2 1/2 Year Old Boy

get these books..totally worked on my son..read them every day..
"Hands are not For Hitting" "I Can Share" and "Mouths Are Not For Biting" ..i read those to my little one and when he would try to hit etc..i would quote the book..and it worked..and my son is a little wild man

Ah, the "terrible" twos, as people say. It's not "terrible", it's just learning about boundaries.

The key is CONSTANT supervision and showing him/her what's acceptable. They aren't at an age where they can make their own decisions. Parents make the mistake thinking their children are capable of making appropriate decisions.

As a former teacher, the most 'out of control' kids had no boundaries and/or their parents wanted to be "nice" or their "friend". All wrong. I was a very discipline-oriented teacher and those "tough" kids thrived.
My second child is a challenge, but she's coming around to my (and my husband's) constant supervision and guidance.

It's exhausting and frustrating, at times, but it totally pays off in the long-run.

Good luck

Hi K.

Interestingly enough it is at about 2 1/2 that a boy gets a surge in his testosterone levels.... one of many. And it can be a difficult transition for all involved! My little boy went through exactly the same thing.... he went from a cute little bundle of love to having aggressive tendencies that seemed to come out of the blue. Remember.... it is hard for him too and he is probably a bit freaked out about his sudden feelings of anger himself. This is what we did and it seemed to work.

1. Be TOTALLY consistent in the time outs. It is important that the connection is made between unacceptable behaviour and bad things (punishment) happening.

2. Up the level of his exercise. It is at this stage in a little boys life that outlets for his excess energy becomes vital. Bike rides - mini trampolines - long walks all go a long way to helping release that pent up aggression.

3. Start teaching boundaries. It is now that fathers or significant male figures become all important. I know you said your husband doesn't play rough with him - get him to start! Get his dad to start play fighting/ wrestling/ tickling him. So that he begins to learn how to be physical in a male way and yet still have boundaries of what is and is not acceptable. This helped hugely!

4. And for me this is key. Keep explaining OVER AND OVER how it is OK to get angry. Everybody gets angry and frustrated. It is what you chose to do with that anger that is important. It is ok to get angry. It is not ok to hit. I bought my little one a bozo the clown blow up "punching" thing that he can hit when he wants and it just keeps standing back up again. All too often I think we make little boys (and men) afraid of their own anger - making them feel bad for having it - whereas we all feel it, and that has to be ok. Knowing that he is not bad for feeling angry or frustrated is really important. Teaching him what he can do when he gets angry... punching a pillow - a knock down toy - beating a drum, and what he can't do - hit - scream - kick - bite, gives him choices and helps him move forward to a place where he can understand what is happening himself.

There is a fantastic book called RAISING BOYS by Steve Biddulph which I recommend to anyone with a son. It has helped us understand our little boy and what he is going through a great deal.

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Boys-Different-Become-Well-...

I hope this helps. I wish you all the best of luck!

oh my goodness...i went thru the same thing only my son hit me coz he had no siblings : )
i honestly wish i could tell you what to do. my only advice is to try to give him words (coz that's why he hits probably).
i'm a firm believer in giving positives and trying to ignore negatives, but in this case...it's soooo hard, i know.
this is mostly just to give you hugs and sympathies. it will stop, i promise...and then it will be something even worse that you don't expect ; ) hehehe...no, seriously, i wish you luck!!!!

Ditto Deanna Leigh & Jennifer.

Also, boys are more physical... thus they lash out.
I think it is so beneficial and imperative, that we 'teach' boys how to communicate and express emotions & that it is okay. Otherwise, you will have a pent up 3 year old, 4 year old, 5 year old etc., and then a pent up teen.

For me, and putting myself in a child's mind... I remember lashing out when I was yes, angry/frustrated AND when I felt NO ONE understood me or just kept flipping me off, brushing me aside. Or when I had problems and was told just to be quiet etc. THIS I feel, makes a kid feel even worse...

It will take time, but you have to teach him "COPING SKILLS" because at this age, they don't have any, and lashing out is their way to 'cope'. They don't know how to do it in an "adult" manner. A stressed/frustrated child, lashes out.
Partly developmental, and partly it is their feelings... so help him to 'vent' in a more age-appropriate way.... in the long run, as he gets older, he will get better at it, and will be more articulate with his feelings and coping skills. That is what I do with my kids, and it really helps.
Think long term... because right now, their ability versus their learning curve, is not in sync. In their minds, they want to do something, but emotionally/mentally, they may not be able to do it yet.

Also, IF he is the eldest sibling... sometimes the eldest child feels a LOT of stress and pressure... in having to be "perfect" and that everything they do is wrong. Try and teach him that siblings are 'friends' and a TEAM... instead of antagonistic rivalry. Give him lots of praise (not saying you don't)... encourage him to "help Mommy" kind of thing.

Try also doing a google search on "sibling rivalry" or "how to help children adjust to siblings" etc.

My sister and I just did not get along as children... my sister was very antagonistic.... she was the eldest and always felt 'jealous' and like I took up her attention. I did not learn this until we were adults and she told me this. My parents had to work with her a LOT, on how to cope. It was not pleasant for me, being the youngest... and being at the end of her frustrations. Thus, siblings have to "learn" how to get along... it's not just an instinct.

All the best,
Susan

SOOOOO NORMAL, unfortunately. I find that my son (2 1/2)needs a whole lot of excercise and fresh air to keep his behavior in check. And food! The food part can be tricky these days since he doesn't seem to be in one of his ravenous, growth spells, so I have to make sure he eats even when he's not interested. I find that things like peanuts and peanut-butter filled pretzels are good protein snacks.
If you know he's going to run, hold hands. Again, sooo normal! This is a challenging age. Good luck & try to stay calm. :)

I don't know your son, but I used to do the same thing. I was a very angry lil girl so you might wanna check and see if you can figure out if he's angry about something. As far as the gym goes, hold his hand from the moment you pick him up to the point where you put him in the car.

K.,

While I believe punishing with physical reactions can in turn teach that reacting physically is okay or create an unhealthy sense of fear of that parent, I do agree that maybe your little boy is angry/frustrated/confused about something...most likely his own feelings.

At this age, my son is there too, toddlers are developing big time and emotions are a big part of that. But, if they don't know which emotion is which or how to handle it then, if often manifests itself in tantrums or what we think of as physical overreaction. Since my son was small we talked about his emotions, and named them. If he tantrumed because he wanted something I would explain he was frustrated, and then I would talk to him in a low voice and explain why it was okay to be frustrated but this was not the best way to help Mommy help him. Over the last year, we've gotten pretty good at it and now he can tell me most times when he's happy or mad...we're working with the others, but is a process.

You didn't mention how old his sister is and I'm assuming younger. There can be a lot of tension between siblings if each doesn't get individual Mommy and Daddy time, not that you have to leave one at home but find a way to sit down with your son and talk to him about hitting and pushing. Either with Mommy or Daddy, and have designated time when you spend time just with him. There are some great books, 'Hands are not for Hitting' that I got for my son when he first hit someone and it was for no reason. When it comes to hitting, I take my son's hands and hold them while explaining that behavior is not okay and ask him to apologize to whoever he hit.

Today, my son is very mellow and great about his reactions to his emotions...but, again this has come from repitition and time. Find what works and be consitent. There are some great books that Susan always recommends on here that you can find on Amazon that talk about each age/stage, it's called Your-3-Year old and I have read it and loved it!

Take time to sit with him and talk to him and see what comes of it...maybe you open up a dialogue about his behavior and emotions. Talking to toddlers is underrated in my book, and kids benefit so much from parents talking to them. Usually, I'll take my son to get ice cream and we'll talk about his day, the weather, sports and then I'll throw in some serious talk about stuff that has happened and we bond over it...it ends up being fun and silly.

Is he in preschool or have you thought about a structured Mommy and Me type class that would help him learn to be around others? This might give him some examples of how he should and shoudln't behave. My little dude is in preschool for two half days a week and loves it.

Good Luck! And, don't forget to have fun!

You have gotten lots of good advice. Once my kids started to walk, when we went outside, i put them in a harness with a six foot leash. A lot of people don't like this idea, but it saved my daughter's life once when she tried to follow a bunch of ducks into a pond at the park! It also kept my youngest boy from jumping in the street! So increase your boy's exercise(that is really true!) and put him on a leash. It will give him room to explore but keep him from harm. When I took my kids as toddlers to amusement parks, the leash was a lifesaver in crowds when they didn't want to be in the stroller. Yes, toddlers are kind of like puppies. Lovable, full of energy, ornery, and sometimes they need a time out.

I would say that your boy is very normal. I disagree with the person on here that said be aggressive in return when he is. Because that just teaches him that aggression/violence is okay. Never hit, pull his hair, or do anything that is aggressive towards him. Spend time with him 1 on 1. Just talking or playing. I think that will improve the situation. He is doing all this because he wants attention of some kind (positive or negative, it doesn't matter to him.)

Also, as far as the running away goes, this is still something I struggle with at times, and my son is older than yours. I would try telling him that you won't bring him places anymore if he runs off from you. Start teaching him about strangers, etc. Automatic time out and loss of toys for anytime he runs away.

Hi K.,
The most important thing to do is to be consistant. Do not continue to try different things. You have to stick to the one thing that he hates the most and stick to it.
As far as running from you, it is important that he learns the word STOP or FREEZE. Try a game with music, turn the music on and dance/move, then turn the music off and yell "freeze". Hopefully this will make it fun for him and he will learn the meaning of the word.
Plus, he should be holding your hand when you leave anywhere just to keep a hold on him. Try to make it a habit.
I can only imagine how hard it really is to have more then one child. My daughter is only 23 months, and her mini tantrums are hard enough to deal with. I usually ignore them. It takes about 10 minutes of her being completely ignored for her to calm down and realize it isn't working. After 15 minutes of this I will usually try to distract her if ignoring is not working.
You always have to follow through and never give in. That's the only way the child will ever know that you are serious about what you say.
Good luck to you!

My son used to hit others too. Try finding a different time when he is behaving, and speak to him calmly about hitting. Look at him lovingly in the eyes, and explain that hitting hurts. Then explain to him that if he hits there will be (insert consequence --make it the same one each time). After the punishement, give him the same talk again. Be sure he apologizes to his sister too. It will still take a while for him to stop. Be consistent. Having this little talk regularly will help him process the idea that hitting hurts.
About the running -- my daughter did this, and I played "red light, green light" or "stop and go" with her at home. Later, when we went out. Soon, she had no trouble walking with me.

At this age kids do not have enough language to communicate frustrations and challenges, so you have to give it to them to help them with words and to validate their emotions. As in, "You want to play with that right now, don't you? It is hard to wait for your turn!" I think you also have to model gentleness instead of returning his aggressive behaviors, or he will learn that being aggressive is how you solve problems. You can also say, "We do not hit people. If you are mad you can hit a pillow." That worked with my daughter. But definitely be a good role model and when you are angry or frustrated vocalize that to your boy and talk about how you plan on dealing with it, like, "I feel so mad because I burned the chicken! I think I need to go take a walk to feel better. (I think I'll go bounce the ball around outside. Wanna join me? I think I need a hug.") etc.

Good luck! You will do great!

Hi,
Two of my four kids were extra-persistent in their misbehavior (like what you're describing) during the years from 2-4. It just took a little extra time to solve. I always let my kids be kids, but there are limits. This is how I got them to mind the limits.

What I found worked was "zero tolerance' combined with teaching them what their options were. I started by telling them what the change in routine would be and made sure we'd discussed the *right* way to handle the situations they were misbehaving in. For instance, Words vs hitting. I gave them phrases and sentences they could use with me like, "Mommy, I'm mad (sad, lonely, bored, jealous)." In order to find understand those words, I helped them identify feelings: I'd ask where they felt differently than before- stomach, head, shaky hands, sweaty face, feeling hot or or goosebumpy... then I'd explain what those feelings were called. I also asked those questions when they were calm, happy, excited or sleepy, too-- that way they had a way to compare feelings. SIMULTANEOUSLY, I offered good ways to show those feelings. After that, we began.

No matter how inconvenient, public or time-consuming, I would immediately stop what I was doing, gently lead (or carry) my child to the corner while I explained that they had chosen to do "X" instead of the nicer "Y" and that they needed to stand in the corner for x amount of time (one minute per year of age). This is probably what you're doing, but I found that I couldn't let ANY violation slide. Not one. When we were out, if they started acting up, I'd just quietly mention where which 'corners' of the store, theater, park looked useful and how there was a nice place for Mommy to sit and wait nearby. Soon, I didn't even have to mention it.

After every time out, I'd ask them what choice they made that landed them in the corner. Then I'd ask what they could have done instead. If they didn't know, I'd help them figure it out. I was gentle, loving but firm. We always ended with a big cuddle and an apology to the person who'd been offended (in the beginning getting an apology can be a battle of its own, but don't let it slide). It was also a good way to teach forgiveness to my other kids.

Seriously, it was simple...but it was hard, too. The first day I spent more time hauling a screaming bundle of tantrum to the corner than I did anything else. Day Two started rough but ended easier--I think they figured I'd forget after a good night's sleep. But Day Three was always pretty easy. By then they were riding it out hoping it would pass. One child took it to Day Four or Five but she, too, finally figured it out. By Week Two, they were forming permanent habits.

But about every four months, they'd give it a go again--just don't let it gain momentum and you'll be fine. And so will they!

Hope this helps! :-)

K., I completely agree with Deanna Leigh M, and would like to add just a little bit to what she has already so eloquently written. I have an at-home preschool and when this type of behavior creeps up, after the child apologizes, I have him or her say: "I will not hit you/yell at you/take the blocks away from you again". This helps the child learn that he or she is responsible for his or her own actions. As they get older, we can teach our children that when they choose to hit someone, they can also choose NOT to hit someone. We also talk about the way the other child feels, allowing everyone to express their feelings. Keep it a pretty quick process, but repeat it every single time and the behavior will change. Remember to notice his good behavior, too - that goes a long way! Peace to you. B.

My son was the same way. He's now 10 and it seems like an eternity ago. We discovered that he was being agressive with other kids because he didn't have the words to express himself. So he would push a child as if to say "play with me". He hit kids that were doing things he didn't like for some reason, etc. We found that although it seemed like forever at the time, the phase went quickly. Through positive reinforcement (like everyone else has suggested here) as well as acknowledging to him that it's ok to be frustrated and explaining that words work better than fists, he will learn it's not ok and then it will just stop one day. And if you're lucky, you'll recognize it the day it happens and not years later :-).
Good luck - you're doing great and you'll make it through this. I promise!

Hi K.,

We have to look at several factors when dealing with 2 year olds. I have been working with preschool children for the past 15 years and have found that language at times can be frustrating if they dont yet have enough of it and that can cause the hitting. Another factor is is that boys are completely different than girls and are active and physical learners. Time outs may work for a while but can become inaffactive. He needs priviledges or toys to be taken away and when you do this make sure he knows you mean business, never go back on your word.Also reward him for all the good things throughout the day (positive reinforcement) this will get him wanting to do the right thing because of all the great little rewards(stickers etc...) Hope this helps!!

Thank you everyone for your great comments. My 2 year old son is such an
amazing kid. He has advanced verbal skills and he is very affectionate however he is extremely rough when he plays or gets excited..biting, headbutting, pushing, falling down on purpose and laughing. He is like a little viking! I really needed the advise. He is adopted and his sister is just five months older than him so because of his verbal fluency and her presence I think we expect more than he is able to achieve. I will be getting all the books recommended and am comforted by the wisdom shared!

Hi K.,
Sorry to hear that. Although I was on the same boat. At the time our two year old had all the attention. Then his brother came around and he did just the exact same thing. Our two year old ensure trying to hurt his little brother. He hated everything about the arrival of a new sibling. The attention got divided between the two and our older one was not in any acceptance of it. So we both had to do everything for them exactly the same. We included them in every event and time activities. Made them share with each other, etc. They grew so close that one gets worried if the other is not around. Maybe it's different with that fact that your son has a sister but the format might work regardless. It's also very common when it comes to separate sex in siblings. Girls get picked on or vise versa. But sooner or later, they will come around being close and best of friends. The main thing is giving them both the equal amount of attention...and let big brother know that he is suppose to protect his sister :).

what i do with my 2 year old may seem a little harsh for most parents but heres what i do.

when my daughter hits i firmly hit her back (not hard but just to shock her) and i ask her do you like it? she tells me no and then i tell her that she cant hit because its not nice and dont feel good.

i use the same policy for pinching and hair pulling. she has yet to bite and push.

i also send her to her room when she acts up. she sits on her bed until she stops crying. then i go and tell her what she did is wrong and why its wrong. then i have her say sorry for what she did.

when we are out an about places and i dont take a stoller i use a kid leash. then my 2 year old daughter cant run away or walk off. i dont care about peoples crappy comments about using one. in fact my daughter asks to wear it. hears is a puppy that looks like a backpack.

i know my method isnt for most moms but it works for us. youll get a lot of great advice so i hope you find one that works for you. good luck!