My daughter needs a major attitude adjustment. This is nothing new. She has been moody and "challenging" since age 5 or so. She speaks to us in such a disrespectful, condescending tone. She is very easily angered if you point this out to her or if you say anything at all that she doesn't want to hear. (No candy. No movie tonight.etc) She acts like the world, and everyone in it, owes her something. She screams and cries over the littlest things.
I have tried to speak with her calmly. I have tried various punishments (no TV, no playdates, etc). Nothing seems to matter enough to her to make her want to change.
As hard as it is to deal with her, my biggest fear is for her future. Right now she seems to be able to curb her attitude around others. I don't want this to become her way to deal with people on a regular basis.
Any suggestions would be appreciated.
In your shoes, I would mention this to her pediatrician. It may be that she has a reason to "need" a child psychologist/psychiatrist or maybe just a counselor. I know it's exhausting dealing with this!
(I have a friend who's son is easily angered and behaves a lot like you described (only worse) and he is in the care of a psychiatrist now and is doing better.)
I am feeling you on this subject. I have a 10 yo grandaughter whom I am working with on adjusting her attitude. I know some of the attitude issues that she has comes from the hatred that her mom shows toward my grandaughter's father. I also received a couple of emails from the teacher last year about her attitude. After numerous talks with my grandaughter and with the teacher along with telling her if she didn't put herself in check she would get a whipping, I had enough. As the bible says spare the rod spoil a child my only alternantive was to not spare the rod any longer. I reveived an email from the teacher about her attitude and it was time to pull out the belt. I had to let her know that her attitude issues were no longer accepted. We are still working on it but we don't have the issues flare up as often now. I would also suggest that if you do not attend a church find you one that you are comfortable in and get her in Sunday school (it helps). I am a 52yo grandmother, married with a 32 year old daughter, 15yo gradnson and another grandaughter 6yo.
I don't have any help. It sounds like you have my older daughter's twin. Å teenager since she was 2! We've tried everything too. I hope you get some answers. I need them.
-K.
Hi N.,
I noticed from an earlier post from you that you're jewish (you asked about centerpieces for your son's Bar Mitzvah). The reason I mention this is you might want to ask your rabbi for some advice. If she is going to Sunday school she may already have a comfort level with your synagogue and your rabbi can possibly speak with her. Just a thought.
Once I was at a class at the Chabad near by (I'm not that observant but the class sounded very interesting) and the rabbi from Marietta (can't remember his name) was the substitute teacher. He was incredible! At the time I was thinking "if I ever need marital or family advice I have to contact this rabbi."
Let me know if you need me to investigate to find out who he was.
Hope this helps,
L.
N.,
You're so right that if the attitude doesn't change she would diplay it in public. I don't have a daughter however I went through attitudes with my niece that got her in trouble in school. Her attitude went fron 10-12. I think it was puberty attitude. We took away priveleges. I read and prayed with her, had her seek forgiveness but mostly I prayed every moment I could. She is about to be 15 and I've enjoyed her presence for the past 2 years - she is a whole new creation. If you think your child's attitude is more than puberty than ask God to show you the root of the issue. The attitude might just be a symptom of something deeper. Be encouraged and claim the victory!
Dear N.,
I also have also have a 13 year old and an 11 year old. I was curious to know if your 13 y/o was a boy or girl. My oldest are all girls and i have heard that they can be more mentally and emotionally challenging than boys. All three of my girls have entirely different personalities...each unique, each a gift and each challenging in different ways.
I have to say so far I am happy with their attitudes over all. However, I am constantly challenging them as well. We all obviously are not perfect and when they are having a "moment" in need of correction, I ask them, "Is this who you want to be?" I highly recommend a book called, "The Ten Conversations You Must Have With Your Children" by Schmoley Boteach. I agree with most of it except for the last chapter and if you read the book you may guess why but overall it is well worth the read.
Also I believe that spousal support and discipline is key to raising a child to their full potential...to be in agreement with your spouse and be consistent. Another book I recommend is called "Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters" by Meg Meeker who is a pediatrician with years of experience.
I limit the television time to a minimum. In fact my girls really during the school year only have their Friday night movie night and this we watch as a family.
We don't have tvs or computers in our bedrooms and even my oldest doesn't have a cell phone.
When they talk disrespectfully to me I stop them and give them the correct way and words to speak to me. I am not always good at this but I find it self defeating to try to get into a long explanation. It is much better to be short and succinct and not get into long drawn out conversation or explain yourself...girls have a way of knowing how to draw out the drama.
I also read to my daughters...the 11 and 8 y/o books about real heros...saints and holy people that have gone before us. We talk about what we read ... the peoples' struggles and how they overcame them to be the best person they were capable of being. Our children need goals, real heros and aspirations of the person they eventually want to become.
Their actions, the stories the listen to and the choices they are making are all forming them into the person they will be tomorrow.
Good luck and God Bless!
