How Do I Get My 2 Year Old Involved?

Definitely get and read the book Siblings Without Rivalry. It will help you understand and effectively deal with her normal, but distressing feelings about a new baby. In the mean time give her a healthier outlet for her feelings. Let her draw her feelings (maybe some angry circles or scribbles). Verbalize her feelings for her (e.g. You're upset and scared that I won't spend as much time with you after the baby is born.) Validate her feelings and show her an acceptable way to express them.

Give her power. Has she seen photos to know that there is a baby inside you? Let her know that you must care for the baby now already. Ask her if she thinks you should eat now. Then ask her if you should eat the carrots first or the roll. Ask her if she thinks you should drink some water now, etc. When the baby comes, include her in all decisions for the baby. Should we put this shirt on or this one? Do you think he needs his diaper changed? Do you think he needs to be held? If someone wants to hold the baby, have the person ask your daughter if it's okay. My daughter was almost 2 when my son was born. She is our strong-willed child and needs power. She was thrilled that it was "her" baby. There was no sibling rivalry.

Unfortunately, there is not much you can do to prepare her for her little world to be rocked to the core. THere are big sibling camps at the hospitals and such, but there is no prep for the emotions that she is going to feel.

2 is a hard age for understanding. You should never allow her to hit you in the belly (or anywhere for that matter). Do not let that one slide. She is allowed to be angry, but she is not allowed to take that anger out on a person or property. I would pretend cry when my youngest would hit me from anger. Then he would cry and we would discuss how that felt to hurt someone. He still has issues with that at 5.

You could get her a baby doll and try to show her the things you will be doing with the baby- feeding, cuddling, changing diapers.

Good Luck!

Her behavior is pretty normal. She is 2 and does not have all of the words for what she is feeling. She would be having melt downs about things even without a baby coming, this is just making it bigger.

First of all NO hitting allowed, ever. Hitting is a time out offense. She needs to be told very firmly and directly into he face "NO Hitting ever!" then 2 minutes in a time out chair. Do this every time.

If she needs to hit, or you can see a hit coming, let her know, "you can hit your pillow." Or purchase one of those clown punching bags and tell her to "punch her clown"..

The tantrums (crying for hours) need to be addressed by you acknowledging her. "I can tell you are angry, tied, frustrated, hungry (just pick one)." "Go to your room till you feel better." "When you stop crying, come and get a hug from me." Or " When you stop crying come and give me a hug."

Then walk away. Ignore her. Purchase ear plugs if you need. Some kids will even bang their heads on the floor or walls (they will not hurt themselves) just step over your child and continue on with what you are doing. They are looking for an audience. Ignore them and they will realize it is not working. If you are out in public, pick her us and leave. It only took us one time with our daughter. I never said a word till she stopped and all I said was "To bad we could not finish shopping."

If you need to go to your own room and close the door or go into the bathroom and lock the door do it.

Try to recognize when a fit is about to occur and say,
I can see you are not happy about no cookies right now." How about a few gold fish instead?" "You look frustrated with that book. We are soft and gentle with books."

If your daughter has a baby doll, start playing dolls with her. Feeding her baby, burp her baby, changing her baby. bathing her baby, loving the baby. This will give her an idea of what will be going on..

Here is a list of picture books about the new baby.
http://librarybooklists.org/fiction/children/jpicture.htm...

This is very hard for a 2yr. old to grasp. Try some books at the library--there are tons about having a new baby in the family. She is too young to trust to be good to a baby, so be aware. As for the tantrums to get her way, it's obviously been working for her up until recently, and she's still learning. Don't give in--that's what rewards the tantrum. She'll figure it out. You're going to have your hands full, so try to spend extra time with her when the new baby comes. Good luck.

Hi V.,

I bet you are feeling pretty stressed right now. I'll try to keep it brief but here are my suggestions.

1. Buy or check out the "Hand are Not for Hitting" and "Feet are Not for Kicking" books. They are board books for children and absolutely fantastic!

2. MAKE her a book. Use her pictures and her name and describe what is happening. You can do a google search to get started "making books for toddlers"

This is all totally an age thing too so maybe it's best that she's going through this now vs in 2 months!!

Congratulations!

Best,
T.

If she hits your stomach, remove her from the room or area and tell her that you do not hit. Make sure to nip that in the bud.

As far as her tantrums and crying, she is 2 so that is common (I have a 2.5 year old who still does this). What I find to be helpful is giving options - you can do this or that....if she doesn't want to do either, then she does nothing. For example, she can watch a cartoon or color before bed. Or she can do neither and go to bed. Put her in timeout if she doesn't follow directions for a minute or two or until she's 'ready to listen'. This works with my daughter, mostly, and when she won't stay in timeout I put her in her room. If she comes out, I walk her back and explain she can come out as soon as she is done crying or not listening. Often she's back within a few minutes and is 'ready to listen.'

Express to her that you understand what it's like in her situation - "I understand you are feeling upset but it's not okay to hit." "I know you are mad because X can't happen now but let's plan to do it later!" If it's time to leave and go somewhere (home, daycare, etc) and she doesn't want to, see if she will race you to the door or to the car. See if she can get into her seat before you count to 10. I have found that diversion works well a lot as does just being silly. If she's throwing a fit and/or crying, call her by a different name or ask her to do something silly "Are you ready to have a snack of pots and pans?" She'll probably be so interested in telling you that you are NOT right that she'll forget what she was upset about.

Explain to her that it's okay to cry and be mad, but that she has to do it in her room, away from you. Often at this age, they just want the attention and if there is no one to watch her cry, she'll stop. Or you leave the room and let her cry.

Make sure to give her plenty of time to transition things - in ten minutes, we'll be leaving the park. After this show, it's time for a bath. We're having dinner in 5 minutes, etc.

Enlist her help with the baby stuff. Ask her to help you wash the clothes or fold and put them away. Look at all the baby stuff and talk about how big of a girl she is because she doesn't need those things any longer (bassinet, binky, swing, etc). Rant and rave about things she CAN have because she is not a baby (pudding, cartoons, reading books by herself, stickers, etc).

Don't worry about teaching her that it's not all about her anymore becuase in her world, even with siblings, it's still all about her. She may continue this attitude even after the baby gets here but rest assured it will get better. I thought for sure we had tramatized our daughter for good whne she turned 2 and we brought her baby brother home. But about a week after he was home, we were settled into a routine and she's been in love with him ever since.

Good luck, enjoy your last two months with just one baby. Make sure to take lots of time to spend with her - read to her so you can rest, take a bath (if you want) with her and let her wash your belly, take her to the park and let her play, etc.

Give her a baby to play with one that is about the same size as a new born, Have her help to dress it, feed it and play with it. lots of kiss's and hugs. When the baby does come, be sure and get her involved right away, she can with your help hold and feed the baby, even if you nurse you can pump enough that she can help. Get your husband to also help by feeding, he can do this while you shower, get dinner etc. Be sure and take lots of pictures with both in it and show them off while your daughter is around. All this will get her to understand that she is needed and loved the same as the new baby. Good luck.

Hello V.,

Don't be afraid that this is a problem to be concerned about. It just may be that your 2 year old is not responding your pregnancy. Remember, most 2 year olds don't always listen, it's has something to do with their developmental stage. Just talk to your 2 year old, read baby books to her and comfort her. Do not let her think that she is over bearing you. Also, the crying, step away and don't stress over the noise. Try ignoring the crying, sometimes the little ones may see that you don't care and will stop themselves.

Pay attention to the behaviors and if you see something out of the ordinary, then say something.

I like the No-Cry Discipline Solution for parenting/discipline tips, and Siblings without rivalry is a great book with tips to improve sibling cooperation. Your local library is sure to have a section of parenting books, and I'm sure the children's librarian could help you pick out some books that talk about arrival of a new sibling.

I love the response about getting your 2 year old involved, and asking her what you should eat for the baby and dress the baby. That is a wonderful idea !! I'm glad you asked this question, as our son is almost two and we are going to start trying soon, and I was wondering about this.

Hope all goes well.

L.

Here are some great suggestions by Kyle D. Pruett, M.D with more info in the link to his complete article:
http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2010/01/24/...

Nothing unsettles the lives of children quite like the birth of a sibling: special event for parents = profound disruption of familial bliss for children.  Some children take it in stride, but the majority may not. Having a sibling forces children to share the wealth in an important and healthy adaptation to living in the real world.

My first idea would be to enlist the help of friends/family members, or a baby-sitter to take your daughter and let her experience life under different circumstances than in your home with you. Ask pediatrician for advice if necessary. 2-year-olds do go through a phase but can be helped to learn self control and how to "share" etc with love and gentle guidance. Since the safety of your unborn is at stake - please get some help.