House Rules - Belleville,MI

Absolutely set house rules! When kids come over to play, immediately sit them down and give them the list of rules (something like this)
1. Toys must be put away when you're finished playing with them, and before you leave.
2. The refrigerator is for Mommies. If you need something to eat or drink, please ask me to get it for you.
3. Please play in these areas of the house and not these areas.
4. Be nice to each other, no pushing, hitting, mean words or leaving each other out.
5. No tattle tales.

Anyway, let them know if they break the rules they'll be given a warning and opportunity to do it right, and if they can't keep the rules, they must go home immediately.

Don't be afraid to be the "mean mom". You're not mean or unreasonable, but they'll tell you that you are. The guilt of being mean is MANIPULATION to make you do what THE KIDS want. And we all know they don't know what's best for themselves.

Best wishes, stand firm!

I would definetly make rules. Any time my daughter had friends over I make everyone clean up. Just yesterday the neighbor girls were over and I felt like the "bad " mom, they kept asking if they could go inside and I would say not today. It was a nice day outside they were fine playing outside. The fridge thing is wierd, if you know the parents well you can talk to them.

My kids are a tad older (7, 6, 4 and 1) and we have the same problem!!! And with older kids (7ish)! Other kids come over and it is a disaster, not to mention sometimes toys get broke. Now it isn't all the other kids' fault. Mine go crazy, and our rules seem to go out the door as the guest comes in! It drives me crazy. But I make my kids clean up. I would like it if other kids help, and I have mine help clean up when they go somewhere else. But it is just ridiculas when every toy seems to get out and board games (multiple) scatter about the basement, while the children are yelling and running around the whole house. Drives me nuts. I think next time a friend comes over, the first thing we do is sit down w/ them and explain the rules, and before the friend comes over my kids will get a brush up of the rules! Ugh. Kids! LOL! There is a season for everything.

You are not a control freak...just a good parent. My rule is you put away your toys once you are done playing with them and before you get something else to play with. Definitely need refrigerator/kitchen rules. You are teaching them responsibility...you are not being a control freak! :)

You're right on every score except that you need to closely supevise and make the boundaries very clear. These are young children who will do what they want if they're not kept from it. You're not being a control freak. Even more than this being your home and making a lot of work for you, you want to teach/show your own little one how to act when she visits others, which obviously you've been doing. You can do it all cheerfully and with humor and love. That's not mean.

no i would inforce rules. the rules u give ur daughter are the same when her friends come over and if they don't obeyed by them they can't come over. i have a similiar situation. i have candy jars on my counter my kids r not allowed to get a piece without asking my daughter has a friend who just takes without asking when her or any one else comes over i treat them the same as my kids i let them know the rules and ask for the same respect back if they don't respect back i confront the parent. my one daughter is much older n her friend does the same. good luck

W.,
There should always be rules for when your child has company over. If they are playing with her toys. They should be told before they even take them out that before they leave the toys have to be put away. So maybe 10 minutes before it's time to leave it's time to clean up. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the one child going into your refrigerator without asking your permission. That's a no no. Take control before things really get out of hand. Good Luck!

You are not a control freak....children that young are still needing constant reminders....their Mom's would likely be pleased to know you are helping instill behavioral expectations, I certainly would!

You are not being a control freak! You expect the visiting kids to behave with respect for others' property and privacy. When the kids come over, be firm and clear that if they need something to come to you and ask. When they leave, they are expected to pick up the toys they played with. Sounds like fair expectations to me--it's the same as we do for our kids and their friends. Good luck!

Things have been tight for me so kids eating at our house hasn't been an issue I hated having to tell my kids we can't afford it but I had them say "We can't afford to feed the neighborhood". Where there is one little kid there is always many more following when it comes to food so that takes care of all of them. Sounds harsh but I had no other options, all the kids didn't realize how much it costs to provide popiclies then dinner, then ice cream the next time, it never ends. I did occasionally watch a neighbor kid and of course would eat a meal with us, but this was on my terms and I decided who I watched when and I am very selective.
Of course I have house rules too, friends do not leave without cleaning up their mess. It's a life lesson every kid needs to learn and if their own parents are not teaching them it then you should by enforcing them at your house. When it's time to go then say ok then lets pick up before you go, if they dont like it they wont come back or they will be more consioucous of how much of a mess that they are making because they know they will be picking it up and not someone else. Going to someone elses home should be a treat not a time to not follow rules. Every other house rule that my own kids have all neighborhood kids must follow too, taking shoes off at door, no running, no swearing, etc.. I may not be the best liked parent in the neighborhood but I am the most respected. When I say its time to go home nobody ever wants to leave and my kids are envyed for being disciplined and loved. Parenting is not about browine points its about teaching your children through example and them teaching others by example to respect and love and neither of those things cost money.

I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm having issues of my own with our neighbor. While my husband thinks I'm a control freak, which yes I'll admit I am, I feel its my house and my stuff that will be broken. My husband can handle our two boys (2 & 5) and the neighbor girl (6) so much better than I do. I'm always upset when the youngest gets hurt, there's always more disagreements...it's just more hectic because she's not my child. I love when the kids have fun, it's just easier to handle my two boys.
I do have to admit, I was just like her when I was younger. Always appearing at my neighbor's house when they were in the pool and acting like I lived there. Really it was my mom's responsibly to control me, which she tried when she realized I was going next door without being asked.
Since our neighbor's mom isn't doing this, I have taken to telling her the rules before they play. Yesterday when she appeared in my backyard, I told her that it was rude and she does not open the gate without asking. I will open it for her if she asks, but 'there are dogs and you may not open the gate with out asking' I told her.
Then worst case...shorter play times, especially on those stressed out bad days.

"Whatever toys we get out, we are expected to put them away when we are done and please pick up the toy you were playing with before you get out another or playtime is over" "It's not time to have snack right now, but if you are hungry, we can have a snack in a little while. We're not going to open the fridge right now." You must have house rules!!!

I agree with all other posts. Your house, your rules. Granted, these are young children, but they are certainly old enough to understand that they cannot act this way in your home. Set the ground rules. You might have to pass out small consequences at first, but it won't take too long for them to learn.

Good luck. Children need guidelines and it is our responsibility to give them that. Congrats on being such a good momma. D.

W., I agree with everyone here; you are not a control freak! I totally believe in making the kids clean up their messes. I was once at my son's friend's house (they were both 4 years old) and the mom made them clean up before moving to any other activity. Literally, the cars they were playing with were right next to the dinosaurs they were about to play with, and she made them clean up the cars first. Honestly, that seemed a bit too much to me; they would be cleaning up every 5 minutes! I can see her point, though...it's better than waiting until the very end of the play date. So I try to be more "in the middle" on this topic and have the kids pick up before any bigger transitions, such as before going outside or before having a snack (or lunch, etc.) So when they do need to clean up before going home, there is less of a mess to tackle.

Oh, and don't feel bad about setting rules for going in your fridge, either! Just say it in a really nice way and I'm sure the other kids will understand. If not, just stock the fridge with Mountain Dew and when the kids go home all crazy, their mom will get the hint! (Soooo just kidding...)

My friend's parents printed out a list of "the rules" and attached it to the playroom door. :) These kids are too young to read, but maybe you could make a picture version, and go over it with her friends. Not only will it help you keep order in your home, but it will teach the other children how to be courteous in other people's houses.

you sound very reasonable to me. Tell the kids that they must clean up before they go home and to please ask you when they are hungry or thirsty. Tell them you like to be the one to go in the frig. Smile and be friendly about it. These are just the rules at your house.

If they do not clean up then the next time they come tell them it was too much work for you to clean up and so they can choose one toy to take out. Tell them if they put it away then next time they can take out more, etc...

You are totally IN LINE with wanting some house rules. Those little ones are old enough to understand putting things away when they are done. It's OK to ask them to put away whatever they got out and played with while at your home. The young lady helping herself to the fridge...you might be able to alleviate that by offering a snack to the group and just telling her the fridge is for grown ups.

You are the mom, not them. Have them pick up before they leave and don't allow them access to the fridge without permission. If they can't abide by those rules they can't come over and play next time they want to. A few missed playdates and they'll get the idea.

No, you are not a "control freak", but you are the parent. When they come to the door, you invite them in, ask them to sit down for a minute, and explain that when they come to play, they need to follow your "house rules". Then state them simply and clearly. "We ask for snacks and drinks, we ask to turn on the TV, we clean up the toys when we are through playing, we don't leave the doors open, etc. As long as you follow our rules, you are welcome in our house. Any questions?"

Definitely set down rules for them. Kids actually want boundaries. I consider it part of my job to be "mean" and make them interact with respect to people and property. If you don't, it just gets worse as they get older.

And if you don't require the friends to have that respect, you are teaching your daughter that when she goes to someone else's house, that it is ok to be have in a manner different from what is required at home.

of course we have house rules.........take shoes off, no running, no yelling, and if you mess it up, you clean it up..........and my daughter knows she has to help enforce these rules because otherwise, she will be cleaning it up herself.

but i do make it fun for the kids to be here, paper mache projects and board games, etc....

Yes you can set down whatever rules you want in your house. You aren't a mean mom by not allowing children to go into your fridge and help themselves. Children need to learn that they have to respect other's things and property. Asking permission is polite and teaching manners young is easy to do and will impact these kids for a lifetime.