How Do I Get My 3 1/2 Year Old Boy to Potty Train?

As a mom with 3 boys, all three were 4 years old when potty trained. The hardest part is the social aspect of it. The "other" mothers of "perfectly" potty trained by 1 yr old...... you know who I'm talking about. Stay away from all the negative people and just hang in there!! It will happen. My boys are 22, 20 (air force), and 16. I'm proud to say they are pottying like big boys!!!

My boy is 21 now, but at age 26 months, we got a peanut can with a lid and we took it everywhere we went. It makes a loud noise when it hits the bottom of the can and you can put the lid back on it if you can't dispose of it right away. My nephew was 4 when he finally got trained, but his mother bought him Spiderman undies and he didn't want to get Spiderman wet. I hope one of these works for you.
~Mother of 4 and 1 grandson.

Try making it a game. cheerios as targets work great& continue working with him cosistency is important

Been there, done that! The day that my son turned 3 1/2, I said, "You're done with diapers. Here are underwear!" Don't be as abrupt as I was, but do get on with it. Give him a few days warning, and then refuse to diaper him during waking hours. You could say, "Starting after church on Sunday, you're going to wear underwear like a big boy." At his age, it took my son less than a week to be basically trained. Have him wear sweatpants to soak up leaks for the 1st few days. Ask friends to lend you some, if needed. BTW, keep rewarding him with small things (1 m&m each time worked for us). Hope this helps. I'm convinced that my son would now be the only 7-year-old in diapers if I'd let him "be ready."

Try to back off a little. Don't pressure him. My pediatrician told me that there are two things that should never be a battle with your children - eating and going potty - because the parent will never win. Just let him know that you will sure be proud of him when he decides to use the bathroom and leave it at that. Put him in underwear and pe prepared to clean up the mess. I'm pretty sure he won't start kindergarten in diapers :). Also...putting him in a pre-school program might help as some of the other kids will be trained. Use that peer pressure to your advantage while you can!

Hi B.!
I am also an adoptive and foster mommy. You are not the only one with an almost 4-year-old that is not potty trained. Especially when it comes to foster children, there are some things that take longer or must be approached in a creative way. I suggest that you stop trying until scool is out. That gives him a break from any discussion (unless he initiates it). Then try again....talk to him about why he doesn't want to go potty and address any myths or fears. Then ask him what he would like you to do to help him...remind him, go with him, cheer when he goes, prize for all day no accidents, or whatever he comes up with within reason. If he has any sensory issues, you need to address those as well....like the feel of the toilet seat or not wanting to sit where someone else has or fear of the sound of the toilet when flushing....or the water taking him away. Kids have some unusual perceptions of toileting and then many have sensory issues they cannot help. hope this helps. J.

Hi B. - I just wanted to first say what a wonderful lady you are. I am a single parent but feel it on my heart to become a foster parent to abused children in the near future. Good for you! My son AND daughter both did not potty train until they were four. I use to make jokes that they would be wearing pull-ups until K-5. They are both fine but are stubborn (and creative) as ever! Good luck :) E.

Hi B., I can only tell you my experience with my two boys and I can't promise you that it will work for you. But I worked full time and my sitter was not helping me with potty training, so when they turned 3, I said enough was enough. I took off a week of work and stayed home with them. I told them that they were big boys and needed to start wearing big boy pants and that we were going to throw away the diapers and the pull ups. (I did stick with the pull ups through the night for a good 6 more months). With a stack of sweat pants on hand and a stack of underpants on hand. That was all they could wear. As soon as they wet themselves, they felt it and was not happy. I would just take them and wash them up and change their pants and explain to them that we won't have to go through all that if they could go in the big toilet or their little toilet. I think the first day two days were the worse with many accidents and lots of baths. Then the day after that, we only had 2 accidents and then the next few days only 1 accident a day. Then by the time I had to return to work, we had no more accidents. Of course when they started to play, they would forget and occassional accidents happened, but I always had sweat pants and change of underpants on hand. I think the big thing is to be patient, and understanding and really explain to them what is happening. As for night time. I remember that I would wake up in the middle of the night and get them up to go to the bathroom. I also would not let them drink anything 1 hour before they went to bed. My boys are teenagers now, so it has been a long time ago, but I remember being impressed on how fast it took once I decided to let go of the diapers. Good Luck!

My oldest son was about 4 when he finally potty trained. He was very unconcerned. Then again, this was the boy that used his hair as a napkin. As I recall it was a Tarzan video that finally did it. He really wanted that video. We created a big "potty" chart. I put a picture of the prizes at the end of each goal. The first week all he had to do was sit on the potty. Fully dressed. At least one time every day. At the end of that week he got a packet of M&Ms. The second week, he had to sit on the potty with his pants off. The reward was an ice cream. We kept escalating. 3rd week pee in the potty and we went to the dollar store. I tried to keep low key and no pressure. If he just didn't want to, no big deal. But seeing that picture of the Tarzan video helped to motivate him. It was certainly a long process.
My second son was a bit easier. He enjoyed targeting Cheerios in the toilet. It also helped that he really wanted to be big like his brother.

My son is 3.5 and we just recently got him to pee on the potty. One night he and I had a talk about diapers, going on the potty and just growing up in general. He told me that he didn't want to grow up and he wanted to be a baby forever. I realized that his hesitance to go on the potty was purely emotional. He thought that he couldn't be "my baby" anymore if he went on the potty. After that discussion I told him that we were out of diapers and the store didn't have anymore. He's been wearing underwear during the day ever since.

On a side note, since he is so much bigger than other kids just learning to use the potty he stands up rather than sits to go pee. I figured I'd just side step that and let him stand. Sometimes we put a piece of cereal in the bowl for him to aim at.

Good luck!

It is not unusual to have a 4 year old that is not potty trained. My oldest boy finally mastered days at 5 and nights at 6 yrs old. My youngest was day and night dry at 4. And they both started to be interested around 2-3 yrs old, so it just took a long time! I think one of the traps we fell into though that made it take a little longer than it should have was letting our sons use pull-ups during the day. As long as they had a pair on, they were not as motivated because they knew there would be no messy accidents. We finally started telling them, "Next Monday you're going to start wearing underware." When the day arrived they were mentally ready and had only a few accidents before they caught the hang of it. Hopes this helps!

My suggestion as a Mother of two boys, 9 and 7. I had a hard time training my oldest Son, until I took a stool and placed it up to the toilet and allowed him to stand over and use it like the big boys(more like what he saw Dad doing)Boys are more difficult but if you challenge them it works.

All you need is some training pants (thick cotton underware from walmart) and the vinyl covers (also at walmart). When he peed he hated the wet feeling. I would make him stand in it for a few minutes while talking to him about not peeing in his pants b/c it was gross and felt yucky, he needed to use the potty so he did not get all wet. This only took about 3-4 days and the poop issue just took another couple to fix.

This may sound silly, but float Cheerios in the water in the toilet and make a game out of it. See if he can "shoot the cheerios".

My son was 4 before he was potty trainned. It is really frustrating. I was looking for a new day care/ preschool for him when he turned 3. I went home in tears sometimes because the schools did not have room for a 3 year old that was not potty trainned! I was convinced that they were crazy or I had a freak for a child. But my heart told me that my son was normal and on his own schedule (and stubborn). In the end I backed off and let him lead the way. I looked for opportunities to praise him, but not too much, when he showed signs of becoming aware of his body. And, truly, it seemed to happen very suddenly and over night. You have the hardest job of being patient. And ignore what everyone else is telling you. Believe in your son, he won't go to kindergarten with diapers on!

My step-son wasn't potty trained until he was 4 years old. It wasn't becuase he wasn't ready either...it was because his mommy didn't want to work at. Once his daddy (my husband) got his ex-wife to finally agree it was time, my step-son was trained in less than a week.
Tell your son you're gonna give him a break and don't mention it. Put away the potty chairs, etc. You might even tell him when he turns 4 that it will be time to learn. Then a few days to a week before you want to try again, explain it's time to start learning to potty.

My daughter (will be 4 April 1st), was ready at just after 2 to learn but after a couple month of working with the potty chair, she didn't want anything to do with it. It was summer so we didn't have a routine. So we put up the potty chairs. All summer though she would pull off her diaper or pull up when she was wet. I knew that when school was back in and she was at MDO, that we would try again. I prepped her for starting again. Once we started again, I would have her bottom naked when we were at home. She didn't like the potty going down her legs. It only took a couple weeks and she was trained. Sometimes the being naked works and sometimes it doesn't. It worked for us!

There are all kinds of things you can do...some will work and some won't. Don't panic.
Good luck!!!

Have you tried giving him an incentive, something that he wants to do that he will be able to if he becomes potty-trained? One of ours was much more motivated by seeing the others get to do somethng that he could not do because he wasn't potty trained. They hate missing out on what the others are doing. If you position it to him that it is his choice and he has to live with the consequences then he might decide to do it. I also had one of mine wear his soiled clothes so it was uncomfortable and that worked with him. Kind of gross but he knew it the rules and we were very calm and matter of fact about it so it was his choice to do it. Good luck ;)

hi there. for me, i also have a four year old son, and at at 3 1/2 it finally happened. i also read all the books and thought ok maybe if my husband tried to teach him, but no. then i found at the library children's books about boys potty training. and i would read it everyday to him, they had like tabs you could look under, cute. then what happened was he went to a new preschool in san antonio, and they have two bathrooms in the classroom with mini toilets. and i guess seeing the other children do the doo he caught on because with in a week there was no more pull-ups. also after maybe two months ago he refused to use them at night. we have to wake up once or twice at night to take him potty otherwise we have a mess. but still it is worth it. he has found an independence that he is proud of. so maybe showing him books made for children, also i think they have a cartoon dvd at the library on custer and country place..i hope maybe it helps a little. good luck!

My son turned three in December and have had the same issues. It is funny that he all of a sudden ( just yesterday) asked my father-in-law to put him on the potty and he made a few drops. This was the first sign of any interest in it at all and it just came about on his own. Don't be too frustrated. If my son can do it, I know yours can.

I am also and adopted mother and I am waiting for another child to come home soon. Adoption is such a blessing!

I'd first check with your pediatrian to make sure that there are no physical reasons. (i.e. underlying urinary system problems, etc.) If all is okay, then I would address the issue from the emotional growth side. It could be perhaps that this particular child realizes the attention he gets from you by NOT potty training- be it negative or positive as you have tried. I waited until my sons showed physical signs- like waking up dry- to start potty training (around 2 years old) then got the potty training chair just for them, made up a poster in the bathroom to put reward stickers on & had a basket of a few of their books for them to look at while seated to encourage them to let nature take it's course. This plan seemed to work for both my boys - they were totally trained just after their 2nd birthdays. Stay encouraging but let your boy know that it's time for him to take this milestone step. School's just around the corner. Good luck to both of you!

oh my goosh i went through that with my son and i tell you when he turned 4 i told him no more pull ups and so i put on his big boy underwears and i started sitting him on the toilet every 15 minuets and i did that for awhile along while boys are like that girls are easier to potty train but boys i thought he would neve potty train but i had to be consistent with him and it was in january and it was cold i turned every heater on and i kept him in underwears and i had to keep asking if he had to go to the restroom and i would sit him there and he would do it and when he did i made a big deal about so just be on him all the time and night i would put a pull up on him but during the day big boy underwear

Have you tried the target game? Drain your toilet bowl, dry a 'target' spot, paint a dot with your red fingernail polish and let him play 'hit the bullseye'! Maybe give a prize for hitting it... Good luck!

OK I have been having the same problem. I decided to seriously potty train during Spring Break. Tuesday he spent almost the whole day on the potty seat. I even moved it into the living room so he would be distracted enough to go. When he wanted to get up I put underwear on him. He peed in them the first few times. When he did that I made him sit back down on the potty seat. We put a diaper on him to sleep, which, of course he filled up, and in the morning he went right back into underwear. He had a couple of little accidents, like he would start peeing and then realize that he did need to go, we would run to the bathroom and he would finish. By Wednesday he spent all afternoon in the same underwear--he even pooped in the potty!!! Today he is back in underwear and telling me every time he needs to go. It takes A LOT of patience. But I can tell you it is soooo worth it. My mom also bought him a Peter Potty. It is a urinal that flushes. He LOVES it. So that might be a thought too.

Hope it works. Good luck and I know he will get it. Trust me!

A.

My son turned 4 last week and has never used the potty. So now you know a 4 year old who is not trained. I was worried, too until I asked for suggestions on this website and got tons of responses from other moms who were or had been in the same position, so your not alone. Until a month ago, my son refused to even sit on the potty. Now he sits on it for a few minutes once a day for a reward-2 jellybeans. We are slowly working toward potty training, but I'm not allowing myself to be in a hurry. We have to follow my son's lead. I have been assured by many people, including our ped., that he will eventually use the potty. So good luck to you and know your not alone!

B.,

The only way I got my son to potty train was to get rid of the pull ups entirely. I finally just took a week that I did not leave the house and put him in "big boy" underwear and never put another pull up or diaper on him. Within 3 days he had it and we had very rare accidents after that.

Hope that helps,
D.

My son will be 3 in a couple weeks and we are going thru the same thing. My other two kids were easy to train, but this one, not-so-much. He's not interested at all. He also urinates multiple times in an hour, so he still doesnt have bladder control yet. I tried just letting him run around the house diaperless but he'd be sitting on the tile floor playing and not even notice he's sitting in a puddle. So I dont think he's quite ready yet. My neighbor has a 3 year old son who is the same way. They will eventually come around. Its not something you can force. Just keep in mind, no one graduates kindergarten in a diaper. Just keep encouraging him.

This worked for my brother back when the dinosaurs roamed the earth. My mother bought him a new pair of cowboy boots. He was so proud. He wore his big boy underwear, shorts, shirt, socks and the boots, and sent him out to play. He was soooo busy. Then he tee-teed in the shorts, the urine ran down his leg and into the boots. He ran in the house, screaming tee-tee in boots. It cured him. Trained at three and a half. Good luck.

Have you tried the floating targets to throw in the potty for him to aim at? My son who is now 11 was hard to train to and I wish they had these back then--or I wish I would have thought of using fruit loops! You get them at Babies "r" US. Hope this helps a little ! Good Luck :) C.

It seems like he would want to copy his older sibs and use the potty like them. My first child was 3 1/2 before she was fully trained, and that was because she wanted to be like our six year old neighbor. What worked with my middle child is that I just kept her underwear/diaper off while we were at home, and I had her potty accessible in the playroom. Now my 3 year old son is pretty resistant to using the potty, and I'm not pressuring him. I haven't decided what steps to take with him yet. I will tell you what the Supernanny advised: tell him it's time to use the potty, and put him in underpants. Take a travel potty with you in the car, and try not to be away from home too long at first. Obviously, with this tactic, you'll be washing out a lot of poopy pants at first. I know it's exasperating, but he will get it eventually. My nephew was the same way, and he figured it out before he was 4. Good luck! PS: Our first child is adopted.

I potty trained my oldest child when he turned 3. Prior to that we had tried EVERYTHING - but finally we were sick of diapers and we had enough so we did the cold turkey method. We rid ourselves of all diapers and we told our son that he was a big boy and it was time to use the big boy potty. We had two TERRIBLE days of accidents. And then, like magic, he was potty trained. We did not use ANY diapers, pull ups, etc. We bought the thicker lined training pants and called it a day. You MUST dedicate your time to it and never look back though. Good luck - I remember those days!

make it fun for him and tell how big he is for trying!do not make a big deal out of it will happen when its time and it always helps to have someone other than the parents try!

Try using cheerios. Let him aim at the cheerio like a game, he will feel like he accomplished something, that is how we taught our son. Good Luck.

Someone mentioned it briefly, but I'll second the nude method of potty training. Just devote a couple of days of sitting around the house with the child naked from the waist down. It really makes the moment of "uh-oh" a bigger deal for the child and they put two and two together. I did this method with my daughter when she was 2 and it a was a one-day experience.

we tried so much with mine iot would take a very long time to type it all and you have probably tried half of it already! jsut call me and i can tell you the dozzen things we tried. ###-###-####

R.

Like many of the other moms who responded, we had some luck with Cheerios as targets (I actually still toss a few in the toilet sometimes when one of my 4-year-olds is being stubborn!). One of my sons was hightly motivated by the stickers on a chart -- when he reached a goal of 5 stickers (or whatever the goal was that week...1 sticker for peeing in the potty, 2 for pooping) he was awarded a Hot Wheel. He was crazy about little cars, and he potty trained pretty fast once we hit on that.

But before we even started, we got Thomas underwear (he loves trains too) and so there were all kinds of factors working!

Of course my other son (they are twins) wasn't motivated by anything and just had to decide to do it. When he made up his mind to do it, he was successful. Everyone has his own speed.

Good luck--I know it's frustrating!

Has Dad gotten into the potty training or is it just you? Sometimes Dads showing the boys how it's done helps.

Bless your heart. One of my 3 grandsons who is now 4, wouldn't go on the toilet at all. My daughter was at her witts end. We fortunately live in the country & I got him to go out on the back porch & aim into a bucket, He loved it. After several days of going outside, Then we put Fruitloops inside the toilet & each time he sunk one he got an M&M. lol.It worked for the 3yr. old as well but he still sits backwards on the toilet to do number 2. I have another one coming up that's 1 & I will try this on him too. Good luck.

I have 3 boys and they all trained differently. Peer pressure as suggested will help. There are several good behaviors, my boys would do at "school" they would not do at home. My middle one we were concerned about because he has CP the doctor told us they don't even test for any problems until the child is 5yrs old. So he is just taking his time.
Good Luck

I have three boys and when my oldest one was two he did not want to potty train so someone told me to put cheerios in the toilet and tell him to aim for them. It was quite funny but it did work. You might want to see if it would work with you son. However, I was also told when they are ready then they will go. My son also had a speech problem, I don't know if that was part of the reason, but once he started talking/signing then it was easier to potty train him.

Everytime I went to potty, I took my daughter with me. At first we just held hands and talked or sang. After a few weeks, she would sit on her potty and talk or sing. A few weeks after that, she did it on her own (including taking off her diaper). We also discovered that pull-ups were not the thing to do for us. She thoguth it was a "big girl diaper".

When I taught the two-year old class at day care, we sprinkled cheerios in the potty for the boys to aim toward. THis really motivated them to hit the toilet and to at least try.

Watch out for him wanting to fish out the Cheerios and eat them, though! ha

You might try letting him "tee-tee with Daddy" or a big brother. It could be that he need to see an example of how it works! Best of luck!