Hi - New to This Group

I'm right there with you. Me and my husband work full time. It's hard having to leave my kids at daycare. I have a 1 year old daughter and a 7 year old son. We tried with one of us staying home for 6 months to see if we could make it with one of us working full time. It was hard financially. I live in Arlington and drive to North Dallas. It's not a far drive but I'm planning on looking for something closer to home. I wish I could stay home but I know we can't afford to. I always cherish the time I have with my family just like you do so you're not alone.

Hi A. -

First, let me commend you on your bravery to put this out there. Second, it is my opinion that you are in good company. I am also a working mother, and don't get me wrong, I'd love to be able to be a SAHM. My husband and I both work full-time and my husband also works his side business doing contractor work part-time. I assist him where I can to get him home to us at a decent hour. Our little girl Xada spends half of her day at a local daycare, and I try and make it to her early as many times as I can, as I struggle with having her spend this time at a daycare. We cram what quality family time we can with her in the evenings and also make it a point to rest on Sunday's and make that our quality family time day, doing nothing but connecting. Whatever we do on this day, we all do. Saturday's are exclusively Mommy/Daughter time.

I am very conflicted with having our child in daycare, but like many will confess, it is almost impossible to get by on one salary. Despite that my husband and I have to work, I believe we have our priorities straight and if it ever comes down to it, we'd make the necessary sacrifices for one of us to be home with our child. I most times feel like I am excusing myself for not being a SAHM when I find myself immediately explaining that my husband and I are doing a lot of saving for the future and working/growing the side business for the benefit of our child. We need to. Our little girl is MR (mentally retarded, I hate that word!), and since her diagnosis both my husband and I fear the inevitable day that we are no longer around to make sure that her needs are met. We want to ensure that when that day comes, that she will have something to live off of.

I don't like it when I catch myself doing this, but sometimes I feel as if I am being harshly judged when others realize that I have a special needs child and still choose to work outside the home. Believe me, I understand, and wish others did, that I don't have a choice. I don't believe this makes us a lesser quality mom and our need to work and contribute to our households should not define us.

I understand A.. You are not alone. If you're conflicted with this in the least, then you must be an excellent mother!

I don't think there is a perfect life balance! I have one daughter (who will be four on Saturday) and another one due in August. I have worked since my daughter was seven weeks old. Our case is a little different, since my husband actually works at home and watches my daughter at the same time. I like my job and enjoy working, but I was also really unhappy when I went back to work because I felt like I was missing so much. HOWEVER, I saw her first step, I heard her first word and she is an outgoing, energetic, social little kid. It looks like both of your kids are of an age where they will benefit from being in a summer program with other kids their age. We have enrolled my daughter in a summer playhouse even though she stays home with my husband. Ever since she was two, my daughter would knows that mommy is "at work" to "make money" so we can "pay some bills". You might consider scheduling a couple of days off from work and taking each child individually for a "summer day out". Take him or her to a water park or tea room or arcade, or wherever they want to go. That will create some memories for both of you.

I'm a working mom who has to work -- no option to SAH. You shouldn't feel guilty or that you're shortchanging your children in any way. there are TONS of ways to successfully raise children and it is my opinion that one should never judge another person's way of doing things. What works for one doesn't necessarily work for another.

And you're right about money problems and its ability to affect family harmony. We almost got to the point where you were and it was miserable. THAT made me feel worse about my parenting than working FT does. But that's just me and our way of doing things... :)

I was a SAHM for 2 1/2 years, and we were in basically the same situation. It wasn't that we were living in the lap of luxury, either...that stay-at-home vs. work is a never-ending source of guilt and pain for moms everywhere. While I was at home, we were under financial stress that affected the quality of our lives. Now that I work full-time, the work at home didn't lessen, which adds a different sort of stress. I finally came to terms with my decisions when I decided that I would stop letting what other people think have any bearing on me. You know your kids, you know what your financial needs are, you've made the best decision you can with what you know, so be confident you know best and move on. Easier said than done, I know, but just tell yourself that everyday until it's engrained in your brain. Best of luck, Mom!

Hey A.! I was a working mom for a LONG time..now I'm home with the kids. I see both...and you are right. As long as you show them love, respect and quality time you are being a great parent! It is very hard to balance, so I do wish you the best of luck. Just remember, the cleaning can wait...hee hee

T.

Hi, I'm a single working mother of two hard headed boys!! 7 and 6. I have been doing this for 3 years by myself. I divorvced my husband. Your husband, in my opinon is right. The bills will never stop!! But you have to keep in mind that family is important, and if you can ya'll need to spend more time with them and continue to show them love and all the rights and wrongs, because if you don't someone else will and then you lose control and sight of what's really important. Sometime you have to make the time and not just when you have the time. Some time "when you have the time" might not be enough.

(.....raising hand)

I'm with you! You'll find this board pretty supportive of working moms. In my experience, the biggest myth to being a working mom is that your life is full. In reality, it's your schedule that's full (big difference). It is 10,000 times harder to "bond" with other moms when you're a working mom because you have to actually schedule it and weigh that girls' night out against a family night in and so on. Very, very tough.

So working moms end up suffering the most in the friendship department, and so then we just talk to ourselves and build up the guilt. There is no perfect balance and there never will be. All you can do is ask yourself what's the priority right now - and make decisions toward that, all the while knowing your priorities will constantly shift.

Well, that's my piece about it anyway - I'm in the same place. And if you see me running past in my quest to "have it all", give me a little wave & I'll do the same. :)

S.

I also work full time and am fairly new. I have a 2.5-year old boy Balance is hard to reach and it's different for each person and family. I'd be miserable if I stayed at home all day but that's me. Nice to Meet you!

C.

I know about those guilty feelings. I went back to work full-time when my son was 3 months, and, in all honestly, I really don't have to work for our family to make ends meet. After 9 months of guilt and regret, I asked to go part-time (3 full days a week). My company was receptive to that idea, and here I am working 3 days a week, and spending the rest of the week with my son. Part of me would still love to be a SAHM full-time, but I also want to keep my foot in the door for my career. I feel whole lot less guilty ans stressed now with this arrangement.

I know.. It seems that is EXTREMELY hard for a family who lives traditionally to make ends meet.