How Did It Go When the First Child Was a Handful and Then You Had Another Baby?

I'm going to guess if this child is a handful, he/she will be even more so after you have another. Sibling rivalry is a b**ch.

If you want another child, go for it. It won't be easy, but you will make it work.

An acquaintance I know, their 2nd child was a real handful. He said, if they had had that child first, he would not have wanted a 2nd child. Their 1st child, was easy.

But well, all kids are a handful sometimes.

For me, my 1st was harder as a baby. But easier as she got older.
My 2nd child, was always easy since infancy... but as he's gotten older, well he is VERY active. But he is still, an easy child.
But both my kids, have their moments, or their many moments.... and days in which they are TOTAL handfulls and not easy. At all.
Kids.

Each child/baby, is different.
It is personality.

I never regretted, having my 2 kids.
My kids are 4 years apart. Just so happens.
And it is a great, age spread.
My kids are best friends and 2 peas in a pod and very close. Even if they are different individuals.

Well first of all I got pregnant before I could seriously think it through. They are two years apart. Figured that way I couldn't change my mind when he hit the terrible twos.

Anyway, chaos is chaos, I can assure you one or two doesn't make a difference. At the end of the day you are tired. The other thing is they entertained each other. Yes, it was actually easier in the long run. Heck they ended up so good by the time the youngest was 8 we decided to have two more, go figure.

IT WAS CHAOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But we all survived ;) Now we are having our third, ANOTHER BOY, in November and couldn't be happier. The first few months were so hard, but it gets better. My second IS way more mellow than my first and it is so good for my first to have a sibling :) I wouldn't have it any other way. Good luck!

I can't say my first was a handful, but my second sure was! Extremely high-needs, colicky baby. When she was 4 months old, I "somehow" became pregnant with her sister, who also wound up being a high-needs, reflux-y, colicky baby.
It. Was. Hard. But we survived.

4 years later, I had the easiest baby in the entire world.
4 years after that, I had the most difficult baby of them all!!!!
And we've survived. Most days, we even LIKE our kids (as opposed to just loving them b/c they're ours ;-).)
In my house, kids are like a box of chocolates, iykwim.

For what it's worth, if I were to rank them in order of current handfulls, it would look nothing like their rankings as babies! My easiest baby is now one of my toughest "big kids". One of my high-needs babies is the easiest of all 5 today. They evolve.

My first was/is a handful. And if anything, that's the reason we decided to have another. I didn't want him growing up thinking that the world revolves around him. I felt that a sibling would provide him built-in companionship, teach him conflict resolution, and make us as parents expand our focus to something/someone other than him.

I don't know if it's the law of averages, or God knew that we couldn't handle more than one like our son, but our daughter has always been very easy-going. Super mellow, super sunny, always very pleasant. And she has been wonderful for our son. As I've mentioned in previous posts, seeing him as a big brother really has made up for a lot of the headache and heartache he has put us through. He is so affectionate and loving with her. It showed us another side of him, one that is so easy to love when other aspects of him have been more challenging.

All that being said, I know you said that your age makes it difficult for you to wait, but I really do think that the fact that our kids are 3.5 years apart makes a big difference. I've known a lot of other children who have been "easier" than my son not do nearly as well with the addition of sibling, and I think a lot of it is that they don't understand what's happening. My son was involved and invested in the baby as soon as he found out we were pregnant. He even named her (obviously we had veto power). And he is has always been old enough to at least be marginally helpful with her. One of the reasons I think she is so much easier for us than he was is because we have him to help.

Of course, another reason that she is easier is that we have been there, done that with our first, so we know what we really need to worry about and what we can let go. We definitely were a lot more relaxed with our second just because we were more experienced.

And obviously this is all very anecdotal, but I have to say that mine isn't the only instance of the first being a handful/the second being easy that I've known. I can really only think of one instance where both children are handfuls, and I think a lot of that is parent-led.

And honestly, if I have to have one easy and one difficult, it's a lot better to have your first be the hard one. The second one is a BREEZE in comparison. I've known parents who had it the other way around, and they were completely blindsided. Because even if your first is an easy child, s/he is still a child that requires care and attention. To have to deal with that one in addition to a new handful is something I'm glad I've never had to experience. The only benefit to having the first one easy is that at least you can point to that one and say, "See? It's not that we're bad parents." :)

Good luck to you, whatever you decide. But I can unequivocally say that I have never for a moment regretted having a second child. And I'm sure you won't either.

We have 3 kids and by far our oldest was the "handful". He was a great sleeper and napper which helped alot in keeping our sanity. He has really mellowed out as he gets older and older. (now 11)

We just knew we wanted 3 or 4 kids so we took them as they came and didn't think much about should we have another cuz the first was more of a handful. We just forged ahead...and took it one day at a time and were grateful for each baby. (We lost our fourth baby and we will not be "trying" again) I don't really know how much easier the other two were or if it was because I was more experienced and everything wasn't new. The first kid is kinda always the guinea pig kid....a lot of trial and error. Also, as a mom I feel more confident in how I want to raise my kids so I tweaked a few things and it has worked better with the other two as babies.

For me sleep training is a must. All 3 of our kids were sleeping through the night in their own beds between 8-10 weeks and that is even with solely breastfeeding. I think this early sleep habit helped alot with our sanity and our baby's moods during those first 6 months.

I think..and it is just my opinion..that if you don't have another you will regret it cuz you are wanting another and mainly making the decision on the first child's neediness. It is crazy when you are in the thick of it all...sleepless nights...no energy..crying...screaming...etc. But it gets better...it gets easier as they get older. But that being said...you need your hubby on board to have another. Soooo, you have to fully convince him...and yourself.

Good luck and best wishes!

Every child is different. My most difficult child (in the first few years anyway) was my first born. The rest of my children were easier, at least as babies/toddlers. But the one that was easiest as a toddler was the most difficult as a teen!!! I got pregnant with my second when my first (difficult) child was 18 months. It was all fine. It all worked out. I think it depends on you -- it just did not occur to me to space my children out because one was more difficult than another. They all come with their own challenges and own gifts. I have 5, the youngest is 1, the oldest is 20. My first was pretty easy after the age of 14. Personally, I would not take that into consideration as to spacing of kids. And -- I wanted to have all mine close together, and that is not the way it worked out because of my own health issues! But, if you truly feel like you are overwhelmed by your child, it might be best to wait. It sounds like you are not quite ready. There is no harm in spacing them out! Good luck!

My second child came with a bonus third. If twins run in your family, you may want to give your firstborn a little longer to work on his independence before playing this particular game of roulette.

I had my first and she wasn't a problem. But more as you can say she's a mommy's baby.lol. I had my second daughter when she was 14 months old. Yes, 14 months old. I didn't regret none of my kids. I have 3 now. A 2,4,and 5 and yes they can be a handful at some point,but I would do it all over again.I know God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I knew he must of wanted me to have them all so close at a young age. My mom told me my older brother was colicky since he was born. And cry alot. It took her years to conceived me. Me and my older brother has a 4 1/2 year gap. But after me she pop two more kids out without a probelm. So i guess it depends on God and what he wants for you. I hope that helps. It doesn't mean the second will be the same. All three of my kids are totally different in ways.Do what you and your husband want to do. Just don't look at the negaitive stuff,because it will not help. It will make you more stress out and worry about it. Look at the postive stuff. Good luck!

Not sure if it's because she turned three right then or became a big sister, but my handful became an angel when her sister was born! And they're right each kid is different, my second was great as a baby. Much milder and quieter than the older one. And I like what someone said about a wild one learning the the world doesn't revolve around them. Bring a sibling teaches you so much patience, understanding, social and communication skills, problem solving, etc..I say get off the computer and make a baby! :)

We decided to only have the one child for almost those exact reasons! My son is 4.5 now and I can't imagine how I would have handled another one!

my 2 1/2 year old was mostly a good baby unless it was a feeding time, but medical condition made feeding times harder. but he did have reflux and i had to hold him while sitting up or he couldnt sleep, if you layed him flat he would spit up and choke, for the first 3 or 4 months...finally got his reflux under control once we switched him to lactose free formula...we both wanted another so bad even though our old was kind of a handful...found out a few days after he turned 1 that i was pregnant again. we had been trying since our oldest was 6 months old....at my 8 week ultrasound, due to medical issues with me, we found out we were having twins!!! that was a horrible pregnancy...the twins are sure a handful!! but we always knew we wanted more than one baby, felt it in our hearts....we had talked about kids before we were even married...i think that only your hearts can tell you if you want another baby or not.

My first was very difficult like that. Doctors did not believe us that she was unusually difficult, but I was raised around babies so I KNEW!! Now we have learned that she has Lyme disease, most likely obtained in utero. Don't let your doctors off the hook- get some answers as to why your child is having a rough time because it should NOT be that bad without a reason! Don't accept a label for the behavior, either, get a CAUSE. Our second baby was unusually easy, so much so that I really wondered if something was wrong with HIM when he did not go through the so-called "terrible twos." Good luck to you!

My first was SUPER active, colicky , Didn't sleep through the night until she was 3 yrs old. My second child was a total surprise and is totally different than my first.
My first child is now 9 and is ADHD and gifted. Could see it coming from when she was a newborn and didn't nap. My second is 6 And still completely different from his sister.

You and your house are already calibrated for kid's so it won't be as bad as you think. I was terrified all throughout my second pregnancy because my first was a little monster. But when the baby was born she just kind of fell in line and you just do it. I thought about not having a second one but threw out a Hail Mary and I'm glad I did : ) It's not as scary as you think it will be. You have man to man defense. My second one was easy going up until she was about a year and a half. By then I got my groove with two so it wasn't so bad. The baby started sleeping through the night at 2 months old. WHOA! Was happy about that. Especially when I had to go back to work. But it will all fall into place and you will have a new normal that you will be able to handle : )

My son wasn't colicky, but he was very "needy". He did not self entertain. He was constantly getting into things. Couldn't have my back turned for 3 seconds. Didn't like being held. etc etc etc... in a lot of ways... just a typical boy. I was thinking the same as you when we decided to go for number 2. I couldn't hardly grocery shop, b/c my 2 yr old wasn't big enough to walk but refused to sit in the cart. And I can't push a stroller and a cart at the same time. :(

But we forged ahead. Our daughter came along 18 days before our son's 3rd birthday. She was so much easier and HE became better too. He suddenly had entertainment that WASN'T ME. He also grew and was no longer the little 2 yr old toddler he had been when we started trying to get pregnant.... he was a little boy now.

Both my kids were great sleepers and never slept anywhere but their cribs/own rooms at night. So that helped a lot.

Just remember, when you are weighing the pros and cons, that your toddler son wont be a toddler 10 months from now when another pregnancy could deliver you another infant. He will be practically 3 or older. And that 3rd year (from age 2 to age 3) is a HUGE HUGE maturation period. :))
Our kids are right at 3 years apart, and I can truly say, without hesitation, that they are each other's best friend.

Wow where do I begin??? LOL I'll keep it short ;) I think overall we think our first ones are a handful because we're new parents and we don't know what to expect. Our boys are 17 months apart :) 26 months and 9 months. Our first is very active and curious but very independent (since the day he was born). Our second is very mellow and super sweet-natured. We knew what to expect when having our second, so for the most part, not very many surprises. We're still learning with our first, but routines/schedules make a HUGE difference and the more you get your first one involved with the second one, the less frustration you'll have (especially when it comes to jealousy). So far everything is working out great... even have them on the same sleeping schedule (with an occasional wake up), but we can tell they are going to be best buds :D We have decided to wait until we TTC again until our youngest is at least 2 and can communicate somewhat with us. Let me tell you, a newborn and a 17 month old was ROUGH in the beginning but we don't regret it one bit!!! :) Sounds to me like your husband isn't quite ready yet. OH, and before my second was born, my mom reminded me ALL of the time "Every child is different, No two are the same". Good Luck Sweetie!!!

Honestly, I think you are at an advantage and will handle a 2nd like a pro! You have dealt with a high-maintenance child, so nothing will surprise, shock or disappoint you. Your description of your child sounds so much like my first child. Due to his personality, my second son turned out to be very easy going ~ a peace maker and eager to please. We now have 3 kids ages 8, 6, and 4. Life is crazy, but good. Each one of my children bring me joy in their own way. I say go for #2 and learn from any mistakes you made with parenting your first child.

My older brother was a pleasant baby and I was colicky. It's 50/50 lol. Each one will be different. On the flip side, my brother was a handful at 3 and I was very easy-going in the toddler stage, from what I hear :)

Our first child was a lot like you described your child. She was a "velcro baby" until about age 21 months, had breastfeeding problems, and she cried hours a day for the first 4 months or so. Still didn't sleep through the night until about age 2 and then still got up occasionally at night. So, we finally had our second child when she was 37 months old and that worked out pretty good. She was potty trained by then and much more independent. Our second was an easier baby, just more flexible and easy going, but it wasn't easy. 2 kids never equal less work and stress. I had much worse all day sickness with my second pregnancy and the loss of sleep for the next 2 yrs was difficult. That being said my husband and I are both glad we took the leap of faith and had another one.... and then another one, this time a complete surprise.(:
So, I'd encourage you not to start trying for #2 until you sense your first child is getting easier to manage. No matter what your age (even if you are nearing 40) I truly believe sometimes the small increase in risk with each passing month may be worth taking in exchange for keeping your sanity once the next one is born. If your husband isn't sold on the idea just yet, give it another 6 months and it may just be feasible.
Oh, and by the way, my first is a wonderful easy child now. She's independent, loving, compassionate, a great sleeper, and a bright student. Kids mature and change almost like caterpillars to butterflies. It's worth all the extra effort you are pouring into your child. Midwife Mom of 3

I am late to respond here, but yes I had a very difficult pregnancy with the first, an even more difficult baby and went on to have a 2nd. It wasn't easy, but we have absolutely no regrets. The 2nd one wasn't easy either so we stopped at two. Funny that this question should come up because we recently wondered if we should've had 3 (too late now), but there's NO WAY I was ready for 3 at the time we would have had to pursue it. So, no regrets about 2, but sometimes wonder if we should've had 3.

I was on bedrest with the 1st and he was born almost one month early. Then he had off the charts colic, did not sleep and did not breastfeed well. He didn't gain much weight and I had numerous breast infections and thrush. After all of that resolved he suffered from ear infections, croup and ultimately asthma. He was also what is known as a "spirited child." We had always wanted at least two so we did not let our experiences stop us. We figured we were due for an easy, quieter child. It didn't quite work out that way, but still happy for our two. We timed it so the oldest had just turned 3 when the new baby arrived because I thought I had always heard that 3 was this magical age when kids become easier. Not true in our case! Age three was MUCH worse than age 2 and the alleged "terrible twos." The first year with my active, spirited, didn't want to potty train three year old and my new, 2nd colicky baby who wouldn't take a bottle was very challenging. Looking back it is almost kind of a blur. My husband worked long hours and traveled for business so I was often on my own, although my mom and my in-laws sometimes helped out. We survived and even look back now and laugh at it all.

Ironically, my spirited older child mellowed around age 6-7, is now 15 and by far the easier of the two. The younger one, almost 12, is actually more of a challenge for us now. Kind of funny. They are both in the gifted program at their respective schools and very self-assured individuals.

If you really want another child, you can do it. It might not always be easy, but you can do it. Every kid is different too. Breastfeeding my second didn't have any of the issues I had with my first and he actually would not take a bottle. I weaned him at 14 months and he went straight to a sippy cup. For all parents of active, "spirited" children I recommend Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book, "Raising Your Spirited Child." It's very helpful in understanding their temperaments. She's also written good books about power struggles and sleep issues. (She is from Eagan, MN so she is local for you if you ever want to look up her website.) Good luck!

I'll have to answer that after I have my second! My son was an easy baby but is now a very difficult child. He is bipolar so there are days when it seems like i take anymore but it's never stopped me from wanting another...