How Can I Teach My Baby to Play on Her Own???

Six months old is still pretty little. I get a lot of work done with the baby in a Baby Bjorn or sling. The "Bouncy chairs" are good too. put her where she can see you. Some of them come with music and little activity bars. Remember she's still bonding with you. Before you know it she won't have time to be held. You can also do stuff when she's napping. I hope this helps.

why don't you try wearing her while you do housework? I love the ellaroo mei tei, beco or ergo for front, hip or back carry.

Does she have a jumparoo? I would try that she will sit up higher and it may keep her entertained. Good Luck :)

Some of the things that worked for my daughter:
Travel swing or bouncy seat in front of television set with videos playing, i.e. Fun Baby, Calm Baby, Baby Einstein video’s. Exersaucer w/or without snacks and video(s) playing. Floor entertainment center with fun children’s music playing in the background (she’s just turning 2 this Sunday and knows all the songs by heart). She started crawling at 5 ½ months so the floor entertainer only worked up until then. After that I purchased a Li’l Lights and Sounds Play Yard. I would put her in it and play the music for her while I took a shower in the mornings. She was usually good for one turn of the CD, then I’d either have to move her on to the next activity or do “mommy and me time”. Good luck and hope this helps.

Hello N. I am also a first time mom. One word Exersaucer. My son was in it up until he walked at 10 months. He would be in it like his own world. Its great if you are cleaning they play and builds the leg strength, also pop in a baby einstein video some kids get into it. I use to talk to my son while I cleaned so he knew I was there giving him attention and getting things done. I had to let our son cry and I learned he knew what I was doing. It did break my heart though. Its hard to have an only child you end up being mom and the playmate. I learned my lesson in always picking him up. At 3 he even asks pick me up. And I tell him youre not a baby anymore but I will sit with you on the couch and cuddle. He is also now 40 pounds. Good luck I feel for you, but I learned sometimes the housework has to wait, they just love us that much. Good luck.

When you put her down try having toys that have mirrors on them. I did that from the day my son was born and now he's almost 2 and plays by himself all the time. Also make sure she has lots of toys that make noise and have bright lights, that will keep probably her attention. Like another mom said, try the Exersaucer, Tellataner, or my son's favorite, the Jump-A-Roo. I had all 3 (the Exersaucer was at the sitters and the other 2 were at my house) and they were a life saver when I needed to get things done.
No she's not too young to just let her cry. It's called tough love and she has to learn that you can't be holding her 24/7. The only thing I can think of about your neighbors is to go talk to them and let them know that if her crying starts to bother them to come talk to you. I can understand it bothering them in the middle of the night, but if it's during the day you should be able to let her cry for a good hour before having to pick her up. The hardest thing (I know for a fact) is just letting her cry, but it does get easier.
Try the toy idea, or even try making a recording of yours and your husbands voices to play for her. That might sooth her.
Hope this helps some.
N.

First, I want to say that it is awesome that you're researching your options! A 6 month old baby is still very young and is still very needy of it's parent (especially mother), which is biologically appropriate. Crying is very hard on babies and ignoring it causes their needs to escalate to a desperate level (crying communicates a legitimate need, even if to the parent it seems ridiculous or exasperating). Here is a link with some helpful, developmentally appropriate, gentle tips for a baby who is either high-need or just going through a fussy period: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T051200.asp#T051202 Another idea is you could wear your baby while you get housework done - you would get your jobs done easier, faster, it would be highly entertaining for your baby, and she gets the benefit of being held, without restricting your movement. Check out www.thebabywearer.com. Good luck with your decisions, and just remember that you can never spoil a baby, only nuture, love, and maintain an open loving communication between you both.

I agree with Audrey and Jennifer. She loves you so much. She is trying to teach you what is important. Housework can wait. She needs your love to survive. My son was like this also. I could never put him down without him crying. Instead of locking him in his crib, or waiting for him to "cry it out" we got a sling and I wore him all the time. Eventually, he wanted to play and be on his own. Now, he's 6 and very well adjusted. We rarely have to discipline him and he is so loving and kind. In contrast, his same age cousin was raised by being locked in her crib and had to learn to cry it out on her own. At 6, she's a discipline problem already. She steals and talks back. These are two different children, but they are from the same gene pool. How you choose to deal with these things does matter later on. On a more serious note, parents need to recognize that this is a crucial issue.

As a psychologist, I can report that Bowlby's attachment theory has been implicated in the development of mental illness. It is thought that a child who is poorly attached is at greater risk to develop a psychopathology (mental illness) at some point in their life. www.uic.edu/classes/psych/psych518/fraley/sroufe.pdf
For more on Bowlby's attachment theory www.psychology.sunysb.edu/attachment/online/inge_origins.pdf
Attachment parenting is based on the ideas presented in these theories. Whether you choose to practice attachment parenting or not, you should be aware that depriving a child of parental contact in a misguided effort to "teach" has serious implications for their mental health.

N.: I had the same problem with my daughter, so I know it is nerve wracking. You are not a bad mother, however, if you put your daughter in a safe place (like her crib) and get a few chores done. The important thing is to check on her (hopefully without her catching sight of you) every once in awhile to make sure she is safe. Believe me, mothers all over the world have had to deal with this.
What will happen after awhile is that she will tire herself out and probably fall asleep. If your baby is fed, changed and comfortable, she will be ok. For your sake and hers, give her a good cuddle when you pick her back up. She'll learn quickly that momma is never too far away; she just has stuff to do sometimes.

That is totally normal behavior! I would not let her cry. This is a very important time for her to develop trust in you, and can set the stage for your entire relationship for decades to come. First, try a sling or carrier to get what you can done with that. We use a BabyBjorn carrier and I can get most of my housework done with that, and my 7-month-old LOVES it! I will be doing the most boring stuff in the world (dishes, laundry, etc.) and he is just happy as a clam. I'm like, "Wouldn't you rather be playing with your toys??" But nope! He'd rather be with momma, learning about his environment.

The exersaucer is a good idea, too! We have one that I keep in the bathroom for when I shower, and it really keeps him occupied. We also have a rainforest jumperoo that he LOVES, and that allows me to get stuff done that I can't do with him in the carrier, like working over a hot stove or changing the sheets.

I know it seems like a hassle now, but remember it's just a normal phase and if you work through it with her, you will be rewarded with a close relationship. Most babies are happy to play by themselves by the time they are one year old, and before that, once she starts crawling, she will be happy to be down on the floor. Just keep talking to her while you are working away, so she doesn't feel the separation anxiety so much.

Good luck!

Hi N.,

As a mother of 3, ages 7, 9, and 11, I can honestly tell you that the best way to teach them to be alone is to leave them alone. She will stop crying when she's ready to. Stay visible, talk to her while you're out of sight, but keep moving and she'll be able to see that you're doing something else but you are still present. Give yourself time to do other things besides be a mom! We all have to learn that one!

peace, Dee

Every baby is different, my last three were very attached to me and I highly recommend something I wish I found sooner. It's called an Ergo carrier. It's a backpack baby carrier that totally will hold her in, close to your body, and supports her back for good posture. It may be tiring for you for the extra attention, but think of your precious baby.

It means she's developing object permanance. This means she can remember you better so she misses you more!

Try to anticipate when she is going to want "up" and get her involved in a way that you can handle before she gets upset. Put her in her stroller or a baby carrier and keep her near you. Talk to her and explain what you are doing (yah, you may feel goofy but it works) and make her feel involved in what's going on. Put on some music she likes and sing to her. My kids loved Red Grammer and James Taylor at that age.

It might seem like a pain now, but it will teach her that she can count on you to be there, and that housework can be fun. My 4 year old loves to vacuumm and clean the bathroom now!

At six months old you don't really want to just leave her while crying, but you also don't want to coddle her too much. The best of both worlds, is to put her down, but stand near her and maybe pat her back. When she cries, you return, but don't pick her up unless you think she really needs it. Just once again touch her so she knows you are there. Once she gets the routine and knows you will always come when she really needs you, she will develop her confidence in you and your husband. It takes a little while and you will have to establish really pleasant night-time or nap time routines that she enjoys and can trust. Her fear is that when she can't see you, or is asleep and not with you, you will leave and not return. Once she understands that you will never really leave her, she will out grow the crying.

Good luck,

I think that letting her cry would be really hard on her. She just wants to be close to you. I would buy a baby carrier so that you can be close to her and get stuff done. She isn't trying to manipulate you, just loves you!

If you want an alternative to letting your baby cry, try using a baby wrap. My son loves to watch my do chores while I put him in a cloth front carrier. I'm using the "Ultimate Baby Wrap."

K.

Hi- I don't know if I can help at all but have you tried putting her in a swing or one of the bouncy chairs? My son was ready for those at that age. Also as far as letting her cry, I think that it's the best thing you can do for your child. We had to let my son cry almost every night to get some sleep but it took only a month and he was learning how to self sooth, same goes for everyday life as well. It's hard to let them cry but it is something they need. Hopefully I helped in some way.

I have to say that I don't agree with the poster that said not to let her cry. Before this point, you have already shown your daughter that you will respond to her cries; I think she does need to learn to play by herself. We had this problem with our second as well, and right around 6 months was when we would sit her with toys, be gone to load the dishwasher and come back...even if she cried for those three minutes. Then the period of time would just get longer. Sometimes we would put her in her highchair or bumbo seat near wherever I was, and that would help, but she is going to learn that you will come back and visit and pick her up. IMO, just start with short periods of time, working your way up. You'll still be earning her trust that you will come back, just not always within 10 seconds of her wanting you to be there. 2 months later my daughter is doing awesome, and will sit and play, sometimes with her big sister, for up to 30 minutes if I am getting something done around the house...although it depends on how her day is going :)

Good luck!

I would start out slow. Maybe ten minutes at a time a few times a day and work up to longer. For those ten minutes, make sure she knows you're there, talk to her, etc, but don't pick her up, let her cry for a little bit. After ten minutes, pick her up and spend some time reassuring her. It shouldn't take long for her to get used to the idea, and then you can increase the time a little at a time. Also a baby swing, bouncy seat, or excerdisc might help. Try rotating the toys she plays with. Good luck!

at that age i used to put my children in the stroller and have them be by me (within eyesight) and this seemed to make them think they were "part of the action" without actually being held. soothing music also helped calm them and entertain them. if you have a mobile or something that you can safely hang/or toys for her to reach for it will also help her be occupied. kids learning to play by themselves is such an important part of growing up, and i strongly recommend it. they need to start at an early age so they don't always have to be "going somewhere or playing with someone" in order to be happy. a child that plays alone helps develop important thinking skills and problem solving that will help him later on in life. i see kids that are never happy unless they're "somewhere doing something" playpens were a big help during my (now 19, 18 and 12 year old)kids. you put different safe toys every day and they have something new to look foward to and explore, and since they're not hard to move, you can place it somewhere where they know you are. my kids favorite toys? tupperware! balls! putting the ball inside the tupperware! sometimes it's the easiest things that attract their attention.

I don't think that you really can't "teach" a baby to play by herself, it is a developmental milestone that comes with age. You might 'teach' a baby that you won't respond to her cries, but it's really not the same thing. Although personality has a lot to do with it too. Some babies are so content to 'hang out', some babies NEED to be close to mom and be a part of the action.

That being said, I agree that getting a baby carrier works really well, a baby bjorn, ergo or moby -- all are great for carrying a baby around while you work. My daughter also loved being in the exersaucer too. Sometimes doing housework in small blocks helps. Work really hard for 10-15 minutes, then play for 10-15 minutes, etc. I always got some things done during nap times too. Hang in there, it really does get easier.

It sounds like your baby is experiencing separation anxiety. Extending the separation (by not responding) may make her give up eventually, but it doesn't address her anxiety and--at least until she gives up--it will increase yours (and your neighbors). Babies like contact and motion, and they naturally cry when they want comfort, and we're programmed to respond. Do you want to teach your child that the only mechanism she can use to ask for help--crying--won't work? I suggest you instead help her learn that she's not abandoned, that you will respond. This will increase her confidence and sense of security.

When you can, hold her. Believe it or not, she won't really need this for so very long--there will come a time when you wish you could hold her again! When you must address other responsibilities, there may be ways to meet both of your needs. My daughter was so entertained in a baby swing that I worried about using it too much! Some babies love jumpers or walkers that allow them to create their own motion. And a backpack is great--it frees your hands and makes you mobile while you carry your baby. My son could fiddle around in his backpack, or even fall asleep, while I sat at my computer for an hour or more at a time! I could vacuum, make lunch, work in the yard.

There will be times when you really can't get to your baby, or just run out of patience, and she will cry. But as much as possible, provide the comfort that she is asking for.

Separation anxiety is normal at that age. I thought I was going to go crazy when mine were that age. My suggestion is to get a snugly or backpack for your daughter to ride on your back while you do your household chores. Just think she is learning first hand how to help you do them in the not so near future! ;)

Hi N., You might try putting her down and letting her cry for no longer than 15 minutes, check on her, reassure her without picking her up, then try again. Make sure the nap space is soothing, place a favorite stuffed toy or teether in the crib with her, and possibly provide some white noise such a a sound machine with ocean waves or spring showers. The Sleep Sheep from Cloud B is a great choice and economical as well. Babywearing is another option if she still won't sleep. There are many babywearing or sling options on the market if you want a hands free baby carrying experience. I recommend the Moby Wrap as it is a one size fits all, washable, versitile, and economical. Be patient and creative and you will find what works. Remember that she has just become acutely aware of her environment, and has a very active little brain! J.

What about starting with getting down and playing with her instead of just picking her up? That way she gets used to playing out of your arms. Start with little increments (like 5 minutes). And if worse comes to worse, try a sling or other baby carrier. The more she gets used to playing on the floor or in an excersaucer or jumper, the easier it should get. Good luck!

Put her in the baby carrier and get your work done. Some babies require more attention and aren't ready to play by themselves yet. As she gets older it'll get better. My 8mo is starting to play by himself really well now.

Hi N.,
When my daughter was that old I bought a bumbo seat (which you can get at target or babies r us). unless she is sitting up on her own. I would put some toys in front of her get her playing with them then walk away for about 5 to 10 min at a time, but checking on her without her seeing me. this taught her to be ok and it teaches her you will return once you leave. if she cries I always do the 5min rule then go and check on her and tell her mommy loves you and I'll be right back. just keep consistant and with in a couple days she play for prob a half hour by her self. Having a 15yr old and now a 14month old, I have learned that being consistant is the key to most everything with disciplining and teaching our children. :>) hopes this works for you, and congrats on being a new mom. its a great new life, frustrating at times but worth it. sincerely, B.

Hi N., 6 months is the first time kids usually go through separation anxiety, watch for the next one at 16-18 months. I have 3 boys and I found that wearing your baby in a baby Bjorn really is helpful at the stage you are in. You are able to get some things done (you burn more calories too) and the baby enjoys this and gets tired after watching you and listening to your chatter about what you are doing. just be careful of hot coffee and cooking! A.