Hi - Ashville,AL

Hi T.!

As you can see, by one of my former requests, my daughter recently went through something at school, very similiar. What started as a mild flirtation...snowballed into a horrible thing. My advice? From now on...especially at the ball park, because you are in control, simply remove your child from the situation without saying anything to the other children. Simply say "come, sweety, we are going to play or sit over here." From the word go...they never should have been allowed to throw pebbles. When my kids do that...its immediate time out. I call it throwing rocks...pebbles puts it mildly.

As for parents that think it is cute to do this sort of thing? They are not to be reasoned with...don't even try. If you have to say anything...don't attack what the child does, (for example: I wouldn't say that she should be ashamed of her daughter again...even though you feel that way...the other parents will take that and run saying you talk ugly to other peoples children) always make it sound like you are being more critical of the parenting...that way they can never say you are talking negatively in front of the child. And its best not to say this in front of the children involved. This is how ballpark fights between parents get started! And a parent is always going to defend their child...no matter what.

However, you acted appropriatly. And don't worry, most members of the team will agree with you. There is always going to be one in every crowd. Now go in to the next game / practice with your head held high, honey! And have a great season!

P.S. To help make things easy on having to see them every practice / game and not to get a reputation as the mom who had the incident at the beginning of the season...smother EVERYONE with kindness and act like it never happened sort of "starting fresh" You will throw the parents for a loop. Its the toughest thing to do...but trust me...you'll be happy you did. These situations are tough...but I always say...KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE, BUT YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER!!! LOL

I know this may be VERY old school, but when I was young most kids wouldn't dream of acting this way because, no matter who was around, any responsible adult, especially another parent, would call the child(ren) out on such horrible behavior! In my experience, after that, the offending kid's parent would remove their child from the situation and talk with them and you to settle the matter. Parents used to be much more willing to back each other up and keep all the kids in line. Not physically, of course, but monitoring their behavior and putting a quick stop to anything like this. Now, parents are so defensive of their little one's feelings so much we tend to undermine the authority of any other adult by always taking our child's side. No wonder they act this way with impunity! When we're not watching, we deny any permission to help keep them in check. I think you kept your cool way better than I would have.

I have neighborhood children playing in and around my yard a lot- we have a swing. If ANY of them get rough or out of line I say so. I am the adult, after all. I do not use physical punishment with my own child; I would certainly never with anyone else's. But, as I see it, as an adult, I am responsible for the safety and reasonable behavior of any children I may be "supervising". All of this can be acomplished with a calm attitude and civil toungue. If any parent were to disagree with a call I made (& it hasn't happened yet), I'm sure a mutual agreement to just disagree and steer clear would work for everyone- no hard feelings.

I guess it sounds like that whole "it takes a village" theme. I guess, in some areas, I have to agree. Good luck!

T. the only thing you did wrong was to wait to long to speak up!! when the girls started then you should have asked the girls to stop and when that didnt work then you should have turned to her mother!!! girls are becoming such bullies thanks to the parents and then if not stopped are Hi fived for it...next time just stop the girls instead of punishing the boys. they didn't do anything wrong yet they were pull out of play, put in the car, and then still got hurt on top of all of it!! good luck but don't back down! stand their ground for them since the boys can not!!!!! D.

Wow!
Those girls and their mothers were totally over the line. BUT ..... you should have talked to their parents when the girls went to your car. I can't believe they followed the boys to your car. I would never have thought kids would go as far as these girls did.

I think the mothers may still be in the old school mindset that boys are bad and girls are sweet. When I was their age girls never hit, kicked and did those things, even the tom boys didn't. But times have changed. Girls can be wicked.

If their mothers say anything to you the next time you see them, I'd tell them exactly what you wrote. They may not know the prelude to the physical acts. I'd also make it clear that for obvious reasons you don't want your son around them.

What really bothers me is that no other adults stepped in to help. That's pretty sad.

Thank you for your post. I have learned a lot from your situation. I'm sorry you had to experience what happened, but I'm thankful you shared it so we could all learn from it.

J.

T.,
You should be proud that you kept your cool. But if you are going to have to be around them that much, I would try talking with the parent and make sure that they know what really happened and hopefully they will do the right thing and keep an eye on their children and correct them if the girls act start to act that way again.
God Bless & good luck
J.

I am not a violet person in no way and don't condone this kind of behavior. If talking to this mother didn't work, and from what you have said it didn't, I would contact the person or persons in charge of the park and let them know what happened. Let them help you out. Maybe these little girls shouldn't be allowed back in the park during these games. That's the only thing I can think of that might help. Also, have your friend talk to them to let this person know that you aren't making things up. I really wouldn't know what else to do or say if this doesn't work. Good luck to you both and I hope your sons are doing good and feeling better.

28 year old sahm of 3 and step mom to 4 others.

First I WANT TO SAY YOU DID GREAT!!
I don't know I would have handled myself so well. You need to realoly talk to this motherand request to have her kid to keep her hands off of your son or any child for that matter.
I know we don't want to raise our son's to hit girls but, they need to find a way to defend them selves as well. What makes it ok for a girl to hit a boy?
It goes both ways.

I really wish you luck and I wouldn't worry about not wanting to act like moms on t.v, your are there to take care of your child and if people seem to think bad of you for that, then they are not doing their job as parents.
As for you, you are doing JUST GREAT!!
WISH YOU LUCK, T. D

Unfortunately, in the 13 yrs. that I have been raising my daughter, I have come across many parents who haven't grown up themselves and fail to discipline their children. I have found that you can't control other people's children or how their parents raise them, however, you can control your own. I would have said the exact same thing that you said. Some things just can't be ignored. Perhaps next time, you can have your kids sit next to you on the bleachers during practices/games and have them bring stuff to do (coloring books, I-Pods, games, etc.) to keep them busy. Also, I would have a talk with them beforehand about the behavior you expect them to have at games/practices and ask them to ignore the trouble-making girls if they are misbehaving. If it continues and you are completely distracted, I would either figure out a way for your other kids to stay at home with a sitter or with a friend. Another idea is to invite that other mom for coffee, get to know her and discuss how the two of you can get your kids to play well together (bring some bubbles for everybody or something like that). You never know, they could all become best buddies! Sounds like the behavior is a result of boredom, but also a lack of discipline on the other mom's part. On the other hand, you don't want to teach your children to be victims, and you do want to teach them to be able to deal with bullying and to be able to get along with all types of personalities. As for the other mom...some people will never get it, and you will have to deal with this stuff the rest of your child's life...just wait until middle school!!!

L. ;-)

T.,
I see your boys are 6 and 9 years. Were the girls around the same age? That just appauls (sp) me that these young girls acted this way. I have twin girls that are going to be 5 in a few weeks and they wouldn't dream of doing any of what you described. I am sure in years to come the flirting will start, but I dare them to hit, kick or act unlady like at all. The kicking between the legs was bad enough, but for that other mother to think it is okay is another. I can see if these were much older kids and the girl was "truly" defending herself against him, but they are way too young for that kind of defense I think. She is teaching these little girls to be bullies and in my opinion it is almost "white trashed like" to carry on like that. Doesn't say much for the mother who laughed at it eigher. Boys will be boys and do silly things like pick on girls when they flirt, but for the boys to be thrown around like rag dolls by a girl is scarry to me. I would definately tell your sons to stay away from those girls and if it happens again tell the mother of the girls that you will get police involved next time she doesn't control her own children. I know that sounds harsh, but you wouldn't want it to end up causing grown ups to fight and worse happen. Good luck!!

T.,
Oh my,
I find this behavior reprehensible - not yours - the other parent's.
My suggestion would be this:
The next time this happens take a moment to get down to the level of the girls (squat if necessary) and say to them firmly, but kindly that "We do not tolerate this kind of disrespect in our family. You may play nicely or play with someone else."
If this does not help the situation speak to the other parent. Before things get out of hand, tell the other parent that their child is being disrespectful and physically agressive and that you would like their help to stop it before things get out of hand again.
How unfortuneate. I hope you can find a way to deal firmly and respectfully with this family.
L. G