thing here). Inspire him. Get him on board for a fun yet dirty competition.
poosible rewards whoever achieves first (maybe pretend he won the first week if hes trying)
-you'll cook naked in heels
-you'll do x thing in bed
-you'll give massgaes
-slave for a day (he picks what he wants all day---sports games with you then xyz...sure)
-wil take over his chores
IDK ussually those types of prizes are worth more than J. results
and when he sees results he'll be more motivated

Really try to focus on the health aspect with him. Leave his looks out of it for the most part. Focus on how eating poorly and not exercising adversely affects EVERY part of our bodies and causes problems we don't even think about like constant infammation, digestive issues that lurk instead of really making themselves known, and of course the biggies -heart disease and cancer. Let him know you want him to be around a long time and that you want to have fun with him while he's around! Remind him if he wants to "enjoy himself" he better stay healthy or he won't be able to for very long.

Ask him if he wants colon cancer and a nice colostomy bag IF they catch it in time.

Ask him if he wants to have a heart attack and have issues with sexual function.

Ask him if he wants to have a stroke and possibly be paralyzed or unable to speak or work.

I would google and email articles to him about just how horrible processed foods, too much sugar, sodas and sugary juices are for you. I would closely monitor the cart and he would NOT buy non-diet sodas or juices on my watch (even the diet sodas aren't great for you, but could possibly help wean him). If he complains about being treated like a child, tell him when he treats his body like an adult -you will stop.

Find something active he enjoys -even if it's not hardcore exercise. Leisurely walking several miles a day, several times per week is FAR better than nothing at all. Same for bike riding, hiking, swimming -he doesn't have to go at it like he's an Olympian. He can start slow or stay slow, but he needs to get his blood moving.

You need to tell him ASAP! If you are making an effort to feel good and look good there is no reason why he can't put in the same work too! Communication is key! I'm sure if it was the other way around he would probably comment about it..or not, but in any case, it's clear you somewhat have an issue with it. So go ahead, voice your suggestion and opinion to him. He needs to get his butt to the gym too!

Take a photo of him.
See if he likes the way he looks, now.

Lots of great ideas here.
But he has to want to do it, too.
You can encourage him but don't nag.
For some, the more they get told to do it, the more they won't want to.

My husband is the same way.

I really dont care about his weight from an appearance aspect but I DO from a health perspective. People die in their 40's and 50's from heart attacks and other "I didnt eat right and exercise" type of problems." I dont want my children to lose their father while they are in elementary or middle school.

What has started getting his attention is his parents. They are both overweight and have poor eating habits and no concern at all about trying to eat healthy. In the past two years, they have had A LOT of health issues and been hospilized on and off. They cant do fun things with us like go to the zoo, or even to a playground because it is too much walking - these are things that most people their age, or older, who have kept in shape can do. Their quality of life is suffering greatly because they wont even attempt to exercise. Note: They are NOT grotesquely overweight - they are regular looking overweight and do not exercise.

Continue to bring healthy food into the house - make sure that half of the dinner plate is covered with vegatables. Continue to ask him to come to the gym with you - as a favor to you. Make a swap - you will take over his garbage duty if he will come to the gym with you.

If the opportunity arises, tell him how important it is to you that he is healthy and models a healthy lifestyle for the kids.

We go for evening walks - the whole family - and its a chance to talk and relax without a tv or cell phone to distract someone.

I also plan family activites on weekends that involve walking, swimming, hiking...

I also beg him not to buy soda or ice cream or other sweets because it messes ME up and he is really good about that.

It doesnt achieve the level of fitness that regular gym work outs would, but it does achieve the goal of keeping a healthy life style front and center.

I've been doing the One Day Diet. You are basically "on" one day and "off" the next. On your "off" days, you can eat pizza, soda, etc, just in modification. It helps you get your metabolism back during your "on" days so its easier to still lose on your "off" days. It also comes with chewable multi-vitamins and an appetite suppressant which are all natural. I will message you (and anyone else that wants it) the link so you can watch the video. I honestly don't think you can just tell him he's fat and you want him to lose weight, I think you need to show him something like the One Day Diet and say something like, "hey, I came across this and think you should check into it. I think we both should try to get back to where we were before and we can do it together". Good luck!

Well just tell him in a nice way that you would like for him to lose a little weight because its not health for him.