Help with Teenagers!

Well it was only 9 years ago when I was 17 so I don't have any advise as a mother. I do have advice as the teenager. My mom left when I was 16 (we have a great relationship now) and she wasn't there to keep me on track. My father did what he could but for 16 years he was the dad that went to work, came home to dinner already on the table, watched his news, and was the fun guy at night. So b/c that was what he was use to he didn't switch to the father that kept me in line. I was a straight A student. Never missed a day of school. I now came home from school to cook dinner and clean the house for my father and brother b/c who else was going to do it? Well things change when no one is paying attention. I still cleaned and cooked but I started skipping school and failing classes. I missed most of my senior year and no one knew it until it was to late. I had to drop out and go to a community college to finish school and get my diploma. I didn't get to walk with my friends. The blame isn't on my parents b/c it was all my choices. But it would have been different if I had someone there that I didn't want to let down. I wouldn't have screwed up as much if I felt like I needed to make them proud. So what I am saying is always be there. Every teenager needs that guidance even if they don't act like it.

L.,

I have a 16 year old daughter and a 14 year old son (a 5 year old son also). It is definitely a struggle with teenagers. The best advice I can give is to try and stay involved in their lives as much as possible. I always insist that their friends come to our house and I do not let my kids go to anyone's house unless I've gotten to know the parents and feel comfortable about it. I also put a stiplulation on having access to myspace, email, and IM. I have to have all of the logins and passcodes. That way I can check up on them occasionaly to ensure everything is OK. Also, this lets me know what kinds of friends they have.

Besides that just trying to talk to them one on one as often as possible and try to be understanding some of the time and not always the parent or diciplinarian.

I'm still learning too. I hope this helps.

Hey L.!

Just wanted to let you know your not alone out there. I have 3 boys 13, 11, and 5. Good boys but they can drive me mad. I know about the peer pressure thing I am having trouble cutting the apron strings with my oldest, inch by inch and if he messes up WE, Hubby and I reel him back in. I praise you, I had to be a "single parent" for 8 months, Hated it! My oldest is sneaky so we pay extra close attn. to his comings and goings.

Hi, I know how you feel. I have a 15 year old daughter who is a joy and my best friend. But my 22 year old son is constantly finding new ways to push us over the edge. Sometimes he shows signs of maturity but he has just this past week manged to get me where I'm so mad at him I can't even speak to him.

i have a 12 year old. and two little ones. but this year was a major transition into middle school for my son. he is gifted and he has brought home more than one "F" on his report card. it has been really rough. he has been suspended from school several times this year. one time he called his 6th grade dean a Fing B-tch. there are 2 days of school left and i'm so happy. usually parents dread when school is out. but this year i'm glad. that means no more calls from the school. he's been in counselling thru the school this year and it has really helped out alot. he is doing much better. my son will talk to his father more than he does me. and he also tells his friends things. i keep a good relationship with his friends though and they open up to me alot. i have most of his friends on myspace as well so i can see whats going on. most of my sons friends are 15, my house is kindof the hangout spot. but i like having them close to me. i hear all the stuff and find out everything. i even foiled the day the kid in highschool tried to skip and go ride the bus to middle school and try to act like a new student. the things these kids try to get away with.
anyway, email me anytime.

Welcome to the site - I have 3 kids, all older & all different. My daughter is 19, in college & working & never got in trouble. My boys are 16 & 12 & they give me the most grief. My 16 yo keeps to himself, always has,isn't interested in school at all, my 12 yo just recently started acting out. He was just suspended from school for carrying a weapon ( a small pocketknife) why? to show off & be intimidating so the kids harrassing him would stop. Well, now he's about to be expelled & will have to repeat the 6th grade. He had never been in trouble before, never had a failing grade & once I saw the grades dropping I knew something was up. My advice to you is to let them know you are there for them, love them no matter what mistakes they make but they have consequences for thier actions. Being a single mom is tough enough. Good luck with it & we are always here to lend a shoulder, an ear & advice.

Hey it is not just for new moms! I am the mom to 2 boys ages 6 and 12 (will be 13 in August) Tough age for me and for him. I too am having a rough time with the teen. He is a good kid but this is a tough world to raise a child. So many negative influences out there. Anyway my name is K. and it is nice to meet you!

K. Lemoine
www.abbabyboutique.com

Dear L.,
You are not alone. I'm a Divorced Mom of twins 15 yrs old. Boy/Girl. They are very secretive at this age. They confide in their friends before they tell me anything. Just let them know you are there if they ever feel like talking. Do they have a good relationship with their Dad?

Keep me posted and if you feel like talking e-mail me your home #, as I will send you mine.

Sincerely,

G. H.

____@____.com

Hi L.,
Don't worry, you are not alone with this situation! I have 5 kids and my oldest is almost 16. My son is pretty much very quiet and to himself and doesn't share to much, like your kids. Although my oldest son doesn't talk or share much info with me, Every chance we're along I just say to him "Andrew, I love you" he then giggles it off with a small smirk. I also always stress to him and of course my other teenager (female 13yrs old) that if they EVER have a problem to NEVER hesitate to come to me, because mom will always back them up 100%. However, I make it understood, that if they are the ones looking for trouble, then they will still have my support, however they will have to deal with whatever consequence that come their way for there actions, therefore I ALWAYS tell them to make good choices. Also, I'm not afraid to get personal with them. I know it can be a bit uncomfortable for them as well as us parents when you discuss sex and drugs. But I will ask then straight out to please be honest and I'm not going to be upset. I ALWAYS express to them that I can NOT be there by their side 24/7. Parents have to be realistic and not be naive as to what can take place. I have stressed to my son, that IF he's having sex, although I may not approve I can not prevent it. I strongly tell him that if he chooses to do the deed, he better be smart and use protection. Thankfully both my teenagers are still "innocent" and they sometime get a kick out of hearing what I have to say. Basically my biggest advice is to be patient and if you're communicating with your kids and express to then to make good choices they should be fine. I feel the worst mistake alot of parents make is when you "forbid" your kids to do something, that's when their more likely to do it. I'm a strong believer that just because your a single mom, you can raise your kids to be respectful adults and go in the right direction. I congratulate you on handling your kids as a single mom, I know it's not easy. Hopefully this helps a bit and if you ever what to talk you can always contact me. Good luck your doing a great job.

I can't offer help parent to parent (my DD is 18 months and another on the way), but I can as a teacher.
Stay involved! Check grades, conduct, homework, etc... Attend parent nights. Most teachers in Palm Beach county have email. Use their last name first initial (no space) followed ____@____.com This is my favorite method of contact! I can even sometimes type a letter while the student in question is in the room! Most high schools also have Edline that publishes student grades online on a weekly (or so) basis using a parent password for access. Be on top of this! A lot of students in 9th grade put themselves in a situation where they have to spend the next 3 years making up credits and improving their GPA because they have such a lack of direction in 9th grade after the shallower waters from middle school.
Have them get involved in student life: sports, music, drama, student gov't, etc.... This was something my 12th grade students suggested at the end of this year!
Good luck... even though they are "growing up", they still need a lot of guidance. They need to know you care and will stay involved!

T.

L.,

I have a 14 year old son as well as 3 little ones. Mine will start high school next year. Oh joy! It's rough beint the parent of a teen, whether you are a single parent or not. The best thing I can suggest is just to keep trying. Do your best to keep the lines of communication open with them. Let them know that you are there for them if and when they do want to talk. Keep reminding them that you love them no matter what. Even when they screw up. Especially when they screw up! If you give them a good foundation of knowing right from wrong, and good values, they will be fine. Yes, they will test their boundaries, we all do at that age. But in the long run, they will remember that you were there for them and loved them no matter what. They will learn what you teach them, even if it doesn't seem like they are now. I know that as much trouble as I got in when I was that age, I never doubted that my parents loved me and I always remembered the Christian values that they taught me. I look back now and thank God that they were so loving and taught me well.

Good luck!

Hi L.
My name is A., I am a single Mom as well, I have four boys in which 1 is an adult 2 teenagers an 1 small child. I am 39 yrs old.
I can really relate to you. Please let me if we can talk or chat. I feel like I am alone. Probably we can share some of our pulling hairs.
Hope to hear from you.
A.

i have a 12 year old boy going on 30. he's turned into a little monster for the most part beginning almost a year ago. i get a glimpse of my little angel every once in awhile still, but it is few and far between. let me know if you want to commiserate some time. lol.